When It Is Time To Involve Others
Biblical Peacemaking • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Three-Step Conflict Resolution Model:
Step #1 – Please God
Step #2 – Repent
Step #3 – Love
A. Attitudes of Grace
B. Forgive
C. Confront
D. Serve
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
1 When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? 2 Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? 3 Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! 4 So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? 5 I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, 6 but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? 7 To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? 8 But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers!
1. Overlook Minor Offenses
1. Overlook Minor Offenses
2. Talk In Private
2. Talk In Private
3. Take One Or Two Others Along
3. Take One Or Two Others Along
If a dispute cannot be resolved in private, Jesus tells us to ask other people to get involved.
If a dispute cannot be resolved in private, Jesus tells us to ask other people to get involved.
16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
2 I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
A. It is best to invite others in by mutual agreement.
A. It is best to invite others in by mutual agreement.
These individuals may be mutual friends, church leaders, godly and respected church members, or biblical counselors.
These individuals may be mutual friends, church leaders, godly and respected church members, or biblical counselors.
It is wise to invite in those who you believe would have some understanding of the matter in question.
It is wise to invite in those who you believe would have some understanding of the matter in question.
For example, if it is a marriage conflict, invite someone who is married.
If it is a business conflict, invite someone who has an understanding of business.
If it is a leadership conflict, invite some who understands leadership.
It is wise to invite someone who knows both parties given they may be more willing to speak openly and honestly.
It is wise to invite someone who knows both parties given they may be more willing to speak openly and honestly.
Why are these individuals being added?
Why are these individuals being added?
These individuals are being added in order to be mediators by improving communication, bringing a neutral perspective, and offering biblical counsel.
These individuals are being added in order to be mediators by improving communication, bringing a neutral perspective, and offering biblical counsel.
B. If your opponent balks at your suggestion to involve others:
B. If your opponent balks at your suggestion to involve others:
Carefully explain why doing so is beneficial.
Carefully explain why doing so is beneficial.
Refer to Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 6 and affirm your conviction that God’s ways are best.
It can save time, money, and energy.
Avoids publicity.
Receives the benefit of others’ experience and creativity.
While mutual agreement is always preferable, it is not actually required if your opponent professes to be a Christian.
While mutual agreement is always preferable, it is not actually required if your opponent professes to be a Christian.
In Matthew 18:16, we are commanded to seek the help of others even if the opponent doesn’t want it.
In Matthew 18:16, we are commanded to seek the help of others even if the opponent doesn’t want it.
It is wise and beneficial to warn your opponent what you are about to do.
It is wise and beneficial to warn your opponent what you are about to do.
“Bob, I would prefer to resolve this matter just between the two of us. Since that has not happened and because this involves issues that are too important to walk away from, my only other option is to obey what the Bible commands, which means asking some people from our churches to help us out. I would prefer that we go together to get that help, but if you will not cooperate, I’ll ask for it by myself.”
The communication itself may encourage your opponent to go ahead and work out the matter in private.
The communication itself may encourage your opponent to go ahead and work out the matter in private.
C. Make every effort not to give those you are adding unnecessary details before having all parties together.
C. Make every effort not to give those you are adding unnecessary details before having all parties together.
This ensures that your opponent knows that you have done nothing to encourage the others to be biased in your favor.
This will also help you avoid any temptation to slander or gossip.
D. It may be wise to have the third party reconciler reach out to your opponent requesting a meeting.
D. It may be wise to have the third party reconciler reach out to your opponent requesting a meeting.
E. Only when all parties are present should you share a detailed account of your perceptions.
E. Only when all parties are present should you share a detailed account of your perceptions.
What do third party reconcilers do?
What do third party reconcilers do?
A. The primary task is to help you and your opponent make decisions needed to restore peace.
A. The primary task is to help you and your opponent make decisions needed to restore peace.
B. Facilitate communication by listening carefully to both sides, asking good questions, and clarifying the facts.
B. Facilitate communication by listening carefully to both sides, asking good questions, and clarifying the facts.
C. Give advice on how to deal with the problem.
C. Give advice on how to deal with the problem.
D. May encourage repentance and confession on either or both sides by pointing out any unbiblical behavior.
D. May encourage repentance and confession on either or both sides by pointing out any unbiblical behavior.
E. Direct to relevant Biblical principles dealing with the matter at hand.
E. Direct to relevant Biblical principles dealing with the matter at hand.
F. Draw their own knowledge and experience to give practical solutions to specific problems.
F. Draw their own knowledge and experience to give practical solutions to specific problems.
G. While a voluntary solution is always best, in cases where both sides have agreed to abide by the third party reconciler, the reconciler may impose the decision in this case.
G. While a voluntary solution is always best, in cases where both sides have agreed to abide by the third party reconciler, the reconciler may impose the decision in this case.
H. In the case that either person refuses to settle the issue, the third party reconciler serves as a witness to report to the church.
H. In the case that either person refuses to settle the issue, the third party reconciler serves as a witness to report to the church.
4. Tell It To The Church (Church Accountability)
4. Tell It To The Church (Church Accountability)
If your opponent professes to be a Christian and yet refuses to listen to the reconciler’s counsel, and if the matter is too serious to overlook, Jesus commands you to “tell it to the church.”
If your opponent professes to be a Christian and yet refuses to listen to the reconciler’s counsel, and if the matter is too serious to overlook, Jesus commands you to “tell it to the church.”
This does not mean that you stand up in a worship service and broadcast the conflict to everyone who is attending that day.
This does not mean that you stand up in a worship service and broadcast the conflict to everyone who is attending that day.
Instead, you should inform the leadership of the other person’s church (and yours as well) of the problem and request their assistance in promoting justice and peace by holding both of you accountable to God’s word and to your commitments.
Instead, you should inform the leadership of the other person’s church (and yours as well) of the problem and request their assistance in promoting justice and peace by holding both of you accountable to God’s word and to your commitments.
Church leaders may consult with the third party reconcilers or do their own independent investigation into the facts in order to give their own counsel.
Church leaders may consult with the third party reconcilers or do their own independent investigation into the facts in order to give their own counsel.
The church’s counsel is then intended to be binding on its own member, whether the party likes it or not.
The church’s counsel is then intended to be binding on its own member, whether the party likes it or not.
Matthew 18:18-20 teach that the church speaks with the authority of Christ when it acts with the biblical mandate to deal with sin.
Matthew 18:18-20 teach that the church speaks with the authority of Christ when it acts with the biblical mandate to deal with sin.
1 Corinthians 6:1-8 indicates that the church authority does not only extend to personal matters but also material ones.
1 Corinthians 6:1-8 indicates that the church authority does not only extend to personal matters but also material ones.
The only time a Christian may properly disobey his church is when its instructions are clearly contrary to what the Scriptures teach.
The only time a Christian may properly disobey his church is when its instructions are clearly contrary to what the Scriptures teach.
If a party adamantly refuses to follow church leadership and it is a direct sin issue, it should then be brought to the whole church for the collective church to pray and call to repentance.
If a party adamantly refuses to follow church leadership and it is a direct sin issue, it should then be brought to the whole church for the collective church to pray and call to repentance.
If that does not resolve the problem, the Bible commands us to go to step 5.
If that does not resolve the problem, the Bible commands us to go to step 5.
5. Treat Him As A Nonbeliever
5. Treat Him As A Nonbeliever
6 Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us.
14 If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.
If a person behaves like a nonbeliever would - by disregarding the authority of Scripture and of Christ’s church - he should be treated as if he were a nonbeliever.
If a person behaves like a nonbeliever would - by disregarding the authority of Scripture and of Christ’s church - he should be treated as if he were a nonbeliever.
This would be accomplished by revoking church membership status and privileges.
This would be accomplished by revoking church membership status and privileges.
Treating unrepentant people as unbelievers is sometimes the only way to help them understand the seriousness of their sin.
Treating unrepentant people as unbelievers is sometimes the only way to help them understand the seriousness of their sin.
Treating others as unbelievers also means we take every opportunity to share the gospel with them and call them to repentance.
Treating others as unbelievers also means we take every opportunity to share the gospel with them and call them to repentance.
Treating the consistently unrepentant as a nonbeliever:
Treating the consistently unrepentant as a nonbeliever:
A. Prevents the Lord from being dishonored if that person continues in blatant sin.
B. Protects other believers from being led astray by sinful behavior and divisiveness.
C. May help the rebellious person see the seriousness of their sin.
These principles caused a sinner to repent and be received back into the church in
These principles caused a sinner to repent and be received back into the church in
5 Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. 6 For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, 7 so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. 9 For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. 10 Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11 so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.
