Ask for It

Intro

What do you worry about?

Matthew 6:25-34 addresses our worries. Some of you don’t worry about what you will eat, drink or wear, but rather, what others are doing - how they are behaving. This is true for me as well.

Story Mexico Gym - Guy looking in the mirror & more focused on his hair than the weight. In the 30mins I was in his vicinity, he might have only done 10-20 reps.

Share about my struggle of judging him.

But I’m sure this struggle is not just mine to bear, and so with that in mind, let’s turn now to Matthew 7:1.

Matthew 7:1–2 NIV

1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

What does he mean “DO NOT JUDGE”

A caution against judging v. 1, 2. There are those whose office it is to judge-magistrates and ministers. Christ, though he made not himself a Judge, yet came not to unmake them, for by him princes decree justice; but this is directed to private persons, to his disciples, who shall hereafter sit on thrones judging, but not now.  (Matthew Henry)

Matthew 2. Paradigmatic Preaching: The Sermon on the Mount (5:1–7:29)

“Judge” (krinō) can imply to analyze or evaluate as well as to condemn or avenge. The former senses are clearly commanded of believers (e.g.,

1 Corinthians 5:5 NIV

5 hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.1

1 John 4:1 NIV

1 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

EXAMPLE??? of judging in a condemning manner

Principle 1 is that of prohibition: DO NOT JUDGE IN A CONDEMNING MANNER.

Why? In the courtroom, there is three positions: 1. Judge

2. Plantiff (accuser)

3. Defendant who is either declared guilty/not guilty

When we choose position of Judge we either position ourselves in the place of God (Judge) or Satan (accuser)

THE JUDGE

Psalm 7:11 NIV

11 God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day.

2 Corinthians 5:10 NIV

10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

Revelation 20:12–13 NIV

12 And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. 13 The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done.

THE ACCUSER

Revelation 12:10 NIV

10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.

The Defendant: ALL OF US STAND BEFORE GOD - CONDEMNED - GUILTY

Romans 3:23 NIV

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

The problem with Judging is it is ignorant/forgetful of our standing before God

Principle 2: When we judge we it puts us in a position of hypocrisy

Romans 2:1–2 NIV

1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2 Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth.

Often times I’ve found that my judgment of others is really a mirror into the area of my life I’m struggling!

EXAMPLE: ?? from marriage

Matthew 7:1–2 NIV

1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Keep with the previous example and transition into:

Log vs spec management

Matthew 7:3–5 NIV

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

God calls us to be lumberjacks not spec managers

Matthew 7:6 NIV

6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

Principle 3: If you have valuable feedback for someone, share it with humility & share it with those who are receptive and looking for feedback.

And then Jesus goes into this seemingly unrelated section:

Matthew 7:7–12 NIV

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

But look at verse 12

Matthew 7:12 NIV

12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Ending Version 1:

What Jesus is calling us to do in how we treat others is not to judge & condemn but to

Remove the log in our own eye

Share constructive feedback humble to those who are receptive

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Galatians 6:1 (NIV)

Galatians 6:1 NIV

1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

3. Treat others how you want to be treated “Golden Rule” / / Love others

Contrasted with

Matthew 7:1 NIV

1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

Matthew 7:12 NIV

12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

3b. Keep this focus central: the aim of correction is always to bring the person back onto the path of Jesus and kingdom living, not to straighten them out or fix them.

Lastly,

4. ASK - Instead of casting condemning comments ask

Ending Version 2:

So what do we do with this message?

Seek to evaluate what areas of our life need correction. INVITE feedback!

Find an accountability partner

Two reasons

1. Life-Changing relationships

2. Obey Jesus Completely

2. Ask yourself who needs you to be a dispensation not of judgment but of love?

Heather’s Ask For It

The Good Life | Ask for It | Matthew 7:1-12 | April 6, 2025

A few weeks ago, I was in an Eden Prairie High School classroom, speaking to a group of students, with a mix of grades, in a class called “Personal Fitness & Yoga.” It’s an elective in the physical education department where they talk about mental health and relationships and move their bodies.

I have had the privilege of speaking in area public and private schools for the last 25 years. What fun to enter the world of our students and bring the truth of Jesus, without saying his name! I speak in a lot of health classes on abstinence in the sex ed unit—but the topics range from stress management, dating, and self-esteem. This last time, I challenged the teenagers to be strong communicators, something that doesn’t naturally happen in your teen years.

Between the ringing of bells, I shared highlights of what I had learned as a Communication major at Bethel University in the early 90s. We studied a communication model that showed that when you’re attempting to communicate a message to someone, only 7% of what is being communicated comes from the actual words you choose. The tone accounts for 38% of your intended message… and, get this, 55% of the message is communicated nonverbally—eye contact, facial expression, and the way you hold your body. 

This is frustrating and fascinating to me! As I prepared for this weekend, I was careful with each word I chose, wanting to honor God, be true to the text, and engage with the listener. If these communication stats are still close to being true, that means how I stand in these cute wedges and how I move my eyebrows will affect you more than my well-chosen words.  That’s the frustrating part—the fascinating part is how much posture matters.

I have been intrigued by the importance of posture lately. I’m not referring to sitting up straight or walking with your shoulders back, although those are important. I am talking about how I bring myself into each situation. The attitude and perspective I come with as I have a conversation. How I lean in, how I listen. My posture. Or, the condition of my heart, as we have been talking about for the last six weeks of this series.

It matters, especially as we look at our chose passage for today: Matthew 7:1-12.

Please turn there now in your Bible or your device—if you’re using the blue Bible in the pew rack in front of you, you’ll find Matthew 7 on page ____. Once you find it, settle in because this is where we’ll be for the next 26 minutes.

Today, we come to Jesus’ sermon on the Good Life as he’s wrapping up. I’ll warn you, he’s not losing steam. He’s not letting up! Jesus continues to challenge actions and attitudes that just feel normal and even right to us. We’ll start with Matthew 7, verse 1:

1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:1-6 (NIV)

At first glance, verse six seems to be random. Like Jesus had a Junior High boy ADHD moment. He’s warning us about judging and then says: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6 They’re actually connected and you might be surprised as to how.

As we’ve moved through Jesus’ teachings in the last few weeks, we’ve seen the way we try to control—control our reputations, our circumstances, our money—and now we see how we try to control our relationships, by controlling those around us.

We’ve somehow convinced ourselves the best way to get someone to change is to condemn, blame, call out or manipulate them. To judge them. I know we don’t like to call it that because we often love those we do it to, but that’s what it is. When we judge or condemn someone, we are ultimately communicating they are unacceptable, not up to par, and the chance of them feeling rejected is very high. Jesus says, “Don’t do that.”

That’s not why he came!

In John 3:17, right after Jesus says famously, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life,” he then says:  “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17 (NIV). Later, Paul writes to the church in Rome: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… Romans 8:1 (NIV) It sure seems clear to me—as disciples of Jesus, we need to eliminate condemnation, a strong expression of disapproval—whether that’s taking it upon ourselves or placing it on others. It doesn’t belong in the Good Life!

To drive his judging point home in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus uses hyperbole, the fancy word for intentional exaggeration-- the plank versus the speck in the eye. This is my favorite visual Jesus gives in all his ministry! Imagine I’m walking around with a plank sticking out of my eye, while attempting to see and call out the speck of dust in your eye! It’s comical. It’s hypocritical. Jesus uses the word hypocrite again here, like in Matthew 6.

The word hypocrite in the Greek referred to actors in the theater who would put on different masks throughout the performance to cover their identities or to change characters.  Jesus uses it here to call out how we mask or conceal our own inner corruption, pretending to not have a plank in our eye.

We all struggle, you know that, right? We all have habitual sin, places we get stuck or tripped up. Our sinful defaults. God forgives us when we ask AND because we live in a fallen, broken world, we continue to fight that sin even after forgiveness. We’ve all got something. We all have a plank in our eye. So, let’s have a humble posture as we interact with others and their struggles.

I see this lived out so well in the life of my brother-in-law, Tim. He loves Jesus and has battled addiction in his life. Whenever there is talk in our family about someone who is struggling, making poor choices, or walking away from God, Tim’s attitude is distinctively different than everyone else’s. Because he acknowledges his own struggles, which many of us don’t admit to, he has humility and kindness toward the person and their situation. He doesn’t force himself, his ideas or judgement on the other person. He’s working on his plank in his own eye and not fixating on the speck in someone else’s.

This brings us to verse six:

6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6 (NIV)

These words have often been misunderstood and taken out of context. The typical meaning assigned to this verse has been that, as Christians, we have all these wonderful gifts to give—the Gospel itself, our service, our money, but there are some who aren’t worthy of these gifts, watch out for them! This idea couldn’t be further from the spirit of Jesus—the fact that he came into the world as the greatest of pearls for the human race, all of whom are not worthy!

Jesus wasn’t having an JH boy ADHD moment here; he was addressing another human tactic, directly related to judging—giving people what we think they need rather than discerning what they might actually want or need.

It’s important to understand that in the time of Jesus, dogs were not seen like they are today. Pups in our world are domesticated, obedient (some more than others!), and adorable family members—like Jingle Belle & Mack Truck. (introduce with photo up) Oh, man! I always do this—I should include my husband, the human, too! Pic of all four of us. We’ve been married 24 years this May and met at Wooddale and were married in this very worship center.

The dogs Jesus spoke of, like pigs of the day, were wild scavengers, mastered by no one and constantly looking for something to eat to survive. All they wanted was food… so it would have been silly and unhelpful to throw pearls their way.

When people are struggling or wandering and we have a posture of judging, we think we know what they need. Usually without asking, we push on them what we think is best for them. When I push my “pearls” onto the people I love or in my sphere, even with good intention, it can be seen as rude, disrespectful, and not at all helpful.

We send them Bible verses, often ones that feel trite to their circumstance—we send links to sermons, podcasts, and conferences or offer unsolicited advice. We try to secretly manipulate interactions, in hopes that conviction will happen when she “happens to get a call” from the person we gave her number to. The result is often like that of the pigs and dogs—our efforts are ignored, unappreciated, trampled on, or those we love turn on us out of frustration. 

There has to be a better way! And Jesus offers it in Matthew 7:7-12:

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:7-12 (NIV)

When we see someone who we believe is making poor choices, going against God’s will or living outside of the Good Life, our natural response is to want to set them straight, get them back on the straight and narrow, straighten them out! It seems so clear to us and we just have to do something about it!

Dallas Willard, in his book The Divine Conspiracy, highlights Jesus’ solution to judgement in a fresh, new way. He calls it “the way of request, of asking.” A posture so different than one of judgement!  Much of what I share about this posture of asking is inspired by Dallas Willard’s commentary in The Divine Conspiracy.

Willard notes something I hadn’t recognized before—I have always read these verses in relationship to God – I ask, seek and knock with my requests to God… but what comes before about judging another person and what comes after, a son asking his father for bread, all points to our relationships with others. It’s only then that Jesus brings it to our relationship with God, saying “how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

The alternative to judging, articulated in these verses, is to ask. To ask someone to change and be willing to help them in any way that is helpful to them. Isn’t that what we would want someone to do toward us?

When Chad and I were first married, we went on an outing with his parents to IKEA. I get kind of giddy at IKEA! I love seeing all the fun ways they set up their furniture, cabinets, closets and accessories—inspiring you to remodel every room in your house to match their floor model! I think I was extra jazzed that day, forging ahead of the group, urging them to keep up. After we checked out, I grabbed the flat bed cart of purchased items and said, to my new husband and in-laws, “Alright, everybody, this way!” and headed toward the door with purpose. There was some hesitation and confusion—I believe I was confidently heading in the wrong direction… and definitely some tension I sensed from my groom on the drive home.

Later that night, when his mom and dad had left, Chad did not judge me, but kindly asked me to change. I remember right where we were standing, in the doorway to the garage. He said gently, “I know that without thinking, you just go into Junior High Pastor mode…” that’s the sweet way of saying I get bossy. He was right, I had totally done that. Without thinking and without even knowing I was doing it with three adults. He could have said it so many different ways that would have felt condemning or judgey, but he chose to gently ask me not to do that again. And because of his asking posture, I wanted to change!

Last week, as Kyle addressed Jesus’ teaching on money, he made the bold statement: Generosity means valuing people, not possessions or money. In the same, asking someone to change rather than judging or condemning them, shows we value the person and not our control of them. I know, in theory, we believe that we value people over controlling them, but many times our actions don’t match that belief.

Sure, it's natural for us to worry about those we love, but the truth is each person is a spiritual being, responsible to God for the course they choose. When we judge and try to control them, we are shoving aside their own responsibility to God and God’s ability to call them to himself.

When we adopt this posture of asking people to change, however, the natural match to that is we also bring that person to the Lord in prayer, asking him to work in their lives to bring about changes. As long as we respect and value them before God, we can keep asking, keep seeking and keep knocking with them and with God.

“It is the way of the request, of asking, which naturally progresses into kingdom praying. It is a way that actually works, because it draws people into the kingdom rather than into the web of our devices and plans for them.” Dallas Willard

In his book Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer describes it like this: “Human love is directed to the other person for his own sake, spiritual love loves him for Christ’s sake…As only Christ can speak to me in such a way that I may be saved, so others, too, can only be saved by Christ himself. This means that I must release the other person from every attempt of mine to regulate, coerce, and dominate him with my love.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

I’ll be honest with you—as I was preparing for this teaching, I was struggling. This asking someone gently to change and releasing them to God is a hard concept for me. For those who don’t know me, I am someone who is direct, tends to say it like it is, loyal to my people, and I’m not afraid of hard and messy situations. My natural way to approach a situation is the exact opposite of what I have been describing for the last five minutes.

But, do any of us know anyone who has been strong armed into the Kingdom of God? Or manipulated out of an unhealthy situation into a healthy one? I don’t think so… and yet so many of us keep trying.

Especially with individuals in our families. Do you know these teachings were not given originally for only church communities? They were given for human life—intended to be used with our closest relationships and this is a great challenge for us! We, on a daily basis, treat complete strangers with more civility and kindness then those in our own family! Ugh. Hard to admit, but true. What if we could adopt this gentle practice of asking for change with those in our own families?

In my 32 years of ministry, I have talked and cried with many parents whose children have veered from the Christian faith… and, as a pastor who is still here and on social media, I have watched students take roads I never thought they would after they left our JH program.

A few years ago, I was asked by a group of Wooddale parents of adult children to come and share how I thought they could best relate to and love their adult children, many of whom had rejected the faith of their childhood and family. Of course, I had some ideas, but I thought it would be more meaningful to actually hear from young adults. So, I sent a video message—it’s my favorite form of communication! Video messages, sent via text—they can be up to 4:30, iPhone to iPhone, but only a minute for my friends in the green, the Androids.

I sent the video to 34 former Wooddale students—some who I know have wandered or had siblings who have and others I know have not—I told them what I had been asked to do and simply asked: “What should parents do and not do when their children aren’t living the Christian faith they hope for?”

Their answers were honest and real— and many of them reflect the posture of asking.

Lydia (19): Be diligent in loving your child as Christ loves you-- don’t forget the power of your words will either speak life or death- so speak life. Be careful not to speak out of fear to them when they don’t believe but instead in a consistently calm and loving way that is so unique to our natural human tendencies that they see Christ in you. Trust God with your child, He’s got a plan and I can say wholeheartedly He makes a way when there is no way.

Blake (22): There needs to be an open reception and a willingness to hear the child’s ideas without shutting them down.

Max (19): I believe the most important thing the parent can do is just be a friend and be intentional with having fun “child-parent” dates/activities to grow the friendship and hopefully with that they can strengthen their bond which will allow their child to talk to them.  I have yet to meet a person my age who went back to their faith because their parents “forced” them into it by dragging them to church, praying over them, or always talking about God.

Megan (32): Ask us questions - and try to put your agenda aside and consider our emotional and spiritual health. It’s very clear if a person is asking questions to push their theological agenda. Don’t assume we don’t believe. Ask us questions about how we are doing - our spiritual, physical, emotional, social health - not just questions that tee you up for the agenda you feel is important in that moment. Hearing and seeing who we truly are will bring us to the truth faster than steering us to a specific piece of theology you’re excited to discuss.

Ali (21): I would say the way that parents choose to live their personal lives speaks volumes. I have so much respect for the way my parents love the Lord through the things they do/don’t do. Their genuine and authentic personal choices speaks ways more than their words and has been so awesome in my walk with the Lord because I have great examples.

What I heard:

Don’t come to every conversation and interaction with an agenda.

Show me that you care about my whole being, not just whether or not I’m going to church.

Be willing to have conversations with me without shutting me down or assuming you know what I’m thinking or feeling.

Did you hear similar themes in Luke’s faith story earlier in the service? His friend lived out her faith in an everyday way, not forcing it on him. As they continue to connect, she asked him if he wanted to go to church with her, he said yes. After a while, he started asking questions of a pastor who answered and invited him into a genuine friendship, wanting to get to know him. No judging, no pushing. Just asking him to consider changing and being willing to help in any way he needed them to help.

I know our relationships are complicated and multi-layered. I know after today’s sermon you will have more questions than you came in with—and I’m okay with that. These teachings of Jesus are supposed to rock our worlds and cause us to wrestle with real life issues—all with the intent to lead us to living the Good Life.

One of the questions you might have is, are there ever times when I should directly confront or correct someone?

Yes, there are exceptional times when we do have to confront or correct someone. One example of an exception is if someone has invited you in to his life as an accountability partner, asking for correction because they trust you. Even with this exception, they spirit of Jesus’ words apply.

The Apostle Paul gives caution to those who do choose to confront in Galatians 6:1:

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Galatians 6:1 (NIV)

Here are some steps to work through, keeping our posture in check:

1. Don’t take action if you’re not 100% certain of the sin. So often the information we hear is second and third hand—we always want to believe the best in people. Resist jumping to conclusions or believing the worst about someone—that posture will certainly cause harm.

2. According to Paul’s instruction, not just anyone should correct others—it should be someone who lives and works by the power of the Holy Spirit, that is not their own. You might not fit that description right now. Ask someone who is to help you discern the relationship and what needs to happen.

3. Keep this focus central: the aim of correction is always to bring the person back onto the path of Jesus and kingdom living, not to straighten them out or fix them.

4. Those restoring must have a spirit of humility—knowing they could have done what the person did or even worse. The truth is, we are all one choice way from a dangerous state of life, this admission will change our posture as we seek to correct someone.

Saint Dominic was a man who lived this out! He ministered in the 13th century and founded the great Dominican Order of preachers within the Catholic Church. According to the testimonies of those who ministered alongside and under him, he had figured out the way of asking and modeled it well. It was said of him—he reprimanded offenders of the Order justly and so affectionately that no one was ever upset after his correction or punishment.

Saint Dominic himself observed the Rule strictly and wanted it to be observed by others. When he corrected offenders, it was with such kindness and gentleness that no one was upset, even if the penances were severe. This is a natural effect of a non-condemning spirit and one that we could model ourselves after.

I’m not sure how much you have paid attention to my shoes or my tone in the last 30 minutes, but I hope the 7% weight you gave to my words—no, the words of Jesus!-- helps you see just how important posture, represented by 55%, matters in our relationships.

The very next time we experience the natural inclination to judge, may we, instead, gently ask the person, in partnership with asking the Lord, to change. A change that will lead to the Good Life.

PRAY | Benediction