Created Uniquely: Embracing Neurodiversity as God's Design

Unloveable

In my 20s, I found it really hard to take a compliment. If someone tried to say something nice I would deflect. I would try to do it in a funny way that often put me down. I had such a low view of myself that I couldn’t accept any information that might prove that self concept wrong.

After one such instance of this happening, someone pulled me aside and told me that what I was doing was actually rude. Someone is trying to do something nice and I was shoving it back in their face. This was something I’d never considered. In my self loathing I was in fact, being selfish and hurting others and hurting my relationships. I had a lot of other social failings. Through my teens and my 20s I would privately cry out “what’s wrong with me?”. Why do I find relationships - be they friendships, dating - so much harder than others seem to find them?

I was more than able to hold down a job. I was really good at my job. I got along with people more or less, but I had a really hard time connecting with certain people. In grade school I had been told I had ADHD, but I had not been told much about what that really meant and didn’t know much about how it affected my ability to form relationships. A thought I had a lot, was “Maybe I am just unlovable.”

At the start of the pandemic I realized I needed to go on anti-depressants and later I would go on ADD medication. After our children were both diagnosed with Autism, I decided last year to get myself assessed and was diagnosed with Autism Level 1, what used to be called Aspergers.

Learning more about autism and the combination of having that and ADHD has helped bring parts of my past into sharper focus. It also makes me sad at the opportunities I missed because I misunderstood myself and was misunderstood. So now I think maybe all those people who say they are going to travel the world to find themselves, really just need to go see a psychologist to find out they’re autistic.

But it still left me with a question. How do I understand my particular brain in light of what seems to be accepted as “typical” or the majority. Why did God design us this way? Did He design us this way? Is there something actually “wrong” with me or others like me or is this somehow part of God’s plan?

This question is what we will start exploring today.

Purposefully and Wonderfully Made

In the beginning the earth was void. There was nothing. I can’t even describe what nothing is, because it’s nothing. Nothing seems to be God’s favourite material to create with. It’s the ultimate creative canvas. There was nothing and He could have created whatever He wanted for whatever purpose He wanted that contributed to His glory. He chose to make humans, He chose to make you.

David wrote in the Psalms 139: 13-16:

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

God’s power is so great and so vast and so all encompassing that we can’t even fathom how powerful He is. From nothing to the sun, the moon, the stars, the plants, the ants, the trees and the bushes. And finally, us. He designed us to have the ability to procreate on our own, but as Psalm 139 tells us, even though we are intimately involved in the continuation of our species, He is still very much involved in what that human looks like. This is good news. Unless it isn’t. I venture to say there’s something we all would change about ourselves: why do I have this nose? this frizzy hair. But for some it’s a really hard question: Why were they born without an immune system, with only one leg, why were they born with a cognitive impairment that will ensure they require lifelong care?

I don’t have answers to all those questions right now. I don’t even know that I like it as an answer to my own questions about myself and how my brain works, other than to just say I have to accept that I am the result of a choice. The choice my parents made to have a child after they had lost one to a still birth. You and I were born specifically, deliberately and lovingly created. And you were created. And to be created requires a creator.

St. Augustine said: Men go abroad to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.

God made you. He loves you. And for some of us, maybe He’s demonstrating that He has a sense of humour. The fact that my brain is wired differently than some of you was a choice. There is a term you may have heard, it came out in the ‘90s called Neurodiversity.

The Oxford Dictionary defines neurodiversity as “the range of differences in individual brain function and behavioural traits, regarded as part of normal variation in the human population.” Someone who’s neurologically different from what’s considered common can be described as “neurodivergent,” in contrast to someone who’s “neurotypical.”

Now, this is just a way to group together a variety of people so that they have a way to understand and see the connections between people. It’s a way to say “it’s ok that you process or understand things differently” than the majority of the people you encounter day to day.

This might be a bit abstract, so let me give you some practical ways people like me interact with the world:

Difficulty reading others emotions

Constantly fidgeting

Unable to focus on things that we aren’t interested in

Mood swings

Difficulty prioritizing

Excessive talking (Andrew, shut up. You’ve been talking non-stop)

Unable to wait our turn

Acting without thinking

Interrupting conversations

Have a hard time looking people in the eye

We don’t do these things on purpose and we don't love that we do these things. But it takes a tremendous amount of energy for us to overcome them. For example, if I’m talking to you and I actually manage to look you in the eye, just know that’s taking me a tremendous of focus, effort and energy to do that. And don’t be insulted if I don’t.

It’s important to understand the difference between fallenness and sinfulness. While everyone has the ability to sin, not all out of the ordinary behaviours are sinful. Some are the result of living in a fallen world that isn’t tailored for everyone. If someone has an autistic meltdown or makes an impulsively signs up to run in an election (as a random example) because they have ADHD, that isn’t sin.

Neurodivergents typically carry around their own self-generated / self-reinforcing shame. The last thing we need is to have them wrongly reinforced.

It’s not always easy to discern the difference between fallenness and sin, but one clue is the reason something happened. Was it intended with forethought or not? Can we get better at controlling our impulsiveness or learn what to do if we’re starting to feel overwhelmed? Yes. Therapy and medication are great things and I’m thankful to God for both of them. But we need understanding too.

As the Prayer of St. Francis says “O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be understood as to understand.

Part of the Body

Our western world has become very individualistic. A notion that would be completely foreign to the early church. In so far as our relationships we have to fight against the notion that we are somehow separate from other people.

In 1 Corinthians 12:12-19 the Apostle Paul wrote:

The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit. Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part!

And in the Gospel of John it is recorded that Jesus said:

“I am the vine; you are the branches.”

We are grafted as branches into the vine that is Christ and so it is through Christ that we are made part of each other. We need to see each other in light of this. We have differences, but we are all made by God and have become part of His family.

This includes people with any number of disabilities or differences.

There was a meme that was going around ten years ago about a dress. Some people would see a white and gold dress and others would see different colours. Psychologists now believe that what colour you saw was influenced by how your brain interpreted the lighting source of the image. It just goes to show that we can see the same thing, experience the same situation, but come away with completely different understandings.

Our differences are not a problem, they are a gift and an opportunity.

Praising Every Part

Continuing our reading in 1 Corinthians starting at 12:20 it reads:

Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”

In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honourable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, while the more honourable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honour and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honoured, all the parts are glad.

All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.

It can be uncomfortable to talk to someone we don’t quite understand. Especially if we think “well that’s just the way they are”, but let me assure you. Most people who are neurodivergent, feel out of place much of the time and it sucks. It’s a crappy feeling. It used to be really hard for me to make and keep friends. I would push people away if they got too close.

The story I told at the beginning about someone telling me that I was being rude by pushing back on someone’s positive comments… that person did me a great favour. They took the time to point this out to me. And it caused a shift in me. I’d never seen it from the other persons point of view. Speaking truth in love is what we’re supposed to do. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to find a way to fit in.

This doesn’t mean we want to change our essential nature, but we do want to remove barriers to relationships, be they personal, professional or romantic.

Proverbs 20:5 says

The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water,

but a man of understanding will draw it out.

Deep water. We are complex beings. We are so used to surface level conversations and sorting, labelling and categorizing each other that we forget that humans are often FULL of contradictions. This has lessons for how we relate to each other on all sorts of levels.

You voted for that person? You must murder cats at night.

You watched that movie? You must not take your faith very seriously.

This is not helpful.

The more you mature, the more you should understand nuance. The more comfortable we have to become living ‘in the grey’.

And yes, you will have those you hold closest and those you get along with for a short period of time, but they are all complex creations loved by God as you are. They have deep emotions and despite how it might appear sometimes, deep thoughts, beliefs and values that drive their decisions.

So rather than cut off those people, help them. Get to know them. The grace that keeps us alive is the same grace you benefit from.

We each have our own gifts. I have been given various gifts, but there is a lot I would love not to struggle with.

Romans 12:4-8

Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging.

We have all sorts of needs in the world and in the church. We need people who are good with children, good at music, good with tech, good with peacemaking, have a heart for prayer, a gift of preaching, a gift of hospitality, a heart for the lost, those with lots of energy and those with a more quiet energy.

The person you think is “odd” is a recipient of God’s love just like the rest of us, so who are we to exclude someone who’s a bit different. Different isn’t dangerous. Overcoming difference requires the persistence, effort and patience that come from having received the grace of God.

For those who are neurodivergent or just see the world differently, like me:

We want you here and need you to share your gifts with us. You are not weak. I shared earlier how when I received my ASD diagnoses I went through a period of mourning for the life I theoretically could have had. Maybe an easier life. But the psychologist helped me reframe this to see it not as a failure but as a sign of how strong I was for continuing to push forward. Constantly asking myself how I could get better and not just accept my limitations. And I have a great life. I have a beautiful intelligent wife, great kids, a house and great friends. Our weaknesses only define us if we let them. So don’t let them. Encourage each other. Help each other. Lift each other up.

God gives us our gifts for the “the common good.” These are not gifts to use for our own benefit, but for the benefit of others. It’s not our gifts or limitations that define us. It is our love for one another.

As scripture says: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Let’s pray.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.