A Question to Paul
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A divide Corinthian church (marital celibacy v.s gross sexual immorality).
Paul enlarges on the principle of purity.
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
a. Concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
b. It is good for a man not to touch a woman: Here, “touch” is used in the sense of having sexual relations. Paul will agree with the statement, but with reservation – the “nevertheless” of verse 2.
i. Why would the Corinthian Christians suggest complete celibacy – which is what they mean by a man not to touch a woman? They probably figured that if sexual immorality was such a danger, then one could be more pure by abstaining from sex altogether, even in marriage.
c. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband: In light of the danger of sexual immorality (ever present in the Corinthian culture and our own), it is appropriate for husband and wife to have each other in a (SENSUAL) sexual sense.
i. Paul is not commanding the Corinthian Christians to get married (an issue he deals with later in the chapter), but a command to live as a married person, especially in the (SENSUAL) sexual sense. Paul means that husbands and wives should continue in (SENSUAL) sexual relations.
d. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality: Paul is not saying sex is the only reason for marriage, or the most important reason for marriage. Paul is simply answering their specific questions about marriage, not trying to give a complete theology of marriage.
i. For more on a complete theology of marriage, see Ephesians 5:21-33 and Colossians 3:18-19.
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The principle of mutual sexual responsibility in marriage.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
a. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her: Instead of a man not to touch a woman, within marriage a husband must render to his wife the affection due her. It is wrong for him to withhold affection from his wife.
i. The affection due her is an important phrase. Since Paul meant this to apply to every Christian marriage, it shows that every wife has affection due her.
ii. Paul also emphasizes what the woman needs: not merely sexual relations, but the affection due her. If a husband has sexual relations with his wife, but without true affection to her, he is not giving his wife what she is due.
b. And likewise also the wife to her husband: On the same idea, also the wife to her husband: The husband has obligations toward his wife, and the wife has obligations toward her husband.
i. Render to his wife: The emphasis is on giving, on “I owe you” instead of “you owe me.”
c. The wife does not have authority over her own body: In fact, these obligations are so concrete, it could be said that the wife’s body does not even belong to herself, but to her husband.
i. It is an awesome obligation: out of the billions of people on the earth, God has chosen one, and one alone, to meet our (SENSUAL) sexual needs. There is to be no one else.
d. Do not deprive one another: Paul rejects their idea that husband and wife could be more holy by sexual abstinence. In fact, harm can come when they deprive one another, as they open the door to the tempter (so that Satan does not tempt you).
i. The word for deprive is the same as defraud in 1 Corinthians 6:8. When we deny physical affection and sexual intimacy to our spouse, we cheat them.
ii. Do not deprive: Sexual deprivation in marriage has not only to do with frequency, but with romance also. This is why Paul tells husbands to render to his wife the affection due her. Deprivation in either sense gives occasion for the deprived to look elsewhere for fulfillment – and to destroy the marriage.
iii. For your lack of self-control: It might be easy to think that self-control is expressed by abstaining from sexual relations in marriage, but Paul says that to deprive one another is to show a lack of self-control, and a lack of self-control that will leave one easily tempted by Satan.
e. I say this as a concession: God will permit (reluctantly, as a concession) a married couple to abstain from sexual relations for a short time, for the sake of fasting and prayer. But if this concession is used, it is only to be for a time, and then husband and wife must come together again in a sexual sense.
i. Not as a commandment: God does not command or even recommend abstaining from sex within marriage, but it can be done for a brief time for a specific spiritual reason.
f. The principle in this passage is important. God makes it clear that there is nothing wrong, and everything right, about sex in marriage. Satan’s great strategy, when it comes to sex, is to do everything he can to encourage sex outside of marriage, and to discourage sex within marriage. It is an equal victory for Satan if he accomplishes either plan.
i. This can be seen in the way some of the Corinthian Christians thought it was just fine to hire the services of a prostitute (as in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20), and other Corinthian Christians thought it was more spiritual for a husband and wife to never have sexual relations.
7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
a. For I wish that all men were even as I myself: Paul, at the time of this writing, was unmarried (putting himself among the unmarried and the widows). Here he recognizes the benefit of being single, which he will speak more of later in the letter.
i. Though Paul was unmarried when he wrote this letter, he probably had been married at one time. We can say this because we know Paul was an extremely observant Jew and an example among his people (Philippians 3:4-6). In Paul’s day, Jews considered marriage a duty, to the extent that a man reaching 20 years of age without marrying was considered to be in sin. Unmarried men were often considered excluded from heaven and not real men at all.
ii. Also, by Paul’s own words, it is likely that Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin. In Acts 26:10, Paul says I cast my vote against them, speaking of the early Christians, and the logical place he would cast a vote is as a member of that great congress of the Jewish people. An unmarried man could not be a member of the Sanhedrin, so Paul was probably married at one time.
iii. So what happened to Paul’s wife? Paul was probably well qualified to speak of the relative gifts and responsibilities of both marriage and singleness, because he knew both from his life experience.
b. Each one has his own gift from God: Though Paul knew singleness was good for him, he would not impose it on anyone. The important thing is what gift one has from God, either being gifted to singleness or marriage.
i. Significantly, Paul regards both marriage and singleness as gifts from God.
ii. While Paul recognizes that some are gifted for marriage, and some are gifted for the unmarried state, no one is “gifted” for sexual immorality! The married must live faithfully to their spouse, and the unmarried must live celibate.
c. If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry: Paul’s recommendation to marry is not based on marriage being more or less spiritual, but on very practical concerns, especially relevant to his day (as explained in 1 Corinthians 7:26, 29, 32). A godly sexual relationship within the covenant of marriage is God’s plan for meeting our sexual needs.
i. Though Paul preferred the unmarried state for himself, he doesn’t want anyone to think that being married was less spiritual, or more spiritual. It is all according to an individual’s gifting. Remember that Paul told Timothy that forbidding to marry was a doctrine of demons (1 Timothy 4:1-3).
d. It is better to marry than to burn with passion: Paul recognizes marriage as a legitimate refuge from pressures of sexual immorality. One should not feel they are immature or unspiritual because they desire to get married so they will no longer burn with passion.
i. Paul is not speaking about what we might consider “normal” sexual temptation, but being so aflame with passion that you cannot stand up against it.”
ii. At the same time, if someone has a problem with lust or sexual sin, they should not think that getting married itself solves their problems. Many a Christian man has been grieved to find that his lust for other women did not magically “go away” when he got married.
Divorce and separation for Christian couples.
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
a.Now to the… indicates he is moving to another question, and these questions and answers have to do with marriage and divorce.
b. To the married: Here, Paul addresses marriages where both partners are Christians.
c. A wife is not to depart from her husband: The Corinthian Christians wondered if it might be more spiritual to be single, and if they should break up existing marriages for the cause of greater holiness. Paul answers their question straight from the heart of the Lord: absolutely not!
d. Even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: Paul, in addressing a marriage where both partners are Christians, says that they should not – indeed, can not – break up the marriage in a misguided search for higher spirituality. In fact, if one were to depart from their spouse, they must either remain unmarried or be reconciled.
i. This connects with the two specific grounds under which God will recognize a divorce: when there is sexual immorality (Matthew 19:3-9) and when a believing partner is deserted by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). On any other grounds, God will not recognize divorce, even if the state does. If God does not recognize the divorce, then the individual is not free to remarry – they can only be reconciled to their former spouse. ( Matthew 19:10 ). They understood Jesus perfectly, and so should more people today, before they enter into the covenant of marriage.
iii. Therefore, if a person says “God just doesn’t want me to be married to this person anymore” or “God brought someone better to me,” they are wrong and not speaking from God at all. God never recognizes a divorce for such reasons.
e. If she does depart: A Christian couple may in fact separate for reasons that do not justify a Biblical divorce. It may be because of a misguided sense of spirituality, it may be because of general unhappiness, or conflict, or abuse, or misery, addiction, or poverty. Paul recognizes (without at all encouraging) that one might depart in such circumstance, but they cannot consider themselves divorced, with the right to remarry, because their marriage had not split up for reasons that justify a Biblical divorce.
i. These problems may – perhaps – justify a separation (depart), but the partners are expected to honor their marriage vows even in their separation, because as far as God is concerned, they are still married – their marriage covenant has not been broken for what God considers to be Biblical reasons. They may live as separate, but not single.
f. And a husband is not to divorce his wife: Paul applies the same principle to husbands as to wives, and makes the important distinction between one who might depart (separation while still honoring the marriage covenant) and one who might divorce. Except for sexual immorality (as Jesus described in Matthew 19:3-9), two Christians never have a valid reason for divorce.
i. Just as importantly, Jesus never commands divorce in the case of sexual immorality. He carefully says it is permitted, and that the permission was given because of the hardness of your hearts (Matthew 19:8).
Divorce and remarriage when a Christian is married to an unbelieving spouse.
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
a. Let him not divorce her: If there were some Christian couples in the Corinthian church who thought they would be more spiritual if they divorced (addressed in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11), what about Corinthian Christians married to unbelievers? “Certainly,” thought the Corinthians, “God can’t be glorified if I’m married to an unbeliever; for the sake of spirituality, I should divorce them.” To these, Paul says let him not divorce her.
i. This spiritual concern is a valid – and urgent - reason for not marrying an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14), but it is not a reason for ending an existing marriage with an unbeliever.
b. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife: Why should a Christian try to keep their marriage to a non-Christian together? Because God can be glorified in such a marriage, and He may do a work through the believing spouse to draw the unbelieving spouse to Jesus Christ.
i. Sanctified, in this context, does not mean that the unbelieving spouse is saved just by being married to a Christian. It simply means that they are set apart for a special working in their lives by the Holy Spirit, by virtue of being so close to someone who is a Christian.
c. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy: Not only does the presence of a believing spouse do good for the unbelieving spouse, it also does good for the children – and great good, because it can be said now they are holy.
i. “Until he is old enough to take responsibility upon himself, the child of a believing parent is to be regarded as Christian. The parents ‘holiness’ extends to the child.”
d. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart: Paul has counseled that the Christian partner should do what they can to keep the marriage together. But if the unbelieving spouse refuses to be married, then the marriage can be broken; but this isn’t to be initiated or sought by the believer.
i. If the unbelieving spouse should depart, the Christian is not under bondage to the marriage covenant. This means they are, in fact, free to remarry because God has recognized their divorce as a valid divorce.
e. For how do you know: Paul ends this section with a great deal of hope, because many Christians who are married to unbelievers are discouraged. They should know that with faith and patience, they can look for God to work in their present circumstances, difficult as they might be.
i. Christians married to unbelievers should also know what Peter says in 1 Peter 3:1-6: that your unbelieving spouse will probably not be led to Jesus by your words, but by your godly and loving conduct.
17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. 18 Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God. 20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 21 Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. 22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. 23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. 24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.
Paul’s advice: marriage isn’t bad in the sight of God, and singleness has its advantages.
25 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
a. Concerning virgins: Paul now will deal with the unmarried, whom he refers to as virgins
b. I have no commandment from the Lord — yet I give judgment: Paul gives inspired advice and principles.
c. It is good for a man to remain as he is: Paul, in speaking to the never-married man, recommends that he remain as he is – that is, either remaining single or remaining married.
i. Why? Because of the present distress. Apparently, there was some kind of local persecution or problem in the city of Corinth, and because of this distress, Paul says there are definite advantages to remaining single. Also, because of this distress, a married man should also remain as he is.
ii. What is the advantage of remaining single? We can easily imagine how in a time of persecution or great crisis, how much more of a burden a wife or a family can be for someone committed to standing strong for the Lord. We may say, “Torture me, and I will never renounce Jesus.” But what if we were threatened with the rape of our wife or the torture of our children? These may seem far away to us, but they were not far away to Christians in the first century.
iii. What is the advantage in remaining married? At a time of great distress, your family needs you more than ever. Don’t abandon your wife and children now!
d. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife: Paul echoes the same principle laid down in 1 Corinthians 7:17-24. God can use us right where we are, and we should not be so quick to change our station in life.
i. With the terms bound and loosed, Paul uses the vocabulary of the Jewish scribes. When a Jew in those days did not know if and how God’s law applied to their situation, they would ask a scribe, and the scribe would declare them bound or loosed in regard to particular commands.
e. If you do marry, you have not sinned: Paul certainly will not forbid marriage; yet he tells those who will get married, nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
Paul warns against putting roots down too deep in a world that is passing away.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; 30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; 31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
a. The time is short:
b. Even those who have wives should be as though they had none: Paul is not encouraging the neglect of proper family duties, but encouraging living as if the time is short. It means that we will not live as if our earthly family was all that mattered, but also live with an eye to eternity.
c. For the form of this world is passing away: A time is short attitude will also not indulge the feelings and things of this world. Weeping, rejoicing, and having possessions must not get in the way of following hard after Jesus.
i. The form of this world is passing away: “There is nothing solid and lasting in this world system; it is its nature to pass away. It is folly for believers to act as though its values were permanent.”
The unmarried have the opportunity to serve and please God with less distraction.
32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
a. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord: Here, Paul simply recognizes that when a person doesn’t have family responsibilities, they are more “free” to serve God. This was the main reason Paul considered the unmarried state preferable for himself.
b. He who is married cares about the things of the world; how he may please his wife: Paul does not say this to condemn the married person; in fact, Paul is saying this is how it should be for the married person. There is something wrong if a married man does not care for how he may please his wife, and something is wrong if a married woman does not care about how she may please her husband.
d. That you may serve the Lord without distraction: For Paul, being unmarried meant fewer distractions in serving God. Tragically, to many modern single Christians, singleness is a terrible distraction! Instead, they should regard their present unmarried state (whether it is temporary or permanent) as a special opportunity to please God.
Paul deals with another question from the Corinthians: should I arrange a marriage for my daughter?
36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. 38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
A final reminder regarding the remarriage of widows.
39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.
a. If her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married: Of course, a widow has the right to remarry. But a Christian widow, like any Christian, is really only free to remarry another Christian (only in the Lord).
b. But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment: At the same time, Paul believes such a widow is happier if she remains as she is – that is, if she remains single. Essentially, Paul wants the widow not to remarry without carefully considering that God might be calling her to celibacy.
i. Again, Paul will affirm celibacy, but not because sex itself is evil (as some of the Corinthian Christians thought). Instead, the unmarried state can be superior because it offers a person (if they are so gifted) more opportunity to serve God.
