CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Jesus said in Luke 17:1, “Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!”

ILL. Pastor Sexton- I’d like to say that you will never argue, but you will. What he didn’t realize that we did the day before.

Problem was, I didn’t understand Marie— and worse yet— I didn’t understand myself. Dave Wilson writes: “How are you supposed to get to know someone else in such an intimate and intrusive environment when you have yet to fully discover your own worth and identity.”

John Gottman, author of the Four Horsemen of Marriage Conflict, says that a leading predictor of divorce is not the regularity of conflict but how conflict is dealt with.

FOUR PATTERNS OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

we all approach different patterns or styles

we copy what we witnessed in our homes as children

we may all function out of beliefs that we subconsciously hold regarding conflict

we may be seeking to incorporate biblical principles into these patterns

ILL. Navajo men seeking to mandate submission in a matriarchal society

WIN

good at conflict

they like it

are skilled at winning arguments

bring eyewitness accounts and receipts!

YIELD

will “give in” to bring harmony

believe that the marriage is more important than an isolated event

yielding=peace

WITHDRAW

withdrawers hate conflict

will do whatever it takes to avoid conflict

if leaving is possible, they will; if leaving is not possible, they shut down emotionally

RESOLVE

resolvers do whatever it takes to arrive at resolution

cannot stand to live life with unresolved conflict

roll up their sleeves and get to work

Questions to ponder:

Is it always righteous to win? What’s won? Do you become like Trump— like, do you get tired of winning?

What’s negative about yielding? I thought yielding was a good thing?

Is there a healthy measure of withdraw, through which someone sees themselves getting angry and feels they are doing the right thing by pulling back emotionally?

Isn’t resolve the ultimate goal?

Concluding Statements

handle your emotions

confront one another in a loving, constructive way

forgive

trust God

“Lobotomizing one’s personality in order to avoid the conflict that arises from it will also remove the vary parts of that personality that make them capable of the good things they are uniquely created to experience.”

CONFLICT IS NORMAL, and God can use our conflict to make us one.