Singleness
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`Can you guess how many single there were in the 1950’s? 1980?
Their numbers are increasing rapidly, from 4 million in 1950 to an estimated 20 million in 1982
How would you define singleness?
Biblical Counseling Keys on Singleness B. What is Singleness?
Singleness is the state of any man or woman of marriageable age who is not married
Is it only one group of people?
This term includes four groups of people, each with some similar issues but also unique problems and areas of concern: the never-married, the separated, the divorced, and the widowed.
What Is Singleness?
36 And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was a virgin, 37 and then as a widow until she was eighty-four. She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. 38 And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem.
Anna had been graced by the Spirit of God to be a prophetess for Israel. After only 7 years of marriage, Anna’s husband died. She then devoted the rest of her years to serving the Lord and lived to be at least 84 years old. What an excellent use of her singleness! The crowning moment of her life occurred as she witnessed the presentation of the infant Jesus at the temple. At that moment, she praised God and proclaimed to all that He was, indeed, the long-awaited Messiah.
“Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.”
(Luke 2:38)
• Singleness is the state of any man or woman of marriageable age who is not married. The Bible speaks of Philip the evangelist with “four unmarried daughters” who had the gift of prophecy.
“He had four unmarried daughters who prophesied.” (Acts 21:9)
• Single, which refers to the state of being “unmarried or unwed,” is a translation of the Greek word agamos. This word is used 4 times in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, primarily to encourage the unmarried to remain unmarried.
• Singleness is a term that includes 3 categories of single adults, each with unique areas of concern, but all with similar challenges.
Single for All Seasons
— Adults who never marry
Single for a Season
— Adults who will marry sometime in the future
Single Again
— The widowed whose mates have died
— The divorced whose marriage contracts are terminated
— The separated who are technically married, but not living with their mates because one is …
◦ away serving in the military
◦ away because of serving time in prison
◦ away because of out-of-town employment
◦ away because of desertion, abuse, or unresolved conflicts.
“May the Lordkeep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.” (Genesis 31:49)
Although single people are unmarried for various reasons, how they respond to their single state is all important. Some singles, like Anna, who was widowed at a young age, choose to remain single and give their lives to serving the Lord, while other singles choose to remarry—with God’s blessing. The apostle Paul makes this statement,
“To the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
(1 Corinthians 7:8)[1]
[1]Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Singleness: How to Be Single and Satisfied (pp. 2–3). Hope For The Heart.
Now we just finished talking about marriage.
Do you remember what we said the goal of marriage was apart from having children?
I meet a lot of young people that think getting married will make them happy.
There is never a place in the Bible where it says that marriage makes you happy. It says over and over again that God makes you happy.[1]
[1]Clinton, T., & Hawkins, R. (2009). The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling: Personal and Emotional Issues (p. 229). Baker Books.
What should be our goal or purpose as christian whether married or single?
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
The apostle Paul considers both singleness and marriage as equal gifts for the church. Both can be beautiful ways of loving God and loving other people.
The apostle Paul considers both singleness and marriage as equal gifts for the church. Both can be beautiful ways of loving God and loving other people.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul tells believers at Corinth that he wishes they could all be single like him. “But,” he says, “each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (v. 7). The two gifts Paul discusses here are singleness and marriage. His point is not that some people have the “gift” of singleness understood as a supernatural ability to remain content without marriage. Rather, Paul emphasizes that both singleness and marriage are important gifts to build up the church. Singleness is good. Marriage is good. Both deeply benefit the church.[1]
Marriage and singleness are both gifts for the church, and they both require a unique kind of sacrifice. As a husband and father, I have many duties to my wife and child. Even though my child is also married. I sometimes have to sacrifice hours of my weekly schedule to attend to their needs. I am happy to do it and consider my family my first ministry. Yet Paul notes that married people have divided loyalties of pleasing their spouses and the Lord, whereas single people can wholeheartedly focus on pleasing the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32–35).
Singleness and marriage are equal ways of serving the Lord. Both offer unique blessings, and both have unique challenges.
While single people do not have divided loyalty between their spouses and the Lord, singleness also comes with its own challenges. As a single pastor, Sam Allberry describes the temptation for single people to become self-centered when living alone. He notes how single people can do what they want, when they want to, and however they want to do it. They don’t have anyone else to please.
Individualism is widely celebrated in our culture. We like to think of ourselves as self-sufficient and independent, able to “make it on our own.” Sadly, many Christians have adopted this individualistic mindset. Nobody is going to tell us how to spend our time or our money or tell us what to think. Sound familiar? If so, then we need to look long and hard at the early church’s life together.
Notice what the first Christian converts in Acts 2 did not do. They did not simply make a profession of faith and then seek to live the Christian life on their own. No, these early converts were baptized as a sign of their identification with Jesus Christ and His church. Actually, to identify with Jesus Christ is to identify with the church, His beloved bride. Jesus Himself said: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for another” (John 13:35). One crucial aspect of submitting to Jesus is committing to the ministry of His church. We are no longer isolated individuals, but members of Christ’s body.[1]
[1]Chan, F., & Beuving, M. (2012). Multiply: Disciples Making Disciples (First Edition, pp. 295–296). David C Cook.
“We need to remind ourselves, daily, that our singleness is not for us but for the Lord.”23
Here’s the bottom line: Singleness and marriage are equal ways of serving the Lord. Both offer unique blessings, and both have unique challenges. Whether single or married, we are each called to find our identity in Christ and to use our marital status in service to the Lord. Remember, our lives are not ours. We tend to approach life with the goal of getting the most out of it that we can. But if we focus on living for Him, then we don’t have to worry about “missing out” on the things of this world.[2]
[1]McDowell, S. (2020). Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture (p. 97). B&H Books.
[2]McDowell, S. (2020). Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture (pp. 98–99). B&H Books.
