Loving The Person With Servant Actions

Three-Step Conflict Resolution Model:

            Step #1 – Please God

            Step #2 – Repent

            Step #3 – Love

                        A. Attitudes of Grace

                        B. Forgive

                        C. Confront

                        D. Serve

This last lesson brings together some final and ongoing peacemaking steps, with both those with whom we have been reconciled (through confession and forgiveness) and those who remain unreconciled with us.

1.  Seek to understand the person and their interests

Understand the Person

1 Thessalonians 5:14 ESV

14 And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

Examples of different kinds of people (don’t assume this is some scientific personality “typology”)

Description of Person Ministry Action

idle, unruly warn, admonish

timid, fainthearted encourage , comfort

weak, helpless, immature help, uphold

And do any or all of these with patience

Understand the Person’s Interests

Philippians 2:1–4 ESV

1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

v. 1 – What you have in Christ

v. 2-4 – What Christ calls you to do to achieve likemindedness

v. 4 Negotiating to reach Christ-honoring decisions: The “I.P.I.” (Issue, Position, Interest) Model in Ken Sande, The Peacemaker

1) Define the Issue in the form of a concrete question

2) Understand the person’s Position on the issue

3) Understand, appreciate, and seek to satisfy the person’s legitimate Interests that underlie his position. (Case studies of Daniel in Dan 1 and Abigail in 1 Sam 25:23-35)

The I.P.I. Chart

Issue

Position A                                                                               Position B

Interests                                                                                 Interests

2.  Seek to serve the other person

Mark 10:43–45 ESV

43 But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Ephesians 4:25–5:2 ESV

25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Godly Speaking

· Honest (v.25; Prov 6:16; 12:17; 12:19; 12:22; 16:13; 19:9; 24:26; 26:18)

· Beneficial (v.29; Prov 10:11; 10:20; 10:21; 12:18; 27:5; 31:26-29)

· Timely (v.29; Prov 10:8,10: 10:32; 15:23; 15:28; 17:14; 17:27-28; 25:20; 27:14)

· Kind (v.31-5:2; Prov 12:25; 15:1; 15:18; 16:21,24; 22:11; 24:29; 25:15)

Godly Listening

· Active and attentive listening

· Caring and compassionate listening

Proverbs 18:13 ESV

13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 18:15 ESV

15 An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.

Proverbs 18:17 ESV

17 The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.

3. Frame a ministry plan

Romans 12:17–21 ESV

17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 Peter 2:21–23 ESV

21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

1 Peter 4:19 ESV

19 Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

Ministering To My Enemy Model

Luke 6:27–36 ESV

27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. 31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. 32 “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Do Good - Practical acts for service for the other person

Bless - Speak well to, and about, the other person

Pray - Specific ways to pray for yourself and the other person

     Do Good                       Bless                             Pray              

_____________                          _____________

_____________                  _____________

_____________                 _____________     _____________

Conclusion:

As peacemakers – children of our heavenly Father (Matt. 5:7) – we are people who were once God’s enemies and under his just wrath, and who now have been reconciled to him through the work of our Lord Jesus. It is in light of this grace that we pursue peace with others (Col. 3:12-15; Rom 12:1-21)