Boldly Wrestle

ME

When I was in middle school, I used to want to be a storm chaser. you know, one of those people on youtube who run around the midwest chasing storms and videoing tornadoes- it would be the coolest thing ever. I wanted to be one, and still kinda do. Storms have always fascinated me- the lightning, wind, rain, hail; the unpredictability, fierce beauty, and tension found within them.

what comes to mind when you think of the word tension?

maybe its the uneasiness in the air right before a storm, maybe its sitting at the table on thanksgiving when the conversation turns to politics, maybe its when you and a friend have a fight, maybe it’s frightening news at the doctor’s office.

whatever it is, Tension is a state of striving, unrest, or imbalance.

Tension is unfortunately unavoidable in our imperfect world, and not something that we naturally want to dwell on this unrest and striving and imbalance is uncomfortable.

For me, a point of tension in my life was when I was diagnosed in 7th grade with scoliosis, which is a medical condition where my spine is not straight. I had to wear a back brace 24/7 for 2 years in hopes of not having my spine change to where I would need one of the riskiest surgery’s out there. There was incredible tension in my life- I knew that God told me I was fearfully and wonderfully made, but I felt completely unworthy and unlovable because of this diagnosis. for the longest time, I didn't want to admit just how much it hurt to have this diagnosis and wear the back brace. even though the back brace was successful and I didn’t end up needing surgery, the effects on my self-worth lingered for years afterwards.

WE

I wonder how many of us are afraid to confront the uncomfortable, sometimes tragic, and painful reality that we live in? wether it be a broken relationship, medical diagnosis, a lie that we have believed, or consequences of our actions? We are constantly sitting in tension, but often-times we are unwilling to confront it or realize it.

coping mechanisms such as doom scrolling, which according to a study 51% of Gen Z does daily, online shopping, food, constant business, etc. are what we use to distract ourselves from painful realities. from painful tensions.

however, you cannot heal from what is hurting you until you have wrestled with it and brought it before the Lord.

GOD

Jacob, in the Bible, was a man just like us- scared of confronting his reality and someone who did everything he could do to not address the tension he was living in.

Jacob is a very smart man. He is a man who lives by his own wits and charisma to get what we wanted. He ends up tricking tricks his brother Esau into giving him Esau’s birthright, and later, pretends to be Esau and asks his dying father for Esau’s blessing. He got what he wanted, what he thought he lacked, through deception.

However, his life of dishonesty catches up to him, and Esau comes to confront Jacob years later. Jacob is afraid, and he sends his family away for protection and he is left alone the night before Esau comes. Jacob, who has been running away from his broken relationship with Esau and the consequences of his actions for years, is finally about to be caught. However, Jacob confronts his past of deception that night, before he sees Esau.

Jacob Wrestles with God

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.” The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.

In this passage, several things are happening, Jacob was alone and terrified- terrified of Esau’s response to his own actions.

Then, in the dark, an unknown man comes to him and starts wrestling, starts physically fighting with Jacob. What a physical demonstration of what was going on in Jacob’s heart at that moment. This man touches Jacob’s hip and dislocates it- and actually when your hip is located as Jacob’s- the sinew of the thigh- it means you are completely disabled. Jacob went from fighting his opponent, and we know from early on in Jacob’s story that he is a VERY strong man, to leaning on his opponent because he could not stand, and then demanding his opponent bless him?

This man doesnt respond to Jacob’s request, and seems to be asking a deeper question. this man asks Jacob what his name is- What we need to realize is that in Jewish tradition, names carry great value. what you are named is a reflection of who you are. Jacob’s name translates to “heel grabber”, which is a Hebrew idiom for “deceiver”

the man asked what Jacob’s name was, and he replied “deceiver”.

then, something miraculous happens. this man reveals himself to be God. not only did Jacob fight with God, but he was rewarded. He was changed. God changes Jacob’s name from “deceiver” to Israel, which means “he who strives with God”

Jacob’s name was changed to reflect a relationship with God, instead of a detriment to man.

After this, God blessed Jacob, and Jacob is forever changed by his encounter with him- he limps the rest of his life.

but we see Israel, no longer Jacob, meet his brother the next day. and instead of fighting or bitterness, the two reconcile.

We see this in Jacob’s story, and I know we can also see this in ours:

When we boldly wrestle with God, He changes who we are

what does it mean to boldly wrestle with God? Well, I think the first part of it means we need to have bold honesty. this is when that concept of tension comes back into play

bold honesty

we see that Jacob was under incredible pressure and tension-e night before he meets Esau. I’m sure that much like the tension in the atmosphere right before a storm. Or when I had just recieved my diagnosis and had no idea what it meant for my future.

but in order to heal and address what was wrong, there needs to be honesty. In Jacob’s story, that was when he demanded God bless him. Jacob had never been that outright in his life- he had manipulated and trickled people into getting what he wanted, he had never been honest about what he wanted.

for me, being honest in my wrestling was when I admitted to the Lord that I hurt so much that I didn’t believe the biblical truth that i was intentionally made and that I was loved.

When God wrestled with Jacob, he got at the deeper issue. Jacob was honest about what he wanted, God responded by asking his name- he knew that identity Jacob carried as a deceiver was the issue.

for me, God met my honesty with getting to the deeper issue. it wasn’t just about my diagnosis, it was about the fact I had put my identity in what people said about me and how I looked.

wrestling with God requires us to be bold enough to be honest about tension we face and the pain in our hearts. to not medicate this tension with coping mechanisms, but to bring to bring before God. no matter how messy.

But when we boldly wrestle with God- he changes who we are

bold change

God changed Jacob’s name. Jacob didn't ask God to do that, but God knew that was what he needed.

He changed Jacob’s name from deception to Israel- identity in the Lord. He who strives with the Lord- relationship with the Lord. and a relationship that’s not just perfect, but also held with tension- striving with the Lord. There is still tension in Jacob’s life, but it’s changed direction. its a tension that serves relationship rather than dissonance. the sort of tension that is beautiful, much like how storms can be beautiful.

in my story, God also changed my identity. Once I was honest about my struggle with self-worth because of this medical diagnosis, and once I actually asked the Lord for help, and was honest about my need, he changed me.

and i can’t quite describe what happened, but i do know that the day after I prayed for the lord to help me, I woke up and knew I was changed. I woke up and I didn’t care about what i saw in the mirror or my imperfect spine, but i felt secure in the Lord for the first time, and that was when I truly gave my life to him.

my life is now marked by relationship with the Lord.

Jacob also had a physical reminder of his encounter with the Lord- he limped

I limp too- my limp is my back issues. They serve as a reminder of what the Lord has done is my life, just as Jacob’s limp was a testimony to his encounter with the lord.

Jacob’s circumstances weren't changed, but his identity was. my circumstances were not changed, but my identity was.

When we boldly wrestle with God, He changes who we are

WE

I want to invite you guys to image what would it look like if we accepted the invitation to wrestle boldly with the creator of our universe? When we allow ourselves to be honest? that might literally mean you, alone in a room with a paper, pencil, box of tissues, and Jesus.

when we lay aside our coping mechanisms and distractions, and allow ourselves to wrestle with the God who knows who we are, and who loves us. we can wrestle boldly, even if we are afraid of the answer.

God doesn't promise that your circumstances will change, but I know that you will be. and that is where true healing is found.