The Danger of a Grudge

Mark 6:14-29

Mark tells us there is confusion about who Jesus is.

Some thought He was Elijah

Some thought He was a resurrected prophet

King Herod thought He was John the Baptist resurrected

Mark has not told us anything about John’s death. He stops here and explains what happened.

It’s disgusting.

It’s a travesty of justice. 

John was killed because a woman had a grudge against him she would not let go.

A grudge is a dangerous thing. In the Greek, the word means “to be under control, to be bound”.

If you are holding a grudge:

God is not controlling you.

You are not controlling yourself.

The grudge is controlling you.

Sin is controlling you.

Those who hold a grudge are out of control. This woman was out of control. This morning I’m going to show you the devastation this woman’s grudge caused.

1. It killed a preacher.

A. A broken marriage.

Herod Antipas (a Tetrarch 1/4) Ruled area over Galilee 4 BC- 39 AD.

Was not technically a King but had the Jews call him one.

A married man.

26 AD he traveled to Rome to see his brother Philip. Philip was married and had a teenaged daughter. On that visit Herod began an affair with his brother’s wife. When he returned to Galilee, he brought Philip’s wife and daughter with him. He divorced his wife and married her.

Facebook would have been ablaze.

Everyone was talking behind their backs except John. He talked to their faces. Look at verse 18.

Give us some preachers like this!

“had been saying” ongoing.

B. A pure motive.

Why was John warning them? He loved them! He wanted them to repent.

John didn’t single them out. He preached against all kinds of sin.

He told the Pharisees and Sadducees to repent. Called them a brood of vipers.

He called out the soldiers for their sin

He called out the crowds of people for their sin (Luke 3:1-18).

John was there to prepare people to meet Jesus. Herod and his wife were not prepared.

If you’re living in sin, you are not ready to meet Jesus.

Herod’s wife was too proud. I’m sure she justified her sin:

I didn’t love Philip anymore.

I wasn’t happy.

For the most part no one dared call her out. She was too powerful of a woman. There was one man with a heart for God and people.

A hillbilly preacher said out loud what everyone else said under their breath. John knew the only happy ending to adultery is repentance.

C. A horrible murder.

She had her husband order the beheading of John the Baptist.

The head was put on a serving plate and brought to her (28).

The headless body of John was given to some of his disciples (29).

You want to see how ugly a grudge is? Look at John’s head on that platter.

She killed :

Zechariah & Elizabeth’s only child

The Messiah’s forerunner

The greatest preacher born among women

When you hold a grudge, you care about no one but yourself.

When the preacher steps on some folks’ toes, they want to cut off his head. That’s not rational.  

“I wish he wouldn’t preach like that”. I wish you wouldn’t live like that.

Why am I preaching the way I am today? Am I mad at you? No!

Adultery- in the text

A grudge- in the text

Killing a preacher- in the text

Many a preacher has been:

Ru off

Run over

Run down

Because someone held a grudge against him. He preached on a sin they loved and they hated him for it.

2. It ruined a marriage.

A. She manipulated her husband.

He liked John (20)

“righteous and holy man”

“kept him safe” from who? His wife!

“heard him gladly”- would sit and listen to John preach

There was a chance for Herod to get saved.

Let me clarify: If you like preaching but don’t love and follow Jesus you are in trouble.

Imagine the conversations they had about John. She hated him, Herod enjoyed talking to him.

Look at v. 21 “an opportunity came” She was looking for an opportunity.

A birthday party for Herod. His birthday, she was about to make it about herself.

“revenge is a dish best served cold”- means to be patient, wait for just the right time and surprise your enemy.

Herod wasn’t expecting this at this time.

Look at the audience : nobles, military commanders, leading men of Galilee (21)

Look at the setting: A strip tease (22) Note the word “pleased” means aroused.

Look at the ego of Herod- “Ask me whatever you want!”

She used his ego against him. Look at verse 26:

Because of his oath

Because of his guests

Because of his word to her

She knew this man and she played him like a fiddle to get her way.

Look how he felt (26) he was exceedingly sorry.  She didn’t care because she was happy.

B. She humiliated her husband.

We look at Herod as henpecked. He is like Ahab was to Jezebel. Herod is a puppet and his wife is pulling the strings. 

Think about it: Would you rather be a headless John in this story or Herod? Anyone with integrity would choose to be John even though he is killed.  

I’m going to fast forward 39 AD. Remember I told you Herod wasn’t actually a King? When a new emperor, Caligula, arose his wife urged him to ask to be made a king. He followed her advice and instead of making him a King the emperor removed him and banished he and his wife to Gaul (France). They died there and Herod never became a King.

C. A grudge can ruin a marriage.

Your spouse knows you. They know if you are the type of person who holds a grudge or not.

Illust. Me spraying Jennifer’s flowers with RM43. She came in and said, “Something happened to my flowers”. After a little bit it hit me. I killed them! I had to tell her. It was a lot easier to tell her because I know she won’t hold a grudge against me.

If you choose to be a person who holds a grudge at least don’t take your spouse down with you.

Some couples can’t go to church because one holds a grudge

Some couples can’t serve the Lord because one holds a grudge

Their marriage is suffering. One is manipulating the other.

3. It corrupted a child.

A. Her daughter was sinful.

She uses her body to get her mother’s way. These are likely old men, and she is a teenage girl.   

Herodias doesn’t care.

She used her husband.

Now she uses her daughter.

Her daughter is becoming just like her!

If you have a sinful parent, the greatest gift you can give them is a testimony for Jesus. Don’t be like mom and dad. You get old enough to choose your own way, choose God’s way.

It is a great rebuke to an ungodly parent to have a godly child.

B. Our children are affected by our bitterness.

Bitter people often raise bitter children.

Mom and dad aren’t always right.

Some parents have a drinking problem.

Some parents have a drug problem.

Some parents have a grudge problem.

They don’t forgive.

They won’t move on.

Illust of Moby Dick

Ahab has his leg bitten off by a whale. Makes it his life’s mission to kill the whale. At the end of the book Ahab is dead, his boat destroyed, everything he has is gone, the whale is alive.  

That’s a picture of what happens when we won’t let go of a grudge. It will destroy us.

If you model holding a grudge before your kids you are leading them down the wrong road.

She should have told her daughter:

Mama was wrong!

The Lord is right!

We are going back to your daddy!

She couldn’t do it because she was blinded by her grudge.

Do you model forgiveness in your family?

If you want your children to follow Jesus then you will forgive people.

The gospel is all about forgiveness.

Paul is in heaven right now because Jesus doesn’t hyold a grudge.

Peter is in heaven right now because Jesus doesn’t hold a grudge.

The thief on the cross is in heaven right now because Jesus does not hold a grudge.

4. It consumed a woman.

A. She would not let it go.

She thought about John more than he thought about her. She was consumed by her hatred for this man.

Her concern was her reputation. Her actions made things worse.

She wanted people to forget about John- He is celebrated 2000 years later.

She wanted people to think highly of herself- 2000 years later she is remembered as a horrible woman. 

Carrying a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.

Illust. Imagine you get bitten by a snake. You get angry and grab it. It bites you again. You will not release it because it bit you. People say “Let it go!” You say, “Did you see what it did to me?”

That’s foolish! Let it go, friend!

That’s what we must do with our grudges. We must let them go.

Electric fence illust. They pulsate so you can let go.

God gives you grace to let go. One day that grace might be gone. Let go while you can.

B. The longer you hold onto a grudge the more difficult it is to let go.

Someone once said:

“When someone hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.”

That sounds harsh but it’s necessary for our own good.

Heb. 12:15:

Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

The easiest way to get a tick off of you is before it sinks its teeth in you. You wait very long, and that grudge will grow roots. It will attach itself to you like a tick.

How do you know if you are holding a grudge?

Normally people who hold grudges do it with many people. It’s a character flaw. Look at your life and ask:

Are there people I will not talk to anymore? How many?

How many people who have hurt me have I allowed back into my life?

We all get hurt. Most of us get mad when we do. Some hold the grudge.

Illust. Just in the last few years have I got over my dad. I stopped thinking about what I missed and felt bad for what he missed. It was perspective.

It’s bad to hold a grudge against a dead person. I am more alive now that I see things differently.

Stop thinking about the hurt.

Stop thinking about yourself.

Think about the Lord and His forgiveness.

C. Freedom is found when we let go of the grudge.

I already told you what happened to Herod and his wife. They raised a horrible child. They lost their job. They were exiled.  

They had a great time at the birthday party, but that pleasure was short lived.

You say, “I hate them, though!”

No, you hate yourself.

You hate the command of the Lord.

You hate what the Lord wants you to be.

Most people aren’t going to murder someone because we hold a grudge. But we will hate someone. Jesus said hate and murder are kin.

Listen close: If you don’t let go of that grudge you don’t know where it might lead.

Affect a preacher

Affect your marriage

Affect your children

Consume you and you become a bitter person.

Illust. Two monks approach river. Old woman on bank needed to get across. The two monks picked her up and carried her across.

1  mile later- 2nd monk said “Look how dirty I am.”

3 miles later- 2ndmonk said “Look how dirty I am and boy am I tired.”

5 miles later- 2ndmonk said I’m dirty, my arms are sore, I’m tired. I can’t believe we had to carry that old woman across the river.  Need to sit down and rest. You haven’t complained about. How do you do it?

1st monk said “I put that woman down five miles ago. You’re still carrying her.”

Some of you are carrying a grudge and it’s wearing you out.    

Eph. 4:31-32

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Aren’t you glad Jesus doesn’t hold a grudge?

You wouldn’t make it to heaven if He did.

If you want to be a follower of Christ there is no option but to forgive others. If you do not it will destroy you.