Ephesians 5:18-21 // Spirit-Filled Relationships

WELCOME

PASTORAL PRAYER

INTRO

One of the most important results of our new life is that we have new relationships. Sin separates us from God and people. But through Christ everything changes.

We’ve already examined how our relationships with one another are now different (2:11–22)

READ

Ephesians 5:18–21 [18] And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, [19] addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, [20] giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, [21] submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

SPIRIT-FILLED RELATIONSHIPS

Paul explains the “filling” in verse 18 with four participles in verses 19–21.

To be under the sway of the Spirit (instead of intoxicated by strong drink) leads to speaking in song, singing in your heart, giving thanks to God, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Not everyone submits to everyone, but all are called to submit to the proper authorities in their lives—and all are called to live sacrificially for the sake of others in their lives (v. 2), a theme that will get much expression in the following verses, even for those in authority.

Being “Spirit-filled” has less to do with spontaneity and exuberance, and more to do with living a life marked by the ordinary and glorious fruit of the Spirit (cf. Gal. 5:22–23).

English Standard Version (Chapter 5) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Be Filled with the Spirit (v. 18)

The key idea of the word filled is control. The indwelling Spirit of God ought to be the dominant and controlling factor in a believer’s life. Those not controlled by the Spirit are vulnerable to evil influences and will ultimately give way to control by their own lusts and desires.

Types of ‘Be Filled’ in NT:

1. Continual command for believers (e.g., Ephesians 5:18) – ongoing yielding to the Spirit.

2. Empowerment for service and witness (Acts 2, 4, 7, 13) – boldness, authority.

3. Qualifications for leadership and spiritual maturity (Acts 6) – wisdom and character.

4. Prophetic and emotional expression (Luke 1) – speaking, worship, spiritual awareness.

5. Joy and resilience in trials (Acts 13:52) – emotional breakthrough despite hardship.

6. Jesus' perfect example (Luke 4:1) – life in the Spirit for ministry.

In every use, ‘being filled’ speaks of God's initiative and the believer’s openness, producing a life of worship, witness, wisdom, and holiness.

Imagine with me, for a moment, a large ocean-going sailboat cutting through choppy waters, its sails full of wind, its course set toward a distant shore. It’s a masterpiece of engineering—designed for speed, strength, and endurance. But here’s something that might surprise you: what keeps that boat upright in the midst of crashing waves and powerful winds isn't just the structure above the water. It’s the hidden system deep within the hull—the ballast.

The ballast is weight added to the bottom of the boat. Without it, the wind that fills the sails and gives the boat power would also tip it over. Without ballast, a storm would capsize it. But with ballast in place, the boat stands firm. It can handle the pressure. It can withstand the chaos happening on the surface because it has a steady weight anchoring it from within.

Now listen to Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:18: 'Do not get drunk with wine, which leads to debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.' Being filled with the Holy Spirit is not only about power and movement—like wind in the sails—it’s also about stability, like ballast in the hull.

We often approach the Holy Spirit as the energy to do great things for God—and He is! But church, He is also the ballast that keeps us upright when life presses in from all sides. The filling of the Spirit brings a steadying influence. He anchors us in truth when lies swirl around. He grounds us in peace when anxiety tries to swamp the deck. He reminds us of God’s presence when the storm clouds roll in and visibility drops to zero.

Being filled with the Spirit isn’t just about outward expressions of faith—it is about inward strength and steadiness. The question is not, ‘Are the winds strong?’ Life always throws weather at us. The better question is, ‘Are we filled on the inside?’ Is the weight of the Holy Spirit inside of us greater than the pull of the world outside of us?

God, in His wisdom and grace, has given us His Spirit—not just to move us, but to stabilize us—to be our ballast in the waves of life.

So church, let me ask: have you been trying to stay upright on your own? Have you been relying on your own wisdom, willpower, or busyness to keep afloat? Maybe it’s time to let the Spirit fill you again, not just to move you forward, but to hold you strong. Let Him be the weight that keeps you grounded when life gets heavy. Because He is not only your wind—He is your ballast.

The wise person (v. 17) is not intoxicated by alcohol or anything else but is filled with the Spirit (v. 18).

Grammatically, Paul gives two commands: “Don’t get drunk with wine … be filled by the Spirit” (v. 18).

But the focus seems to be primarily on the latter command.

Following these commands are five participles—addressing, singing, making, giving, and submitting—some see these as evidences or results of the Spirit. Others see them as a means of being filled with the spirit.

The language that Paul uses seems to indicate both are true, one again affirming the horizontal assurances and vertical affects of our faith.

In other words, the filling of the indwelling spirit present this grace in our lives; an overflow of joy is expressed in deep thanksgiving to God and glad-hearted submission to others.

The result of the Spirit’s work in our lives is renewed worship and renewed relationships.

Let’s take a look at 3 of these in particular, today: singing, giving thanks, and submitting.

1. Singing (5:19)

We are a singing people because God is too great to merely be talked about. We are not just to think of His grace and speak of it; we are to feel it and rejoice in it.

It is difficult to know exactly what Paul meant by these three types of songs in Ephesians. He says that we should sing:

“psalms” (directly from the Psalter)

“hymns” (perhaps like those in Rev 4–5), or those I mentioned last week in passages like Eph. 5:14

“spiritual songs” (perhaps spontaneous praise from the heart, like 1 Cor 14:15 implies).

There are different seasons of life and different songs for the seasons.

Here’s what is plain and clear from the text: Our singing has horizontal and vertical dimensions. We sing “to one another” and “to the Lord.”

When we gather for corporate worship and to sing to God, we are also ministering to one another.

Did you know that you have a responsibility in corporate worship? You encourage each other through singing. You also instruct one another through singing. Musical worship is take-home theology.

This is why corporate worship is important. Why not curl up on a Sunday with a box of chocolates and watch a worship service on a computer or TV? Because that does not allow you to do what this verse is teaching.

Vertically, the Spirit prompts us to sing with our whole being to the Lord Jesus; we should do so horizontally, in the presence of other believers.

These two participles belong together: “singing and making music.” How is this done? Paul says, “From your heart.”

ILLUS: "Con cuore" is an Italian term that means "with heart" or "with feeling." In music, it's a dynamic marking that instructs the performer to play the passage with a sense of emotion and expressiveness.

Interestingly, the idea of being “filled with the Spirit” appeared in Exodus 31, when the craftsmen constructed the tabernacle for worship. God still fills His people to serve and worship.

We’ll return to these chapters in Exodus later this year with something the Lord is stirring in our hearts as a leadership team.

The question for us today is this: Does your heart sing? Those who are filled with the Spirit sing to Jesus because there is no one more worthy of adoration.

2. Giving thanks (5:20)

The next result of the Spirit’s filling is constant gratitude to God (cf. Phil 4:6–7; Col 3:16–17).

All humans are to give thanks (Rom 1:21; 2 Thess 1:3; 2:13)

thanksgiving is an essential part of corporate worship (1 Cor 14:16–17);

it’s particularly seen in the Lord’s Supper (1 Cor 11:24).

Are you known for ongoing thanksgiving or for complaining, murmuring, and pouting?

Spirit-filled believers are thankful people, not complaining people. When we consider what God has done for us in the previous chapters of Ephesians, how could we not live with constant gratitude for His amazing grace?

3. Submitting (5:21)

The final effect of the Spirit’s fullness mentioned here involves submission. This particular result is important because the idea of submission recurs in the following sections (5:22–6:9, esp. 5:22–33).

Before speaking of it in marital, parental, and vocational relationships, Paul points out that we should submit to one another in the church.

This is so important because it’s easy for us to have sensational ideas about the Spirit’s work.

But here we see that the Spirit leads us into community, where practical acts of love are demonstrated (cf. Gal 6:1–5).

Galatians 6:1–5 (ESV)

Bear One Another’s Burdens

6 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. 5 For each will have to bear his own load.

The Spirit enables you to do what is not natural, namely, love and submit to people.

A further practical note worth mentioning is this: You can be sure that if a person is acting brashly, arrogantly, or in a self-assertive way, they are not walking in the Spirit.

The word submit means “to arrange under.”

It was used in the military to refer to the subordination of soldiers in an army to those of a superior rank

Good soldiers surrender control. They turn loose of their selfish agendas and live in submission and for the good of others. So it is with the Christian.

We’ve already seen in this text how it is that christian leaders humbly serve others by building up, helping to mature, unifying and equipping for works of service.

See the motive: Christians submit to one another “in the fear of Christ” or out of reverence for Christ.

This is an indirect statement of the deity of Jesus, the Lord.

We submit to others because Christ is the ultimate authority over our lives.

This does not mean believers live in terror of Christ. It means they stand in awe of Christ, who is the King and Judge.

Believers stand in awe not only of His holiness but also of His forgiveness (Ps 130:4).

We belong to Christ’s kingdom. He is the King. Out of reverence for Him, we gladly submit to His rule and serve others with compassion.

Paul, has been looking at ‘being spirit-filled’ in the context of relationships in general, but he’s about to get very specific… we’ll take a closer look at that next week as we examine Gospel-Centered Families; Marriage relationships, as well as those between children and parents.

CLOSE

God has a high view of relationships and the effects of the gospel on them. What He divinely created, he sovereignly gives order to.

Dwell on the love of Christ daily, as you seek to live out spirit-filled relationships.

What he requires of us, he richly provides through his Holy Spirit.

If you are here today and you’ve submitted yourself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, you have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. You are also commanded to ‘be filled,’ in a regular and ongoing pattern of life.

Open yourself through your eyes and ears to a mind renewed by the filling of the spirit and a heart that is a receptive vessel for the Lord.

Be filled through the Word, be filled through prayer, be filled in times of praise, worship, and adoration. Be filled in our times of prayer and ministry here at the Altar or in your community groups as we confess our great need for an empowering Spirit.

Be filled to the point of overflowing in good fruit in your relationships with others, so that God is glorified through your life.