Walking Wisely: The Holy Head of the Home

Introduction:

Two Christmas trees

There is a story of a man who sold Christmas trees. He noticed one couple on the hunt for a Christmas tree. As they wandered they lot, their raggedy clothes seem to indicate they did not have alot of money to spend.

After bypassing trees that were too expensive, they found a Scotch pine that was OK on one side but pretty bare on the other. Then they picked up another tree that was not much better—full on one side, scraggly on the other. She whispered something, and he asked if $3 would be OK. The owner figured both trees wouldn’t sell, so he agreed.

A few days later the owner was walking down the street and saw a beautiful tree in the couple’s apartment. It was thick and well rounded. He knocked on their door, and they told him how they had pushed the two trees together where the branches were thin. Then they tied the trunks together. The branches overlapped and formed a tree so thick you couldn’t see the wire.

“So that’s the secret,”the owner asserts. “You take two trees that aren’t perfect, that have flaws, that might even be homely, that maybe nobody else would want. If you put them together just right, you can come up with something really beautiful.”

There is so much to say about what the Bible teaches about marriage and my intention this evening is to do my best in addressing the role of husbands in the Christ-centered marriage.  

There is so much pollution regarding this the topic of biblical marriage  Abusive patriarchy, absentee leadership, defiance of the authority of God’s word, personal feelings, and differing cultural and historical norms are just a few factors that cloud the conversation.  Our goal today is not to survey all that should NOT have a say in our understanding of Biblical marriage.  Instead, we will stick to God’s word and let it solely speak to guide us.  

As with every sermon, I come to you not as a perfect example of that which the word teaches.  I am simply striving to be obedient to what it says and to repent in areas where I am not.  Men, this message is for me just as much as it is for you.  I say men because whether you are married or not, you must understand of how God created the world with marriage as the backbone of the family unit, with Christ as its center.  Boys and girls, I pray that one day you will strive for such a marriage as we will discuss these two weeks.  Ladies, let this be a way for you to encourage your husbands in their strengths and pray for them in their weaknesses.  

Review:

As we tackle this important topic, let remember the foundation of the Biblical marriage which is Christ.  He is the head of the home and the church and His love for the church displays the goal of all earthly marriages.  We learned last week that Jesus demonstrated a sacrificial love when he came into the world to bear the weight of God’s anger against sin.  He gave of himself freely for the good of his bride and at his return to the earth, all things will be united fully and completely under this authority for all eternity.  

Marriage begins as a gift to humanity between a man and a woman.

Genesis 2:22–25 “22 The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

Adam has given leadership as the head of the home in the first human marriage. As God brings the woman to the man, this gift to Him from the Father, it signifies the responsibility and leadership Adam was to have for Eve. But Adam failed in submitting to God’s authority over him and in leading his wife appropriately. Maybe we want to give Adam and excuse because He did not have proper pre-marital counseling class.

All of Genesis 2 is God walking with Adam and instructing him on this life that was created. We could say Adam had the best pre-marital class… the Lord himself.

Adam became the insufficient husband. Adam failed in the leadership of his bride by not protecting her from evil, not providing the wisdom needed in a moment of temptation, and not taking responsibility of the failure in his home. 

Church, today we want to learn from all the failed marriages in humanity and Christ’s victories so that we may see how the Lord blesses the biblical marriage. We begin today looking at how the husband walks wisely as a holy husband.

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Also, in 1 Corinthians 11

1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)

3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

 We need to start with the question?  What is Headship? (Is it authority or is it source?)

There is a debate about the use of the greek word that is translated “head.”  Some more liberal opinions want to interpret the word “head” as source.”  For example, you could say that the source of the Mississippi River is located in Lake Itasca in Minnesota.  That is the head of the river.  Those holding this position interpret this word to conclude that Paul is teaching equality in marriage and denying the authority of the man over the women.  They would say that Adam was Eve’s source for life, since she came from man’s rib and he is her source.  They would continue that Jesus is the source of the church, his bride because He created her and she is born of him.  

While these scriptural gymnastics may seem nice on the surface, a closer look into the context of Ephesians shows that cannot be what Paul meant.  Note the following uses of Kephale in the Greek, which is translated head.  

Look w me

Ephesians 1:20–22 (ESV)

20 that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 22 And he put all things under his feet and gave him as HEAD over all things to the church, (all things in heaven and earth under the authority of Christ not as the source)

Ephesians 4:15 (ESV)

15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the HEAD, into Christ, (The church is under his authority) 

The proper interpretation of “head” as Paul writes of it in Ephesians is that Christ is in authority over his church and the earthly husband is in authority over his wife and family.  But we still need to allow the Bible to define what characterizes that authority that is given to such husbands. 

Let us look at charactgeristics of holy headship

1. Submit yourself to Christ

There is a foundational truth that we must begin with in talking about Christ-centered husbands and that is their Christ-centeredness.  Look back at Ephesians 5:15–18 (ESV)

15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)

3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

The premise behind the household codes in Ephesians is that the believers in Ephesus would first be filled with the Spirit.  This simply means that Christ has saved them from their sins and empowered them with his Spirit, who guides them toward living as Christ commanded.  Husbands, you are not called by God to muster up the strength to be good husbands. It is the Spirit of God through his word that equips you to lead your wives in ways that honor Christ.  Therefore a Christ-centered husband is Spirit filled because He submits himself to the head of the church, who is Christ. Earthly husbands are part of the heavenly bride and therefore they submit to the heavenly husband to who is the Lord Jesus.  

I was told many years ago as a pastor that you can only give your church the overflow of your own worship of the Lord and study of His word. If you are a dried up well and an empty pantry, you have nothing to give them for their spiritual hunger and thirst. Similarly, the family head can only point his family to Christ if he is first learning and growing in Christ.

Men, if you want to he holy heads of the home, are you learning and growing in Christ? How is your daily study of God’s word? How is your time of prayer for your family and others? Men, look in the mirror as ask yourself if there needs to be change in your life? Maybe you need to surrender your heart and life to Christ alone for your sins so the Savior will forgive you, the Spirit will fill you and you lead your home towards Christ-likeness.

2. Lead your Family to live for Christ

A. Lead Them with Servant Leadership v 23, 25

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Scripture tells us that the husband is to lead his wife well because she is an heir of the grace of life just as he is.  It is important that we go back to the creation account to see God’s design  and how he made man and woman in his own image, giving them distinctiveness in their gender and in their roles as husband and wife

Genesis 2:20-25(ESV)

20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

The woman as helper should NOT be considered a derogatory term for it speaks of companionship of husband and wife, while giving a creation ordained headship to Adam over his home.  In that headship, there is the acknowledgement of distinct roles that husbands accomplishes for God’s glory and distinct roles that wives accomplish for God’s glory.  

God created Adam first and therefore him being the first of creation instilled a headship over the wife and yet under God.  That authority should be seen in terms of loving sacrifice, and leadership for the good of the woman and the family.  But we see the narrative of the first man and woman play out, and Adam does not come through with good leadership in the home.  Where is he when Eve is being tempted?  He is not protecting her.  He is not guiding her to turn from temptation.  He is nowhere to be seen and his absence is considered failed leadership in the home.  Jesus came to give a clearer picture of how husbands should love their wives which he displayed in his sacrificial death and resurrection.  

When Paul calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, he is establishing loving leadership over the home that does not seek its own self-interest, but the good of those under his care.  That authoritative leadership  is in place to establish the husband as the responsible party that is obligated to answer to God for how those in the home seek to honor him.  Men, give up much so you can give your wife and kids more. Serve them above yourself and you will honor Christ.

This does not mean that women are not good leaders in the home.  Wives and mothers tirelessly serve their families, earn extra income, accomplish great education accolades, serve the community and world for Christ’s name.  But all that a wife seeks to accomplish must be accompanied by a hearty respect and submission to the role that God has placed on her husband as head of the home.  

John Piper writes gives some practical wisdom, 

A Christian man is obligated to lead his family to the best of his ability. . . . If his family has purchased too many items on credit, then the financial crunch is ultimately his fault. If the family never reads the Bible or seldom goes to church on Sunday, God holds the man to blame. If the children are disrespectful and disobedient, the primary responsibility lies with the father . . . not his wife. . . . In my view, America’s greatest need is for husbands to begin guiding their families, rather than pouring every physical and emotional resource into the mere acquisition of money.

Ephesians 5:23–24 “23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

The danger here is for men to think that all the material success and spiritual accomplishment falls on your shoulders. Men, you cannot bear the weight of such a burden. You are called to lead your wife and children to Christ, to depend on him, to find rest and peace in him and His word. You are not her Savior . You must bear the responsibility of leading them to the source of living water, but being the source of living water. There is a difference that you must understand. Christ will save and sanctify them and you must lead them daily to Him.

This does not make things less challenging because you want to be the hero. You want to stand back like Nebuchadnezzar and glory in the kingdom that you have provided yourself. The temptation here is leading them to Jesus on the throne of your life and family and not wanting to be their Savior over all.

This goes with our children as well, always pointing them to Christ. above all. Again, we can be heroes to our kids by helping them solve their problems in daily life. But while we can fix a flat tire, give them advise about finances or boys, we cannot save their soul. They need Jesus and therefore the head of the home must be equipped for every good work be immersing himself in what the word of God teaches so that all paths point to Jesus.

B. Provide For Them With Self-Sacrifice v. 26-30

Family headship includes provisional care 

Ephesians 5:28–29 (ESV)

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

John Stott provides helpful commentary:

The Message of Ephesians 3. The Duty of Husbands (Verses 25–33)

For in his instruction to husbands to love their wives he seems to descend from the lofty standard of Christ’s love to the rather low standard of self-love. …. The probable explanation for Paul’s descent to the more mundane level of self-love is that he is always a realist. We cannot fully grasp the greatness of Christ’s love; it ‘surpasses knowledge’, as he wrote earlier.2 Nor do husbands find it easy to apply this standard to the realities of family life. But we all know from everyday experience how we love ourselves

Paul states that our provisional care for our wives stems from the natural understanding that we care for ourselves. Since we know how to do that, we can know how to care for our wives in the same way, since we are not one flesh with them. Jesus gave the golden rule with a similar truth…treat others the way you want to be treated. Let’s consider this in a few categories of care:

1. Physically

Oftentimes, when we think about a husband providing for his wife, we think of physical provision.  The husband is called the bread winner.  Because of the curse of sin, work to earn a living is more difficult that it should have been, but Adam’s role in gardener of the world was always to “ work it and keep it.” 

Therefore, the central and main component of the family earnings should come from the husband. My wife works outside the home that I think it is best for sacrifices to be made so that she doesn’t earn the bulk of the family earnings. This allows her to shift her focus on the care of the family. Men, if you have to work two jobs in order to provide basic needs, then do so. But also consider the social pressures to have a nice vehicle, own a certain size house, or have certain expensive clothes should never drive the ship. These pressures exasperate a man who never seems to earn enough at work when clearly a denial of earthly pleasures might be the key.

2. Spiritually 

To consider only physical provision is to miss what Christ models for the husband.  Christ came to seek the good of all spiritually and so husbands should chiefly be concerned with spiritual growth of the wife. Above all a husband should seek to nurture and care for his wife in such a way that she is growing in her spiritual life in Christ.  Leading her in her understanding of the word, in prayer, in serving the community and the church.  She can have the nicest earthly things, and the most compassionate husbands, but if she is not lead to the cross to consider Jesus, she is malnourished and poor.  

There is a implication in v 27 of how Christ sanctifies and purifies the church so that he might present her to himself with purity.  While the husband is not the Savior of the wife, he does bear the responsibility of redirecting her to the Savior daily.  In words and works, the husband must be apt to lead his wife to the cross and to help her cling to it Christ daily for her needs.  

There is a danger for men to think that all the material success and spiritual accomplishment falls on your shoulders. Men, you cannot bear the weight of such a burden. You are called to lead your wife and children to Christ, to depend on him, to find rest and peace in him and His word. You are not her Savior . You must bear the responsibility of leading them to the source of living water, but being the source of living water. There is a difference that you must understand. Christ will save and sanctify them and you must lead them daily to Him.

This does not make things less challenging because you want to be the hero. You want to stand back like Nebuchadnezzar and glory in the kingdom that you have provided yourself. The temptation here is leading them to Jesus on the throne of your life and family and not wanting to be their Savior over all.

This goes with our children as well, always pointing them to Christ. above all. Again, we can be heroes to our kids by helping them solve their problems in daily life. But while we can fix a flat tire, give them advise about finances or boys, we cannot save their soul. They need Jesus and therefore the head of the home must be equipped for every good work be immersing himself in what the word of God teaches so that all paths point to Jesus. He should guide them to the gospel, exposing the sin in his children’s lives and revealing that great grace that Jesus offers all who believe in him. 

Men, God has called us to lead our wives and families to Jesus.  How are you doing this?  Are you consistent in prayers, spiritual conversations with your spouse and kids about Jesus?  Are you getting in the word with them, teaching them about the Jesus that you trust in? Make disciplining your wife and kids a priority of your life for the glory of God.  

3. Emotionally

The word “cherish” in Eph 5:29 means to warm something up or care for something.  This is used in relationship to the emotions of a woman for when a wife feels loved and cared for she is warmed with confidence as she flees her insecurities.  This is one of the hardest for some men because we are not overly emotional beings.  When we seek the good of our wives, we use get our PHD in ways to comfort and minister to her emotionally.  There is no manual for this because woman is different, but there are some basic principles.  

- HONOR your wives as fellow heirs with Christ 

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life

This phrase “heirs with you of the grace of life” harkens back to the position that all believers have in relationship to God.  Before God, we are all equal in value and purpose, we are all his sheep and he is our shepherd.  We are made in the image of God and his love is boundless in relationship to his people.  This means that in a marriage where the wife is treated with prejudice or with less importance, Christ and his purpose of marriage is dishonored.  This type evil relationship between husbands and wives was exactly the type of abuse that Paul is combating with his words to the Ephesians.  Paul knew the predominant view of wives as the baby producers of the day.  There was rarely true love between husband and wife in the Jewish or Roman society of Paul’s day.  Instead, the wife had the babies and was considered equal or barely a step up in value with the slaves.  

Paul’s words were radical to fight against such hate and instead they brought dignity to a woman, and not the shame and devaluation that some want to unfairly place on verses like these.  Solomon wrote of the woman in Prov 31 that a godly husband looks to his wife, giving her honor by saying:

Proverbs 31:28–29 “28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 29 “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.””

Men, there is a lot of practical wisdom here as you honor your wife above all women.  Be awkward around other women for the love of your wife.  

Elliot Driver Senior Recognition