A Closer Look at Pornography

Counseling Session Part 1

Introduction

I am writing this for your personal use. We are going to dig down and get to the root of this problem. To understand how destructive this is, we need to really take a close look at this problem.

Let us start with the basic question.

What is pornography?

Pornography is a visual representation of sexuality which distorts an individual’s concept of the nature of conjugal relations as ordained by God.

What does pornography do?

This problem alters both sexual attitudes and behaviors.

1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.”

It is a major threat to marriage, children, individual happiness, and family.

In undermining the marriage, it is one of the factors undermining social stability.

Sexual intercourse is a powerful agent for good if the act is used as God intended.

Genesis 1:22 “And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.”

But if you use the act against God’s intentions, it is a powerful agent for evil.

1 Corinthians 7:2–3 “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”

The result of this is simple.

Any sexual behavior outside the marriage or unhealthy sexual behavior within the marriage is very damaging.

Why?

It is because we are abusing sexuality for the gratification of personal lusts and desires, rather than to accomplish the divine purpose for which it was given.

In doing so, we abuse our souls and that of the other individuals.

We initiate a natural drive within us that is designed to bond us together as one with our spouse and often leave in it no true object to bind us.

We miss the opportunity for what is described as a profound spiritual connection between ourselves and our spouse.

We damage our spiritual connection with God in exchange for the temporary gratification of our lusts and desires.

What makes pornography a stark example of this act?

The reason is simple, it is impossible to even approach the realization of this divine purpose.

Here is a break.

I want you to take some time to reflect on what you read/heard.

On a sheet of paper, I want you to tell yourself, what you got out of our introduction.

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Let us look at God’s idea for sex within the marriage.

Marriage was the last institution God brought into being with the creation of Eve for Adam.

Genesis 2:18–25 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked,…”

When God at the end of the sixth day of creation, saw everything that He had made, and declared “it was very good”, it was an inclusive statement; it included marriage.

Genesis 1:31 “And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.”

God as the Sovereign Creator has the prerogative to set the parameters for the use and management of everything He made and created.

Psalm 115:3 “But our God is in the heavens: He hath done whatsoever he hath pleased.”

Psalm 89:11 “The heavens are thine, the earth also is thine: As for the world and the fulness thereof, thou hast founded them.”

God, therefore, gave Adam and Eve the gift of sex, an act during which the husband and wife unreservedly surrender themselves totally. This would mean a surrender of body, mind, and spirit to each other.

It is a special fellowship act during which each partner is drawn out and merged into the other, for ” the two will become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

In marriage denying one partner sex for no good cause violates the commandments of God which forbids the denial of sex to one’s partner.

Also just giving in to sex without participating is equally wrong.

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

The act of sex is the giving of our whole self to our spouse .

Both must therefore actively participate in the act, or it would be interpreted as denying your spouse of yourself.

Coming to this understanding, we can now say this.

Additionally, any form of sexual expression outside of the marriage such as masturbation, sexual fantasies, and pornography of any form are all considered as wrong and a defilement of the marriage bed.

1 Corinthians 7:2 “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Matthew 5:28 “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

The act of sexual intercourse brings humanity into existence and sets in motion the next generations of society.

Genesis 1:28 “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

Let us take a break to reflect on Christian marriage.

Get a sheet of paper out and write down what you got out of what you read / heard today.

What do you believe you learned so far?

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Consequences of Pornography

I plan on doing a session just on this topic in an another session. However, I want to cover some bases with this introduction.

As I go through these possible consequences, I want you to think about this Scripture.

Working with me, you will usually and ultimately be reading Romans at some point.

Think of this Scripture

Romans 1:18–24 “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:”

Pornography consumption has a lot of health consequences which in turn affect Christian marriages.

There are numerous consequences to pornography use.

This includes an increased risk of significant physical health problems.

An increased risk of significant mental health issues,

Including a greater likelihood of committing a sex based crime.

Let us take a quick look at some of these possible issues.

(1) Sexually transmitted diseases and out of wedlock pregnancies.

It doesn’t have to be said that this promotes and encourages sexually permissive attitudes and behaviors.

Users of pornography have a significantly higher likelihood of contracting a sexually transmitted disease and/or having an out of wedlock pregnancy.

The frequent depiction of intercourse out of its proper context in pornography is an invitation for the promiscuous to contract a sexually transmitted disease, to have a child out of wedlock, and to also have multiple sex partners.

Pornography promotes sexual compulsiveness, which doubles the likelihood of being infected with a sexually transmitted disease.

(2) Sexual Addiction

Pornography is highly addictive and can lead to sexually compulsive behaviors that decrease a person’s capacity to perform other major tasks in life.

Addictive pornography use will lead to lower self esteem and a weakened ability to carry out a meaningful social and work life.

Most pornography addicts believe and know they dislike the out of control feeling their pornography has created.

All sexual addicts feel distressed and experience impairment.

Most sexual addicts believe their behavior has significant negative results in their social lives and some have experienced negative effects of their job.

Sexual addicts are 23 times more likely than those who do not have a problem with this addiction to state that discovering online sexual material was one of the worst things to ever happen in their life.

(3) Aggression and abuse

Intense use of pornography is strongly related to sexual aggression.

Among frequent users of pornography, there is a marked increase in sexual insensitivity and cruel disregard for others.

A significant portion of pornography is violent in content.

There is violence in over half of every pornographic pictures and videos.

Over half of the violent internet scenes display role play of non-consensual sex.

So it is understood that people who consume violent pornography are more likely to commit acts of sexual aggression.

Dangerously, pornography strongly affects psychotic men who are more likely to act out their impulses.

Even though you may be saying, I will not watch any violent pornography, let me explain a cold hard fact.

Consumption of non violent pornography also increases men’s self-acknowledged willingness to force compliance with their sexual desires on reluctant partners.

It is a fact proven in research, that the consumption of pornography will lead to a significant increase in rape myth acceptance, which involves a reduction of sympathy of rape victims, a trivialization of rape as a criminal offense, a diminished concern about sexual child abuse, short of the rape of children,and an increased preparedness to resort to rape.

(4) Sex offenders and pornography

Pornography viewing and sexual offense is closely linked.

I will get into this on a later date, but it is easily proven that when you study sex offenders , you see a significant use in hard core pornography among child rapists, child molesters, and rapists who experienced depictions of non- consensual acts viewing pornography back during their adolescence.

Let us take a break to reflect

What have you learned by reading/hearing this information?

take a sheet of paper and write down your thoughts on what you got out of this.

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(5)Effects of pornography on a Christian marriage.

This is where we will focus one of our sessions exclusively on this consequence . Today I will just barely tap the base sort of speak. However I want to just include this currently.

Although internet pornography is commonly consumed by one household member in a solitary, secret fashion, the impact of sexually explicit material is being felt by the entire family unit.

It is also being felt by the whole community and at your job.

The marital relationship is the point of impact where you see the foundational damage to the family and to the social unit.

You see the destabilization of the sexual union of the spouse.

This eventually will lead to sexual pursuits outside of the marriage.

Here is a way to examine these results

1.) Pornography turns Christian marriages upside down and makes them turn away from God.

Hosea 5:4 “They will not frame their doings to turn unto their God: For the spirit of whoredoms is in the midst of them, And they have not known the Lord.”

2.) No matter how much they involve in the act, sexual satisfaction will not be attained

Ezekiel 16:28 “Thou hast played the whore also with the Assyrians, because thou wast unsatiable; yea, thou hast played the harlot with them, and yet couldest not be satisfied.”

3.) People who involved in pornography are always acting out evil, so a Christian couple in an attempt to imitate the same act will cause both physical and spiritual damage.

1 Thessalonians 4:3–6 “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.”

4.) Pornography can lead to the break up in the marriage

Matthew 19:9 “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”

Matthew 5:28 “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

5.) Those who willfully continue to indulge in it will be judged.

Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Hebrews 10:26 “For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,”

Let us take a quick break here

What are you feeling on this topic currently?

Take a sheet of paper and write down every negative consequence that you have experienced with this addiction.

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(6) Decreased sexual satisfaction

Exposure to pornography will result to a negative impact on the self assessment of the sexual experience.

In essence, you become desensitized to the biblical act of what God designed sex to be.

This is the essence of the start and continuation of the addiction you are experiencing.

How does this work.

Pornography, like any other addictive substances or behaviors, triggers the release of dopamine in the brain’s reward system. This creates a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction.

Over time, with repeated and frequent exposure, the brain’s reward system can be desensitized, requiring more intense or frequent stimuli to achieve the same level of dopamine release and pleasure.

This will lead to a diminished response to natural, real life sexual experiences, making them feel less rewarding or exciting compared to the intense stimulation of pornographic material.

Creating unrealistic expectations and sensations

Pornography often portrays unrealistic scenarios, body types, and sexual encounters, which can lead to distorted expectations about real life intimacy and sexual experiences.

The exaggerated nature of pornography makes it difficult to find your real life sexual encounters with your spouse as exciting or stimulating, which leads to feelings of dissatisfaction or inadequacy with both partners.

Loss of interest and relationship strain

The desensitization caused by excessive porn use can result in a diminished interest in sex with your spouse. It becomes very possible that you will prefer porn over real life intimacy.

This will lead to decreased emotional and physical intimacy which will cause a strain and conflict in your marriage.

Feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation will arise , this will further impact your mental health and well being.

(7) Form of Infidelity

This is another area where we will be spending a lot of time in one session dedicated to this consequence. We will be addressing this very throughly so I will just touch bases on this.

What is infidelity?

Infidelity is simply put a violation of the martial agreement.

A betrayal of one’s trust

Infidelity is a threat to your marriage.

Men who have a porn addiction do not have the comprehension what the effect this addiction is having on their wives and their marriage.

Women who are married and have husbands who are using pornography experience feelings of betrayal, loss, mistrust, devastation,and anger as responses to this.

Most woman feel the online pornography affairs are just as emotionally painful to them as it would be if he was having a real life affair with a different woman.

Even though the men were not in contact with other woman, they viewed this porn addiction to be just as much adultery or cheating as live affairs.

(8) Decreased Job security

This one is pretty simple to touch on. Job security is also jeopardized when your porn addiction activity is occuring at the workplace or excessive computer usage elsewhere is affecting daytime production.

Let us take another break.

After listening to this, what did you get out of what you heard or read so far?

Take a sheet of paper and write down your thoughts on what we just went over.

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(9) Marital Dissatisfaction

We will spend time on this topic as well so I will just touch bases on this

Pornography use undermines and distresses wives.

Husbands have felt they love their wives less after long periods of looking at and desiring women depicted in pornography.

In many instances, wives develop deep psychological wounds , feeling betrayal, loss, mistrust, devastation, and anger in response to the husband’s porn addiction.

Wives begin to feel unattractive or sexually inadequate, and may become seriously and severely depressed.

Viewers of pornography assign increased importance to sexual relations without emotional involvement.

Consequently, wives experience decreased intimacy from their husbands.

Prolonged exposure to pornography also will foster dissatisfaction with and even a distaste for a spouse’s affection.

The result is the pornography user sees the marriage as sexually confining, having a diminished belief in the importance of martial faithfulness, and having increasing doubts about the value of marriage.

So man destroys the institution created for him by God.

(10) Increased Infidelity

This is self explaining. The result from prolonged exposure will eventually lead every addicted person into an extremely increased risk of having a real life affair.

(11) Separation and Divorce

It should not be surprising to discover that an addiction to pornography is a leading contributor to separation and divorce.

What did this information on this introduction show us today?

Married men who are involved in pornography become less satisfied in their marital relations and become less emotionally attached to their wives. Women notice and are upset by the difference.

Pornography is a pathway to infidelity and divorce.

Pornography is a major factor in family disasters.

You will most likely experience a loss of interest in sexual intercourse.

Pornography leads to the loss of interest in good family relations.

Pornography is addictive and undermines social stability.

Pornography is an evil that encourages impersonal desire, abnormal sexual behavior, and recreational sex.

Pornography will worsen the relationship between husbands and wives and it undermines the Christian marriage.

Solution

Our main defenses against a pornography addiction is prayer, a closer relationship with God, a close family life, a good marriage, and self discipline.

Now this is your time, take this introduction and on a sheet of paper, tell me what you got out of this.

Tell me if you like or dislike the direction of counseling