Applying The Principles With Examples

Three-Step Conflict Resolution Model:

            Step #1 – Please God

            Step #2 – Repent

            Step #3 – Love

                        A. Attitudes of Grace

                        B. Forgive

                        C. Confront

                        D. Serve

1. Make Your Motivation To Please God

1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Imagine being the oldest of four siblings.

Your youngest brother has always had a disability that never allowed him to move out of his parents’ farmhouse with lots of land.

Because of this, after your father passed away and your mother got sick, your youngest brother provided the majority of the day to day care for her given he still lived with her.

When your mother finally passed, the will stated that there was a trust set up for your youngest brother, but the farmhouse and land was to be split between you and your two others siblings.

The only problem is, your youngest brother cannot imagine leaving the only house he has ever known and digs his heels in against letting the others sell it.

Now, of course, you are simply seeking to honor your parents’ wishes, and you have two kids in college, so you could really use the money.

What do you want most in this situation?

How does laying this situation before the Lord and committing to please Him no matter what change your perspective?

What are some godly things you could do in dealing with this conflict?

2. The Seven A’s Of Confession

Matthew 7:3–5 ESV

3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Imagine a married couple finds themselves in a season in life where they have to be tight financially. The husband loves golf and would love to get a new driver, because he believes his old one is holding his golf game back. The wife hasn’t gotten her hair professionally done in a long time, and she would feel so much better about how she looks if she could get it done. After they both talk about their desires, they decide together to wait and see how much money they can save in the next four months and then revisit their wishes. About a week and a half after their discussion, the wife overhears some of her husbands’ friends talking about what a great round her husband just played with the brand new driver he bought. The wife is obviously upset and confronts her husband that evening about his purchase, reminds him of the deal they had, and tells him he never makes good on the promises He makes to her.

As the husband, use the seven A’s of Confession in order to make a plan to talk to your wife.

1. Address Everyone Involved.

2. Avoid “if”, “but”, and “maybe statements.

3. Admit Specifically.

4. Acknowledge The Hurt.

5. Accept Consequences.

6. Alter Your Behavior and Explain How You Intend To Do So.

7. Ask For Forgiveness and Allow Time.

3. The Promises Of Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

John took the hand of his wife Sarah and looked into her eyes his face was somber his eyes remorseful. “What I said at the dinner table last night was totally uncalled for he said I am sorry that I said those things about you to the Cooks and the Cantwells. I felt awful afterward, and I knew immediately that I shouldn't have said it.”

Sarah brushed him off, “It's OK,” she said. “You are who you are John. I'm used to it.”

John said, “I made some comments about you that were very unkind. Comments about your driving, comments about your cooking. I guess I wanted attention. You know, being the funny man and all that. But those cracks were cold, they were untrue, and I shouldn't have said them. I saw immediately that they embarrassed you. I am terribly sorry. Will you please forgive me?”

 Sarah said, “Look it's no problem. I didn't even notice. I forgive you. Like i said no problem.”

A few days later, Sarah told John she had to run an errand to the store. As she headed out the door, she said, “Is that okay with you John, or are you afraid I will scare other people on the road too much?” She headed out not giving him time to answer.

Tuesday night, Sarah made dinner for the family.

As they sat down, Sarah said, “I hope everyone will be able to force down this awful meal I made.”

John replied, “I thought you had already forgiven me for that.”

Sarah said, “Lighten up John, I was only kidding.”

In what ways did Sarah fail to keep the promises of forgiveness?

· I will not dwell on this incident

· I will not bring up this incident and use it against you

· I will not talk to others about this incident

· I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship

4. Using The Issue-Position-Interests Model Of Decision Making

Philippians 2:4 ESV

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Matthew 7:12 ESV

12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

You are the middle school ministry leader. You have been discipling a younger man named Kevin who you want to invite to be a leader in the middle school ministry. Another long time middle school leader named James comes to you with concerns about bringing Kevin onto the team.

PAUSE

Prepare

Affirm Relationships

Understand Interests

Search For Creative Solutions

Evaluate Options Objectively and Reasonably