God's plan for sex within the marriage

Counseling Session Part 2

Hopefully you have started to develop your system to discover the answers you are seeking to conquer this problem involving pornography.

Before we begin, is there anything you would like to discuss and share with what you found.

I hope you decided to bring your notebook with you.

Just like we discussed, You should be creating goals with each section.

These goals are what you are wanting to accomplish, and you are starting to develop a plan of action to get there.

Also just like we discussed, you are creating your defenses.

These are the things in your life you are trying to protect.

So your notebook should have what stood out to you as a problem you are struggling with and your plan of attack to conquer that problem.

Your notebook should also contain what you value in your life and what you want to protect, these defenses are present in your notebook so you have determined a plan of attack to keep them protected.

The important part of this is that you are doing the work and discovering the path through your relationship with the Holy Spirit giving you the direction and guidance you are requiring now.

These Scriptures should be on your mind throughout this process.

Romans 8:14 “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.”

This verse directly links being led by the Spirit with being a child of God. It emphasizes the Spirit’s active role in guiding and directing believers towards a life pleasing to God.

Galatians 5:18 “But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.”

This verse further clarifies the relationship being being led by the Spirit and being free from the law. It suggests that we are guided by the Spirit, we are not under the obligation of the law, but rather, we are empowered by the Spirit to live a life that reflects God’s character.

John 14:26 “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”

The passage describes the Holy Spirit as the Comforter, Advocate, and Teacher who will guide believers into the truth and remind them of Jesus’ teaching. This is highlighting the Spirit’s role in providing wisdom, understanding, and direction.

1 Corinthians 2:9–10 “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.”

This passage reveals to us the things He has prepared for those who love Him through the Spirit. This emphasizes the importance of developing an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit to experience God’s revelations and blessings.

1 John 3:22–23 “And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight. And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.”

This verse emphasizes the importance of obedience and seeking God’s will in prayer and daily life.

1 John 5:14–15 “And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.”

This passage highlights the assurance of receiving what we ask from God if we ask according to His will. It underscores the importance of aligning our desires and requests with God’s plan.

Ephesians 1:13–14 “In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.”

This passage describes believers being “sealed” with the Holy Spirit , who is the pledge of their inheritance. This emphasizes the Holy Spirit’s role in confirming their salvation and giving assurance of their future inheritance.

Ephesians 4:30 “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.”

This verse warns against grieving the Holy Spirit. It is emphasizing the importance of respecting and honoring the Spirit’s presence in our lives.

These verses collectively demonstrate that a deep and personal relationship with the Holy Spirit is essential for spiritual growth, guidance, and a life that pleases God.

This should encourage you to trust in the Spirit’s leading, to seek His guidance in prayer, and walk in obedience to His will.

Let stop here and give you a chance to reflect on this.

In your notebook, discuss what this section means to you.

Come up with your goals and your defenses.

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What does our world say today about sex?

Would you not agree that our culture glorifies sex outside of marriage?

Should we consider it the human experience?

Should we consider it just a natural act?

Why do you feel this way?

If you were asked to describe sex in the context that God had designed for you, what would you say?

Let us take a closer look at this subject

Scriptures portray God’s plan for sex within the context of marriage, emphasizing intimacy, procreation, and the “one flesh” union between a husband and a wife.

This highlights the sexual relationship as a gift from God within the covenant of marriage, meant to be enjoyed and a source of pleasure and joy for both partners.

What does the word covenant mean to you?

How does this word apply to you and your wife?

Let us look at some key verses

Genesis 1:28 “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

This verse establishes God’s original intention for humanity to procreate and populate the earth, which is often interpreted as including sexual intimacy within the marriage.

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

This verse describes the joining of a man and woman in marriage as becoming “one flesh” , this is understood as a physical and sexual union.

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

These verses emphasize the need of mutual responsibility and consent within the marriage for sexual intimacy, while acknowledging the need for abstinence for purposes like prayer and focusing on spiritual matters.

So what are our themes here...

God’s good design

The Bible portrays sex within the marriage as a good gift from God, designed to bring joy, intimacy, and unity between a husband and wife.

Procreation

While procreation is a significant aspect of God’s plan for sex, it is not the sole purpose. The Bible also emphasizes the emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy that sex within marriage can provide.

Mutual responsibility

Husbands and wives are called to fulfill their martial duties to one another sexually, including a focus on their partner’s needs and desires.

Avoidance of sexual immorality

The Bible strongly condemns sexual immorality, including premarital sex, adultery, and other sexual acts outside of marriage.

In short, the Bible emphasizes that God’s plan for sex is a good and beautiful one, intended to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage, with a focus on mutual responsibility, pleasure, and intimacy.

Let us stop here to reflect

What did you get out of this section? What does the use of pornography do to God’s plan for sex?

What are you wanting to protect here?

Write down in your notebook to get your goals and defenses.

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Let us take a look at the Four Principles of God -Honoring Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy in marriage is for God’s glory.

Sexual intimacy in marriage unites couples.

Sexual intimacy in marriage is to be regular.

Sexual intimacy in marriage is to be other oriented.

If I was to ask you, what do you think God’s purpose is for sexual intimacy?

What would be your thoughts?

You may have said, pleasure, procreation, and love: and those are all true.

But here is a thought.

What is the larger vision that guides and orients sexual intimacy in marriage?

What lifts married sex out of the cultural cesspool where sex so often resides?

How does pornography destroy sexual intimacy?

We will examine each of these four principles.

You have God-honoring sexual intimacy when it is understood to be a sac red, good gift within the marriage, enjoyed for procreation, mutual pleasure, emotional connection and spiritual unity.

It is about celebrating each other’s love , honoring needs, and keeping the marriage bed pure, reflecting God’s love and commitment. Glorifying God through sexual intimacy involves relying on His strength, honoring one’s spouse, and viewing it as a reflection of God’s love and commitment, not a chore.

Here is a detailed look of how to ensure God-Honoring sexual intimacy.

Within the marriage

Sexual intimacy is affirmed as a gift to be enjoyed within the marriage, bringing couples closer together.

Procreation and mutual pleasure

It is a way to fulfill procreation, and experience mutual joy, affection, and delight.

Emotional and spiritual connection

Sex strengthens emotional and spiritual bonds, mirroring God’s own desires for a close, loving, relationship with His people.

Mutual respect and consideration

It is about prioritizing each other’s needs and desires, reflecting a love and care that mirrors God’s own love for us.

Avoiding Exploitation

Sexual intimacy should not be used as a tool for manipulation or coercion, but rather as a source of joy and connection.

Glorifying God

Engaging in sex within the marriage with love, respect, and a heart that desires to honor God, can be a way to glorify Him and reflect His character.

Let us take a break before we dive into the four principles of God Honoring Sexual intimacy.

Look at what you have read in this section, and write down what sticks out to you in this section.

What do you think pornography does to God honoring sexual intimacy?

What do you want to protect from this section?

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Sexual intimacy in marriage is for God’s glory

If humanity’s most important reason was to bring God glory in everything, then it should not surprise us that this applies to sex too.

God created Adam and Eve in His image, placed them in the garden, and told them to be fruitful and multiply, bringing Him glory in everything.

God not only made Adam and Eve in His image, He also created them as gendered, sexual beings.

People exist as men and as women, bringing their gendered selves into every situation they encounter.

This means your sexuality was not a mistake. There is goodness to how God created and designed man and woman.

What does this mean?

Adam and Eve were specially created to bring God the glory He deserved in every activity, in every conversation, with no division between the soul and the body, and all for God’s glory.

The apostle Paul brings this concept home in his letter to the Corinthians.

1 Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”

Paul instructs them that even the most mundane of activities, eating and drinking, should be done in God’s glory.

If God has a plan for our eating and drinking to be done for His glory, should it surprise us that He provided a way for sexual intimacy to be good and glorifying as well?

Earlier we see Paul going to great lengths to teach them about glorifying God with their bodies.

1 Corinthians 6:13 “Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.”

1 Corinthians 6:19–20 “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

Let us take a break here for you to reflect what what you just read.

Take your notebook and answer these questions.

How does pornography attack this principle for you?

How do you believe you can address this?

What are you trying to protect involving this principle?

How do you plan on protecting it?

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Sexual intimacy in marriage unites couples together

Sexual intimacy in marriage is not only designed to bring God glory but also unites husband and wife in a one-flesh relationship.

Look at these verses

Genesis 2:22–25 “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

This intimacy between man and woman was always designed to happen within a particular context. It wasn’t supposed to happen between just anyone, but a man and a woman committed together in a covenantal marriage given by God.

Sex is perhaps the most powerful God created way for you to give your entire self to your spouse.

Sex is God’s appointed way for two people in a marriage to say “I belong completely , permanently , and exclusively to you.

Sex is your covenant renewal service.

As a husband and wife are joined together in marriage , something unique happens in their marriage.

The two become one flesh. This union is more than just sexual intimacy.

The final phrase of Genesis 2 records for us that Adam and Eve could stand before each other completely naked and not be ashamed.

We can do that, but why do we view sexual intimacy with shame?

Of all the topics to be discussed in a marriage, sexual intimacy is most often the one that gets shrouded in shame, secrecy, and guilt.

Sex is spoken in hushed tones and with blushing complexions.

The goodness of sex is quickly obscured by the brokenness of the world and our sin nature.

Let us take a break and reflect on what you just read.

Take your notebook and answer these questions.

What points here stuck out to you?

How does pornography destroy this principle?

What is your game plan to create goals to stop this destruction?

What about this section can you relate to?

What would you want to defend?

What goals do you have to defend what you value?

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Sexual intimacy in marriage is to be regular.

Sexual intimacy is for God’s glory and serves as a reminder of a couple’s one-flesh relationship.

Thus it just makes sense that sexual intimacy should be a regular part of married life.

Let us look at these verses for this Biblical teaching on this topic.

1 Corinthians 7:2–5 “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

To help with this explanation, I want to define a word.

This word is asceticism. This is a noun that means severe self discipline and avoidance of all forms of indulgence, usually for religious reasons.

When Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthians, he was combatting erroneous teaching that undermined the role of intimacy in the marriage.

This was a kind of asceticism that was in the ideological air in Paul’s day.

Paul was replying to something that the Corinthians had written to him earlier and is now seeking to correct it.

They had wrote to Paul that it was good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.

As you can see, there is no hint of asceticism in Paul’s teachings to married couples.

They are to fulfill their martial duty through engaging in sexual activity together.

This sexual activity is to be consistent unless both parties agree to a time of abstinence for prayer.

Paul is not explicit with a specific amount of time or frequency, but it is clear that couples should not enter lightly into a time of marital abstinence.

Devoting oneself to prayer and by mutual agreement is the framework he sets up in order to help protect couples from temptation.

Let us take a break to reflect here on what you just read.

Take out your notebook and answer these questions.

How does pornography destroy this principle?

What are your plan goals to stop this attack on this principle?

What did you get out of this topic?

What are you wanting to defend / protect on this principle?

What are your goals to protect what you value on this principle?

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Sexual intimacy in marriage is to be other-oriented.

Let us examine these verses again.

1 Corinthians 7:3–4 “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”

Paul goes on in these verses to describe sexual intimacy within the marriage in terms which would have probably been surprising and somewhat alarming to his readers.

Neither the husband nor the wife possess authority over their own bodies.

For Paul’s female readers , this would have been downright revolutionary.

During Paul’s time, women were considered to be the legal property of their husbands.

Paul was teaching that each partner, male and female, had the right to mutual sexual relations. Nothing like this had ever been said before.

This completely reoriented the one sided thinking of sex for the husband and wife in the first century.

Both the husband and wife are to give to one another, they are to willingly yield their bodies to one another.

Biblical sexual ethics fly in the face of not only the first century Corinthian culture but also the twenty first century culture as well.

The Bible clearly tells sex is not solely about you and your needs.

Sex is meant to be about bringing pleasure and love to your spouse...

No longer is the focus on you and your needs, but on your spouse and their needs and desires.

When this sort of exchange is present, the opportunities for mutual pleasure , enjoyment, and joy are endless.

When sex becomes less about you satisfying your needs and moves to how you can serve your spouse, sexual intimacy is completely transformed from a mere physical act to what God’s plan for sex within the marriage was supposed to be.

Let us take the time to reflect on this last section.

Get your notebook out and answer these questions.

How does pornography destroy this principle?

What is your goal to stop this from happening?

What did you get from this section?

What did you value about this principle?

How do you plan on defending what you value from this section?

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Now that we have gone over this section about God’s plan for sex within the marriage, let take some time to reflect on the whole topic.

How does pornography destroy God’s plan for sex within the marriage?

What have you come up with to conquer this problem concerning these goals?

What did you get out of this topic?

List what you value about this topic.

How do you plan on defending what you value so you don’t lose what you care about?

Make sure you take the time each day during the week and go over this section by section, constantly writing in your notebook.

On Friday evening, go over what you wrote down and write down the goals and the defenses you want to do.

Make sure you bring your notebook on Saturday so we can discuss what you came up with.

Do you like the direction we are going?