Healthy Family Relationships

Ephesians 4:21-26

Summary: In Ephesians 4:21-26, Paul calls believers to live in a manner reflecting the truth they have learned in Christ, urging them to put away falsehood and anger, and to embrace righteousness.

Application: This passage offers practical steps for Christians to address sin and foster genuine relationships with each other. By putting off old habits and putting on the new self, believers can experience transformation and restoration in their communities.

Teaching: The sermon teaches the importance of integrity and spiritual renewal in a believer's life. It emphasizes that true knowledge of Christ shapes our behavior and interactions with others, leading to a life marked by truth and justice.

How this passage could point to Christ: This passage points to Christ as the ultimate example of truth and righteousness. He embodies the new life believers are called to live, and through His sacrifice, they have the power to transform their lives.

Big Idea: Transforming our behavior is essential for living out our faith, requiring us to reject falsehood and anger, embracing the truth we learn from Christ to foster community.

Welcome to MVBC. While the last few weeks have been amazing for our church, it is great to be back to our regular schedule. Welcome to our first time guests as well. If this is your first time here, please be sure to stop by our Welcome Center on your way out today so we can get better acquainted with you.

One day Janet and I were driving down the interstate when a man in front of us pulling a boat, his trailer caught on fire. The trailer, the tires, and boat exploded into a huge ball of fire. As he pulled off, we stopped to make sure everyone was alright. Later, it was learned he should’ve repacked his bearings on his trailer. Metal to metal going down the road is going to get so hot that it will catch fire. The bearings which are packed and greased inside the trailer axle will prevent a fire. Just like a properly greased axle, so will properly greased relationships will make things running properly. The oil that greases relationships is the grace of God.

Our theme this year is Engage in the Cause. The overarching cause is Jesus Christ. The first part of the year we focused on the cause of Christ and this quarter we will focus on the cause of the family.

A family is built on relationships and relationships can be messy and difficult. While it is try that personalities and preferences and likes are all different, there is one overall problem we all deal with. It is the sin problem. This problem is not everyone else’s problem but it is our problem also. It is what we all are dealing with personally.

The instruction in this passage is like the vitamins that develop in our lives which will help us in our relationships.

It reminds me of the story you probably heard about a man who was stranded on a deserted island. He was there for many months. One day a ship passed by and said the man who had been stranded. They rescued him and asked if he was the only one on the island. He said, “Yes, why?” The boat captain said, “There are three huts. Why do you have three?” “One is my house and the other is my church.” “What is the third hut?” “That one is where I used to go to church.” It seems we all have something we are struggling with.

In these verses, Paul is digging to the root of the problem. The deeper he goes, the more personal this passage gets. God gives three considerations we must have in our lives.

Consideration 1. . .

1. Recognize the need for change

Ephesians 4:21-22

A. Receive the new life v. 21

At the end of verse 20, Paul says you learned Christ which means you have a personal relationship with Christ.

This does not mean you just know who He is or what He says, but you have personally accepted Him as your Savior-He is your only hope for salvation.

This truth is based on the Word of God-He taught you His truth-the more you understand God’s Word, the better you know the Son of God.

When you believe in Jesus, you walk in a new way, and you will not walk after the way of the world—salvation and repentance go together-a changed person through the work of the gospel in our life.

B. Remove the old life v. 22

When you belong to Christ, the ideas, desires, and lust of the old life no longer control or motivates us.

Put off our old self which is corrupted by deceitful desires.

When you decide you are going to live for Christ on purpose, this is first step towards genuine change and transformation.

The old self start peeling away as God works in our lives to show us what is right and what is wrong.

5. The desire to do right is given at salvation, but God will work on us daily to “put off” the former conversation-lifestyle-get rid of bad language, bad music, bad habits, bad entertainment, and bad parties.

The easiest way to illustrate is when Jesus went to the graveside of Lazarus. Lazarus had been dead for four days. When Jesus spoke for Lazarus to come forth. In John 11:44 “And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.” Jesus was saying your old life and the thing that put you in your grave is to be laid aside. You are no longer under the dominion of death because God has given you new life. Don’t wear your grave clothes, wear your Christian clothes. You have a brand new life. Christian, when you are given a brand new life, your concerns and your desires will be changed by the gospel.

The deceitful lusts would be those things that dishonor God. Selfish, unforgiving spirit, carnal, fleshly, envious, strife, pride, etc.

It is like when your children or grandchildren come in from playing outside. They may have gotten into the mud so you tell them to take their shoes off and head for the bathtub. When you accept Christ, you are put off the old things that corrupted you and others around you.

Consideration 2. . .

2. Realize the need for spiritual renewal

Ephesians 4:22-23

Renew our minds

Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

The whole outlook of a person changes when he or she trusts Christ. A believer’s outlook will change dramatically. His values, goals, and interpretation of life will be completely different. For one thing, a Christian will stop living for himself and live for Christ. This means we do want to love others as Christ loves us. Our understanding of love changes as we live for Christ. We will love Sunday as the Lord’s Day rather than just another day of the week. We will to honor and respect the Lord’s Day-we come to church to show honor and respect to God.

There is a desire to put on the new man which means a desire to be a better Christian and treat people better. Several years ago, we had a family visit the church in Northern California. They were totally backslidden even though they have gone to Bible college and knew the Scriptures. God began working on them and they came with a rather rough exterior. Eventually they realized they were not right with God and surrendered their old man at the altar. His comment to me was, I never cared for other people but as you were preaching God was working in my heart. Within two years, God called him to preach and he surrendered to the ministry. Now he cares for others as he is a pastor in Oregon to this day.

The new man cares for others, cares for his family, looks after his or her children, and wants them to know Christ. The new man loves righteousness and loves holiness. The new man’s desire is to be righteous and live a holy life. He does not make excuses for not doing right, living right, and seeking God.

2 Renew our hearts

All of this is centered in a desire to do right and be led by the Holy Spirit

Romans 8:5–8 “For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.”

To be led by the spirit means you will walk under the influence of the Holy Spirit. As a believer we will have the Holy Spirit who indwells us will convict us when we do wrong, will lead us when we are yielded, and remind us when we are tempted. Salvation is not an outward religion but it is an internal relationship with Jesus Christ. We will need to seek the renewal of the Holy Spirit through the Scriptures.

Consideration 3. . .

3. Reflect the need for Godly living

Ephesians 4:25-27

As we put away the old man and focus on the putting on the new man, there will be an apparent reflection of Christ and living for God in our lives.

Rather than focusing on what the world values and thinks, what Hollywood cares about, what the newest movie out is, or what is the next biggest entertainment place, we choose to focus on living for God. Our thoughts will be : What will God think about that? If a participate in that activity, will God be glorified? Will this strengthen my family’s walk with God? As we lay aside habits and embrace our new life, it will align with Godly living. He will reflect our new identity in Christ.

Suggest focusing on the active process of putting on the new self, created after the likeness of God. Just as we lay aside old habits, embracing the new self aligns us with godly living characterized by righteousness and holiness. Connect this with living in a way that reflects our new identity in Christ, bearing His image in our daily actions.

The scriptures mentions three particular actions which will affect our relationships and keep them healthy.

Speak the truth to others and do not lie. There is no such thing as a white lie. A husband should not lie to his wife or his wife to her husband. Children should lie to their parents.

Be angry at sin but not each other. This means stop being touchy. The idea of touchy is allowing everything that someone says or does as being a reason to be angry. There are many homes that are destroyed by anger and misunderstandings. I met a family for a funeral one day and they told me there were others on the family they were not speaking to. I asked if I could help them resolve it. They said, “Nobody can help us.” I said why? When our mother was sick, “he took a six pack of her sodas from her cabinet without telling her. He is a thief and we are not going to forgive him. That is not the way our family is.” What I did not way was, “you also are a thief if you are stealing time from your family but allowing anger in your heart preventing you from forgiving them.” Believers, if anyone should know how best they have been forgiven.

Giving place tot he devil may be revealed in several ways but primarily it means to keep something in a secret place in your life. It may be a secret sin, a lust in your heart, or an unresolved bitterness. It could be a bad habit. Or maybe, you are not really a Christian.

Jesus Christ came and died for you. He was buried and rose again the third day. He did all of that for you? Would you accept Him as your Savior? This is the grace of God and maybe the very ingredient in your marriage or family that would help you to have healthy relationship. Will you accept Him to day?

Christian, have you put off the old man and put on the new man?