Ephesians 5:22-6:9

OPEN

Growing up, how good a kid were you? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “perfectly holy” and 1 being a “holy terror,” how would you rate your obedience?

Did this change over time? Or were you always this way? 

READ

Read: Ephesians 5:22–6:9. 

WATCH

Show Session 8: Ephesians 5:22–6:9. (12 minutes).

Ephesians 5:22–6:9 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 5 Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, 6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. 9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

DISCUSS

Leader: This may be a challenging passage for some in your group. And while you want to encourage discussion and engagement with Scripture, you also want to keep the peace. For that reason, we’re trying a novel approach, hoping to avoid roadblocks by backing into the text. 

Let’s start at the end of this passage and work our way forward. That may help us understand Paul’s logic.

What does the last phrase in 6:9 tell us about God?

No favoritism between whom?

Slavery was common in New Testament times. Some would sell themselves into slavery for a certain period of time to get out of debt. But slaves were also captured in war, bought, and sold. Many believers in the New Testament church were slaves, and only some of their masters followed Jesus.

How do you think the slavemasters in Paul’s day would react to the idea that God loved them and their slaves equally? How would the slaves react?

How would that affect the treatment of these slaves?

When Paul says, “Treat your slaves in the same way,” what does he mean? What’s the “same way”?

We need to go back to the previous paragraph, in which slaves are told to serve their masters wholeheartedly, “just as you would obey Christ.” Here the masters are told that they also serve Christ, so they need to treat their slaves “as if you were serving the Lord.”

Why doesn’t it just say, “Masters, free your slaves”?

That’s a very tough question, but in general, the apostle Paul isn’t as interested in changing society as in changing people. Whatever social structure you find yourself in, serve the Lord.

Now read over verses 5–8 again. What do you see here? What “reward” should slaves be most concerned about? Who is the ultimate Master? 

If a slave followed the instructions Paul lays out, how do you think it would affect the quality of his or her work?

Now do you think it’s reasonable to apply these verses to modern employment? Is this essentially the same as a boss- employee relationship? Why or why not?

There are certainly parallels. Another person (or company) has power over us, telling us what to do. They may reward or punish us. And it’s important for us to serve well even when they’re not watching. The Lord is our ultimate boss.

How could this affect the way you work—either as an employee or as a boss?

This whole passage concerns life in an ordinary household in New Testament times. There might be household slaves, and so Paul ends with that situation. As we dial back to verse four, we get to another household relationship: parents and children. 

Peek at the Greek

The word for exasperate (or provoke) is a rich one, parorgizo. Literally, it’s “to bring to anger,” but the tense and the prefix (para) suggest it’s a long-term problem, not a one-time event. The parallel text in Colossians 3:21 mentions bitterness and discouragement, so we get the picture of parental activity that squeezes the hope out of children, bringing them to a boiling point. 

In what ways could parents be “exasperating” or “provoking” their children? According to this verse, what should parents do instead? How would that help?

Do you think it’s significant that this is addressed to fathers and not parents in general? Does Paul’s exhortation reflect only the culture at that time, or are fathers generally more likely to provoke their kids?

According to verses 1–3, why should children obey parents?

Does obedience always lead to a longer life? What is this “promise” really saying? 

It’s “right” for kids to obey parents. It’s also smart. The promise (drawn from Deuteronomy 6, which has a bit more than Exodus 20) has to do with both quality and quantity of life. Obedient kids might not always live longer, but they stand a better chance. If a mom says, “Don’t stick the tweezers in the electric socket,” a child’s survival may depend on obedience. But things also tend to go well with us when we learn from the wisdom of our parents. It doesn’t mean every parent is wise and brilliant. But children do well to listen to those who have gone through the struggles of life before them. 

GO DEEPER

Learn more about parents and children in the following verses:

Deuteronomy 5:16; 6:6–7; Proverbs 3:1–4, 11–12; 22:6; Colossians 3:20; 2 Timothy 3:2,14–15 

Deuteronomy 5:16 ESV

16 “ ‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 ESV

6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Proverbs 3:1–4 ESV

1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. 3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, 12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Colossians 3:20 ESV

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

2 Timothy 3:14–15 ESV

14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

How do these passages describe the proper upbringing of children?

What are the rewards of obeying one’s parents?

Why do you think 2 Timothy 3:2 ranks disobeying parents with such other terrible sins? 

As we backtrack through this passage, we get to the primary household relationship—marriage—and Paul has a lot to say about it.

In Ephesians 5:31–33, what is the “profound mystery” Paul mentions?

Paul is speaking on two levels. He quotes the passage from Genesis 2 about two people becoming one flesh, and that is indeed a mystery. How can two be one? But then he kicks it to a higher level. “I am talking about Christ and the church.”

How are those two relationships similar? How is Christ “one” with the church? 

We are His body. We do His work on earth. His Spirit lives within us. In Ephesians 1:10, Paul described the “mystery” as God’s desire “to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” In a parallel text in Colossians 1:27 he defines the mystery as “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

So the oneness of husband and wife reflects the oneness of Christ and His church. As J.D. said in the video, “God uses our most normal, day-to-day relationships to do two things: One, to teach us about Himself and, two, to make us like Himself.” Marriage teaches us about our relationship with Christ.

How does verse 33 sum up the interaction between husband and wife? According to verse 25, how should husbands love their wives?

What might this look like in everyday life?

Verses 26–27 probably refer to a marriage custom in which the bride was bathed and dressed and presented before the wedding ceremony. Paul finds a connection with baptism (the washing with water through the word). The “radiant” image of the church as a bride is seen again in the Bible’s final chapters (Revelation 19:7–8).

Verses 28–30 anticipate the “one flesh” idea with husbands loving their wives as they love their own body. What implications does this have for the day-to-day relationship between husband and wife? How do you think the husbands in Ephesus would have reacted to Paul’s teaching? According to verses 22–24, what does it mean to be the “head” of a “body”?

In what way is Christ the head of the body? And how is a husband the head of his wife?

How does the teaching in verse 22 compare with what we saw in 6:5, with the instructions to slaves?

Both passages focus on the Lord as the ultimate object of one’s submission. While the wife-husband relationship has a oneness that’s absent from the slave-master relationship, Paul reminds all of his readers that, ultimately, they serve the Lord.

How do you think the wives in Ephesus would have reacted to Paul’s teaching?

How does the church submit to Christ? And how does that provide a model for wives with their husbands?