Family Issues

2 Samuel 13 CSB

1 Some time passed. David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar, and David’s son Amnon was infatuated with her. 2 Amnon was frustrated to the point of making himself sick over his sister Tamar because she was a virgin, but it seemed impossible to do anything to her. 3 Amnon had a friend named Jonadab, a son of David’s brother Shimeah. Jonadab was a very shrewd man, 4 and he asked Amnon, “Why are you, the king’s son, so miserable every morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon replied, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend you’re sick. When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare a meal in my presence so I can watch and eat from her hand.’ ” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my presence so I can eat from her hand.”

This narrative forges another link in the tragic chain of sin begun in chapter 11.

This narrative also demonstrates two truths: first, that God’s prophetic word is true; second, that the sins of one generation imprint the next generation. Each sin not only fosters more sin, it also fashions it by providing precedents for others to follow.

Following David’s successful completion os the Ammonite campaign something happened… Amnon became infatuated with Tamar - this issue… there were half brother and sister.

Amnon was David’s firstborn son - Absalom was his third and Tamar was his sister.

Amnon was so fascinated with her that he was “sick” about it. The issue isn’t Tamar, the problem lies within the lack of character of Amnon.

Tamar was a virgin, a woman of the Torah (the law required unmarried women to retain the virginity until married).

Amnon wanted to be physical with her and he couldn’t marry her - I’m sure this all started by him noticing how attractive Tamar was, then he began thinking about certain things, those thoughts then were dwelt on consistently until…

In his readiness to compromise Tamar’s virtue Amnon was implicitly pagan - this is a parallel of the story of Shechem, an immoral Canaanite (Gen34.2-3).

Jonadab, Amnon’s friend and cousin, noticed that Amnon was not looking good - Jonadab was considered shrewd but his wisdom was earthly and unspiritual.

The restatement of Amnon’s relationship to Tamar emphasizes they were too close to permit a sanctioned sexual relationship - what Amnon had been contemplatin if strictly prohibited by the Torah.

His so-called “love” was a mere sensual craving for sexual gratification and was just as perverse of Jonadab’s so-called “wisdom”.

The plan: pretend to be sick, when the king checks on you ask for Tamar to come take care of you - then while she is taking care of your physical needs and in a nurturing mood, compel her to take care of the sexual need as well.

So he did, and David came to check on him - bear in mind that as the first born Amnon is the heir-apparent to the throne… the plan worked and David sent Tamar to care for her brother.

2 Samuel 13 CSB

7 David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Please go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare a meal for him.” 8 Then Tamar went to his house while Amnon was lying down. She took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his presence, and baked them. 9 She brought the pan and set it down in front of him, but he refused to eat. Amnon said, “Everyone leave me!” And everyone left him. 10 “Bring the meal to the bedroom,” Amnon told Tamar, “so I can eat from your hand.” Tamar took the cakes she had made and went to her brother Amnon’s bedroom. 11 When she brought them to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come sleep with me, my sister!” 12 “Don’t, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t disgrace me, for such a thing should never be done in Israel. Don’t commit this outrage! 13 Where could I ever go with my humiliation? And you—you would be like one of the outrageous fools in Israel! Please, speak to the king, for he won’t keep me from you.” 14 But he refused to listen to her, and because he was stronger than she was, he disgraced her by raping her.

Tamar following her father’s command and went to Amnon’s house.

She proceeded to make bread - levivot - the modern version would a latke. It was a flour dough often mixed with other things all meant to be easy on the stomach but also tasteful and would help give strength.

Most translations used the word baked but they most likely would have been boiled (sometimes they would be boiled then baked).

Being presented with the bread Amnon refused to eat - he then kicked everyone out.

He then ordered her to bring the food to him in the bedroom (probably using the false pretense of needing to lie down due to his illness) and feed it to him.

By having her hand feed it would be her in close proximity to him. So, when she brought them to him, he grabbed her.

Amnon then begged his half sister to sleep with him.

She protested both physically and verbally - no means no - which she said 4 times.

She reminded him what he was tryin was wicked and shouldn’t be done in Israel - this should have reminded him of Israel’s history and the account of Shechem’s rape of Dinah.

If he did this it would disgrace her and she could never get rid of it. It would also ruin Amnon’s reputation as well.

She even tried to convince him to go ask the king and then he could have her without the taint of disgrace.

Unfortunately, Amnon was beyond being influenced by moral, religious, or rational considerations. So, he attacked Tamar and raped her.

2 Samuel 13 CSB

15 So Amnon hated Tamar with such intensity that the hatred he hated her with was greater than the love he had loved her with. “Get out of here!” he said. 16 “No,” she cried, “sending me away is much worse than the great wrong you’ve already done to me!” But he refused to listen to her. 17 Instead, he called to the servant who waited on him, “Get this away from me, throw her out, and bolt the door behind her!” 18 Amnon’s servant threw her out and bolted the door behind her. Now Tamar was wearing a long-sleeved robe garment, because this is what the king’s virgin daughters wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long-sleeved robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away crying out.

The sin has been committed - the realization that it had nothing to do with love but was based purely in wicked lust and the fact that the physical moment is over caused Amnon to hate Tamar.

His feelings of guild and shame added to his feelings - The reality of the sin never lives up to expectation but the consequences are more severe than anticipated.

The Torah dictated that a man who had sexual intercourse with a virgin not pledged to be married to another was obligated to marry her and pay a financial penalty.

As if the rape wasn’t bad enough his actions of not accepting responsibility and further disregarding the law would be even worse.

Again, Amnon would not listen but called his servant to throw her out.

In keeping with the Torah’s implicit expectation that fathers assume some responsibility in preserving their daughter’s virginity until marriage, David encouraged and rewarded his daughters’ by providing them a status-laden “richly ornamented robe”.

To add insult to injury, Tamar was wearing this distinctive virgin robe when she was raped.

Tamar responded with deep grief by putting ashes on her head, tearing the robe demonstrating the brokenness of her virginity and she went away weeping.

2 Samuel 13 CSB

20 Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has your brother Amnon been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister. He is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in the house of her brother Absalom. 21 When King David heard about all these things, he was furious. 22 Absalom didn’t say anything to Amnon, either good or bad, because he hated Amnon since he disgraced his sister Tamar.

Absalom found out what happened and spoke with her about the situation.

She would end up living a “desolate” life - because she is now disqualified from active consideration for any royal marriage.

Absalom attempted to provide her with some comfort and consolation. He could not provide her a husband be he did provide here with two of the amenities associated with marriage - a place to live and the attendant promise of protection.

He encouraged her to stop letting the incident dominate her thinking… yeah right.

David was furious when he found out. Unfortunately, there was very little he could do about it.

He could make Amnon pay the price of 50 shekels of silver but for the kings son that would pocket change - he could have forced him to marry Tamar but that would have created more issues- besides the Torah prohibited marriage between near kinsmen.

Absalom didn’t say a word to Amnon, not a single word (good or bad) and that should have scared Amnon.

2 Samuel 13 CSB

23 Two years later, Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal-hazor near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 Then he went to the king and said, “Your servant has just hired sheepshearers. Will the king and his servants please come with your servant?” 25 The king replied to Absalom, “No, my son, we should not all go, or we would be a burden to you.” Although Absalom urged him, he wasn’t willing to go, though he did bless him. 26 “If not,” Absalom said, “please let my brother Amnon go with us.” The king asked him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But Absalom urged him, so he sent Amnon and all the king’s sons.

It took 2 years but the opportunity has arrived.

Absalom was having his sheep sheared and invited all the kings sons (his brothers).

Absalom was playing the long game - to avoid suspicion he even invited the king. If David had agreed to go this would have ended his chance to avenge his sister.

The gamble paid off and the king refused to go but gave him his blessing. Now, phase two - if you won’t go could you send the kings heir?

David suspected something and asked why Amnon should go - I would venture a guess that there is more to this conversation than seen here but David relented and allowed Amnon and the others to go.

2 Samuel 13 CSB

28 Now Absalom commanded his young men, “Watch Amnon until he is in a good mood from the wine. When I order you to strike Amnon, then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Am I not the one who has commanded you? Be strong and valiant!” 29 So Absalom’s young men did to Amnon just as Absalom had commanded. Then all the rest of the king’s sons got up, and each fled on his mule. 30 While they were on the way, a report reached David: “Absalom struck down all the king’s sons; not even one of them survived!” 31 In response the king stood up, tore his clothes, and lay down on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. 32 But Jonadab, son of David’s brother Shimeah, spoke up: “My lord must not think they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, because only Amnon is dead. In fact, Absalom has planned this ever since the day Amnon disgraced his sister Tamar. 33 So now, my lord the king, don’t take seriously the report that says all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”

Absalom gave the command to kill Amnon once he was drunk - they probably hesitated but he reminded them that it was him that commanded them and they would be ok.

Like Amnon, he had manipulated the king into ordering one of his children into a trap - then in a midst of a meal he had overpowered the sibling and carried out a violent and wicked act against them.

After witnessing this event and unaware of the rest of Absalom’s plan, the rest of the siblings took off.

Here we see an example of how events can get exaggerated - someone reported to the king that ALL the kings sons had been killed.

David’s initial response was to leave the throne and tear his clothes in grief - Nathan’’s words regarding a sword of judgment that would not depart from his house must have come flooding back…

Here is Jonadab again - being fully aware of the trouble Jonadab assured the king that it was only Amnon who was dead.

2 Samuel 13 CSB

34 Meanwhile, Absalom had fled. When the young man who was standing watch looked up, there were many people coming from the road west of him from the side of the mountain. 35 Jonadab said to the king, “Look, the king’s sons have come! It’s exactly like your servant said.” 36 Just as he finished speaking, the king’s sons entered and wept loudly. Then the king and all his servants also wept very bitterly. 37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. 38 After Absalom had fled to Geshur and had been there three years, 39 King David longed to go to Absalom, for David had finished grieving over Amnon’s death.

Absalom took off.

Apparently David’s sons took a circuitous route back (most likely to avoid any potential traps).

Once they all arrived it was an emotional scene of weeping.

Absalom didn’t go home but fled to his grandfather’s (his mother’s dad).

David grieved Amnon for three years - Absalom’s life is now paralleling his father’s as a young Israelite living in exile trying to avoid the wrath of a sitting king.

The chapter ends with David ending his period of mourning, missing his other son Absalom and wanting to go to him and let him know he had been forgiven.