Submission & Love

Scripture Reading

Ephesians 5:21–33 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

These verses are actually not new paragraphs in the Greek text. It’s not a different thought. This passage is about submission, and specifically about the submission in marriage.

We hear the word, “submit,” and we kind of shutter. It means we have to do what someone tells us to do. Nobody likes being told what to do, especially Westerners. At least we think we don’t like being told what to do.

The truth is that our hearts are sinful and wicked. Our natural disposition is to choose a wicked thing over a righteous thing. Wickedness is rooted in chaos.

The very word, “chaos” come from the same root as the word “chasm.” It means a gaping void. A great way we use the root “chasm” is when we pair it with another root, “sarc” which means flesh. Sarcasm, literally means, a void of flesh, or cutting the flesh. It’s more harmful than we’d admit, but we like it because it gives us a sense of control over someone else’s emotions and character. We merely have to cut them with our words to feel superior, and they feel submissive.

Order is the opposite of chaos. Order implies design and purpose. Order is an interesting word because we use it so many ways. We order food, that is, we request a specific meal and get frustrated when the wrong meal comes to us because it’s chaotic, and void. Generals order soldiers to a task and soldiers are disciplined when they don’t adhere to the command because they are acting chaotically and can influence their fellow soldiers accordingly. We also like to put things “in order.” Our language is ordered in a way where our minds know how to comprehend what is said. Same for words and letters on a page. Each letter has an assigned sound our mouth forms and we understand what a series of noises means.

God is a God of order. Not a God of chaos. He is purposeful in how He created life. He asks his creation to submit to His order.

Paul describes the order of marriage, and how authority is a form of order. He describes the role of a wife and how she submits to her husband, and he talks to the husband and how he is to treat his wife out of submission to Christ. By the way, the longer section regards how a man should treat his wife. It means that his role in caring for her is serious. He has a heavy responsibility here.

Our culture wants to take the order of husband and wife and break it and twist it. “There can be two husbands.” “There can be two wives.” There can even be three people or more in a marriage!

This is not true. It’s not homophobic either. I don’t fear homosexuality. I’ve grown up around it my whole life. If you want to know what I’m talking about, just ask me about it. Instead, I call it out as being ungodly because marriage is only between one man and one woman for life.

The reason this is so important is because of what the Apostle Paul says in vs. 32. Marriage represents Christ and the church. When a wife submits to her husband, it means she wants to reflect how the church should submit to Christ. When a husband loves and cares for his wife, he reflects Christ’s love and care for his church. A healthy marriage is the image of how God designed us to love and be loved by Jesus.

You may look at this passage and think, “my parents aren’t like that.” Or, “I don’t agree with you.” As a parent, I don’t always do this right. I’ll confess that to you right now. Being married and being a husband is hard. Being married and being a wife is hard. Being in an ideal marriage is what we aim for, but God’s grace carries us there.

If you don’t agree about this concept of submission or even marriage only being for a man and a woman, I would challenge you to prove that with Scripture. Emotions in our culture aren’t enough. At the end of the day, someone submits to someone no matter what. Otherwise, you just live in a constant state of rebellion. Why is marriage only between a man and a wife? Because it is the only union that can properly create and care for children! Any other kind of union is unholy because it is rooted in disrupting order. It is rooted in Chaos.

God is not a God of Chaos. He doesn’t pretend to be chaotic. Marriage is submissive and caring and loving because God made it a part of His creation.

Pray

Questions

How can understanding the concept of submission affect your view on authority and relationships?

In what ways can you demonstrate respect for authority figures in your life?

How do societal views on marriage conflict with the teachings you've learned from this passage?

As a teen, you might struggle with the idea of submission in your family dynamics, especially when it comes to obeying your parents. Understanding submission in marriage can help you realize that it's not about power but about mutual respect and love. Try talking to your parents about your feelings regarding certain rules. This can open a dialogue where you express your opinions while showing respect for their authority. You might discover that they are more willing to listen and compromise than you thought.