The Cost of Bad Friendships

What is up Wednesdays! I’m so glad you chose to be here tonight. We say we are a family here and that’s not just something we throw around but something that we truly live by! So, if we haven’t met yet I’d love to talk after service and get to know you. But if you call this place home, welcome back and I hope you are ready.

With that being said, go ahead and turn to 1 Kings 13, because that’s where we’re going to be as we kick off a new series called “how to build great friendships.” We’re going to be talking about this for the rest of the school year, but tonight we’re going to start by talking about the difference between good friendships and bad friendships. That’s why the title of tonight’s message is “the cost of bad friendships - is it worth the trade?”

TENSION:

Anyone in here ever make a bad trade before? Or at least see someone you know trade something invaluable for something with less value? The truth Is we’ve all made trades before in our life with friends. Some that you are aware of, some that you regret making... Even trades you are unaware that you are making today.

[SP Note: Trade illustration: Have fun here: Give funny examples of trades we make daily or in the past that you thought would be great for you but unfortunately led to you regretting that decision.]

Take yourself back to elementary days. Did Anyone else first learn how to trade in the cafeteria? No matter the grade, the cafeteria is the equivalent to Wallstreet in New York haha. Trades go down there all day, of all kinds. Maybe that’s where you traded your cheese stick for the fruit roll up your mom didn’t pack, or where your first shoe deal went down. For me that’s where I’d always trade my horrible ham sandwich for my friends Lunchables. Jokes on him because I definitely always got the better end of the deal. I never understood why he thought giving up that much value in the trade was worth it for him. Not just in the lunchroom but all through life we make trades that might seem great at first, but that we end up regretting.

The truth is:

We’ve all traded something valuable for something that wasn’t worth it. And the worst part? We didn’t even realize how bad the trade was until it was too late. But some of the worst trades we make in life aren’t about money or stuff—they’re about friendships.

You trade your values to fit in.

You trade your time for people who drain you.

You trade your calling for relationships that lead you away from God.

And just like those bad trades, you don’t always realize the cost of a bad friendship until it’s too late.

So tonight, we’re asking: Am I currently making trades for Bad friendships? And more importantly, is it worth the cost?

My hope for us leaving tonight is that God can help us navigate the tension between Cultivating Godly friendships, while simultaneously putting up good boundaries in other friendships.

and in order to do that, I want to look at someone else who had some trades to make in 1 Kings 13.

Now you’ve gotta understand, we are going to meet a couple characters in scripture here and the first is King Jeroboam. Jeroboam lived in a time right after Israel had a civil war. So, there were two kingdoms - the northern kingdom of Israel and the southern kingdom of Judah. And under the king’s direction, Israel started worshipping false idols.

So, God sent a prophet to warn Israel that they needed to repent. Jeroboam was who that prophet was sent to. To let him know that God has had it with his idol worship and prophesizes its destruction. The king doesn’t like it, tries to seize him, but his hand seizes up and the Man of God prays on his behalf to restore his hand. Instead of the King saying thank you, he just begs for his God to restore him. Once this happened Jeroboam then offers the Young Prophet rewards in hopes to win over his favor.

But we see that this Prophet isn’t budging. In v9 we see He was specifically guided by God to not accept the king’s bribery and to leave after his mission was complete. V9-10 For I was commanded by the word of the Lord: ‘You must not eat bread or drink water or return by the way you came. 10 So he took another road and did not return by the way he had come to Bethel’”

Fortunately for this prophet he passes the test and sees right through the king’s selfish intentions and potential harm and carries on his way.

But… right after this we see the Young Prophet make a different decision when faced with a different trade from a different type of person. An old prophet living in Bethel catches word of this fellow man of God and wants to meet him. That’s where we pick back up

15 So the prophet said to him, “Come home with me and eat.”

16 The man of God said, “I cannot turn back and go with you, nor can I eat bread or drink water with you in this place. 17 I have been told by the word of the Lord: ‘You must not eat bread or drink water there or return by the way you came.’”

18 The old prophet answered, “I too am a prophet, as you are. And an angel said to me by the word of the Lord: ‘Bring him back with you to your house so that he may eat bread and drink water.’” (But he was lying to him.) 19 So the man of God returned with him and ate and drank in his house.

Pause. Anyone else See all the red flags waving here in this moment?? LIKE HELLLOOO Man of God, didn’t God tell you Verbatim don’t do that. Where did he go wrong here? The Man of God was strong when resisting King Jeroboam but folds like a lawn chair the moment a fellow prophet walks up to him.. WHY?

Because It’s easy to resist an evil king, it’s a lot harder to resist a friend… its harder to discern what’s right when dealing with people we trust, or we’d call trustworthy…

Because when He encountered the Old Prophet

He seemed trustworthy. He seemed like he had wisdom. He was a fellow Prophet.

but he lied to the younger prophet and led him into disobedience towards God.

If you’re taking notes write this down:

some of the most dangerous temptations look like a friend...

Now let me be clear, if your friend group openly rejects God Idk if I’d let that group influence me. Sure, we all have friends who aren’t best friends with Jesus. But when deciding if you have the right friends around you, you must consider the trades you are making. Are these friends of yours living a life that is set apart? Pleasing and honoring to God? Or are they acting the part and living a totally different lifestyle 6 days out of the week. Having just enough Jesus to feel comfortable but not living their life with any conviction.

Students, if an Old Testament prophet was in danger of falling into sin because of a bad friend, how much more careful do we need to be with who we’re friends with?

The Young prophet in this story could clearly see through the bad intentions of the king, but when someone else—who claimed to speak for God—came along, he let his guard down. And in the end, he walked away from obedience to God and his true calling.

Again disclaimer, Jesus spent time with sinners—He loved them, showed them truth, and never turned people away. But He also never compromised who He was or let others lead Him away from God’s plan. He calls us to love people, but not to let the wrong influences have authority in our lives.

Some of you know that God has convicted you about being a better example, about setting boundaries with a group that’s pulling you away from Him. Maybe it’s friends who constantly disrespect others, party every weekend, and tear people down. And we can’t keep making excuses—thinking we won’t be affected.

I know you may fear being alone but letting the wrong people influence you, will cost you more than loneliness. It could cost you more than you bargained for. The Man of God trusted a bad friend and ended up reaping the consequences. I bet there are things you regret that bring you shame and guilt that you never intended to happen. But you did because your friends pulled you into it? And why did you do it? To fit in? To not be alone?

Wrong Friends Can Have Hidden Motives:

To learn from this story, you must know that: just because they present themselves as your friend or someone that is trustworthy doesn’t mean they are. The reason we need to be smart but also honest with ourselves when picking friends is: Everyone has their own hidden motives for relationships.

Some people aren’t looking for a real friend—they’re looking for someone to fulfill their own needs.

Some want your loyalty (Jeroboam). They manipulate you to feel in charge.

Some want to bring you down with them (the false prophet). They don’t consider how this will affect you or hurt you. They just don’t want to be alone in their sin.

These hidden motives are dangerous and sometimes undetectable if we don’t first count the cost. We see this by what happens to our guy next starting in v20:

20 While they were sitting at the table, the word of the Lord came to the old prophet who had brought him back. 21 He cried out to the man of God who had come from Judah, “This is what the Lord says: ‘You have defied the word of the Lord and have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you. 22 You came back and ate bread and drank water in the place where he told you not to eat or drink. Therefore, your body will not be buried in the tomb of your ancestors.’”

23 When the man of God had finished eating and drinking, the prophet who had brought him back saddled his donkey for him. 24 As he went on his way, a lion met him on the road and killed him

What a sad ending to this man’s life. He made a trade that had consequences he couldn’t have seen coming. I mean how could he?? After all it does say in v18 “But he was lying to him.”

The truth is: You can choose your friends, but you can’t always choose the consequences of those friendships.

And Bad Friends Lead to Bad Consequences

[Sp note: briefly Share a time where you ignored ALL the red flags and were left picking up the pieces]

I’m sure if I was to pass the mic around, we could all share a moment where we ignored all the red flags in a friendship or relationship and regretted not catching it sooner. For me I had a friend that we would call “an emotional vampire” always taking and never giving. This friend would ALWAYS make every conversation about them and because of their bad life circumstances; always wanted me to join them in their bad decisions so they didn’t feel “alone”. After all misery loves company, right? Anyway, for years I found myself making trades I regret. Being dishonoring to my parents, lying to them and continuing to hang out with this person because they too were a Christ follower. And I thought well this isn’t really someone who is holding me accountable or calling me higher, yet they are a MOG, so I guess this is a decent friendship. And red flag after red flag I ignored it. Till one day this “friend” The moment he got caught by his parents threw me under the bus and tried to blame me for everything.

I learned then that allowing Bad friends to influence me, leads to bad consequences.

Don’t ignore the red flags and keep making excuses. You can choose your friends, but you can’t always choose the consequences of those friendships.

Application: Counting the Cost & Making the Right Trades

I don’t want you to leave here just full of despair and regret lol. I do want to help you. And I believe the first step is to start evaluating the trades you’re making right now in your friendships. Ask yourself this again:

Am I trading my convictions just to be accepted?

Am I trading my time for relationships that don’t bring me closer to God?

Am I trading my calling just to feel included?

The Man of God in 1 Kings 13 didn’t set out to make a bad trade, but because he let his guard down and trusted the wrong influence, he ended up with consequences he never expected.

The same thing happens in our lives when we don’t evaluate the cost of our friendships.

Step 1: Identify the Trades You’re Making

Take time this week to honestly assess:

Are your friendships leading you toward God or away from Him?

Are they pushing you to be more Christlike, or pulling you into compromise?

Do they challenge you to grow, or do they just make you comfortable with complacency?

Step 2: Trade Comfort for Healthy Friendships

For some of us we don’t want to change because we are Comfortable. But for some of us we won’t have the friendships we could have until you decide a godly friendship is more important to you than being comfortable or alone. If you realize you’ve been settling for friendships that aren’t honoring God, it’s time to make the right trade. The best friendships don’t happen by accident. They have to be fought for, cultivated, and chosen intentionally.

Here’s what that looks like:

Find Friends Who Push You Toward Christ → Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

Find Friends Who Correct You, Not Just Compliment You → Proverbs 27:6 - "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

Be the Kind of Friend You Want to Have → John 15:13 - "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

Step 3: Make the Change This Week

Before we head into groups, take some time this week to actually do something about this:

If you’ve been trading your faith for friendships, repent and refocus. Ask God for strength to set new boundaries and choose obedience.

If you need better friends, ask God to provide them. Pray for friendships that sharpen your faith and build you up.

If you need to be a better friend, start today. Be the kind of friend who encourages, challenges, and leads others toward Christ.

And for some of you, this means having the hard conversation with a friend. Not to cut them off, but to call them higher—to say, “I want to be serious about following Jesus, and I need friends who are running in the same direction.”

Closing

This week, take inventory of the people you’re allowing to influence you. Don’t ignore the red flags. Don’t keep making bad trades. Trust that following God’s design for friendships is worth it—even if it feels costly at first.

Let’s pray.

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