The Model Family Ephesians 5:22-6:4

Hudson Taylor had definite convictions about how God's work should be done. We can make our best plans and try to carry them out in our own strength. Or we can make careful plans and ask God to bless them. "Yet another way of working is to begin with God; to ask His plans, and to offer ourselves to Him to carry out His purposes." 

God has a plan for the family that reflects His character and our relationship with Him

I. Wives Submit to Your Husbands vv. 22-24

In our passage this morning, Paul lays out a model for family relationships that I think we need to pay close attention to, because it is reflective of our relationship with God; our children begin to understand who God is and how we relate to Him as we relate to each other

His first instruction, but certainly not his last, is two wives: They are submit to their husbands as to the Lord

This is not a blanket of authority given to all men over all women, nor does it excuse bad or selfish behavior from a husband

This call to submission does not undermine meaningful conversation

It does not eliminate individual autonomy and decision-making

It does not prevent you from being partners in life, marriage, and child-rearing

It is, however, a warning against willfulness:

Willfulness refers to “the quality of being obstinate, stubborn, and determined to do as one pleases, often without regard for reason or consequences”

Willfulness will lead you down a path of personal destruction out of a refusal to listen to the leadership of your husband

Willfulness will undermine your husband’s leadership in the home and discourage his efforts to lead your family well

Willfulness will train your children in unrighteousness: If you set an example of refusing to follow the leadership of your husband, they quickly learn that obedience to you, your husband, or other authorities is unimportant

Understanding the spiritual reality is really important here:

How do you submit to a husband “as to the Lord”?

It is under the Lord’s direction and should be consistent with His character

It is a reflection of how we submit to and follow His leadership! It is for Him, not for your husband.

Ephesians 5:21

[21] submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (ESV)

II. Husbands Give Yourselves Up for Your Wives vv. 25-33

The second instruction Paul gives is to the husbands: We are to give up ourselves for them

There are two errors that I see coming from husbands:

We are self-interested, insisting that our wives do what we want so that we can build up ourselves; they end up suffering and serving for the sake of our careers, ambitions, finances, hobbies, pleasures, and possessions

We are disinterested, not giving attention to the needs of our spouses. We do not dominate them, but we also do not lead; our lives become dispassionate and we sit back idly while life moves on around us! Sadly, the willful wife and the apathetic husband frequently go hand-in-hand.

Paul gives us a picture of something better: sacrificial love like Jesus

This is for her sanctification: the ultimate purpose is so that she can grow in Christlikeness

This is as you love yourself: this sacrificial love is not an act of self-hatred or about being pushed around by your wife. It is about recognizing that you will find your flourishing in her flourishing

This love pursues and protects the unity of the marriage. Husbands you are commanded to place her interests and needs above your own!

It is said that Cyrus, the founder of the Persian Empire, once had captured a prince and his family. When they came before him, the monarch asked the prisoner, "What will you give me if I release you?" "The half of my wealth," was his reply. "And if I release your children?" "Everything I possess." "And if I release your wife?" "Your Majesty, I will give myself." Cyrus was so moved by his devotion that he freed them all. As they returned home, the prince said to his wife, "Wasn't Cyrus a handsome man!" With a look of deep love for her husband, she said to him, "I didn't notice. I could only keep my eyes on you- -the one who was willing to give himself for me."

III. Children Honor and Obey Your Parents vv. 1-3

The third instruction Paul gives is to children, an instruction to honor and obey their parents

This is kind of a two parter:

Children, particularly those who are under the immediate authority of their parents are to obey their instructions

This is primarily directed at those who are under the care of parents; we ease that care through obedience

This is an expression of submission to the Lord; it is right and is consistent with His design for the growth and maturity process in the child’s life

While our patterns of obedience change as we age, the principle of honor remains the same. I may not always have to obey my parents, but I am always called to honor them.

When we live in this way, it is for our good and carries a promise of good success; the pathway of obedience in a child’s life is the pathway to fruitfulness

Proverbs 3:1–8

[1] My son, do not forget my teaching,

but let your heart keep my commandments,

[2] for length of days and years of life

and peace they will add to you.

[3] Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;

bind them around your neck;

write them on the tablet of your heart.

[4] So you will find favor and good success

in the sight of God and man.

[5] Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

[6] In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

[7] Be not wise in your own eyes;

fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

[8] It will be healing to your flesh

and refreshment to your bones. (ESV)

IV. Parents Bring Up Your Children v. 4

The fourth instruction is to parents:

You have a calling to bring them up to know the Lord:

This is instruction: knowing the Lord’s ways and character

This is discipline: knowing how to follow and obey Him

However there is a warning:

We must not provoke them to anger or to exasperate them

The attitude with which we parent is as important as the content of our teaching:

We have to get it right:

We cannot fail to invest in our children’s lives with passivity

We also cannot fail by directing them poorly. Exasperation comes from:

Wrong priority- Do I care about the things that God cares about or am I focused on secondary issues?

Wrong timing- Am I leaning in when it’s time to back off?

Wrong attitude- Am I saying the right thing in the wrong way?

Wrong expectation- Am I pushing for a perfection that is not realistic or am I content with meaningful growth?

Remember parents, you are giving them a picture of what God is like!

V. Christ Loves the Church

Finally, we are drawn back to a critical set of truths that underscore all of this

Because Christ loves the Church:

Nobody loves your family like Jesus does

Nobody has a wiser plan for your family than Jesus does

Nobody is working for your family than Jesus is to sanctify and unite it

You can trust Him!

In an issue of CT magazine contributing editor Susan Wunderink writes:

When I was a swimming instructor, I spent a lot of time trying to get little kids to float. I would tell them to put their ears in the water and their belly buttons out of it, and I’d say, “When I count to two, you won’t feel my hands underneath you, but they’re there.” As soon as I’d say “two,” most of the children would frantically jerk their knees towards their chins and flail their arms, dropping their full weight into my hands. Almost all people float when they assume a posture of rest, but people who think they’ll sink don’t keep that posture for long.