Happily Married

Happily Ever After

Is marriage really everything that it is rumored to be? The University of Chicago has been asking this question for over 50 years. What is the answer? Yes! In fact, since 1972 the results have been a consistent 70/30 percent split between those who say they are “very happy” or “pretty happy” and those who say they are “not too happy”.[1]

An elderly couple had been married for over 60 years. They were known in their community for their deep love and quiet joy. Every evening, they would sit together on their porch in two old wooden rocking chairs, watching the sun set.

A young couple from the church once asked them, “What’s the secret to being happily married for so long?”

The old man smiled and said, “Every day, we chose each other. Even on the hard days, even when life wasn’t easy—especially then. We didn’t just stay married. We stayed in love.”

His wife nodded and added, “Happiness in marriage doesn’t come from never disagreeing. It comes from learning to forgive, to laugh, to listen—and to keep rocking side by side, no matter what.”

Then she reached over and gently squeezed his hand. “We didn’t build a perfect marriage. We built a faithful one. And God gave us joy in the building.”

Just like that couple, a happy marriage isn’t made in a moment—it’s built day by day through small acts of love, grace, and commitment.

A joyful, lasting marriage reflects the love of Christ—steady, sacrificial, and full of grace.

Marriage Is a God Thing

I believe that the right place for us to begin on the subject of marriage is to understand that marriage is not a machine of mankind but an institution giving by God. The Bible institutes marriage very early on…

We were created male and female and brought together by God:

Genesis 2:23–24 (NIV) 23The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”

24That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

The wisdom literature of Proverbs gives endorsement...

Proverbs 18:22 (NIV) 22He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

As the OT closes the prophetic book of Malachi reveals further God’s favor on faithful marriage…

Malachi 2:13–16 (NIV) 13Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.

14You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

15Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.

16“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

And as we move into the NT, the church is reminded of the place of honor that marriage should hold…

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) 4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

 I think that the evidence is pretty clear, marriage originated in the mind of God. And…the truth is that it takes both the husband and the wife to keep the marriage the happily ever after that we all dream marriage will be. So, how do we do that?

How to Be Happily Married

This morning’s message is a stand-alone message about marriage as a part of our Love, Relationships, and Marriage series. I encourage you as a couple to take opportunities to intentionally build your marriage through gaining knowledge and applying it as a couple. Take time to go to marriage retreats/encounters. Go on dates. (Army story about coupons).

I want to give a couple points of advice so that you can be happily married.

Marriage Has to be Covenantal not Contractual

To marry by contract is to say, “Now that I’ve signed, what do I get?” The focus is on receiving, or on mutual exchange, at best. To marry by covenant is to say, “I am giving myself to you unconditionally.” The focus is on giving, even during the inevitable times in marriage and any long-term relationship when one or both partners are getting nothing in return.[2]

In a contract two become connected until the agreement is broken. In a covenant two become committed until death parts them. Contracts are enforced by courts. Covenants are enforced by character. A contract calls for the signing of names; a covenant calls for the binding of hearts.[3]

A Covenant Marriage Is Serious

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. - Simone Signoret

The Hebrew word for covenant is berith, which connotes a cutting of the flesh causing blood to flow out. The Hebrew act of “cutting covenant” was so serious that it was inaugurated with blood. The shedding of the blood of sacrificed animals in the Old Testament and of the blood of Jesus on the cross were acts of covenant. In the Old Testament, covenants were so serious that God held accountable those who broke them.

In Malachi, God identified marriage as a covenant that cannot be broken without serious consequences. God takes very seriously the breaking of the marriage covenant (Mal. 2:13–16). Most committed to this position believe the Bible tells us that God, on request, will set aside the covenant for only two reasons: adultery and death. I would add abuse.

Happy Ever After Marriage Understand Servant Leadership

Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

The Bible makes it plain that the husband is the head of the household. At the same time, as the head of the household, his behavior is to reflect the love that Jesus demonstrated with His life.

I was listening to a podcast earlier this week and something stood out to me. Mike Rowe was dialoguing with the former CEO of WD-40, Garry Ridge. During the conversation, Garry said that he had learned about something called servant leadership and began to implement it in the company. Apparently, it had a huge impact…

Two of the values that Garry mention are:

Value #1 – We value doing the right thing.

Value #2 – We value creating positive lasting memories in all of our relationships.

Surveys of the company showed that 98% of the employees say the love to tell people about the company.

97% say, “I respect my coach” (manager). When asked, “Why”, they said because the coach is here to help me step into the best version of myself. They care about me. They want me to do my best job, and they are willing to help me grow.[4]

Marriage is not a company job, and we are not to manage one another but there is no better servant leader than Jesus and when the Bible tells us to love like Jesus loved and sacrifice the way Jesus sacrificed there is something golden about it.

Christian marriages counselors Tim Clinton and John Trent give us this understanding:

There is no such thing as covenant without sacrifice, and marriage is designed to be the most sacrificial of all relationships. Covenant represents total surrender and involves the merging of one’s life into another. This biblical image of “two becoming one” does not deny personal identity, but it allows the development of a wonderful diversity.

Selfishness is usually the root cause of all marital conflicts. Therefore, the key to a successful and lasting marriage is for the individuals’ wills to die. It takes a lot of dying for a marriage to live. “Me-ness” must become “we-ness.” The more unselfish we are, the happier we will be in our marriage.[5]

Happily Married People Can Identify True Love

In a standalone message on marriage, I have to include what I think is very important to know. Because of the fact that every one of us has certain experiences and a unique background we have to come to agreement on what love is and what love is not.

Fortunately, we have the example of Jesus and a chapter in the Bible that gives us clarity.

1 Corinthians 13:1–8 (MSG) 1If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

2If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

3If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

4Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, 5Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, 6Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

7Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.

8Love never dies…

The only way that we are going to be able to match up to this understanding of love is if we are willing to submit to the Holy Spirit. These qualities are not native to us. They are qualities that remain after we have been smelted in the fire of repentance, forged by obedience in our conduct.

Marriage is covenantal, not contractual. The best marriages are the results of servant leadership. And, couples are wise when they are able to discern true love from imposters.

Enjoy Your Marriage!

As I was preparing to lead last week’s Family Night study I was taken by surprise by a question from the study. It asked,

“What do you consider to the purpose of your marriage?”

I had never thought about marriage in this way. I fell in love and sort of fell into marriage, not unwillingly but I didn’t want to be apart from Cindy. Honestly, I selfishly wanted her. The thought never occurred to me that there would be a purpose of marriage.

But…what if we asked ourselves that question? What is the purpose of your marriage?

- To love and be loved

- To have children and share the love of God with them

- To co-labor together to be a blessing to those around you

- To imitate the love of Jesus and be a light in a dark world

- To be joyful and complete

I think it is a really great question and one that each couple should consider. Finding a response will certainly help you have your happily ever after.

[1]Brabow, Kasandra. “Marriage May Be a Key to Happiness”. Chicago Booth Review. March 25, 2024.

[2]Tim Clinton and John Trent, The Quick-Reference Guide to Marriage & Family Counseling (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2009), 89.

[3]Tim Clinton and John Trent, The Quick-Reference Guide to Marriage & Family Counseling (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2009), 89.

[4] Ridge, Garry. “Any Dumbass Can Do It”. May 13, 2025. The Way I Heard It podcast by Mike Rowe.

[5]Tim Clinton and John Trent, The Quick-Reference Guide to Marriage & Family Counseling (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2009), 90–91.