Growing Your Child's Character

Introduction

Welcome to this new series we will be going through called Parenting Together. This will be a five-part study that is intended to help couples strengthen their marriage while raising their children. The Bible has a lot to say about raising children. One of the things that is says we find in Psalms 127. In fact, this psalm is not only concerned with raising children, but with building a home.

Psalm 127 KJV 1900

1 Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. [You might wonder what this might have to do with the home, but it has everything with building a home, with building a family. If God is not involved in how you live out your family life, all the work that you might put into it will be in vain.] 2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows: For so he giveth his beloved sleep. [It is an empty effort for spouses, for parents, to work the days away if God is not the one directing the family. That phrase, to eat the bread of sorrows, can have one of two meanings. 1) ‘To eat the bread of anxiety.’ It is vain to worry about anything to do with family whether that be finances, plans, or children, if God is not the center. 2) ‘Eating the bread of sorrows’ can also be a reference to eating the fruits of your labor. Without God as the center of the family, even the things you gain by honest, hard work is a source of sorrow. Just ask Solomon.] 3 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: And the fruit of the womb is his reward. [Children are a heritage given to us by God. They are gifts. Gifts that we are to look out for and treat as if they are precious, because they are. Children are not a curse, they are a reward. EVERY child born is a reward to those parents, regardless of the situation or the condition into which that child was born.] 4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; So are children of the youth. [Arrows in the hand of the mighty man, the man of war. Children are like arrows. Parents are to spend their years shaping them and forming them, because one day, it will be the parents that need to launch their children into the world. By that time, just as the fletcher wants his arrows to be straight and polished with a sharp tip and the right kind of fletching on the back, we as parents should want our children to be as ready to fly out into the world as possible. A fletcher uses various techniques to ensure his arrows are ready to send out. He takes a raw stick and shaves it, submits it to high heat and humidity so that he can work all the warps out of it. He carves notches into it, polishes it, and selects the right kind of arrowhead to attach to it, depending on its function. He needs to ensure the proper weight and length so that the arrow will fly correctly. Once it is shot out into the world, there is no retrieving it. Once we send out our kids, there is no retrieving them. We get one shot, typically, to raise them and send them out.] 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: They shall not be ashamed, But they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. [To ‘have your quiver full’ does not mean to have 14 kids. Unless, of course, your quiver holds fourteen. Some couples have a quiver that holds one, others, more. What is the right amount of children? Enough to fill your quiver. What happens if you have a large quiver and only put two arrows in it? They bang around together and run the risk of falling out and being damaged. What happens if you have a small quiver and try to shove 7 arrows into a space that only accommodates 3? You will end up damaging your quiver and your arrows. Have the amount of kids that God leads you to have. No more, no less.]

So, principle number one, and the main thing I want us to remember throughout this study is that God needs to be the center of our home. Our home should revolve around Him. Not around the husband, not around the wife, not around the kids. We must strive to have a Christ-centered home. Strive - fight for it. It will be a fight to have Christ at the center of our home. We are inherently selfish. We want our desires to be at the center, we naturally will lean toward structuring our home life to our ambitions and desires. Husbands will do it, wives will do it, children will try to make the home a place where they can get what they want. But we must fight against our natural tendencies. We must strive to make our homes Christ-centered homes.

We will be watching a video in each of these sessions and then discussing the things that have been covered. I will encourage each of you to bring a pen and a notebook and take notes throughout this series.

The videos are produced by a company called Birds on a Wire Moms. It was created by Karen Stubbs in 2011 as a ministry to mothers so that they can be encouraged and discipled in their journeys as mothers.

Normally, her content is aimed specifically at mothers, but in this series, she is joined by her husband as they talk through different aspects of parenting and the struggles that marriages can face when navigating parenting.

Opening Question

Before we watch our video, a discussion question: What do you think the most important character trait is to teach our children?

Video: Growing Your Child’s Character

So, without further ado, our fist video. (22min)

Review

Romans 5:3–4 KJV 1900

3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, [proven character, approved character] hope:

Four Character Traits

Who remembers the four character traits?

“Teaching character is hard.” - Greg Stubbs

Responsibility

Kelsey’s irresponsible driving. How did they instill the character trait of responsibility in their daughter?

Honesty

Emily - lying about anything if she thought the truth was going to upset anyone.

How did they teach honesty to their daughter? Called her out on every little instance of dishonesty. Showed her that honesty, even when honest answers might be hurtful or disappointing, is the best way to go about things.

Respect

Taylor - Respectful to adult and most others, unless he thought they were not worthy of respect.

How did they teach this character trait to Taylor? Taught him that the Bible tells us to respect authority because it is in place by God.

Kindness

Abby - How did they use the unkindness of her friends to teach her kindness? They taught her not to be bitter and to persevere.

“Character is built during difficult times.” -Greg Stubbs

When you are teaching character it is going to be hard, it will take time, require vulnerability, and it hurts.

Discussion Questions

1. What are the character traits that you feel are most important?

2. When and where do you find it most difficult to teach character?

3. Karen and Greg discussed a character trait that was prominent for each of their children, do you see any character issues that are more prevalent for each of your children?

4. Do you find that it is more difficult for your children to have the wisdom to “know what is right” or the courage to “do what is right”?

5. Are you modeling the character traits you are teaching? In what areas are you struggling?

6. When, where, and with which child are you most likely to “tag you’re it” with your spouse to help share the burden of teaching character?

7. In what ways do you need encouragement from your spouse as you teach and model character to your children?

8. Where do you see each of your children having to “suffer and persevere” in their own character development?

9. Do you feel that you both give equal effort and time to teaching character? List some ways you could both improve.