Principles For Marriage

INTRODUCTION

Good morning and welcome again to First Christian Church. We are so happy to have you with us today as we worship together. I again want to thank everyone for their hard work yesterday at Friends & Family Day. I know it was a lot of work, but in my opinion, it was worth it. We had great weather, a great crowd, Joel and the band sounded awesome, and the hard work of all of our teams was evident in how great the event was. I would call yesterday a ‘win’ for our church.

We are continuing through 1 Corinthians this week, and I want to go ahead and invite you to turn to 1 Corinthians 7 today, and that will be where we begin. You will probably notice, if your Bible has headings over sections, that this section of 1 Corinthians is focused on marriage.

Anytime someone gets married, there are always people who want to give them marriage advice. Couples that have been married 50 years or sometimes 50 minutes all will say they have that one piece of advice that will make your marriage last. I looked up great marriage advice this week, and I ended up finding some quotes from kids who gave their best marriage advice. I want to share a couple of their quotes with you:

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are on fire.”

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck."

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.”

Now, this may not be the advice we need in our marriage today, or maybe some of you husbands need to be reminded to tell your wife she looks pretty even when she looks like a dump truck. Either way, in our passage today, Paul is going to lay out some principles for marriage. These are not the only ones, but these are some great standards for us to hold to. Would you join me in prayer this morning?

PRAY

Paul’s Principles

As we start this passage, I want to say this: while this sermon will be speaking about marriage, it does not mean that the unmarried can just zone out for the day. Every word of God is profitable, and that includes our passage today. Even if you aren’t married, there may be a chance you will be in the future, or you may be unmarried but have children. These truths about marriage are things that we not only want to take and apply to our relationships, but we want our children to see and understand these things as well. Ok, let’s jump into the passage now.

Marriage is Allowed!

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:1–2.

When we open chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians with an interesting statement, “now concerning the matters about which you wrote.” This statement tells us that all that came before, the first 6 chapters, is just Paul addressing what he has heard. Likely, this means that whoever brought the letter may have filled him in on what was going on at the church. Now, Paul is ready to get to what they sent the letter over.

Well, what question did they ask? It seems it was over the idea of marriage. And it seems that it was more specifically about sex. To start, though, I want us to understand that marriage, between one man and one woman, is allowed. It is allowed to all believers in the church and the world. There is no biblical mandate that someone not be married. We will talk about what some call the gift of singleness in a minute, but I want us to have this foundation that there is no biblical doctrine that disallows marriage. That means that our first principle for marriage is this: it’s good!

Paul is saying here at the beginning of chapter 7 that it is good for man to have a wife and a woman a husband. Why is that? Well it goes all the way back to Genesis 2 when Adam is made and has no comparable companion for himself.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2:18–25.

Genesis 2 sets the example and the standard for the relationship between a man and a woman. Adam had no partner, and God made a perfect helpmate for Adam. Eve is made from Adam, she is bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. In this union between Adam and Eve we see what marriage is. It is two becoming one flesh, both in a physical way but also in a spiritual connection. It is the man and wife leaving their parents and becoming a new family unit.

This leads us right into our next principle on marriage.

Sex is a Healthy Part of Marriage!

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:3–5.

If you remember, Paul has been warning the church at Corinth about the danger of sexual immorality. This sin has been a mark on the church, and it is also a mark of the culture at Corinth. At the time, it was very common for men to spend time and money with temple prostitutes. This was the cultural norm for that society, and as the Gospel starts to infiltrate the society, there is now a change coming upon the people of Corinth. They do not want to be a part of these old practices, and in a somewhat normal human reaction, they seem to swing the pendulum to the other side and want to remove themselves from marriage and sex at all. Because of this an anti-marriage party has sprung up. They are promoting both the idea people should not marry and that married people should be celibate.

What the church has done is start to say that celibacy is the way to go, because it takes away the risk of some kind of sexual immorality. Now, on paper, that may sound good. You can’t have a problem with sexual immorality if you decide to never be in a relationship. But in reality we have been created with a desire to be in relation with the opposite sex. Celibacy may be good for some, but it is not superior to what marriage is. By being married you can actually help to protect yourself from sexual immorality.

Paul takes this thought even further by explaining that we should not withhold our sexual relationship in marriage. He gives one reason why, to devote yourself to a time of prayer. At face value, these verses can feel aggressive, and you could probably find some teaching somewhere that has taken these verses and misapplied them. I have heard men stand in a pulpit and say, “see the wife cannot deny the husband sex, she would break the law of God to do so.” Can I tell you today, that is not what Paul is saying.

The intention of this section is to tell the church that celibacy inside of marriage is not good. Do not decide to be celibate, not sleeping with each other, because you think it will help you flee sexual immorality. That thinking was wrong because it implied that sex in marriage was immoral. It is not! God designed sex for marriage!

The Gift of Singleness

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:6–11.

Concession may not be the best translation of this word. The greek word means more along the lines of having a “common mind” or an “awareness.” Paul is saying that he understands that there is a gift in marriage and a gift in singleness. When one is single, like Paul is, they have more time to devote to the things of God. When one is married, there are other things that fill the schedule as well. You have to make time for family, and anyone with a family knows their calendar fills up quick.

Paul is acknowledging that the widowed or unmarried could stay that way, but if you feel as though you cannot exercise self-control, then marriage is ok as well. By saying each has their own gift, he is acknowledging that neither singleness nor marriage is more of a gift, each are gifts of God.

The gift of singleness is a rare spiritual gift. There have been few people that I have encountered in my Christian life that I could say have had this gift. If you haven’t actually been given this by God, you will find it to be spiritually and morally frustrating to practice it. But also know that this gift is a blessing from God. It is not a lesser gift or a punishment, it is a gift from God. Those that have been called to be celibate in life should not be treated as though they are second class citizens.

Marriage is hard work, but it is worth it!

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

1 Corinthians 7:12–16.

The last principle for today is simply that marriage is hard work, but it is worth it. For anyone in here that has been married any length of time, you can attest to that. Marriage takes intentional time and effort. And while sex is part of marriage, it is not the entirety of marriage.

Marriage discussions in the church will typically settle on one of two scenarios. First, you have a couple who both know Jesus as their savior and are attempting to raise their family to love Jesus. I say attempting because any parent in here can tell you there are good and bad days. But we want to do our best to help point our families to Jesus. Parents, listen to me as I say this, your first ministry is to the children in your home. Just as you could not survive by simply eating once a week, you cannot come to church once a week and expect that spiritual maturity and growth will happen. We have to be modeling what it means to be a disciple of Jesus in our home. When kids see mom and dad reading scripture, praying, worshipping God, then it helps them to learn to do that as well.

The second scenario is what we see Paul talking about in these verses. One spouse is a believer and the other is not. The first truth Paul gives for these couples is there is no need to divorce if the unbeleiving spouse consents to live with you. Meaning that they are unbelieving, but are not hateful toward you. If they agree to allow you to practice your faith, then Paul says there is no need to divorce.

Paul uses this idea that because there is a believer in the marriage, the spouse and family are “made holy.” Now this does not mean that they are saved, but that the house is still set apart, they are still sanctified. That family can still be blessed by the presence of the believer. And the children of that couple are still able to be raised up in the faith, their salvation is not guaranteed, but there is a believing parent that can work to raise them to know and follow Christ.

This relationship can be hard, and there can be real pain in the heart of the husband or wife that knows Christ as they yearn for their spouse to surrender. But there is hope in this relationship. There is a real hope that your testimony, as someone who knows Christ, can speak to them in ways that others cannot. As they see you living a life following God, the Gospel is on full display for them.

Paul does give the caveat that if the unbelieving spouse leaves, they want nothing to do with faith and leave over it, do not feel bound to them. Obviously our prayer would be for repentance and reconciliation, but divorce circumstances are for another day. For the church, when we know of those type marriages, we are to fervently pray for them. Pray for the believing spouse to be a light for Christ, pray for comfort for them as they desire to see their spouse surrender to Jesus, and pray for the softening of the heart and the work of God in the life of the unbeliever.

There is a third marriage that is not specifically mentioned here. Two unbelievers that are married. Today, maybe this describes your marriage. Maybe you are a single person here today that has never given their heart to Christ. You have never repented of your sins and followed Jesus. Why not make right now the time you surrender, repent of your sins, and follow Christ.