The Problem of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality

1 Samuel 15:7–24 ESV

And Saul defeated the Amalekites from Havilah as far as Shur, which is east of Egypt. And he took Agag the king of the Amalekites alive and devoted to destruction all the people with the edge of the sword. But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep and of the oxen and of the fattened calves and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them. All that was despised and worthless they devoted to destruction. The word of the Lord came to Samuel: “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following me and has not performed my commandments.” And Samuel was angry, and he cried to the Lord all night. And Samuel rose early to meet Saul in the morning. And it was told Samuel, “Saul came to Carmel, and behold, he set up a monument for himself and turned and passed on and went down to Gilgal.” And Samuel came to Saul, and Saul said to him, “Blessed be you to the Lord. I have performed the commandment of the Lord.” And Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears and the lowing of the oxen that I hear?” Saul said, “They have brought them from the Amalekites, for the people spared the best of the sheep and of the oxen to sacrifice to the Lord your God, and the rest we have devoted to destruction.” Then Samuel said to Saul, “Stop! I will tell you what the Lord said to me this night.” And he said to him, “Speak.” And Samuel said, “Though you are little in your own eyes, are you not the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you king over Israel. And the Lord sent you on a mission and said, ‘Go, devote to destruction the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’ Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord? Why did you pounce on the spoil and do what was evil in the sight of the Lord?” And Saul said to Samuel, “I have obeyed the voice of the Lord. I have gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me. I have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and I have devoted the Amalekites to destruction. But the people took of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the best of the things devoted to destruction, to sacrifice to the Lord your God in Gilgal.” And Samuel said, “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has also rejected you from being king.” Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.

Top Ten Symptoms of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality

Using God to run from God

You know, you can do something that seems good and right, but it’s for the wrong reason. What we are talking about here is filling your time up with “Christian” activities in order to escape pain. It becomes a problem when you use this constant busy-ness to avoid difficult areas in your life that God wants to change.

Ignoring Anger, Sadness, and Fear

There are those who are ruled by their emotions in an unhealthy and unbiblical way. More often, however, you meet Christians who do not believe they have permission to admit their feelings or express them openly—especially difficult emotions like fear, sadness, shame, anger, hurt, and pain. But how can we listen to what God is saying and evaluate what is going on inside when we cut ourselves off from our emotions?

We are made in the image of God. The word of God clearly shows that our heavenly father feels. He loves. He hates. He gets angry. He regrets. To cut our emotions out of our spirituality is to slice off an essential part of our humanity.

Dying to the Wrong Things

Luke 9:23 ESV

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

That’s a good verse. But so many people apply that verse inappropriately, leading to a theology that says, “The more miserable you are, the more you suffer, the more God loves you. Disregard your unique personhood. It has no place in God’s kingdom.”

While we are called to die to the sinful parts of who we are, we are not called to die to the good parts of who we are. God filled this world with good things for us to enjoy, but so many Christians feel guilty for experiencing pleasure. God created each of us uniquely, wiring us each differently with essential qualities that reflect and express him in a unique way. Those desires we have are meant to lead us on our journey to becoming who God created us to be.

Denying the Impact of the Past on the Present

As Christians, a fundamental part of our belief is that when you come to Christ, you are transformed. Our church’s theme verse is Revelation 21:5

Revelation 21:5 ESV

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

When we come to Christ, our sins are wiped away and we are given a new name, a new identity, a new future, a new life. But that does not mean that our past will not continue to influence us in different ways. Real healing and transformation requires us to face our past in order to overcome it.

Dividing My Life Into Sacred and Secular Compartments

According to Gallup polls, evangelical Christians are as likely to embrace lifestyles every bit as hedonistic, materialistic, self-centered, and sexually immoral as the world in general.

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When choose to compartmentalize our lives into our “spiritual life” and our “personal life” rather than take a good look at our lives, we limit what God can do in us. Even worse, we negatively impact our Christian witness.

Doing for God Instead of Being with God

When my identify comes from what I do for God rather than learning who God says I am, I get a false sense of self. I become contaminated by ego, power, the need for approval from others. I get a mistaken idea of what success means in the kingdom of God. I set myself up for a fall. I start trying to fix myself. I send a false message to others that what they need is a life for God rather than a life with God.

Spiritualizing Away Conflict

Nobody likes conflict.

Romans 12:18 ESV

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

The Bible gives us clear instructions on how to handle conflict. Unfortunately, most Christians avoid conflict rather than resolve it. We lie about our feelings. We make promises we have no intention of keeping. We avoid people who we disagree with.

Jesus’ life was filled with conflict. But through his life, Jesus showed us that the only way to have REAL peace is to face the conflict and work to resolve it.

Covering Over Brokenness, Weakness, and Failure

Trying to look like we have it all together. We hide what we perceive as our flaws from each other, and to ourselves. All this does is create a congregation of hypocrites rather than promote real healing. How can there be real healing if we won’t admit we need to be healed?

Living Without Limits

As Christians, we are taught to serve each other. So many of us have trouble saying no when someone asks for help. But the fact is, we are human. We can’t do everything. It’s important to know when to say no, to set limits. This is my family time. I already have another commitment. I am not equipped or able to help you with that.

Judging Other People’s Spiritual Journey

One of the lessons we tend to learn in church is that I am my brother’s keeper. We tend to think that means that I am responsible to correct my brother’s error or sin or counsel people who were messed up spiritually.

But when we think that way, we tend to fall into the whole “pointing out the speck in your eye while I walk around with a log in my eye” thing. The best witness we can be is to be honest about our own junk and focus on our own spiritual healing and transformation.

1 Corinthians 11:1 ESV

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

As you work to become healthier spiritually and emotionally, you actually give witness and become a testimony of what God can really do in a submitted life.

Going back to our opening passage, Saul had been appointed king, not by man, but by God. God had poured his spirit on Saul, empowering him to lead Israel. But Saul let his own insecurities cause him to sin.

He constantly caved to popular opinion. He thought his position exempted him from certain consequences. He blamed others for decisions he made.

God had told Saul to completely destroy the kingdom of King Agag. God said this because he wanted the world to know that this destruction was his judgment on the Amalekites. It was the common practice for one kingdom to invade, conquer, and pillage another. To destroy everything, including all the good stuff, is definitely making a statement. But Saul didn’t do that. He let his own personal baggage interfere with his duty to God, causing him to disqualify himself from what God had called him to.

We all understand the concept of icebergs. For every piece of the iceberg we can see floating above the water, there is a whole lot more submerged and hidden from sight. For so many of us, our Christian’s discipleship addresses the visible tip of the iceberg, but does nothing for hidden stuff going on below the surface in our lives.

But God is calling us to live transformed lives, and that includes the parts of our lives we would rather ignore. But when we learn to face and admit the unhealthy parts of our emotional lives, we give Jesus room to bring real healing.