2025 Lonliness

Loneliness

Psalm 25:16-22

After more than 40 years of marriage, a woman’s husband suddenly dies, and for several months she sat alone in her house with the shades pulled and the doors locked. Finally, she realized something: Loneliness was killing her, and she needed to do something about it.

She went down to the pet shop and thought that this was the solution: Having a pet for good company. She looked at the dogs and cats, goldfish and rats… and even the snakes! Nothing seemed quite right until she was introduced to the prized parrot of the store.

“Does he talk?” Oh, he is a real chatter box, a friendly bird with a very wide vocabulary… that is why he cost so much. “Sold,” said the lady. And after a week of talking to the bird and no reply… she became worried and went back to the store.

“How’s the parrot doing… he’s a real chatter box isn’t he?” Not a word… not one word. “Well didn’t you buy a mirror for him?” A mirror? That’s the problem; he needs to look at himself and become more comfortable, and in no time… he will be talking. Another week goes by… and not a word.

“I am worried; he is not talking, he looks lonely, and he looks at himself all day and… nothing. “Well, didn’t you buy the ladder?” A ladder!? No, I didn’t know anything about a ladder. Well, that’s it. He needs a little exercise, and this will work like a charm… he’ll be talking in no time. Another week goes by and still not one word…

Well, try using the swing for his enjoyment… and another week goes by and still not one word. Suddenly the store door bursts open and the woman come storming inside really steaming and the owner met her at the counter… “Hey, how’s that parrot now? I’ll bet…. “He’s dead!”

What? I can’t believe that. I am just shocked. Did he ever say anything at all? Yes, as a matter of fact, it did. As it lay there taking its last few breaths, it said very faintly… “Don’t they have any food down at that store…?”

Sometimes we look in the wrong places and go to the wrong things for answers and solutions to our problems… and the same is true for the issue of loneliness.

Loneliness, what is it? Loneliness is that painful awareness, that we lack meaningful contact with others. It Is inner emptiness, restlessness – An intense desire to be wanted and needed by someone. And it can be overwhelming, consuming and devastating at times.

This is also been called one of the greatest fears of all time – The fear of being alone. And it is related and connected to different kinds of illnesses and sicknesses.

*Some suggest that there are 3 types:

Emotional – Lack or loss of intimate relationship with another

Social – Feeling of not belonging to a group, feeling left out, lacking social skills to relate to others.

Existential – Sense of isolation which comes to the person who is separated from God – Who has a God-size hole in their hearts and feel that life has no meaning or purpose.

What are some of the causes? How can we minister to others?

1. Wrong ideas about ourselves. Negative ideas about self, about our bodies, health, appearance, abilities. No confidence in ourselves. All of these make it difficult for us to get out and build friendships.

2. Poor family relationships. Moms and dads, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters… are just not connected. We grew up that way and we may have stayed that way. Now, the warm bodies may have been or may be in the room… but they are not really there connecting.

3. Society. Society has changed and now there is no time for personal communication and relationships. T.V., social media and fast pace living hurts us and disconnects us from others… which leads us to loneliness.

4. Changing circumstances. Some folks are lonely because of circumstances and situations that separated us from others. Moving, divorce, long-term illness and death may have been involved.

5. Attitudes. Some people’s attitudes keep themselves from being connected. Some people are so competitive that they separate. Some people are so independent that they separate themselves. And some folks are so possessive and demanding that they can’t keep people around.

6. Anger. Some folks are lonely because they have allowed anger and bitterness to drive others away, and isolate themselves… with only compounds the problem.

7. Sometimes it is the inability to communicate that hinders relationships. Shyness, feeling misunderstood, stupid, insecure… and so on.

8. Fear. Maybe fear is a big cause today. People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. Fear pushes others out. Fear of people knowing the real you, fear of being rejected or being hurt again… People think: Loneliness is painful but rejection is just as painful…so…

Verse 18-19 - People’s hatred does damage to our lives.

Hurt people… don’t want to get hurt again… so we isolate.

Have you been able to spot one or a few possible causes for your loneliness, at times. Maybe you have a few more to add. Maybe your thinking about certain people right now.

Listen: It is quite possible that loneliness is rooted in this: There is distance between you and God.

1. For the unbeliever: You are created by God and for God; you are created for a relationship with your God but you don’t have one and that is why you are lonely. This is why you don’t have rest, and you have emptiness. Because, God is not inside.

2. For believers: Unconfessed sin causes distance. Not communing with God through prayer and the Word will cause distance. Not trusting Him or His promises will cause loneliness.

a. Someone once said this: “Loneliness is spending your days alone with your thoughts, your discouragements, and having no one to share them with…”

Where does all of this lead? It leads to depression, worthlessness, lovelessness, self-pity, self-centeredness, self-abuse, as well as violence and substance abuse. Youth and adults alike will suffer these and will attempt to cause pain, cut and use drugs to “drown the sorrows.”

Some people join gangs in attempt to belong. Some will become transgender or homosexual to be part of a group. Some folks will fake illnesses to get attention. And some people will join churches, clubs, cults and others… not for what they believe… but just to belong, and not be lonely.

The Bible says that loneliness is not good. God created man for relationships, and we see the need that each and everyone of us has as we try to function as healthy human beings before God. The Bible shows us our need for communion… first with God… and then with a community of other people: the church.

We need this. We need love, help, encouragement, and care. We belong to God and we belong to one another.

But before you join a church, a club, a cult or anything else. Before you run off to look into a mirror, and before you get a ladder and a swing… Before you start addressing your appearances, get exercise and enjoy some pleasure… to get you into a better mood or attitude…

What’s going on… on the inside. Before we can have good relationships with people we need to have a good relationship with God… and if that is the source of your loneliness, you will need to keep people around you every second of the day… and keep them from dying. (Certain actors say this)

The solution to loneliness is filling your heart with the eternal presence of God, a Person who will never leave or forsake us… someone who will be with us when everyone else leaves or passes away.

My God does not want us to be lonely or live with loneliness.

My God says, “Come to Me; cast your cares upon Me; tell Me everything.” God says, “I will heal the broken-hearted; I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you.”

All souls, great and small, will experience loneliness. But we don’t have to live there.

We can run to God. And as the church, we can run to one another.

Psalm 25:16-18 offers us a prayer today: “Turn Yourself (God) to me and have mercy on me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have enlarged; oh bring me out of my distresses! Look upon my affliction and my pain, and forgive all my sins.”

Start here… and begin to be intentional about connecting with others. The people in your life needs a friend… get out of your isolation and call someone. Crawl out of the silence and be a part of a group that will get you out of your shell.

Come out to the darkness and into the life.

Church, go after them, look for them, and be ready to serve them for Jesus.

We only have one life to live. So why live it in isolation? You were made for relationships. We belong to God and we belong to one another.

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