Fighting Words

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Video: Fighting Words

Title of the Message this Morning is:

FIGHTING WORDS

Main idea:

We live in a world filled with conflict—whether it’s between nations, communities, families, or even individuals.

But have you ever stopped to wonder why we fight?

What’s behind the quarrels that so often erupt in our relationships?

James gives us an answer that points inward, not outward.

He doesn’t say it’s because of politics or other people’s actions, but because of something happening within us—our own desires.

Fighting Words explores how these desires give rise to conflict and how we can change the way we handle them.

Prayer:

“Lord, please help us to identify and work through the sinful brokenness inside all of us.

Heal us Lord from our mis-aligned motives that cause quarrels and fights among us.

Redeem our internal lives, Lord, so that our external ones may bring you glory.”

Scripture: James 4:1-3, Genesis 4, Philippians 4:7

(All scripture is taken from the NIV unless otherwise noted)

Introduction

Welcome everyone!

In James, we encounter a letter filled with practical wisdom that challenges us to respond to God’s Word in ways that transforms our lives.

James, the brother of Jesus, doesn't shy away from urging believers to go beyond intellectual belief and embrace a faith that is lived out in everyday actions.

He makes it clear that faith must not remain confined to thoughts and words; instead, it should manifest in tangible responses that reflect God's will.

This letter is like a spiritual mirror, prompting us to examine how we respond to the Word and whether our faith is active and authentic.

This last truth is especially evident when we consider how our internal sinful desires are at the root of the external fights and quarrels that break out among us.

Pastor - This could be the perfect place to share a poignant cultural example of how internal sinful desires and motives lead to external fights and arguments. Where have you seen this truth evident in the world around you?

With this in mind, let’s get into our passage for the day and see what James has to teach us about words, motives, and our response to it all.

Main Teaching

Read James 4:1-3

The Root of Conflict: Selfish Desires (James 4:1)

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?" (James 4:1)

James cuts to the heart of the matter, telling us that conflict originates not from external factors but from within ourselves.

At the center of every fight is a clash of desires.

We all want things—whether it’s control, recognition, comfort, or power.

These desires aren’t necessarily evil in themselves, but when they go unmet, they can stir up bitterness, frustration, and, eventually, quarrels that break out around us.

Think of the last argument you were involved in.

What was driving you?

Was it really about the issue at hand, or was there something deeper going on?

Perhaps you felt disrespected or overlooked.

Maybe you wanted to assert your control over a situation, and when that control was threatened, you lashed out.

James invites us to look honestly at ourselves, asking us to admit that many of our conflicts are born out of selfish ambition.

The internal battle spills over into our relationships, leading to quarrels and fights.

It can be difficult to be honest about this, to admit our own brokenness, but we all have it.

We need to take a step back and examine our hearts.

When you feel tension rising in a conversation or conflict brewing, ask yourself:

“What do I really want here?”

Is it more important for me to be right, to win, or to be understood?

Or is it more important to seek peace and preserve the relationship?

Identifying your underlying desires can help diffuse a situation before it escalates.

Biblical Illustration:

We see this dynamic at play in the story of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4).

Cain’s desire for approval from God led him to envy his brother Abel.

That unchecked desire turned into anger and eventually murder.

Cain’s external conflict with Abel was merely a reflection of the internal conflict he had with his own heart and his relationship with God.

This shows how destructive our unchecked desires can be when we fail to bring them before God.

2. Unmet Desires Lead to Destructive Actions (James 4:2a)

"You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight."(James 4:2a)

James goes on to describe what happens when our desires are frustrated: they lead to harmful actions.

We may not literally kill someone, but we often kill relationships with our words, kill trust with our actions, or kill peace with our bitterness.

When we covet—when we long for something that doesn’t belong to us—we are willing to harm others to get it, whether through manipulation, gossip, or outright aggression.

This echoes what Jesus taught in Matthew 5:21-22,

where He equates hatred in the heart with murder.

It’s a sobering thought that the conflicts we harbor, even those we think of as “small,” can have spiritually destructive consequences.

Reflect on the way unmet desires might be affecting your relationships.

Are there situations where your frustration over not getting what you want has led you to act out in anger?

Whether through harsh words, passive-aggressive behavior, or resentment, these actions tear down the people around you.

When faced with unmet desires, we must choose between feeding the frustration or surrendering the desire to God.

In 1 Samuel 19-24 we see that Saul’s desire to remain king led to intense jealousy of David, who had been anointed as his successor.

Saul’s unmet desire drove him to irrational, violent actions, chasing David to kill him out of fear and jealousy.

This is obviously the outcome we want to avoid as we take our broken desires and sinful frustrations to God.

3. The Misuse of Prayer: Asking with Wrong Motives (James 4:2b-3)

"You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (James 4:2b-3)

Finally, James shifts our attention to how we approach God with our desires.

It’s not just about the fact that we have desires, but how we handle them.

Do we take them to God in prayer, or do we try to satisfy them on our own?

And when we do pray, are our prayers driven by a desire for God’s will to be done, or are we simply asking Him to fulfill our selfish wants?

James calls us out for asking with wrong motives, treating God like a vending machine to fulfill our pleasures rather than a loving Father who wants to shape us according to His will.

True prayer is about aligning ourselves with God’s heart, not just seeking what we want.

We must consider how we approach God in prayer.

Are you asking for things that will ultimately glorify Him and bring you closer to His purposes, or are you asking out of selfish ambition?

When you feel frustrated because your prayers seem unanswered, ask yourself, “Am I praying with the right motives?”

True prayer seeks transformation of the heart, not just the fulfillment of desires.

True prayer happens in a relationship, and within that relationship we can learn to trust the outcome, no matter what happens.

Think about how Jesus teaches us to pray in the Lord’s Prayer

(Matthew 6:9-13), “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

This is a model of how our prayers should be aligned with God’s will.

Instead of focusing on personal gain, we are called to surrender our desires to God and trust that His will is best for us.

It takes practice to pray this way, and it takes an ample dose of humility, but it’s worth the effort.

Conclusion

James' teaching here in verses 4:1-3 challenges us to examine our hearts and our approach to conflict.

It’s complicated because we are complicated.

It’s difficult because our deep seeded sin and brokenness are difficult to uproot.

Here are several ways we can put this message into practice this coming week and beyond:

Examine Your Desires:

Whenever you face a conflict, take time to reflect on the underlying desires driving your frustration.

Is it a desire for control, comfort, or approval?

Bring these desires before God and ask Him to purify your motives.

Surrender to God’s Will:

Rather than fighting to get your own way, learn to surrender your desires to God. This doesn’t mean your desires don’t matter, but it does mean trusting that God’s will is better than your own.

Pray for Transformation:

Let your prayers become more about transformation than getting what you want.

Ask God to align your heart with His, to give you a desire for peace, humility, and love, even in the midst of conflict.

Seek Peace, Not Victory:

In moments of conflict, choose to be a peacemaker rather than someone who needs to win.

As Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9).

By applying these principles, and others we learn throughout the book of James,we can move away from quarrels and fights toward a life marked by peace, humility, and a deeper trust in God’s provision and purposes.

And hopefully along the way we even get to experience a little bit of that “peace that transcends understanding” that the Apostle Paul talks about in Philippians 4:7.

Let us Pray

Salvation:

The Word of God says in: John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Romans 10:13 NKJV

For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

If you’d would like to receive Jesus today, please pray this prayer with all of us:

Lord I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He died On the cross for my sins and His resurrection from the dead gives me eternal life. I ask forgiveness of my sins, and I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Amen.

Pastor [e-mail]

Church Office: 909-922-8090

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Benediction Scripture

"You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (James 4:2b-3)

Have a Great Week! Goodbye!

This is Pastor Doc and Lady Pepper signing off until next time we meet. Love you all!