Strong Marriage. Strong Family.

Reading from God’s Word

Ephesians 5:31–33 CSB

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

Introduction

“When I got married, I was looking for an ideal… but it turned into an ordeal… and now I want a new deal.”

You’ve probably heard that quote before — maybe in a book, a class, or maybe you’ve even said something like it yourself.

It’s funny because it rhymes.

But it’s heartbreaking because it’s true for so many couples — even in the church.

What starts with joy, excitement, and the dream of lifelong love can slowly give way to resentment, isolation, and tension.

The laughter fades, connection weakens, and couples begin to ask: Is this all there is?

Marriages are under tremendous pressure today:

Cultural confusion about gender roles and commitments

Overloaded schedules that leave little time for connection

Financial stress, parenting challenges, emotional baggage

And a constant message from the world: If it’s not making you happy, leave.

And let’s be honest — it’s not just a problem “out there.”

It’s a problem right here — in Christian homes.

In many congregations, you’ll find marriages that are hanging on by a thread.

Couples who are struggling behind closed doors.

Children growing up in homes full of coldness or conflict.

And far too many stories that end in quiet heartbreak or public disaster.

But I want to say something today that cuts through all the noise:

You cannot have strong families without strong marriages.

It doesn’t matter how well you parent…

how many church activities you attend…

or how much love you pour into your kids…

If your marriage is crumbling, your family is at risk.

Because God designed marriage to be the foundation — the first human relationship He created.

It’s not just a romantic partnership — it’s a covenant with eternal purpose.

And when that covenant is neglected, everything built on it begins to wobble.

So tonight, we’re not going to talk about marriage as a checklist of tips or techniques. We’re going deeper than that.

We’re going to ask: Why did God create marriage in the first place?

We’re going to see that your marriage exists for something much bigger than just your happiness.

And we’re going to discover that when your marriage is centered on God’s glory, it becomes strong — not just for your sake, but for your children, your church, and even your community.

Because a strong marriage doesn’t just bless your home — it multiplies blessing for generations.

Let’s open our Bibles and take a fresh look at God’s vision for marriage — and what it means to build a relationship that truly lasts.

Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract

When most people think about marriage today, they think in terms of a contract.

A legal agreement.

A partnership.

Something that can be entered into — and exited — based on performance, compatibility, or preference.

But that is not how God defines marriage. In Genesis 2:24–25, we’re told:

Genesis 2:24 CSB

24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

That is not a contract.

That is a covenant.

A holy union established by God Himself — binding man and woman in a spiritual, physical, and emotional oneness that reflects His nature and design.

A contract is based on performance — you do your part, I’ll do mine.

But a covenant is based on promise and presence: I’m with you, no matter what.

Malachi 2:14 makes this clear when the Lord rebukes unfaithful husbands:

Malachi 2:14 CSB

14 And you ask, “Why?” Because even though the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, you have acted treacherously against her. She was your marriage partner and your wife by covenant.

So let’s pause and ask a hard but honest question:

Are we treating our marriages as covenants… or as contracts?

Are we viewing marriage as something sacred, meant to last for life — or something disposable when things get tough?

Are we building our homes on the vows we made before God — or on our shifting emotions?

Here’s what covenant marriage looks like, right from Genesis 2:

It Involves a Leaving

Genesis 2:24 CSB

24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

“A man leaves his father and mother…”

Marriage creates a new loyalty. A man and woman form a new household, and their first allegiance is no longer to mom and dad — but to each other.

That means:

You don’t compare your spouse to your parents.

You don’t run to mom or dad every time there’s tension.

You make decisions together, as one.

Leaving doesn’t mean abandoning family — it means reordering your priorities in obedience to God.

It Involves a Bonding

Genesis 2:24 CSB

24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

This Hebrew word for “bond” or “cleave” (דָּבַק / dabaq) means to stick like glue.

To hold fast.

This is deep, intentional union — not just physical intimacy, but a life-woven-together kind of commitment.

You share everything:

Your time

Your body

Your dreams

Your burdens

Your spiritual walk

And when it gets hard — you don’t run. You hold fast. You fight for each other, not against each other.

It Involves a Becoming

Genesis 2:24 CSB

24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

This is the covenantal mystery.

Two people — two lives — becoming one. One home. One purpose. One mission.

This isn’t instant. It’s not just a honeymoon reality.

It’s a lifelong journey of becoming one.

And it can only happen when both partners commit not just to each other, but to the God who joins them.

Jesus says in Matthew 19:6:

Matthew 19:6 CSB

6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

It Requires Seeking God First

Matthew 6:33 CSB

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.

You cannot fulfill your marriage covenant if your life is not centered on the God who designed it.

When you seek God first:

You stop expecting your spouse to “complete” you.

You stop using your marriage to serve your ego or meet unrealistic expectations.

You start seeing your marriage as a platform to honor God — through forgiveness, service, and trust.

Your marriage isn’t a business deal — it’s a sacred covenant.

It’s not held together by feelings, but by faith. It’s not sustained by chemistry, but by commitment. It’s not measured by how happy you are today — but by how faithful you’ll be until death do you part.

If you want a strong family, it begins with a covenant-anchored marriage.

God’s Character Must Shape Our Marriages

Marriage doesn’t just need effort — it needs transformation.

And that transformation begins by allowing God’s character to shape who we are as husbands and wives.

We must be honest: even in a covenant marriage, we will face moments of frustration, selfishness, distance, and hurt.

In those moments, our instincts may say, “Protect yourself.” “Pull away.” “Say what you feel.”

But God calls us to something higher:

To let His nature — not our emotions — determine our actions.

In other words, your marriage will only grow strong and lasting when both partners are being shaped by who God is.

So what does that look like?

To answer that, we must look at who God is.

God's Nature Sets the Pattern

God is not cold, distant, or reactive.

He is holy, patient, just, merciful, and abounding in steadfast love.

He forgives. He speaks truth.

He keeps covenant even when we are faithless.

That’s the kind of character that builds a lasting relationship — and it’s the character we’re called to reflect in marriage.

Consider what that means practically:

God is patient — so we learn to be patient with one another’s weaknesses.

God is forgiving — so we extend grace when we are wronged.

God is truthful — so we speak honestly, not to harm, but to heal.

God is faithful — so we remain committed, even in seasons of disappointment or difficulty.

We are not called to love each other out of our own strength — we are called to love out of our knowledge of Him.

The Example of Christ and the Church

Nowhere is this clearer than in Ephesians 5:22–33.

Paul writes that marriage is a picture — a living parable — of the relationship between Christ and the church.

In verses 25-28, Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church — with sacrificial, servant-hearted, steadfast love.

In verses 22-24, Wives are called to respect and follow their husbands as the church submits to Christ — with trust, humility, and honor.

That’s a high calling — and it’s impossible to fulfill if we’re not being daily shaped by Christ Himself.

These verses are not about dominance or hierarchy — they are about mutual submission to the will and character of God.

They are about painting a picture of Jesus in our homes.

When a husband lays down his selfishness and leads with humility, he reflects Jesus.

When a wife responds with grace and strength, she reflects the church's devotion to her Savior.

Together, they display a gospel-centered love that the world desperately needs to see.

This Only Happens Through Deep Satisfaction in God

Here’s a key principle that unlocks everything else:

“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.” – John Piper

You will never have the power to love your spouse with God’s kind of love if your heart is empty, resentful, or distracted.

You need a deeper source. You need to be satisfied in God.

Psalm 63:3 CSB

3 My lips will glorify you because your faithful love is better than life.

When you truly believe that God’s love is more valuable than anything else — even your spouse’s approval or performance — you’ll have the strength to endure, to serve, and to love with joy.

That’s what Paul was talking about in Philippians 3:8:

Philippians 3:8 CSB

8 I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

When Christ becomes our supreme treasure, our relationships begin to reflect His grace.

If you're waiting for your spouse to "deserve" your love before you give it, you're not following the gospel.

Jesus loved us while we were still sinners. And that’s the model for every Christian marriage.

Why This Matters

If God’s character is not shaping our hearts, we will default to pride, impatience, bitterness, and control.

But when we yield to Him — when we daily walk in the Spirit — we begin to reflect His likeness in how we speak, serve, forgive, and endure.

The goal of marriage isn’t just to make us happy — it’s to make us holy.

That holiness is not stiff religion.

It is joyful, powerful, radiant Christlikeness.

And when a husband and wife are both growing toward God — individually and together — their marriage becomes something sacred and beautiful.

Not perfect.

Not painless.

But rooted, resilient, and radiant.

A marriage like that preaches the gospel without saying a word.

Let’s Get Practical: Ask Yourself...

Am I becoming more like Christ in the way I treat my spouse?

Am I more patient, gentle, and faithful than I was a year ago?

Am I seeking satisfaction in God first — or expecting my spouse to fill what only God can provide?

Is your marriage centered on Christ — or on comfort, convenience, or control?

Your Marriage is the Foundation of Your Family

If the marriage relationship is weak, the family structure will always be unstable.

So many families today are struggling — not because their kids are rebellious or their finances are tight — but because the marriage at the center is broken, neglected, or out of balance.

That’s because marriage isn’t just a part of the family — it is the foundation of it.

In Psalm 128, the family blessing begins with a man who fears the Lord.

His wife is described as a fruitful vine, and his children like olive shoots around the table.

Psalm 128:3–4 CSB

3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children, like young olive trees around your table. 4 In this very way the man who fears the Lord will be blessed.

It’s a picture of peace, joy, and blessing — but it flows outward from the marriage.

The home flourishes when the marriage is rooted in God.

What Your Marriage Teaches Your Children

Your marriage is the primary classroom for your children.

They are learning, every day, what love looks like.

If they see parents who are kind and respectful to one another, they’ll learn how to communicate with grace.

If they witness forgiveness and humility, they’ll grow up knowing how to resolve conflict.

If they feel the warmth and safety that comes from a unified home, they’ll carry that security into every future relationship.

But the opposite is also true:

If they grow up watching cold silence, bitterness, or hostility, they will absorb that dysfunction — and may even replicate it later.

If they see their parents arguing constantly or living like strangers, they may wonder whether marriage is worth it at all.

You don’t have to be perfect — no marriage is — but you do have to be intentional.

Your children don’t need to see a flawless romance.

What they need is to see a couple who stays — who forgives, who grows, who prays, who holds fast to their promises because they love God and one another.

Marriage Comes Before the Kids

Your marriage must come before your children.

That’s not to say your children aren’t deeply important.

Your relationship with your spouse is what creates the stability your children depend on.

Think of it this way:

Your kids will eventually grow up and leave the house.

Your spouse will remain.

If your entire identity is built around parenting — but you’ve neglected your marriage — you may find yourself living with a stranger once the kids are gone.

But when the marriage remains strong, the family remains whole — through the teenage years, the launching years, and even into grandparenting.

In Proverbs 31, the excellent wife is praised by her husband and children alike. Notice how the marriage comes first, and the household blessing flows from that core of trust and love.

God's Design is Multi-Generational

This isn’t just about one marriage or one generation. It’s about building a legacy.

When you prioritize your marriage and shape it around God’s character, you're planting seeds that grow far beyond your own home.

You’re equipping your children to one day build strong marriages of their own.

You’re showing the next generation that commitment still matters, that love is possible, and that God's design is good.

Colossians 3:18–19 gives us clear guidance:

Colossians 3:18–19 CSB

18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them.

When this happens, the home becomes a place of peace, order, and spiritual growth.

When it doesn’t, the home becomes a battleground — not just between spouses, but in the hearts of the children watching.

If you want to build a strong family, don’t start with parenting tips or schedules or school choices.

Start with your marriage.

Because when your marriage is centered on Christ, when it's rooted in covenant, shaped by God’s character, and nourished with grace — your whole household will feel the strength of that foundation.

And through your marriage, your children will catch a glimpse of what it means to love and be loved… the way Christ loves His church.

When You Struggle, Go Back to the Source

Even the strongest, most faithful, God-honoring couples go through seasons of hardship.

Marriage is not easy.

It’s a daily choice to die to self and love another imperfect person.

And when you’re in the middle of a rough season, it’s tempting to believe the lie that you’re the only one going through it — or that your situation is beyond repair.

Remember:the strength to endure in marriage does not come from within you. It comes from Christ.

Go Back to the Cross

When you're tired, when you feel distant, when conflict repeats itself, when your heart is heavy — don't run to escape.

Don't give in to comparison, blame, or despair. Go back to the cross.

The cross is where love was redefined.

At the cross, Jesus gave Himself for a broken, undeserving bride. He bore rejection and pain and showed the kind of love that stays, serves, and forgives — even at the greatest cost.

Philippians 2:5–8 calls us to adopt the same mindset:

Jesus emptied Himself… and humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death — even to death on a cross.”

That is the posture of gospel love. Humble. Patient. Willing to sacrifice. Willing to serve.

You Are God’s Workmanship

Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that:

Ephesians 2:10 CSB

10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.

That includes your marriage.

You’re not on your own.

You are being shaped, refined, and equipped by a faithful God. And He doesn’t abandon His work.

Even when you’re struggling, He is near. He is working. He is able to redeem what is broken.

Romans 12 gives us the relational blueprint for how to live this out:

12:9: Let love be without hypocrisy.

12:10: Be devoted to one another.

12:12: Rejoice in hope, be patient in affliction, and persistent in prayer.

12:17: Do not repay evil for evil.

12:18:

Romans 12:18 CSB

18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

This isn’t easy. But it’s possible — through the Spirit of God working in you.

Marriage is not about perfection — it’s about perseverance.

As We Close

Earlier, we began with a question many couples have asked in their hearts: “What happened to us?”

We’ve seen how marriages, even those that begin in joy and promise, can slowly drift — from closeness to conflict, from passion to pressure, from unity to isolation.

But we’ve also seen that the way back — the way forward — is not through self-help, superficial fixes, or giving up.

The way back is through God’s design.

Marriage is not a contract of convenience — it is a covenant of commitment.

It is not about what we get from each other, but how we reflect the glory of God to each other.

It is about two people, created in His image, called to mirror His character — through humility, grace, sacrifice, and love.

When God’s glory shapes your marriage…

When your spouse becomes not a problem to fix, but a person to love…

Then your home becomes stable. Your children feel secure.

And your legacy reflects the glory of Christ.

And when your marriage is strong — your family has strength.

Your children have security.

Your home becomes a place of peace and joy.

And your legacy becomes something holy and lasting.

No marriage is perfect. Every couple struggles. But every Christian marriage has this unshakable hope:

God is in it. He is working. And He is faithful.

If you need to recommit.

or you need to forgive.

or confess where you’ve fallen short.

Invite God back into the center — not just of your home, but of your heart.

Let’s be the kind of people — and the kind of church — that honors marriage. That fights for strong families. That speaks truth and offers grace. And that builds homes where Christ is king.