"Till Death Do Us Part"

Doxology:

This is my Bible. It is God’s Holy word. It is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path, and I will hide its words within my heart, that I might not sin against God. Amen!

Scripture Reference: Matthew 5:27-32

Context

We are continuing through the Sermon on the Mount. Before us today, we have such an important text. It is such an important text because it deals with the sins against one of the most foundational and crucial elements of the Christian Church: Biblical Marriage.

If there is one thing that the devil has succeeded at more than the rest, I would say that it is destroying the concept of Biblical Marriage.

The divorce rate today for first-time marriages is said to be around 50%. This number is not completely accurate simply because of how they measure it. But even if we go with that number, that means that one out of every two marriages end in divorce.

The divorce rate for second marriages jumps up to between 63%-65%.

For third marriages and beyond, it jumps up to over 70%.

But according to Focus on the Family, “those with a strong common faith have a 35% lower risk of divorce. Couples who attend church weekly are 47% less likely to divorce.”

So there is something to be said about the effect of having God in your marriage.

The verses we have before us today outline two sins against biblical marriage:

Matthew 5:27–30 NKJV

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Matthew 5:31–32 NKJV

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Let’s pray!

Content

Before we dive into these verses, I first want to lay a foundation for what biblical marriage is and should be. Then we will come back to these verses, as we should then be able to appreciate them a little more.

The Sanctified Nature of Biblical Marriage

Genesis 2:18–24 NKJV

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

The Characteristics of Marriage

Friendship

Genesis 2:18 NKJV

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

God did not want Adam to be alone. Matter of fact, He saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Have you ever noticed that this is the only thing that God looked at in creation and said that it was not good. Everything else He looked at, He said it was good, but when He saw that Adam had no one of his own nature to spend time with, God said, “It is not good that man should be alone.”

Your spouse is your person. They are supposed to be your best friend. They are the ones that you can tell anything to and know that they will keep it to themselves. They are the ones you can trust no matter what. They are the ones you bare all to and give everything for. They are to be your BFF.

Companionship

Genesis 2:24 NKJV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

When it says that a man is to be joined to his wife, that word for joined there, means to cling to. Its literal meaning is that two things are glued together, never to be separated. This is speaking to the covenant of marriage. It is why when we take a marriage vows, we say, “Till Death Do Us Part”, or some today reword it to say, “As long as you both shall live.”

To cleave, or cling, or to be joined to a spouse is to decide that you are picking them to be your forever partner. They are the one whom you have decided to spend the rest of your life with, loving, cherishing, supporting, and sacrificing for. They are your one, your only one. It means that for the rest of your lives, you will forsake all others, meaning that you will not be intimate with anyone else outside of this one person whom you have devoted yourself to for the rest of forever. And notice that it was God who brought Eve into Adam’s life. God brings us together with our special someone and divinely aligns the stars so that we might have that special someone in our lives forever. Why? Because He looked down and determined that it was not good for man to be alone. God does this for us. And that someone who god has brought to us is to be that someone for the rest of our lives.

Matthew 19:4–6 NKJV

4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Intimacy

The two shall become one flesh. After the marriage takes place, the marriage is consummated. This is where these two individuals come together in the flesh and fully give themselves to one another. Everything is made whole. Everything becomes known. And this is the point of no return. It is one of the most beautiful things in all of creation.

God designed this moment, the moment when both the husband and the wife come together in sexual relationship to be a special moment enjoyed by them, and only them. It is when all is revealed, but in a special, loving way that is secret to only themselves. It is the special thing that they share with one another that is to be shared with no one else. It is special; it is sacred; and it should be saved for that special someone in the bonds of marriage.

Sex outside of marriage is called fornication in Scripture and it is a form of sexual immorality.

1 Thessalonians 4:3–4 NKJV

3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,

1 Corinthians 6:18–20 NKJV

18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

Statistics have shown that when someone is not a virgin and gets married, the percentage of them getting a divorce goes through the roof. Statistics also show that those who cohabitate, which means they live together before getting married, has a 40% higher chance of getting a divorce than those who choose to do it the right way.

Chastity can not be overemphasized. Once you give that part of yourself away, it is something that you can never get back. And that special moment is to be reserved for marriage. To do it before then is sinful in the eyes of God, and it will be damaging to your relationships moving forward. Each and every time you give that part of yourself away to another person, you are lessening the value of what it will and should mean to your future spouse.

Unfortunately, it is so common today for kids to do this… yes I said kids. Kids are now giving themselves away as early as 10-12 years old. It is so common for kids to do this now, it is referred to as their “body count”. Back in the day, if someone had a body count, it meant that they were a murderer. Now it simply means that they have had sex with multiple people.

Parents… have the conversation with your children. It is awkward, it is uncomfortable. But I promise you, they are already having the conversation with other kids, and what they are learning from them, is not what God has to say on the subject. Teach your kids the Biblical meaning of this and the importance of it. Do not let them out of this conversation. Make them have it with you. Ask them directly if they have already been involved, and if they have already crossed that line, force them to look you in the face and either tell you the truth or lie to you, but do not pass this off as something unimportant, because it is of grave importance.

To quickly recap:

God ordained marriage to be between one man and one woman.

This man and woman are to be divinely connected to one another and wholly devoted to one another.

Their marriage is to be first and final, meaning that it has been sought after through prayer, many conversations, and a steadfast love for one another that is not breakable.

Each individual is to save themselves for marriage. This is the will of God, and this is what is best for us.

The Spiritual Nature of Biblical Marriage

Ephesians 5:22–33 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Within this text, Paul gives us a very detailed and very graphic picture of biblical marriage.

Starting in verses 22, Paul begins to break down for us the God-given roles of the husband and wife within the covenant of marriage:

The Wife

A Submissive Role

Three times, in three verses, it points to the submissive role of the wife to her husband:

Submit to your own husbands - vs. 22

The husband is head of the wife - vs. 23

Just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything - vs. 24

It is clear then, that God has defined the role of the wife to be one of submission. In fact, it is very clear that this is the case.

The Husband

A Leadership Role

The role of the husband is to be that of leadership. He is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church (vs. 23). But this leadership is not to be enacted through force or might. Rather, this leadership is to be enacted through the means of love.

Husbands, love your wives, - vs. 25

Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies - vs. 28

Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself - vs. 33

So these are the defined roles, set forth by God, for the husband and wife within the covenant of marriage. The wife is to be submissive unto the husband and the husband is to lead his wife in love.

So starting in verse 22, Paul defines the roles of marriage for each party, but then when he gets to verse 32, he says something that is so important:

Ephesians 5:32 NKJV

32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

He tells us that marriage is more than just friendship. He tells us that marriage is more than just companionship. He tells us that marriage is more than just sharing an intimate relationship. He tells us that biblical marriage is given to us by God, but is also given to us to portray Christ and the Church to our children and to the world. In other words, Paul tells us that true biblical marriage is spiritual in nature.

As we go back through these verses again, what we find is that each of these defined roles that has been given to us by God are meant to serve a much higher purpose.

Ephesians 5:24–25 NKJV

24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

The wife’s role of submission is meant to personify the Church’s submission unto Christ, and the husband’s role of leadership through love is meant to personify Christ’s love for the Church.

Understanding this, we can now realize that the roles that God has defined for both the wives and the husbands are not done so from a physical perspective, but from a spiritual perspective.

Once the spiritual nature of these things are unpacked, what you find is that both roles are very similar to one another.

The Wife’s Role

The Greek word used for submit here means to have “a voluntary attitude of cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.

Genesis 2:18 NKJV

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

The Hebrew word used for helper here means “to surround, protect, or aid”.

When you put the understanding of these two words together, what you get is an individual who voluntarily places themselves under the leadership of another person for the sake of surrounding that person with their presence, their protection, and their aid.

Because the meaning of this term submission is voluntary, it does not mean that wives are forced into submission, or that they have no other options. It means that they want to submit to the leadership of their husbands for his benefit, so that they might be there to help him become the man that God designed him to be. With your presence, your protection, and your aid, you push your husband to be a better man, protect him from evil influences upon his life, and aid him in being what God has called him to be. That is the role God has called you to.

It is also important to see that this very same word used to describe Eve, the wife and helper of Adam, is used to describe God in several places throughout the Old Testament:

Psalm 121:1–2 NKJV

1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? 2 My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 70:5 NKJV

5 But I am poor and needy; Make haste to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.

The idea is that your husband, though he is called upon by God to be the leader of your home, will not always have the strength or wisdom to do what needs to be done. He will grow tired and weary along the way. So God has called upon you to be there when he needs you the most. He will need your support, your prayers, your encouragement, your respect, and your love. That is what God means to be a submissive wife. You are to push your husband forward into the leadership that God has called him into.

The Husband’s Role

Ephesians 5:25 NKJV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Husbands, you have been called on by God to be the leaders of this biblical marriage, and you have been called to do so by the means of love… the same kind of love that Christ showed to the church. He loved the church so much that He gave His life for the church. But why did He give His life for the church? So:

Ephesians 5:26–27 NKJV

26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Your calling as the leader of the home is to guard the home against all uncleanness and filthiness of the world. You are to guard the heart of your wife against any and all forms of sin. You are to lead your wife in the paths of righteousness, so that when Jesus comes back, she will be sanctified, glorified, holy, and without blemish.

This love that you are to have for your wife should be driven by spiritual advancement. The decisions you make in your home should be driven by spiritual advancement. You have been called to be the spiritual leader of your home, and the love that you have for your wife is what compels you to step into that role and lead well.

This is why it is so important for young couples to take their time and move slowly when it comes to marriage. You are not just looking for a stud or a babe.

Young men, you are looking for a young woman who you would give your life for. You are looking for a young woman who is willing to follow your lead. You are looking for a young woman who will support you, encourage you, and cheer you on.

Young women, you are looking for a young man who is willing to put you second in all things only because God is first in his life. You are looking for a young man who wants the best for you. You are looking for a young man who has the desire to guard your heart and be honest with you, even when it hurts. You are looking for a young man who is close to God, driven by His presence, and leads only as he follows the Master.

When biblical marriage is done correctly, the husband and wife will portray the fullness of God to everyone who looks upon them, especially their children. Both of them, working together, will fulfill their roles to portray Christ and the Church.

That is the Spiritual Nature of Biblical Marriage.

The Serious Nature of Biblical Marriage

The family is the first of only three institutions created and ordained by God throughout the entirety of Scripture. Therefore, it serves as an essential element to the Kingdom of God.

One of the main reasons it serves as such an essential element to the Kingdom of God is because of its reproducing nature. This naturally instills within it great power. If done so correctly, it becomes essential to the multi-generational reproduction of the Christian faith. If done so incorrectly, it becomes essential to the destruction of the Christian faith from one generation to the next.

God gave us the institution of family to instill within us and our children the completeness of who He is and the love that He has for us. If the family operates in a biblical standard, it paints the picture of God’s desire to be in fellowship with us. But if the family operates outside of the biblical standard, it fails to completely portray the fullness of God, or even worse, paints a false picture of who God is altogether.

The family serves as an essential element to the survival of the church. If the families of the church fail, the church fails. One man said years ago, “A nation is only as strong as the families that make it up.” If we lose the concept of biblical marriage, we have lost the church, and if we lose the church, we have lost the nation.

Lifeway Research 2019: 66% of American young adults who attended a Protestant church regularly for at least a year as a teenager also dropped out for at least a year between the ages of 18 and 22.

Barna Group research reveals that the percentage of young-adult dropouts has increased, and a study found that 64% of young adults had dropped out of church.

Gallup reported that 75% of those who attended church regularly as children are “not interested at all” in attending church as adults…

Other Studies suggest that 70% - 80% of youth leave the church after graduating high school, with factors like moving to college, perceived hypocrisy, lack of connection, and disinterest in the church’s stance on social issues being common reasons for leaving.

The Sinful Acts Against Biblical Marriage

Matthew 5:27–30 NKJV

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

The first is that of adultery.

Adultery is defined in Scripture as when a married individual has sexual relations with someone else who is not their spouse.

According to God, this is a form of sexual immorality. It is such a horrible sin, that it is one of the very few reasons that God allows divorce. We have discussed how that marriage is supposed to be between one man and one woman for one lifetime. But God does a give a stipulation that if one’s spouse is unfaithful to them, it can be grounds for divorce.

This is why sex outside of marriage is such a bad idea. The more you do it, the less it means to you. It no longer has any sacred meaning. It simply becomes a thing you do for physical pleasure with absolutely no spiritual meaning at all. If you enter into marriage with that mindset of intimacy, it will be almost impossible to keep yourself devoted to one person for the rest of your life. As soon as things get boring, less pleasurable, less fun, or difficult, you will find someone else to spice things up.

Adultery is not just a sin against yourself and your partner. It is a sin against God. It damages the picture that you are supposed to be painting for your children and the world through your marriage, and therefore damages a whole lot more than just the trust of your spouse.

Also, Jesus takes things a step further in these verses by saying that if you even look at another individual with lust in your heart, you have already crossed the line. Think about that. That is how serious your devotion to your spouse must be.

Matthew 5:31–32 NKJV

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Marriage is not meant to be broken. God hates divorce:

Malachi 2:16 NKJV

16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

Divorce was never meant to be the go to, but rather the failsafe when all else failed. Just like with the sacrifices of the OT. God never meant for sin to become commonplace simply because they could offer up a sacrifice for atonement. He wanted faithfulness, but He knew that people were not perfect, so the sacrifice was put in place as a failsafe.

God wants faithfulness in your marriage, but if one person loses all sense of control and devotion to their spouse, God knew that the other spouse would need a way out. So he gave divorce as a means to save the faithful spouse from an unjust relationship, but this was never the desire of God’s heart.

Biblical Marriage is the desire of God’s heart.

Commitment