Forgiven to Forgive

Text: Matthew 18:21-35

Main Point/FCF: The truth of the gospel demands that we forgive our brothers and sisters in Christ when they sin against us.

Last week we looked at how the Church is supposed to respond when one of its members sins and remains unrepentant. We saw that we have an obligation as the Church of Christ to hold one another accountable, and to show through our membership that salvation comes through faith and repentance and produces a transformed life.

But, because that is true, it should rarely be the case that a professing believer refuses to repent when confronted with their sin. As believers with the Holy Spirit indwelling us, we should be quick to recognize and repent of sin in our lives. But, that doesn’t mean we don’t sin.

So, the question is, how then do we respond as a church when one of our members confesses their sin and repents?

Matthew 18:21–35 ESV

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Prayer

It’s kind of funny that we get hung up on the concept of church discipline. Peter, it would seem, had quite the opposite problem. He had no trouble casting out the tax collectors and sinners. But, he got hung up on verse 15:

Matthew 18:15 ESV

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Peter’s question was, “Wait, so if he repents when I confront him, I’m just supposed to forgive him?”

Jesus’ response and the parable he tells show us an important principle:

Forgiven people are forgiving people.

Matthew 18:21–22 ESV

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

In the past two weeks as we’ve gone through Matthew 18, we seen how the Kingdom of God requires humility, and I made the point that this entire chapter is about humility. Church discipline in vv. 15-20 presupposes that true believers are humble enough to admit when they’re wrong and repent when confronted with their sin. But this goes both ways.

Humility is required both of the offender and the offended.

If someone is humble enough to admit they were wrong and that they sinned, we have to be humble enough to forgive them and release that debt.

The entire point of Jesus’ parable here is to remind us of how great a debt we have all been forgiven.

Matthew 18:24 ESV

24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.

A talent was roughly 20 years’ worth of wages. So, we’re talking about 20 x 10,000 or roughly 200,000 years’ worth of wages.

The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, Volume 9: Matthew–Mark (Revised Edition) Commentary

We glimpse some idea of the size of the indebtedness when we recall that David donated three thousand talents of gold and seven thousand talents of silver for the construction of the temple, and the princes provided five thousand talents of gold and ten thousand talents of silver (

Commentators vary on the exact value, but the general consensus is that ten thousand talents would be equivalent to somewhere in the neighborhood of $1-10 billion in our currency today.

So, this servant begs and pleads the master to give him more time. Knowing full well the man could never repay the debt, the master forgives him (v. 27)

Matthew 18:27 ESV

27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.

But then, this man turns around and treats his own servant shamefully. (v. 28)

Matthew 18:28 ESV

28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’

A denarius was about one day’s wages. So, 100 denarii is 100 days’ wages.

Now, 100 days’ wages is not an insignificant amount of money—we’re talking maybe tens of thousands of dollars.

But the first servant owed 200,000 years’ worth of wages and was forgiven his debt!

100 days’ wages is not a small amount of debt. But, in comparison to the debt he had just been forgiven, it’s pretty trivial.

Jesus intentionally picked an absolutely ridiculous amount of money beyond anyone’s imagination to make a point. There was absolutely no way the first servant could ever repay this debt. And that’s precisely the point.

Each and every Christian has been forgiven a debt that is infinitely greater than any debt another person might owe us.

Romans 5:7–8 ESV

For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Ephesians 2:1–7 ESV

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

When you truly understand the depth of the sin of which you have been forgiven, the wrong that another brother or sister in Christ might commit against you pales in comparison.

You say, “But you don’t know what they did.”

The fact is that what they did probably was wrong. I’m not trying to excuse or downplay what someone has done to you. People do some truly terrible, evil things to one another.

But however evil and awful the sin, God’s grace is always greater.

The key to forgiveness is not in minimizing the sin of man but in magnifying the grace of God.

Those of us who bear the name of Christ have been forgiven an extraordinary debt. We were enemies of God, children of wrath, sinners doomed to hell,

Ephesians 2:4–5 ESV

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved...

So, when a fellow believer sins against us or our church, and they come and plead for mercy and forgiveness, how could we possibly withhold it?

Matthew 18:32–33 ESV

32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’

Unforgiveness is not an option for a believer. It all comes back to humility and pride. When we refuse to forgive, we declare a false gospel. We declare that whatever our brother or sister has done to wrong us is more serious than the debt we have been forgiven by God.

What if they never apologize?

The context of this passage is primarily about a brother or sister who acknowledges wrongdoing and repents. In those cases, there’s zero ambiguity. It doesn’t matter if they sin against you 100 times, you still have to forgive them when they repent.

But what if they don’t repent?

In this case, it’s helpful to distinguish between two types of forgiveness that the Bible talks about.

Attitudinal/Dispositional Forgiveness

Transacted/Granted/Relational Forgiveness (Reconciliation)

Transacted Forgiveness (Reconciliation)

This is conditional upon repentance; Might be best called “reconciliation,” but the Bible does refer to this as “forgiveness” at times.

This is always our aim

Biblical examples

A good example of this kind of forgiveness is the forgiveness we receive from God when we repent of our sins and are saved.

Acts 2:36–38 ESV

Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.” Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

The kind of forgiveness that brings about reconciliation and salvation is dependent and conditional upon our repentance.

Luke 23:40–43 ESV

But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Another example occurs in the context of Church discipline.

Matthew 18:15 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

The purpose of Church discipline is to call a member to repent. If they do repent, we are called upon to extend full, transacted forgiveness and reconciliation. We see an example of this in 2 Corinthians:

2 Corinthians 2:5–11 ESV

Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

May release the offender from some of the punishment(s), depending upon the situation

Restores the relationship that was broken; brings a restoration of peace and mutual love.

This is always the goal, but sometimes isn’t possible because the other party refuses to repent. In that case, we are still called on to extend another form of forgiveness...

Attitudinal Forgiveness

This is unconditional; This is always required

Vertical focus: between me and God

Purpose: To release bitterness from my heart; to keep my relationship with God right.

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.”

—Unknown

This kind of forgiveness is a comittment between you and God:

to release the offender from my judgment and entrust him to God,

to empty my heart of bitterness,

to be ready to grant transacted forgiveness and reconcile the relationship, if the offender repents.

Biblical examples:

Luke 23:34 ESV

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

When Jesus said “forgive them,” did that grant salvation to all those who were crucifying him? No, of course not! Jesus’ forgiveness in this instance did not accomplish reconciliation and salvation for all those standing there. Their salvation was still contingent upon their repentance and faith.

But, Jesus here lays aside his right to revenge for this particular sin, refusing to harbor bitterness or resentment towards his murderers, and gives the right of judgment to God. He’s modeling love for his enemies for us.

He expresses his openness towards reconciliation with them, if they should repent (which many did!)

Another place we see attitudinal forgiveness is in the Lord’s Prayer.

Matthew 6:11–12 ESV

Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Mark 11:25 ESV

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

There are going to be times when even though you try to reconcile, someone is just unrepentant and unwilling. In that case, the relationship may remain broken. But, you are still called on to forgive them.

Why? Because your own relationship with God is at stake.

Illustration: Story of Esther Silas in PNG.

When we first went to PNG, we soon met a woman that would become like family to us—Esther. Esther worked as a house cleaner for many of the missionaries in PNG, including us, but she became one of our closest friends in PNG. As we got to know her, she began to tell us about herself and her story.

We soon discovered that only a month before we had arrived in PNG, Esther and her family lost everything in one night in December 2016.

Someone in their village had died and the family of the deceased thought that Esther’s family (her father) had used sorcery to kill the person. So, they retaliated.

The family of the deceased raided Esther’s village with machetes and torches. They raped women and girls and drove her and her family out into the jungle. They burned down homes, cut down banana tree groves, and what they didn’t burn down they stole for themselves.

They took possession of the land, gardens, homes, possessions, everything. In one night, Esther and her family lost everything.

There was no insurance to repay the loss, no police to set the matter straight, no justice whatsoever. Her livelihood, her home, her sense of safety, all stripped away in a moment.

To this day, Esther cannot go back to her village for fear. The guilty men reportedly later realized that they had made a mistake and that she and her family were innocent of the allegations, but righting the wrong would cost them so much that they still have not repented to this day.

So, Esther has had to bounce around from place to place, trying to find a “home” in a country where land cannot be bought or sold but simply passed down through generations. She’s lived with the stigma of sorcery over her family. Anytime she begins to get ahead and establish herself, someone gets jealous, which sparks fears of more sorcery accusations.

But, in July/August of 2017, we had the opportunity to give Esther her first Bible. She began reading it every day and night. She began reading it to her brothers, who were hell-bent on revenge. PNG culture expects that. Being a man means avenging your family when stuff like this happens. But, as she read Scripture each night by candlelight and solar lanterns, the Holy Spirit began to work in her family’s hearts.

She and her brothers realized that Christ was calling them to forgive their enemies—some of whom where men in their own family who had betrayed them.

Instead of taking revenge, one of her brothers (Jeffrey) became a preacher and travels around from village to village preaching the gospel. The other brother (Jethro) came to work for me and helped me build a translation office that we used to translate the first portion of Scripture into the Mubami language.

It wasn’t easy for them. I could see the struggle in Jethro’s eyes as he was torn between revenge and forgiveness. And forgiveness is not something that is always a “one-and-done” thing; sometimes you have to remind yourself day after day “I have forgiven this person, I will not let bitterness sneak into my heart.” But, I also saw God do something miraculous in their lives as they chose to lay down the hurts and extend the forgiveness God had given them.

We are to maintain a heart of forgiveness, a heart that is free of bitterness and resentment.

Does not release the offender from the consequences of his/her sin, but gives the right of judgement and punishment over to God

Relationship remains broken, but you maintain an attitude of willingness to reconcile.

Forgiven people are forgiving people. And, the opposite is true as well...

Unforgiving people are unforgiven people.

Matthew 18:32–35 ESV

32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

It would be easy to conclude that Jesus here is teaching a works-based theology of salvation and apostasy. That once saved, we can lose our salvation by not forgiving someone. But that’s not what Jesus is teaching here.

What Jesus is doing is telling a parable from a human perspective. Humans are not able to see into the heart, all we have to go on are the external actions that express what is in the heart.

What separates the various degrees in a homicide charge according to Federal law comes down to intent and premeditation.

(a) Murder is the unlawful killing of a human being with malice aforethought. Every murder perpetrated by poison, lying in wait, or any other kind of willful, deliberate, malicious, and premeditated killing...is murder in the first degree.

Any other murder is murder in the second degree.

18 U.S. Code § 1111 - Murder

Notice that even in our own law code, the thing that separates first degree murder and second degree murder is the murderer’s intent. But, intent is something within the mind and heart of someone. So, how do courts determine what is in someone’s heart? How is anyone ever convicted of first degree murder?

Judges and juries examine the evidence. They look at text messages, eyewitness testimonies, and the actions of the defendant. If a defendant went out the day before, bought a gun, texted his buddy “I’m gonna kill that guy,” drove across town to the victim’s house with a loaded gun, broke in, and shot him, we can reasonably conclude that the defendant fully intended to kill the victim. It was willful, deliberate, malicious, premeditated, “with malice aforethought.”

What does this have to do with forgiveness?

When the Bible says things like, “Unless you forgive, you’re going to Hell,” or “No murderer, adulterer, thief, or liar will go to heaven” it isn’t saying that we can lose our salvation or that our salvation depends on our actions—it’s speaking of the external evidence.

Repentance and salvation aren’t visible—they’re internal realities that are difficult for us to determine—like intent in a murder trial. Oftentimes, we have difficulty determining our own hearts when it comes to salvation and repentance.

We find ourselves struggling with questions like, “Am I really saved? Have I truly repented?”

But God in his Word, like a good judge, uses our actions as the evidence for what is in our hearts.

If the defendant we talked about earlier says to the judge, “I didn’t mean to kill him. It was an accident,” the judge and jury aren’t just going to take his word for it, they’re going to examine the evidence. He purchased a gun the day before. He send threatening texts. He had a motive. He drove across town to the guy’s house and illegally entered it. He pointed the gun and pulled the trigger. All those external actions point to an internal reality—there was malice in his heart.

And if you do not forgive, then the internal reality is that you have not been forgiven.

Refusal to forgive comes from an unrepentant heart.

Matthew 18:32–34 ESV

32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.

Jesus calls unforgiveness “wicked,” evil.

Worse still, the word that is translated “jailers” in the ESV is probably better rendered “torturers.” It only occurs once in the NT, right here, but in other Greek documents it always refers not just to a guard but to a torturer. In the description of the Martyrdom of Polycarp, the word is used of those who burned Christians at the stake.

Jesus says, then, that those who refuse to forgive are “wicked” servants who will be handed over to torture.

That seems harsh, right? I mean, if Jesus knew what that person had done to us, he’d be a little more understanding, right? Wrong.

There’s a chain of events that happens in our hearts when we refuse to forgive, and it starts with refusing to humble ourselves and accept God’s forgiveness.

Matthew 18:3 ESV

3 and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

When someone refuses to humble themselves, to turn and become like a child, it produces self-righteousness towards God and others—an attitude of “my sins aren’t so bad. I can atone for my sins on my own. I can set the ledger straight. I’m good enough to earn my way into heaven, I don’t need grace and mercy.”

This attitude leads us to treat others and their sins as worse than our own. To elevate ourselves and subjugate others. To think of our own sins as not that bad while holding the sins of others over their heads. This is the epitome of self-righteousness, and it comes like poisonous fruit from a wicked heart.

Matthew 12:33–37 ESV

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Unforgiveness is evidence that our heart is still wicked—in self-righteous rebellion to God—and that is the “malice aforethought,” the internal sin that is punishable by eternal separation from God and torment in Hell.

What if I can’t forgive?

Then no amount of mustering up your own strength will make a difference. If you cannot find it in your heart to forgive, then your real problem is between you and God.

First, you need to do some serious thinking about your own soul and the perilous position you are in with God.

Meditate on your own sin. Think of how your sins put Jesus Christ, the perfect sinless, Son of God, on that cross. Think of the cost of your sin as God’s wrath against your sin was poured out on his only Son. Think of how serious your sin was that it required a blood sacrifice to be made. Think and meditate on your own sin until you are broken and you can’t think of anyone else’s sin.

Meditate on how hopeless your situation was outside of Christ. How you were a child of wrath, destined for Hell.

Think of how even your best good deeds were as filthy rags in the sight of God. Think of how your prayers were an abomination to him before you became a believer.

And then, think of what Christ has done for you. Think of how he paid the penalty for your sin and granted you a pardon. Think of how he took your shame upon himself as he hung naked, humiliated upon that tree. Think of how he took the stripes, the beating, the mocking, the torture that you deserved.

And realize that there was absolutely nothing that you could ever do that would repay that debt.

Then, repent. Turn from your wickedness and bitterness and resentment and self-righteousness and become like a child. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God. Acknowledge that you were dead in your trespasses and sins, you were a wicked, unforgiving and unforgiven servant.

Confess your sins and he will forgive you.

1 John 1:9 ESV

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

And then, in light of Christ’s forgiveness, forgive. Set that person free, and you will find that when you forgive, it is really you that are set free.

Isaiah 1:18–20 ESV

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be eaten by the sword; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

Matthew 18:35 ESV

So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Benediction: Col. 3:12-17

Colossians 3:12–17 ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Reflection Questions:

How many times does Jesus say we should forgive someone who repents according to Matthew 18?

How is humility related to forgiveness?

What practical steps can we take to foster a forgiving heart in our day-to-day interactions?

How does unforgiveness relate to the condition of our hearts according to Jesus in this parable?

What two types of forgiveness were discussed in the sermon and what are the similarities and differences between them?