Tearing Down the Wall

GAME: building a wall

Marie- the wall story

THE PROACTIVE PURSUIT OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

1 Peter 3:11 “Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.”

Hebrews 12:14 “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:”

Matthew 5:23–24 “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

We both pursue for a few reasons:

we must both pursue resolution

because problems are best mutually resolved

ignoring conflict doesn’t make it go away; it makes it worse

When it comes to conflict, nothing is worse than doing nothing.

GOOD MARRIAGES SOMETIMES SLEEP ON IT

Ephesians 4:26–27 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.”

The principle here is that we should not let our conflicts linger for days or for weeks. We should resolve them quickly.

it’s okay to take a break

if you do take a break, be sure to take time the next day to communicate

Don’t let it ride and don’t let it slide.

USE SOFT WORDS TO KEEP A CONFLICT FROM ESCALATING

Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: But grievous words stir up anger.”

Think of your marriage like a levy. You can flood a conversation or you can allow words like water to slowly flow, rather than an ocean of anger.

Proverbs 17:14 “The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: Therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”

The power of the tongue

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

use the best words

choose to think the best of your spouse, rather than the worst

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER

Ephesians 4:31–32 “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Forgiveness means releasing the offender from the obligation to repay a debt.

SURRENDER

Surrender is honesty with God that leads to the abandonment of one’s own plans and rights because of the belief that what God has for us can be trusted to be so much better than what we have for ourselves— even if we have to lose to experience it.

Here’s the deal. When we are in a conflict, we feel like we are right and that our stand is the only right option But here’s the reality: we instinctively believe that the conflict will go away if the other person repents and changes. BUT OUR SURRENDER TO GOD requires our humility.