Real-Life Suffering

INTRODUCTION:

We live in a culture that's allergic to pain. Comfort is king. Convenience is queen. Suffering an intruder kept at bay at any cost. 

We postpone difficult conversations, mask painful emotions, and distract ourselves to numb reality. 

But avoidance doesn't solve the problem—it only delays it and deepens the pain.

Despite our best efforts, suffering still crashes into our lives:

A young mom gets a diagnosis that changes everything about her future.

A father loses his job, plunging his family into uncertainty.

A teenager wrestles silently with crippling anxiety and despair.

A marriage once filled with joy now barely holds together.

These aren't hypothetical scenarios—they're happening right now, in the real lives of real people in our church. 

Real people face real pain, and real Christians are not exempt.

Sometimes people assume that following Jesus prevents suffering.

On one level it does. At another, it doesn’t.

Following Jesus prevents suffering that’s self-inflicted from foolish choices. Life tends to go better when you operate it how God designed.

At the same time, following Jesus creates hardship you wouldn’t have faced otherwise. Persecution and martyrdom are the best example of this type.

In that way, suffering is universal and unavoidable in a world that’s marred by sin.

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live or your religious orientation. In this world, you WILL have trouble. (John 16:33)

It’s one of the great challenges to faith in God today.

Baby faith rarely survives “big boy/girl” problems when they surface in life. Faith in Jesus gets crushed beneath the weight of struggle and pain.

Many try and deal with suffering by raising the question of “WHY.”

It’s an important and interesting question. There’s an entire philosophical tradition dealing with the question under the banner of theodicy.

But this isn’t a series about philosophy. It’s a series about “Faith In Real Life.”

Set The Table

We’re going to explore a more practical and relevant question.

More practical than asking “why” is answering “how” to view our suffering.

Given suffering, how should we endure it? Is there a way to view our suffering so it builds up instead of tearing down?

This is a welcome contribution in a culture that avoids the topic all together.

The author of Hebrews couldn’t avoid the question so he addressed it head on.

Converts from Judaism, these readers were ostracized by family, friends, and society at large. Following Jesus robbed them of comforts they previously enjoyed.

They were persecuted, mistreated and thrown into prison. Their property had been confiscated and they had no recourse for retribution.

In the face of that suffering, the author of Hebrews doubles down.

He presents the “Hall of Fame of Faith" filled with OT characters who also suffered.

Some of them saw the reward of faith before they died. Most, however, died NOT having received it. They died in faith because they saw something better, beyond the here and now. 

The ultimate example is the Lord Jesus Christ. His suffering becomes a template for understanding our own.

Hebrews 12:3–7 CSB

3 For consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, so that you won’t grow weary and give up. 4 In struggling against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, 6 for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives. 7 Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?

FRAME YOUR SUFFERING:

Your focus, in suffering, frames how you’re going to see it. 

How you see your suffering will shape the way you respond. 

One focus results in growing weary and losing heart. A different focus results in perseverance and getting stronger.  

The author of Hebrews calls us to shift our gaze. To "consider Jesus." 

When you look to the suffering of Jesus on the cross you notice a few things.

God is not an enemy. He’s a loving heavenly Father.

Jesus is not a criminal, he’s the beloved son of God.

His suffering wasn’t vengeance or retribution, it was a redemptive act of love.

Suffering As Discipline

If Jesus viewed his suffering through that frame, why would we not view our suffering through the same?”

Hebrews 12:7 “Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?”

We must view our suffering as a Father’s loving discipline.

When you hear the word discipline what comes to your mind?

Getting in trouble? A spanking? Going to the principles office?

Whatever the specifics, discomfort in discipline is not an end in itself. It’s a means to a greater end - so that the person under discipline will learn.

And so it is for this Greek word translated discipline.

It’s the Greek word "paideia.” It was specifically related to training, nurturing, and shaping children toward maturity. It’s where we get the English word “Pediatrician.” (English spelling changed from British - paediatrics… pais=children; iatros=healer)

This isn’t an explanation for WHY we suffer. It’s a narrative for HOW we might approach it.

Our suffering must not be viewed apart from our relationship with a loving Father.

That one shift will change the way you see your suffering.

Our suffering is NOT retribution. It’s NOT revenge. It’s NOT payback. It’s NOT abuse. None of those things would describe discipline from a loving Father.

If we view suffering through the lens of discipline then how should we understand it?

There are at least three different dimensions

Corrective: Sometimes, God will use our suffering to correct us.

Protective: Other times, God will use our suffering to protect us.

Perfective: Finally, God can uses every suffering to perfect us.

The Common Denominator

These three domains are actually intuitive if you think about them.

We employ all of these ideas with the usage of the word today.

Sometimes we use discipline to convey mastering good behavior. (someone above you in a hierarchy establishes virtue though the use of force)

Sometimes we use discipline to convey mastering self-control. (the use of force is self-inflicted to protect from bad behavior and promote the good behavior: dieting, exercise, etc)

Sometimes we use discipline to convey mastery of a field of knowledge. (standards are applied and reached to demonstrate mastery over a subject. Only those who meet them are qualified for such discipline)

The root of each domain, carries the idea of learning or knowledge.

It comes from the Latin “disciplina” the root of which is “discere” which means “to learn.”

When you relate these domains to the reality of suffering you see the connection pretty quickly.

Progress in each domain requires resistance and/or struggle.

Just like a physical body needs stress to get stronger - maturity for the soul requires struggle and pain.

Courage, faith, and moral character grow when put to the test.

Like the final rep which goes to failure, in the moment we only see weakness. But the outcome after recovery is increased strength and endurance.

Children who flourish as adults never get there automatically. It requires DAILY correction, teaching, training and emotional investment.

God is like that Father. We are like those children and runners in that race.

Suffering is what God uses to teach, correct, train and perfect us.

It’s not WHY we suffer - but it’s HOW God uses suffering for his greater purpose.

For suffering to have this effect we must put our suffering in the proper frame.

Instead of focusing only on the pain and those who cause it we must look beyond that to something better and to the one who’s using it for our good.

Poor Framing

When we fail to view our suffering through this lens we will make one of two errors that prevent us from growing.

They are both mentioned in an Old Testament quotation of Proverbs 3:11-12. Let’s read it again in Hebrews 12:5-6

Hebrews 12:5–6 CSB

5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, 6 for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives.

There are two unhelpful responses to our suffering when it happens. They are equal but opposite errors, two sides of a pendulum.

The first error treats suffering too lightly. The second effort receives suffering too severely. For our purposes I’ll use the language of disdain and despair.

View your suffering without disdain or despair.

With disdain we view our suffering as through it doesn’t matter. (trivialize)

With despair we view our suffering as if it’s the only thing that matters. (magnify)

Ancient and Modern Examples

Tim Keller describes these as “the ancient way” and “the modern way.”

The stoics would’ve been known to the original audience. They popularized the idea of treating suffering like it didn’t matter.

(Steel your spine! Stiffen that upper lip! Grin and bear it! Suck it up buttercup.)

Today this can be seen in Eastern religions like Buddhism. Suffering is grounded in our desires and attachments. It can be transcended through detachment and enlightenment.

Other traditions like Islam and Hinduism acknowledge a divine purpose in suffering. But unlike a Christian view, its divorced from a relational context. Much like the stoics you just grin and bear it while suffering does it’s thing.

Western culture seem to leans the opposite direction. Suffering is a problem to avoid/manage - not an opportunity for growth.

Enlightenment thinkers, capitalism and advancements in technology have given us everything we need to excel in avoiding suffering.

This can take the form of suppression and avoidance (disdain). Pharmaceuticals, drug abuse, and busy schedules to keep you distracted and disconnected.

Some take the opposite approach and wallow in negative self-obsession. They create co-dependent relationships where they complain and others have to listen.

Those who can’t escape or ignore their suffering will often end up in a state of despair. They might resort to cutting, overdosing, or other acts of self-harm/suicide.

The Ultimate Outcome

In either frame, suffering tears down instead of building up. The longer it persists the more cumulative the damage. (harm not help; weaker not stronger)

Both blind you to God’s redemptive purpose in suffering.

God is using our suffering “as discipline” to teach, correct, prepare and perfect.

It’s hard to learn from something and look down on it at the same time. Contempt clouds your view. It’s dangerous to trivialize our suffering.

But neither can you learn from something that cripples you with dread. You can’t learn from suffering if keeps you looking down. It’s dangerous to overly magnify our suffering.

When things are too small, we fail to learn from them. When things are too big, we fail to learn from them.

Trivializing and/or magnifying our suffering undermine God’s purpose to sanctify our suffering.

Proper Framing

What, then, is the proper frame for suffering? If we reject disdain and despair what should we embrace instead?

Let’s pick it back up in verse 7 and keep reading.

Hebrews 12:7–9 CSB

7 Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live?

The author of Hebrews is fond of these “lesser to greater” arguments. He’s used them throughout this letter.

This one leverages the analogy a loving father’s discipline. Here’s the basic logic.

A good earthly dad will discipline his child from a relational context in a spirit of love.

I wouldn’t discipline someone else’s child because they don’t belong to me. If I did, that child would be at least confused if not traumatized by painful experience.

My children, however, receive a similar level of discomfort but instead of damaging our relationship it’s enriched. Hebrews says, “we respect them.”

In either case, the suffering is unpleasant. But the context of a relationship changes the ultimate outcome.

If that’s the case between earthly dads and their children - how much MORE SO the case with our heavenly Father.

Limited Wisdom/Impact

He drills the main point home in verse 10.

Hebrews 12:10 CSB

10 For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness.

He identifies two major differences between earthly dads and our heavenly Father.

“[Earthly Fathers] disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them…” (Heb 12:10a)

Earthy dads have limited wisdom. “What seemed best to them…”

Earthly dads can have the best of motives but even then they’re still human. Moreover, they can know a great deal about their children but they can’t fully understand their emotional/spiritual state.

At worst, earthly dads can discipline out of convenience. It’s not for the good of the child but for the comfort of the parent. The subjectivity makes it inferior to God’s discipline.

Childhood discipline has a limited impact. “For a short time…”

In addition to the limited wisdom of earthly parents is the temporal impact of what discipline produces. In many cases, it’s behavior modification for a very time-bound problem.

Some disciplines are applied with a long-range view. But, in most cases, it’s impact is pretty limited.

The Benefit of Holiness

Our heavenly Father has perfect wisdom/motives and his discipline results in something eternally profitable.

“[The Heavenly Father] disciplines us for our benefit so that we might share in his holiness.” (Heb 12:10b)

God does not profit from any of our suffering nor does he allow it/inflict with unholy motivations. It’s only ever for our good. It’s only ever from a place of love.

What our suffering produces goes beyond the temporal. God’s ultimate aim is that we might “share in his holiness.”

It’s tempting equate the term “holiness” with “moral virtue.” But it’s so much bigger than that. It’s the idea of being “set apart” or “wholly other.”

God is “holy” in that there is no one else like him. Heaven is “holy” in that there’s no other place like it. We’re called to be “holy” in that we’re set apart from this world.

The idea is that God uses our suffering so that we might share in that reality. So that we might be ready for a world that is completely different and set apart.

Through suffering, God prepares us for a world without it.

The Fruit of Righteousness

The author sums it up nicely in verse 11.

Hebrews 12:11 CSB

11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Some read the word righteousness and think “moral virtue” or “right living.” But it’s actually much deeper than that.

It’s not just a “right relationship.” to virtue. It extends to a right relationship to every person and every thing.

In that way righteousness is a “peaceful fruit.” Everything in your life is as it’s meant to be.

Your world is rightly ordered and you’re rightly ordered to the world.

It’s the absence of conflict and chaos. It’s the establishment of perfect peace (shalom).

This is the reward of faith. The final vision of life in Jesus. This is the goal of discipleship and the reason for the cross.

Trained By Suffering

God desires to use our suffering to prepare us for that place. But that fruit is only offered to those who get the training.

We must reject a spirit of disdain for suffering. We must reject a spirit of despair.

Through disdain we never allow the suffering to confront us. Through despair we stop short of letting the suffering have it’s effect.

Instead of disdain or despair we should view suffering as God’s discipline.

Which means we view our suffering as a process of development.

It’s a loving gift from God to get us ready for something better.

The Greek word translated “trained” is where we get our English word for “gymnasium.” Interestingly, it also meant “naked” or “unencumbered.”

In the world of the New Testament many athletes would compete without clothes. The goal was two fold.

One was to remove any barrier that restricted freedom of movement.

The second was to show off physically the result of disciplined training.

In that way, it’s a crude reminder of what discipline is meant to accomplish.

Discipline is ultimately about freedom.

Freedom is not the ability to satisfy your sensual appetites. True freedom is the ability to live as you know you should.

True freedom is “sharing in God’s holiness” through the “peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

A musician, though discipline, can fully express himself through his instrument.

In a similar way, through suffering we come to share in the fullness of Christ.

THE FOCUS

Reject disdain. Reject despair. Endure suffering as discipline and a process of development.

What does that look like practically? In verses 12-13 he gives two closing exhortations.

Hebrews 12:12–13 CSB

12 Therefore, strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead.

Pretty simple, right? Strengthen what is weak. Straighten what is crooked. Focus on the healing.

It’s interesting that he continues to use the analogy of a body. It fits right in with his previous analogies.

Even more interesting is the second person plural imperatives and pronouns. This isn’t application at an individual level but a corporate level as a local church.

We don’t have time to discuss it in detail but let me elaborate under two different banners.

Strengthen What Is Weak

The first application for us as a church is to “strengthen what is weak.”

This got specific for the original audience with commands like “Don’t forsake the assembly… don’t forget the prisoners… don’t neglect the mistreated… etc.”

This is why small groups are so important in our church. We’re not all “feeling strong” all the time are we? Sometimes we feel weak.

When you’re in a season of weakness you need somebody to come alongside you and help straighten you out and strengthen you up.

Just like stressed muscles get stronger during recovery, weak and stressed out Christians get stronger in community.

Church is not just a place to come and receive. It’s also a place for you to serve and to give.

Straighten What Is Crooked

The second application is to straighten what is crooked.

Imagine a runner on a crooked road full of debris and obstacles. There’s one opportunity after the next for a bad thing to get worse.

The loving thing would be to remove those obstacles or choose a straighter path so the person running has the chance to succeed.

In the case of Christian suffering there are many examples that fit this description.

Some of us are suffering in a context full of debris and big obstacles. We need people who can come around us and create a different context so improve our chance of success.

We need somebody who can lovingly say, “You don’t need that in your life right now. It’s only going to make things worse. It’s only going to make things harder.”

This is why we have things like our biblical counseling ministry so other believers can come alongside of us and help strengthen what’s weak and straighten what’s crooked.

Focus On The Healing

The third application from verses 12-13 is to stay focused on the healing.

Remember, how we frame our suffering will determine our response.

If all we focus on in suffering is the hurt and pain we feel, we’ll never really benefit from God’s purpose in our pain.

To see what God is doing we have to zoom out and see the bigger picture. We have to remember he’s a loving father, we are his children and our suffering has real purpose.

When we focus our attention on God’s redemptive purpose then the suffering shifts in it’s impact. It’s no longer used only by our enemy to kill, steal and destroy.

Now it’s in the hands of our Father and he’s using it to prepare us for what’s next.

Focus on what God is healing in suffering not JUST on what is hurting. It’s okay to feel them both but we must help each other focus on the healing.

Fix Your Eyes on Jesus

And how do we do these three things? Each of these applications are grounded where we began.

“For consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, so that you won’t grow weary and give up.” (Heb 12:3)

“Run the race with endurance… keeping our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith…” (Heb 12:1b-2a)

A strong body and a straight path require eyes firmly fixed on Jesus.

Only in looking to him will what is lame be truly healed.

Just like Moses with the bronze serpent in the wilderness, the sick were to look towards it so they’d be healed instead of dying. (Num 21:6-9)

Jesus was also lifted up through his suffering on the cross so we might fix our eyes on HIM and be saved with eternal life. (John 3:14-15)

It was because our heavenly Father loved us that he sent his one and only son into the world to pay the price of sin and be raised for our salvation. Anyone who believes in him will NOT perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

When you fix your eyes on Jesus you put your suffering in proper context. You cannot look to the cross of Christ and not see the Father’s love.

CONCLUSION

Again - the question of WHY we suffer is a question that’s hard to answer. Ultimately, it’s a consequence of sin’s curse and the fall of man.

But granted suffering, is there ANY evidence that there is a God who understands it and loves us in it? I think the answer to that question is a resounding YES.

And that God is not the God of Islam, of Judaism or Hinduism or Buddhism. It’s the triune God of Christianity, a God of eternal and covenant love.

Because God IS love we can experience suffering as a form of discipline.

It doesn’t make it pleasant or less painful, but it does endow it with purpose. God never wastes an ounce of our pain.

No tear is ever cried in vain and one day those tears will all be wiped away. Because in and through our suffering God is preparing us for something new.

He’s preparing us, through discipline, for a world of ultimate freedom. A holy world of peace and righteousness where pain will be no more.

This is the proper frame for suffering and the Christian hope of heaven. When you see your suffering through this lens, everything is different.

For the joy set before him…. Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame, now seated at the right hand of God.

In Christ we too now share in that joy. So let us run with endurance our race to the end.