Marriage Culture
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Day 2
Day 2
*Sarah
Intro: Welcome, last night we talked about being Gatekeepers in your marriage.
And today we want to talk about building the culture of your marriage.
GOOD MARRIAGES DO NOT HAPPEN BY ACCIDENT OR BY APATHY.
WE have to define the culture and values of our marriage or the world will.
The world today as a very unbiblical/demonic agenda for your marriage.
It would be foolish of the church to think we don’t need a game plan when it
comes to our relationships.
*JOEL:
Culture may not seem important in your household but either you define it or
it defines you
Creating Culture:
• Creating culture is so important in the church, your personal relationship with
God, your family, your ministry, or business
Culture essentially comes down to your standards
• What do you believe in
• What do you expect
• What do you tolerate
• What do you celebrate
“You Don’t Rise to the Occasion; You Default to Your Level of Training” -
unknown
You’re core values need to be talked about early and often
How we implement our Culture at our church
Culture has the same language
• You might be able to tell that someone isn’t from America by the way they
dress
• But when they open their mouth and you hear them speak
• It places them pretty much right off the bat
My kids talking and I’m not really paying attention
• Then I hear a word that is not in our culture
• Stupid or idiot
• The word jostles my attention because it’s foreign to our culture
• Then the correction comes in
• Again it’s what you tolerate and what you celebrate
Once Culture is built it easier to Identify who gets it and who doesn’t
• Also easy to see where corrections need to be made
• Attitude adjustments
• When you establish what you value as important
There’s no longer ambiguity of what your singing up for
Our church is a reflection of our family
Just knowing what you do wrong
WE have to know what’s expected of us
I didn’t know is no longer and excuse
You need to know what’s expected of you in your relationship
Your kids need to know what’s expected of them, operating in your family
*SARAH:
Our Family and Marriage Culture:
OUR VERSE:
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
This is what everything flows out of… all our values follow this verse.
Above all, we EACH have to prioritize seeking the Lord and His
righteousness .
This is such an important scripture for us as a family and as a church
• It’s puts everything in perspective
• God has to be first or everything is out of order
*JOEL:
Solomon and the temple
• 7 years on God’s temple
• 13 Years on his own own home
When you’re focused on temporal things- it will be unfulfilling
Some families are so focused on building their own houses they forget about His kingdom
In the beginning of our marriage I was so used to building my house
• Sports
• recreation activities
• farms
• Your business
• Your ministry even- some people mistake their ministry for their relationship
with God
Marriage that ended in divorce cause he thought his ministry was his
relationship with God- you can mistake your ministry for your relationship with God
God wants you to build your house, but his Kingdom has to has to be first
Our mission as a family is to be kingdom minded
• The lens that we focus everything we do through is
• Does this build the kingdom
• Play sports
• Have a business
• Use them to glorify God and his kingdom
*SARAH
Our Values as a Married Couple:
Our Relationship with God comes first
How are your daily encounters
God has to be first in our lives before all else
• We have to agree to go after God in the same manner
• Being strong individually makes for a stronger team
• That mean in our Spirit, Soul and Body
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
Order of Marriage:
1. Individual Relationship with the Father
2. Our Marriage (unity together)
3. Our Children
4. Our ministry
5. Our Vocation
Joel:
We have to be in unity as couples in that Order
If God isn’t first there’s disorder
No matter where you choose to put God in your life he’s going to be first
regardless
IF the emphasis doesn’t start top down there will be problems
• If you don’t address your issues top down there will be problems also
• God first, your spouse second
Turning to substances or different comforts when there’s problems in their marriage
• Go to a co-work especially if it’s someone of the opposite sex, that’s called
an emotional affair
• I don’t have female friends period
We have the Holy Spirit who is the comforter
rely on him
In arguments, go pray in the holy spirit
Go to God first
2. WE are in Unity in every decision
• Last year we had been believing for some things in our finances
• Things we were specifically believing for
a. 175K to remodel our house
b. We wanted to tithe off that money
d. supernatural debt cancelation
• Sarah wanted to sell our house but I didn’t
• WE FINALLY CAME INTO AGREEMENT
• We set our faith together (WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE)
• What are you standing in agreement for
• It says we have not cause we ask not!
We needed our house to sell- What we were going to sow of the increase
Sat in my office and wrote the biggest check of our lives to the church
2 weeks later a lady calls our real estate agent
Her grandpa built the house that we lived in
We tripled our money on the place
We get in unity of our giving
*SARAH
CORE:
the central, innermost, or most essential part of anything
VALUE:
a persons principles or standards of behavior; ones judgment of what is important
in life.
So your core values in your marriage are “ the essential part of what you judge
the most important”
OUR Core VALUES as a Family:
1. Stewards:
We steward our relationship with excellence because we know God
entrusted us with each others heart-we will each answer for how we stewarded
our marriage.
Ultimately our marriage is to bring glory to Him!
2. Teachable:
We value each other’s feedback, and refuse to be easily offended.
Iron sharpens iron.
Our common goal is to grow to look more and more like Christ!
3. Forgiveness:
It’s vital.
We are quick to forgive because the Lord forgave us.
It brings freedom and guards our heart from offense.
This is where we excel
4. Joy:
The joy of the Lord is our strength!
It carries us in even the lowest valleys because joy surpasses situations and circumstances and is only found in His presence
so we prioritize to meet with the Lord daily!
*JOEL
Commitment to Culture
Commitment
a. Bound or obligated, as under a pledge to a particular cause, action, or attitude.
b. I’m committed to this thing
c. nothing can get me off this new way of living
d. I cannot be shaken
e. We make contracts with ourselves and hold ourselves to standards
Job said I make a covenant with my eyes
Compromise
a. A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions
b. Usually when your flesh wins the argument with your spirit or soul
c. When a second thought enters into the situation
d. compromise will always work itself into standards if you’re not careful
e. Compromise isn’t always sin, but it can turn into it if your not careful
• There was a standard here
• Compromise creates momentum in our lives
19 having faith and a good conscience, which some having rejected, concerning the faith have suffered shipwreck, 20 of whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I delivered to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.
Chaos
• A condition or place of great disorder or confusion
• The etymology of chaos ”gaping void; empty, immeasurable space
• Chaos is the bi-product of the lack of structure or healthy culture
• A little bit of compromise creates a vicious cycle of chaos in our lives
• You’re a Pastor so you are going to have to deal with other people’s chaos
• Let’s try and minimize it by creating a healthy culture in your life and your
ministries
What is the culture of your family?
Is it sports
Is it God sometimes?
Find a life verse for yourself
Have a game plan for you family
So many people have 5 year plans for their business
OR ministry or hobbies
You have elaborate goals
Charts for your finances and investments
But so many people lack to plan for the most important thing you can steward is your spiritual life
