Do Not Give Your Strength to Women
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Proverbs 31:1–3 “The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him: No, my son! No, son of my womb! No, son of my vows! Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.”
Solomon: A Great Example
King Solomon loved many foreign women... from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the Israelites, “You shall not enter into marriage with them...for they will surely incline your heart to follow their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love.
When Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of his father David. For Solomon followed Astarte the goddess of the Sidonians and Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and did not completely follow the Lord, as his father David had done. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites on the mountain east of Jerusalem. He did the same for all his foreign wives who offered incense and sacrificed to their gods.
Then the Lord was angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice and had commanded him concerning this matter, that he should not follow other gods, but he did not observe what the Lord had commanded. Therefore the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this has been your mind and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and give it to your servant.
Big Question: Why was God angry with Solomon?
Solomon married foreign women whom God commanded him not to marry in the Law.
Solomon allowed these women to turn his heart away from the Law of God.
Solomon worshipped false Gods, abandoning the true God, the God of Israel, disobeying the commandments of the Law of God.
Adam: The Pattern of the Problem
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God say, ‘You shall not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.’ ” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die, for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked, and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves.
They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent tricked me, and I ate.”
And to the man he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you...”
Bigger Question: Why was God angry with Adam?
He listened to the voice of his wife instead of the voice of God.
He obeyed his wife instead of obeying God.
He disobeyed the commandment of God.
From Adam to Solomon to every man in human history, the problem is the same: Disobeying God for a woman.
Abraham: An Important Balancing Example
The Lord dealt with Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah as he had promised. Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the time of which God had spoken to him. Abraham gave the name Isaac to his son whom Sarah bore him. And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac when he was eight days old, as God had commanded him. Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. Now Sarah said, “God has brought laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me.” And she said, “Who would ever have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.” The child grew and was weaned, and Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned.
But Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, playing with her son Isaac. So she said to Abraham, “Cast out this slave woman with her son, for the son of this slave woman shall not inherit along with my son Isaac.” The matter was very distressing to Abraham on account of his son. But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the boy and because of your slave woman; whatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you, for it is through Isaac that offspring shall be named for you. As for the son of the slave woman, I will make a nation of him also, because he is your offspring.” So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water and gave it to Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, along with the child, and sent her away. And she departed and wandered about in the wilderness of Beer-sheba.
God stepped in to this situation to tell Abraham to listen to the voice of his wife because it was in accordance with the will of God. Sometimes, God will use women to do this for men. Men should be open to it.
But here is the key point: Men need the voice of God to tell them to listen to the voice of the woman, not the voice of the woman telling them theirs is the voice of God.
Anything less than this is to abnegate our authority as men. We have been given the right and responsibility of headship, not women. We are “as the Lord/God” to women; women are not “as the Lord/God” to men.
But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.
Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.
Many object that: “Well, Jesus is perfect, so...” As if women who have imperfect men in their life get a “free pass” from this commandment. Unfortunately for such fleshly-minded women, God pre-empted this objection explicitly.
Wives, in the same way, be subject to your husbands, so that, even if some of them do not obey the word, they may be won over without a word by their wives’ conduct, when they see the purity and respect of your conduct....let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God’s sight. It was in this way long ago that the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by being subject to their husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. You have become her daughters as long as you do what is good and never let fears alarm you.
But, brothers: We must remember that allowing women to usurp our God-given authority to lead like Christ and God is not the only way we can give our strength to women.
Men who abuse their authority in one way or another, failing to “show consideration for your wives in your life together, paying honor to the woman - though the weaker vessel, they are joint heirs of the gracious gift of life” find their prayers hindered (1 Peter 3:7).
And remember Solomon: He couldn’t “keep it in his pants.”
And there are, in the Proverbs of Solomon, many warnings to men about being compromised by pursuing women.
You will be saved from the loose woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the partner of her youth and forgets her sacred covenant, for her way leads down to death and her paths to the shades; those who go to her never come back, nor do they regain the paths of life.
Proverbs chapters 5-7 focus directly on the problem of a man who cannot control his sexual urges and “scatters his springs abroad...his streams of water in the streets” (Prov 5:16).
The sober warning to such men is: “You will die for lack of discipline, and because of your great folly you will be lost” (Prov 5:23).
Loose women, adulteresses and prostitutes, increase the number of the faithless among men.
Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes,
Do not let your hearts turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths. For many are those she has laid low, and numerous are her victims. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death.
God made us men to be strong. We have missions to accomplish.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine or for rulers to desire strong drink, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to one who is perishing and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute. Speak out; judge righteously; defend the rights of the poor and needy.
We are to provide, protect, and pastor. Our enemies want us to be weak. But, if we allow them to make us weak, God will not be pleased.
If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength being small; if you hold back from rescuing those taken away to death, those who go staggering to the slaughter; if you say, “Look, we did not know this”— does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it? And will he not repay all according to their deeds?
We must guard ourselves. As it says in the Shema:
Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. Let these words that I command you be on your heart. Teach them repeatedly to your children, and speak of them when you sit in your home, when you walk on the road, when you lie down, and when you arise. Dutifully heed my commandments that I command you today. Guard yourselves, or else your hearts will be seduced, and you will stray and serve other gods and bow in worship to them. Then the LORD’s anger will flare up against you. You must not explore after your heart or after your eyes which lead you to act unfaithfully. Remember and carry out all my commandments, and you will be holy for your God.
Here is the Good News: God is able and willing to strengthen you, if you will seek him with your whole heart.
Psalm 18:1–2: “I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.”
Psalm 28:7: “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.”
Psalm 46:1: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
Psalm 73:26: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Psalm 118:14: “The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”
In Conclusion: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
