Grace over Grudges

Romans 14:1–12 KJV 1900

1 Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations. 2 For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs. 3 Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him. 4 Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. 5 One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. 6 He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks. 7 For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. 8 For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living. 10 But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. 11 For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. 12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

Introduction:

Ex. When talking about preferences we have to touch on the things that are important to us...

It’s easy to talk bad about other peoples teams… etc. Because my preference is not the same...

Ex. David Gibbs… said the courts recognize a conviction as something you would die for… preference is something you feel strong about…

By way of introduction I would say there are principles which we live by, the Bible is the word of God and if the Bible says something we do what the Bible says, but within the Bible saying something there can be a range of different convictions… the Bible says, “women ought to wear modest apparel.” We can agree in unity that Christian’s ought to dress modestly, but from there we develop different standards about what is modest… Here is the question the Apostle Paul greets us with today?

Have you ever found yourself at odds with another Christian over something that wasn’t really a sin—but a difference of opinion? Maybe it was about diet, music, what day to worship, or what movies are acceptable. In Romans 14, Paul is addressing those kinds of disputes among believers.

Let’s face it: Christians don’t always agree on everything. But when disagreements become dividing lines, grudges take the place of grace. And that’s dangerous—not just to our relationships, but to our witness and unity in Christ.

There is no doubt about the importance which God’s Word places on the unity of his people. David wrote in Psalm 133

Psalm 133 KJV 1900

A Song of degrees of David. 1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment upon the head, That ran down upon the beard, even Aaron’s beard: That went down to the skirts of his garments; 3 As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: For there the Lord commanded the blessing, Even life for evermore.

Jesus, in his High Priestly prayer, prayed for unity not only for his disciples, but for us: John 17:20, 21

John 17:20 KJV 1900

20 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;

John 17:21 (KJV 1900) 21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.

Our Christian unity is of the utmost importance. At the same time diversity is characteristic of the Christian community. In fact, it is one of its principal glories. As Paul so beautifully explains in 1 Corinthians 12...

These two great realities—unity and diversity—are to coexist in the Body of Christ. Normally diversity does not make for unity. Because of our human tendency to judge those who do not conform to our customs or standards, the unity of Christ’s Church is often imperiled by diversity, as church history repeatedly records.

So Paul lays down some Spirit-led principles to help us prioritize grace over grudges.

Let’s walk through Romans 14:1–12 with three clear instructions:

I. Receive the Weak with Grace, Not Criticism

“Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.” (Romans 14:1)

Paul begins with a command to receive those who are “weak in the faith.” This means to welcome them, include them, make space for them in the fellowship—not to debate or criticize them for their convictions.

There are many reasons why a Christian might be weak.

They may be a babe in Christ (babies are weak).

They may be sick or diseased (by legalism).

They may be malnourished (by lack of good teaching).

They may lack exercise (needing exhortation).

Whether we are “weak” or “strong” believers, there is to be mutual, wholehearted acceptance of one another.

There is a lot of useless, harmful division among Christians over silly, bigoted things. Paul isn’t telling these Christians to erase their differences; he tells them to rise above them as Christian brothers and sisters.

There is a difference between preference and conviction...

Movies

Cosmetics

Fashion - “Modest Apparel...”

Sports

Music

Material Wealth

According to Romans 14, wherever you stand on these issues, you must accept your Christian brother and sister who differs. If you are an abstainer, you must not judge the participator. If you are a participator, you must not disdain the abstainer. This call to acceptance comes to us as a command of God. If we are to obey him, we have no choice.

Is this a call to become a bunch of wishy-washy Charlie Browns? Not at all! We are not talking about basic doctrines such as sin, the Deity of Christ, salvation by faith, or clear Scriptural commandments against adultery or lying. We are talking about non-essentials. We are all called to a profound acceptance of one another. This is not optional. Verses 5, 6 give us the element of understanding.

A. Embrace Differences in Non-Essentials - (Vs. 5b)

Some believers in Rome believed it was wrong to eat meat, possibly because of meat offered to idols. Others believed it was perfectly fine. Some esteemed one day above another, while others saw all days alike (v.5).

1 Corinthians 6:12 KJV 1900

12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

“Unity without truth is hazardous, but truth without unity is hellish.” – Charles Spurgeon

Paul doesn’t say either side is wrong—he says each should be fully persuaded in his own mind.

“Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.” (Romans 14:5b)

In other words, don't make minor issues major ones. We may differ in diet, dress, or devotion—but if Christ is our Lord, that’s what unites us.

Being fully persuaded means we act in personal faith, but we don't impose our conscience on others.

B. Avoid Debates that Divide

Paul warns against “doubtful disputations”—that is, arguing over personal opinions.

Paul’s indisputable point here is: people with opposing viewpoints on non-essentials can both be perfectly right with God. We need to take this to heart.

Two of the most famous Christians in the Victorian Era in England were Charles Spurgeon and Joseph Parker, both mighty preachers of the gospel. Early in their ministries they fellowshiped and even exchanged pulpits. Then they had a disagreement, and the reports got into the newspapers.

Spurgeon accused Parker of being unspiritual because he attended the theater. Interestingly enough, Spurgeon smoked cigars, a practice many believers would condemn.

In fact, on one occasion someone asked Spurgeon about his cigars, and he said he did not smoke to excess. When asked what he meant by excess, he waggishly answered, “No more than two at a time.” Who was right? Perhaps neither, perhaps both!

Better yet would be to realize that the two could disagree and both be in the will of God.

There is a reverse truth implicit here also, which is: If the Lord convicts you that something is wrong in your life, you had better not do it, even if other Christians are doing it!

“The test of love is not how much we agree but how well we handle disagreement.” – Warren Wiersbe

Too many churches have split over things the Bible never commands or forbids.

Someone once said, “Churches don’t split over doctrine—they split over the color of the carpet.”

Let’s be people of peace, not people of petty arguments.

“In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.” – Attributed to Augustine

1 Corinthians 8:9 KJV 1900

9 But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to them that are weak.

Grace means limiting our liberty if it helps others grow.

II. Refuse to Judge What God Has Accepted - (4, 7-8)

“Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.” (Romans 14:4)

Paul reminds us that it isn’t our place to pass judgment on any fellow Christian. They stand or fall before their own Master, God — and God is able to make those “meat eaters” stand.

A. We Are Not the Judge—God Is - (Vs. 4)

When we judge someone else’s conscience, we’re stepping into God’s role. Paul asks, “Who are you to judge another man’s servant?” That believer doesn’t answer to you—they answer to Christ.

Matthew 7:1 KJV 1900

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

“The church is a hospital for sinners, not a courtroom for the self-righteous.” – D.L. Moody

There is a lot of useless, harmful division among Christians over silly, bigoted things. Paul isn’t telling these Christians to erase their differences; he tells them to rise above them as Christian brothers and sisters.

B. God Accepts Us on the Basis of Grace - (Vs.7, 8)

Whether someone abstains or partakes, honors the day or not—they are doing it unto the Lord.

Romans 14:7–8 KJV 1900

7 For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. 8 For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s.

The ground at the foot of the cross is level. God upholds both the strong and the weak because our standing is by grace, not by preference.

Ephesians 1:6 KJV 1900

6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

James 4:12 KJV 1900

12 There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?

We’re not accepted by performance—but by position in Christ. Every time we step into judgment, we step out of grace.

III. Remember the Judgment Seat of Christ - (vs. 9-12)

One thing we will certainly have to answer for will be our judgmental attitude. Is it not wonderful that final judgment is up to God, and his evaluation will be perfect? Our reward will be exactly what we deserve, as will our brother’s and sister’s.

This whole section is part of an extended commentary on the command of Jesus to love one another, and this has been the subject since Paul began the practical section of this letter.

A. Personal Accountability - (Vs. 10)

Paul brings the focus back where it belongs: not on others, but on ourselves.

Romans 14:10 KJV 1900

10 But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

We won’t answer for anyone else's conscience—we’ll answer for how we treated them.

Illustration: Imagine arriving in heaven expecting to be congratulated for judging someone else’s walk—only to be asked why you didn’t walk in love yourself.

Galatians 6:4 KJV 1900

4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.

B. A Call to Humility and Grace - (Vs. 11)

Paul quotes Isaiah 45:23

Isaiah 45:23 KJV 1900

23 I have sworn by myself, The word is gone out of my mouth in righteousness, and shall not return, That unto me every knee shall bow, Every tongue shall swear.

“As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” (Romans 14:11)

“You have enough to answer for on your own—don’t try to answer for someone else.” – Anonymous

Before we rush to criticize, let’s remember—we all have a court date with Christ.

Philippians 2:3 KJV 1900

3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

“The closer a man gets to God, the less he judges others.” – A.W. Tozer

The reality of judgment should produce not pride, but humility.

If we truly grasp that we will give an account to Jesus, we will spend less time judging others and more time loving them...

Conclusion: Grace, Not Grudges

Ex. In the middle of the night the son had trouble sleeping, so he went down to the kitchen to fix himself a sandwich, and there was his father, who couldn’t sleep either.

After they fixed their sandwiches they began to reminisce about the past—about the years in Little League, about their great hunting expeditions, about their swimming together, about their fishing trips.

As some needed healing was taking place, the son said, “Dad, do you remember the time we were out on the lake in that green boat?” His father said, “The boat was blue, son.” The son said, “No, it was green.” The father said, “You are mistaken—it was blue.” “Green.” “Blue.” “Green.” “Blue.” And his son departed, never to return. Romans 14 is a powerful reminder that:

Not every issue is worth a battle.

Not every difference is worth a division.

Not every conviction is a command.

Let us choose grace over grudges. Instead of criticizing a fellow Christian, let’s walk with them. Instead of holding a grudge, let’s extend grace. Because that’s what Christ did for us.

Final Verse for Reflection: “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” (Romans 14:19)

Some things just don’t matter. May we allow God to give us the wisdom to see what is essential and what is not. I want to practice Grace over grudges...

Invitation:

Are you harboring a grudge today against another believer? Are you more focused on someone else’s convictions than your own walk with Christ? Jesus offers you grace—will you extend it to others?

Let us choose grace over grudges. Because one day, we will all bow together before the throne—and that day, there won’t be labels, diets, or debates. Just Jesus.