Marriage in the Kingdom of God
Notes
Transcript
Handout
Text: Matthew 19:1-12
Main Point/FCF: Our society and our churches have adopted a view of marriage that embraces something that is far less than God’s design and intent. God designed marriage and sexuality to advance his Kingdom. If we are ever to do that, we must recover a biblical worldview on the topics of marriage and sexuality.
1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
Prayer
Introduction: Just as in the first part of Matthew 18, we see a question posed to Jesus. This time, though, not from his disciples but from the Pharisees. However, just as the disciples question (“Who will be the greatest in the Kingdom?”) exposed their sinful hearts, so too does the question that the Pharisees raised.
A lot of ink has been spilled by commentators on this passage and similar passage, and in general on the topic of marriage and divorce in Scripture. For one thing, marriage is such a universal topic that Scripture’s teachings on this affect us all. And, it’s a deeply personal issue that raises lots of emotion. Furthermore, I think we can all agree that this is an area that is tremendously affected by sin and brokenness in our world. There’s not a person in this room who is married or has been married that is free of sin and untouched by brokenness.
Another reason that this topic gets so much attention is that the Bible does not give an exhaustive guidebook on how we should handle each and every situation that arises in marriage. Even the Old Testament, with all of its various laws, didn’t cover every possible scenario, which led to the development of several different schools of thought within Judaism.
The Qumran community, which was made famous after the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls in the 1940’s, believed that divorce was sinful under all circumstances. Mainstream Judaism was divided mainly into two camps, however—the school of Rabbi Shammai and the school of Rabbi Hillel. These two camps' disagreement mostly centered on the interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife,
then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
Both the school of Shammai and the school of Hillel saw in these verses an implicit permission to divorce one’s wife for “indecency,” but they disagreed as to what that word “indecency” meant. The school of Shammai thought that “indecency” meant some kind of gross immorality or adultery, while the school of Hillel interpreted it much more broadly to allow for just about any reason, even a poorly cooked meal. A third school, Rabbi Aqiba, even allowed for divorce in the case that a man found a prettier woman.
The Mishnah Gittin
9:10 A The House of Shammai say, “A man should divorce his wife only because he has found grounds for it in unchastity,
B “since it is said, Because he has found in her indecency in anything (
Jacob Neusner, The Mishnah : A New Translation (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1988), 487.
So, when the Pharisees pose this question to Jesus...
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
...they are setting a trap for him. No matter what his answer, he’s going to offend and alienate someone. And, there’s and endless sea of “What-if” situations they could choose from to contradict just about any answer he gave.
The Pharisees were masters of dissecting the Law and formulating rules for every conceivable scenario. They loved to argue over minute points of the Law and no doubt they were prepared with a long list of contradictions and mind-bending scenarios to try to stump Jesus or catch him in a contradiction or shame him in front of his disciples (much like the scenario the Sadducees crafted in Matthew 22 where a woman was married successively to seven brothers).
But, I love Jesus’ reply because he bypasses all of the legalistic loopholes and jumps straight to the heart of the issue.
Jesus says...
Marital dysfunction and divorce happens because of hardness of heart.
Marital dysfunction and divorce happens because of hardness of heart.
They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
One of my least favorite—and most common—disputes that I have to settle amongst my kids is when my kids start fighting over a toy. What usually happens is that one of them starts playing with a toy that belongs to one of the others, but was sitting there unused at the moment. The owner of the toy wasn’t playing with it, but the moment that he/she sees their sibling playing with their toy, they are filled with righteous anger. “He stole my toy!” they yell. “He wasn’t playing with it!” is the reply.
Of course, they’re both right, in a sense. It wasn’t your toy, and you should have asked permission. But, at the same time, you weren’t playing with it, and you should share.
And you can really get bogged down in that argument. And it can start to spiral into complexity when it’s discovered that the owner had been playing with the toy and had only set it down for just a moment to go to the bathroom. But, then the owner of the toy pinched the other, and so on and so forth.
But the reason I hate that argument so much is that it misses the point. No toy should be more important than your brother or sister! If you’re willing to fight your brother or sister over a toy—whether it’s yours or not—then you have made that toy more important than your brother or sister. Your petty argument reveals your sinful heart. You love your toys more than your brother.
And I can’t help but wonder whether God gets just as frustrated with us when we reduce marriage down to a he-said/she-said yelling match and a list of perceived slights from our spouse and a list of justifications for divorce. Maybe we’ve missed the point.
A legalistic perspective on marriage misses the point of God’s design and reduces marriage to a mere contract.
A legalistic perspective on marriage misses the point of God’s design and reduces marriage to a mere contract.
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
This is exactly the same kind of selfish, legalistic attitude that Peter revealed in Mt. 18:21 asked:
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
The very question reveals the heart behind it. “What is the minimum number of times I have to forgive in order to satisfy my religious obligations?”
The same kind of question often gets asked by dating teenagers, “How far can I go with my boyfriend/girlfriend before it’s sin?”
And, without realizing it, we’ve often applied that same mentality to divorce: “What are all the possible reasons I can justly divorce my spouse?” I mean, after all, Deuteronomy 24:1 says “some indecency.” So, maybe a poorly cooked meal or a prettier woman really is grounds for divorce!
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her...
But, this kind of thinking completely misses the point.
The OT regulates, but never endorses, divorce.
A closer look at Deut. 24 reveals that it actually says nothing whatsoever about what the acceptable grounds for divorce are. That’s not what the passage is even about!
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife,
then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
The purpose of this passage was to prevent a man from divorcing his wife, remarrying a prettier woman or a better cook, then turning around and divorcing her and remarrying his first wife. What this passage was intended to prevent is what essentially amounts to legalized adultery. God didn’t want men shaming their wives, casting them aside for another woman, then humiliating them further by taking them back. This is about preventing adultery!
Had they read their Bibles better, it would have been clear what God’s thought on divorce was!
Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
Verse 16 is difficult to translate, and some major translations even render it as follows:
“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
God equates divorcing your spouse in this passage with violence, picturing a divorcer as covered in blood-stained clothes. Why such harsh imagery? Well, we could talk about the tough position that a divorced woman would find herself in in Jesus’ time, but honestly, it’s not much different today.
The average total cost of divorce in the United States is $15,000.
Almost 50% of the parents with children that are going through a divorce move into poverty after the divorce.
60% of people under poverty guidelines are divorced women and children.
A new study entitled “Divorce and Death” shows that broken marriages shorten your life expectancy and cause premature death at the same rate or higher as smoking cigarettes. Indications that the risk of dying is a full 23 percent higher among divorcées than married people.
And the same is true for children of divorced parents. Divorce is highly associated with higher rates of suicide, depression, juvenile delinquency, poor grades, and a slew of other social issues for children.
One researcher determined that a single divorce costs state and federal governments about $30,000, based on such things as the higher use of food stamps and public housing as well as increased bankruptcies and juvenile delinquency.
Men, divorcing your wife is one of the most violent, abusive, damaging things you could do to her and your children and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
Do not allow yourself to get bogged down into legalism and miss the point. It’s not about what reasons you have that may or may not justify divorce. It’s about whether or not you love your spouse and your children more than yourself. Whether you’re going to be selfish, or selfless.
And we need to hear this today, because our culture—just like theirs—has a divorce problem. America is ranked 6th highest in the entire world for the number of divorces. Worse yet, Arkansas has the highest divorce rate out of any state in the US.
Our culture has actively tried to normalize divorce, but we have done so at the cost of our children.
Optional illustration:
I recently rewatched Mrs. Doubtfire, the famous Robin Williams movie from the 90s. I remembered it being pretty funny, like most other Robin Williams movies, and it is.
The movie is all about a divorced man (Robin Williams) who wants to have more access to his children. So, he hatches a plan and cross-dresses as an elderly woman and convinces his ex-wife to hire him (Mrs. Doubtfire) as her kids’ nanny.
In the end, of course, he gets exposed and can’t be a nanny anymore.
In the original script, the movie concludes with the husband and wife getting remarried and healing their marriage.
But, Robin Williams, who had recently been through a divorce,
“didn’t want to make Mrs. Doubtfire with its original, ‘sugarcoated’ ending” [but rather] “about real family values. After a divorce, how many fathers just give up? The tendency is to say, ‘I love my son,’ and then pull away. If you’re lucky, the father becomes an uncle.’”
So, instead, the movie closes with the parents still separated. Mrs. Doubtfire consoles a kid whose parents have recently divorced with these words:
“Some parents, when they’re angry, they get along much better when they don’t live together. And sometimes they get back together. And sometimes they don’t, dear. And if they don’t, don’t blame yourself. Just because they don’t love each other anymore doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
There are all sorts of different families...Some families have one mommy, some families have one daddy, or two families...But if there’s love, dear...those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever.”
Robin Williams wanted to promote what he called “real family values,” and try to show that there are “different versions of a happy ending.”
And our culture loves this. If things don’t work out, we can just redefine what a family is. And somehow, the church has just jumped on that bandwagon and said, “it’s ok.” And then we’re shocked when our culture takes it a step further and redefines what a family is even more. After all, if a family can have two sets of moms and dads, why non just two dads, or two moms? The Church in America is complicit in the problem of homosexuality and transgenderism because we have been soft on divorce.
We love it when people tell us that “our sins are not that bad, everyone else is doing it,” let’s just gloss over all the destruction, ripped apart families, and mentally damaged children we leave in our wake and call it all “normal.”
Well, it might make you feel better, maybe you’ll sleep better at night, but it’s a lie from Satan.
To me, and I think to God as well, that message at the end of Mrs. Doubtfire is every bit as offensive and disgusting as two men or two women kissing on the screen. No, it is not “OK.”
End optional illustration
We want to tell divorcees that God’s grace is enough to cover their sin—and that’s absolutely 100% true! But we don’t get to grace by downplaying sin.
We love to downplay our sins so we don’t feel as bad about them. But, in doing so, we downplay the grace and glory of God as well. I’ll repeat what I said last week because it applies here, too.
The key to forgiveness is not in minimizing the sin of man but in magnifying the grace of God.
If you are divorced, they key to experiencing God’s forgiveness is not found in minimizing, downplaying, or excusing your sin.
We’re playing the same game Adam and Eve played in the garden! “The woman you gave me, she did it.” “The serpent deceived me.” Blame shifting, making excuses, refusing to own up to our sin.
True forgiveness and restoration only comes through repentance and confession, owning up to our sins.
And I want to be completely clear here—when I talk about divorce being sin and how much God hates divorce and all of that, I’m not talking about those who have been divorced through no fault of their own. I’m not talking about victims of adultery or domestic violence or things like that.
I’m also not talking about believers whose unbelieving spouse divorces them. That situation is also covered elsewhere in Scripture.
I’m also not talking about those who have committed the sin of divorce or adultery and repented of it. If you’ve repented already, you don’t have to live the rest of your life with a scarlet letter and a permanent "sinner” badge, any more than any other sin that is repented of.
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
We’re all sinners saved by grace. All of us have sin in our past. If you have repented of that sin, it is done, finished, nailed to the cross. You are a new creation. Take the warnings to heart so that you do not again fall into this sin, but your shame was paid for by Christ.
If you are struggling to figure out whether your situation calls for repentance or not, I’m happy to counsel you and talk with you. I’m intentionally avoiding the weeds here because those need to be dealt with on a case by case basis, and getting bogged down in case studies and scenarios is exactly opposite of Jesus’ intention in this passage.
But, what I am mainly talking about is the so-called “irreconcilable differences” that are so often cited in divorces nowadays. Those who, like the Pharisees, are looking for justification or excuses for divorce instead of looking for ways to stay. The “we just fell out of love” or “he/she just isn’t my soul mate” or those who are committing adultery. If you’re on that path right now or you’ve done this in the past and NOT repented of it, then what I’m saying DOES apply and you need to take it to heart.
Far too many pastors for far too many years have been soft on this, because it offends people. It’s far easier to preach against things that are outside the church, like transgenderism and homosexuality (although even those are infiltrating the church nowadays). But preaching against divorce upsets people. But, these are not my words, they’re the Word of God.
If you have a problem with what I’m saying, then you’re real problem is with God.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.
For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
We live in a society where divorce is easy, socially acceptable, and a “don’t judge me” culture that refuses to let people call them out when they sin.
People are ripping families apart, driving their children away from God, because of their selfishness.
At the end of the day...
Most divorces happen because of hardness of heart.
Most divorces happen because of hardness of heart.
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
There’s a sign on Hwy 65 in Greenbrier for Lion Legal that says, “Married to a snake? Lion Legal!”
What happens in a lot of marriages is that spouses grow bitter and resentful towards one another. He ignores her needs. She manipulates and nags him. Little slights go unforgiven and unforgotten. Over time, the “love of your life” and your “soulmate” becomes a roommate, then they begin to irritate, and eventually it’s checkmate. Your “dove” of a bride has somehow evolved into a “snake.”
Last week we talked about how important forgiveness is in our relationships. But perhaps the relationship where forgiveness is most needed is in your marriage.
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.
So, what’s the solution to all this?
Christians need to focus primarily on God’s design for marriage and sexuality.
Christians need to focus primarily on God’s design for marriage and sexuality.
There’s a time and a place for figuring out the nitty gritty details of how to apply this teaching to specific scenarios. But, it’s really easy to get lost in those weeds and miss the forest for the trees.
When the Pharisees try to trap Jesus in a maze of “what-ifs” and hypothetical scenarios, Jesus takes them immediately back to God’s intent and design for marriage, and we would be wise to do the same.
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God designed gender so that a husband and wife would complement one another.
God designed gender so that a husband and wife would complement one another.
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female...
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
Contrary to what our society says, gender is not fluid nor is it arbitrary.
Gender is rooted in the physical and sexual differences between males and females and this difference was by design.
When God created the Creation, after each stage of his creation he says, “It was good.”
Go quickly through these, summarize don’t read.
And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.
God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.
The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good.
So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
But then, when he gets to the man that he has made, something is missing:
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
And so, God parades all the animals before Adam and has him name them, each one having a male and a female version. But, sadly, Adam was not able to find a partner out of any of the animals.
So, God makes Adam a helper. And this word, “helper,” doesn’t mean someone subservient or lesser, it means someone who would complement Adam and be strong where he was weak. Someone who would, in a sense, complete him.
So, God puts Adam to sleep, takes out a rib, and forms a woman. And Adam instantly realizes that this is what he has been missing. She’s like him, but also different.
Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
And then, after Eve was created, finally Creation was finished.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
And then, finally, once both man and woman are created...
And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good...
Sex and Gender are not arbitrary or fluid, they were created by God.
God gave each of us differences, strengths and weaknesses that complement one another so that we are better together.
Passages on homosexuality, transgenderism, and polygamy: Genesis 30:1; Leviticus 20:13; Deuteronomy 22:5; I Samuel 1:1-7; I Kings 11:3; Romans 1:26-28; I Corinthians 6:9-10; I Timothy 3:2
Men, don’t expect your wife to act and think like a man. She’s not a man, and that’s a very good thing. God created her with her strengths and her weaknesses to complement you, not to replicate you.
Women, don’t expect your husband to act and think like a woman. He’s not a woman, and that’s a very good thing. God created him with his strengths and weaknesses to complement you, not to replicate you.
All those little differences that tend to get on your nerves are actually a good thing and they help balance you out.
The next thing we see about God’s design is that...
God created sexual intimacy to be enjoyed within marriage.
God created sexual intimacy to be enjoyed within marriage.
and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
Again, Jesus goes back to Creation to establish God’s design for marriage. In this case, he’s pointing out that God created sexual intimacy for marriage.
Think of it for a moment, God didn’t have to make it this way. God could have made us like some single-celled organisms so that when we eat too much at a buffet we just spontaneously divide into two organisms.
But, as it is, the only way for us to create new humans is through sex.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Christians get a bad rap sometimes as being all against sex. That’s simply not true. We haven’t even made it past chapter two in the Bible and we’ve already talked about sex.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
Sex is something that God created to be enjoyed between a husband and his wife. It’s for creating children, yes, but it’s not just for that. It’s through sex that a husband and wife become almost literally “one.” Sex creates powerful feelings and emotions of attachment and love and intimacy. So, sex is a good thing.
But it was created for marriage. And like any good thing, it can be perverted and twisted for evil.
The book of Song of Solomon is all about marriage and sex, and it’s a wonderful celebration of both. But, even as it celebrates sexuality, it contains several warnings against premarital sex.
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
This admonition is repeated in Song of Solomon 3:5, 8:4
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Why? What’s the harm if two people love each other?
God so designed sex that it creates powerful feelings of attachment and intimacy and makes you vulnerable to your mate in a way that nothing else does. But, when those feelings are created outside of the protection and security of the covenant of marriage, it opens us up to all kinds of pain.
“A 2011 study at the University of Iowa found that for both men and women, the loss of virginity before age 18 was correlated with a greater number of occurrences of divorce within the first 10 years of marriage.”
Wilkinson and Finkbiener, www.wf-lawyers.com
“60 percent of cohabiting couples will eventually marry. However, living together prior to marriage can increase the chance of getting divorced by as much as 40 percent.”
Wilkinson and Finkbiener, www.wf-lawyers.com
Some think that they need to live together to see if they’re compatible.
Test driving is great for buying a car or trying on a pair of shoes, but don’t treat your future spouse like a pair of shoes or a car.
Premarital sex goes against God’s design. When a couple starts off their relationship in opposition and defiance to God, they torpedo their marriage before it even begins.
Save yourself for marriage. Your marriage will be better for it.
And the third thing we see about God’s design is that...
God intended marriage to last for life.
God intended marriage to last for life.
6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
When a husband and wife join together in marriage, Jesus says that union is created by God. “God has joined [them] together,” so man is forbidden to separate them.
Marriage and sexuality were not something people came up with. It’s not some contract men came up with to own and subjugate women. It’s not just a piece of paper with no meaning. Marriage was created and designed by God.
God’s design from the very beginning was for one man and one woman to be joined together in love and intimacy ‘til death do us part.’
This was always the design. Marriage is God’s gift to mankind and it is meant for our good and for the glory of God and the advancement of his Kingdom.
But, as with any other good thing that reflects the glory of God, Satan and sin have corrupted and perverted God’s creation, and nowhere in Creation is the influence of sin felt more powerfully than in this area.
When a marriage ends in divorce, we have broken something that God himself has joined together.
Marriage and Singleness are gifts for the advancement of the Kingdom.
Marriage and Singleness are gifts for the advancement of the Kingdom.
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
Marriage is the general norm and should be used to advance the Kingdom
Marriage is the general norm and should be used to advance the Kingdom
But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
The disciples, like perhaps many people today, were shocked by Jesus’ stern interpretation of marriage, and conclude that “if marriage and divorce are this serious, you’re better off not to get married!”
Jesus’ response is directed at their statement “It is better not to marry.”
So, when he says “Not everyone can receive this saying” he means “Not everyone is able to remain single, but only those to whom the gift of singleness has been given.”
This tells us a couple of important things. First off, marriage is the norm, and most people should get married.
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
However, that doesn’t mean that everyone should get married.
God gives some a special gift of singleness for the purpose of advancing the Kingdom.
God gives some a special gift of singleness for the purpose of advancing the Kingdom.
But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
“Those who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” are likely just believers who have decided to remain single in order to focus their time and energies upon Kingdom work.
Paul and Jesus himself were single for the sake of the Kingdom.
Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
I think a great example of this is my brother and fellow laborer, David Piksa, who took my place in PNG. I don’t know if David feels called to singleness or not, but I do know that he is using his singleness to advance the Kingdom in a way that I, as a married man, was not able to do. I had to limit my trips out to the village to 2-3 weeks for the sake of my wife and children. David is free, on the other hand, to spend 8-9 weeks at a time (or as long as he wants) in the village.
At the same time, as a married man, I’m able to minister to my congregation as a pastor in a way that David couldn’t. My wife brings her own strengths to our ministry, and being married makes me more able to sympathize and relate to married people.
The point is, regardless of whether you’re married, single, or divorced—use your situation for the glory of God and the advancement of his Kingdom. Keep God’s purpose and design in mind, seek his Kingdom first, and glorify God through your marriage, singleness, and sexuality.
