Shame
Notes
Transcript
Personal story of feeling shame... throwing rocks on playground
what kind of playground is made up of rocks! And then asking kids NOT to throw them.
I wasn't really throwing them - definitely not at anyone - but I guess the nuance was lost on the teacher and I was marched inside and made to sit by myself against the wall.
What I felt was not that I was wrongly accused. I felt shame. I couldn't look at my teacher in the face - something just pulled my eyes toward my feet.
Sadly, I was never restored by my teacher that I can remember. She never asked me to come to her desk to talk about what happened. She didn't affirm her care for me in spite of my mistake. I was just eventually told to go set down and we went on as if nothing happened.
I don't remember a lot of things from my childhood but I remember this pretty vividly. This is the power of shame. I goes with us and dogs us potentially our entire life.
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You can probably think of your own stories of shame...
Different ways we experience shame:
Dumb things we do that cause embarrassment - walking into the wrong bathroom - usually short-lived.
From failure - not sin, just didn't measure up in some way. Didn't make team, someone else got promotion, turned down on date
When we’ve done nothing wrong. What others do to you - made fun of over clothes parents could afford, car you drive, abuse by someone, etc.
From things we do that we know are wrong - can carry this a lifetime. Non-Christians particularly susceptible bc there is no place to dump the feelings of shame and guilt, but even Christians can carry shame - especially from the past.
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Effects of shame include depression, social anxiety, difficulty being in healthy relationships, obesity (mine is from stress - sermon for another day). The weight of shame carried over time can have detrimental effects on our health.
Worst: loss of self-worth, feelings of worthlessness, which make it impossible to become who God has called us to be. I've blown it and am now inadequate to do what God made me for. Biggest lie the enemy tells us.
Sadly, we often think that God is the source of our shame. That he is ashamed of us.
One clarification between conviction and shame. Conviction is from God. It is the appropriate feelings we have when we’ve done something wrong that urges us to confess and be forgiven. Shame on the other hand is not from God. Shame causes us to hide from God, not seek him.
A simple way to tell them apart: Conviction says “I did something wrong”. Shame says “I am something wrong”.
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Another story of shame comes from the Bible...
Adam and Eve had one rule - don’t eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. A figure described as a snake deceives them, getting them to disobey. Then we read:
Genesis 3:7–8 “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.”
Our shame causes us to hide from God.
This story serves as a prototype of how God would search for all of us in order to restore us.
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The story of shame and restoration at the beginning of the Bible is re-told in the story of the NT.
Backstory: Jesus warned his disciples he would be arrested and they would abandon him. Peter was like “no way”. Maybe these other guys, but not me. I’ll die for you. So Jesus told him that before the sun rose - before a rooster crowed - Peter would deny knowing Jesus 3 times. After the resurrection we read this:
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” A second time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” And he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you used to fasten your own belt and to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go.” (He said this to indicate the kind of death by which he would glorify God.) After this he said to him, “Follow me.”
Three times Jesus asks Peter if he loves him. By the third time Peter is hurt bc he knows Jesus is indirectly pointing to his three denials. But here we see how Jesus speaks to our experience of shame and how he restores our worth and dignity. Jesus meets you in your failure and shame in three ways:
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First, Jesus is with you prior to your failure.
Matthew 26:34 “Jesus said to him, “Truly I tell you, this very night, before the cock crows, you will deny me three times.””
He knew what Peter would do before he did it. And he loved him anyway.
And he already knows you are going to blow it. You’re going to mess up, you’re going to sin. You’re going to do it on purpose, and you’re probably going to do it spectacularly. He knows you will sin and he has grace for you.
This is not permission to sin. I've been accused of being soft on sin. The truth is that I'm strong on grace.
Psalm 103:14 “For he knows how we were made; he remembers that we are dust.”
I find that oddly reassuring.
First thing Jesus is asking you is, will you give yourself the same grace he gives you.
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Second, Jesus is with you at the moment of your failure.
Luke 22:60–62 “But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about!” At that moment, while he was still speaking, the cock crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.”
Not only did he know Peter would blow it but he knew exactly when he does blow it. He knew what Peter did right when he did it.
Lord told me to notice what Jesus does at the moment of Peter’s sin. He turns toward Peter, not away. The devil will convince us that in our sin the Lord looks away from us. But Jesus didn’t turn away from Peter at the moment of his greatest failure; he turned toward him.
Jesus doesn't look away from you in your sin either; he turns toward you. I think it's hugely important what you think Jesus' expression was when he looked at Peter, bc it will determine how you react in your moment of failure, whether it will lead to conviction or shame. Do you see Jesus as angry, as disappointed, or do you see on his face compassion and understanding?
What expression do you imagine on Jesus’ face when you sin?
Healing for every condition we have is found in Jesus - including our sin and shame condition. The devil convinces us to sow our own fig leaves together to hide our shame. Jesus wants to clothe you with his grace.
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Finally, Jesus is with you to restore you after your failure.
Back to our passage. Three denials. Three times Jesus asked if Peter loved him. By the third time Peter is hurt. He knows Jesus is making a point about his failure. But Jesus isn’t asking three times to shame Peter but to restore him. Notice what Jesus says after each affirmation from Peter. “Feed my sheep.” He restores him to his kingdom purpose. For Peter, being restored went beyond hearing "you're forgiven". He also heard, "you've not blown your chance."
In the Bible, three is often associated with completeness or perfection. If Peter’s three denials represent the completeness of human failure, then the three statements of Jesus reflect the perfection of his restoration.
Jesus is reminding you today that whatever you did does not disqualify you from following him. It’s not about three. If there would have been seven denials there would have been seven restorations. You simply cannot out-sin God's grace OR God’s calling on your life. If you think you have, take heart - you’re not that powerful.
You might be saying, “But, Kevin, you don’t understand. I know that God forgives me but I can’t seem to forgive myself.” I DO understand; I understand that if you think that you make your judgment of your sin greater than God’s. If God says your forgiven, then who are you to continue to allow shame to rule your life?
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In Jesus we see God completing what he began in the garden. Just as he searched our our first parents in order to restore them, Jesus has come to search for us. To reverse the effect of guilt and shame, and to restore us to our dignity and purpose. Jesus described his mission this way: Luke 19:10 “For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost.” In Jesus we see a God who still searches us out in order to restore us.
Have you ever allowed yourself to be found? To stop running or hiding because of your shame, but instead turn to the One who is turned toward you? The devil tries to tell us we can work it out on our own. Jesus invites you to let him deal with it. If you’ve never surrendered your life to Jesus, asking him to forgive you and to remove your shame, why not today?
Ask to raise hands, fill out Connect Card, talk to me after service.
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For those who are already Christians, what would if be like if you could be free of the burden of guilt and shame? You have something in your past that the enemy continues to throw in your face, tearing you down, keeping your from really stepping out into your identity or calling. I want to remind you that Jesus does not shame you, nor is he ashamed of you. He is the one who searches for you to remove your shame.
Would you be willing today to let that thing go - whatever it is that has kept you bound up in unworthiness or defeat?
Lead in exercise to announce forgiveness in Jesus’ name...
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Communion
Have them stand… Invite the worship team forward…
Let’s pray together and proclaim the assurance we have with all God’s people in the words of Psalm 32:
Then I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Father, we give you thanks and praise for all of your saving acts, especially in the salvation of the world through the atonement made by your Son, Jesus the Messiah. Through the blood of the cross he has washed our sins away. Through his victorious resurrection he has guaranteed us eternal life.
We remember Him who for us and for our salvation, on the night that he was betrayed...
Come Holy Spirit and overshadow these elements.
Let them be for us your body and blood
so that we can participate in your redemptive work for us.
May we find mercy, healing and salvation
through the finished work of the cross. Amen.
