Say the difficult thing

Introduction: David’s ability to become a man after God’s own heart depended on the quality of his relationships. This is the truth which has dominated this series. Today’s story will continue to prove the validity of this truth. It will also serve a reminder to have the type of friends David had. In today’s story we are going to see David dealing with the rebellion of Absalom, which is one of the darkest chapters in David’s rule. In this story David is going to be placed in a nightmare situation, and the only reason he comes out of it is because God placed a really important friend in David’s life when he needed him the most.

Context: Absolom hated his father David. We aren’t completely sure why, many have speculated the way David handled the assault of Absoloms sister triggered a deep hatred for his father. David however would bend over backwards in attempts to reconcile with Absolom, nothing ever worked. Eventually Absolom would lead a rebellion against David resulting in Absolom sacking the city of Jerusalem. Absalom's victory would lead David and his supporters to flee the city and seek refuge on the other side of the Jordan.

Those closest to David would remain by his side in his exile. Over time Absolom would alienate himself from several in Israel causing support for David’s campaign to retake the throne to grow. Eventually David would have enough support to create an army to challenge Absolom for control of Israel.

Preparations and battle plans were drawn on either side as the inevitable brutal conflict loomed on the horizon. As the battle was about to happen, David would make a public declaration to each of his commanders. David said Do what you must with Absalom's Army; but make sure Absolom himself is unharmed.

The forces of Absalom and David would engage in battle, and David’s forces would overwhelm those of Absolom causing Absolom to flee for his life. However as Absolom would flee through the forest, his hair would get caught in the trees leaving him stuck.

Eventually David’s commander Joab would be told where Absalom was. Joab and his men would capture him and cut him down out of the tree. However Joab did not listen to David’s request. Joab killed Absalom on the spot.

This is where we pick up our story in the passage of scripture starting in 2nd Samuel 18 verse 24.

READ 2nd Samuel 18:24-19:4

2 Samuel 18:24–19:4 MSG

David was sitting between the two gates. The sentry had gone up to the top of the gate on the wall and looked around. He saw a solitary runner. The sentry called down and told the king. The king said, “If he’s alone, it must be good news!” As the runner came closer, the sentry saw another runner and called down to the gate, “Another runner all by himself.” And the king said, “This also must be good news.” Then the sentry said, “I can see the first man now; he runs like Ahimaaz son of Zadok.” “He’s a good man,” said the king. “He’s bringing good news for sure.” Then Ahimaaz called out and said to the king, “Peace!” Then he bowed deeply before the king, his face to the ground. “Blessed be your God; he has handed over the men who rebelled against my master the king.” The king asked, “But is the young man Absalom all right?” Ahimaaz said, “I saw a huge ruckus just as Joab was sending me off, but I don’t know what it was about.” The king said, “Step aside and stand over there.” So he stepped aside. Then the Cushite arrived and said, “Good news, my master and king! God has given victory today over all those who rebelled against you!” “But,” said the king, “is the young man Absalom all right?” And the Cushite replied, “Would that all of the enemies of my master the king and all who maliciously rose against you end up like that young man.” The king was stunned. Heartbroken, he went up to the room over the gate and wept. As he wept he cried out, O my son Absalom, my dear, dear son Absalom! Why not me rather than you, my death and not yours, O Absalom, my dear, dear son! Joab was told that David was weeping and lamenting over Absalom. The day’s victory turned into a day of mourning as word passed through the army, “David is grieving over his son.” The army straggled back to the city that day demoralized, dragging their tails. And the king held his face in his hands and lamented loudly, O my son Absalom, Absalom my dear, dear son!

David finds himself in a place which many after him have also found. This is a place where nearly everyone will find themselves at some point in their lives. David found himself at the point where grief collides with duty.

Many of you may know what it’s like to wrestle with grief while also attempting to fulfill the obligations in your life.

Perhaps you wrestled with grieving while also attempting to fulfill your obligation to your kids, family, work, wherever you may find yourself as a leader.

You would then understand why David is struggling so much. The passage makes it pretty clear that David isn’t succeeding at wrestling with grief and his obligations.

David is grieving the loss of his son, however at the same time he is crushing the morale of the people around him.

David saw Absalom as his son. However those loyal to him saw him as an enemy. Which means they didn’t see David mourning the death of his son. Instead they see him mourning the death of the enemy who was just trying to kill them. David’s soldiers see him mourning over the man responsible for the deaths of many of their friends and fellow soldiers. Many of these people literally bled for David, and know he’s mourning the man who made them bleed. In most cases, when David’s army won a major battle, they would be greeted with a party and massive celebration. Instead David’s sadness and mourning caused this day of victory to become a day of mourning for everyone.

If you’ve ever been in the position of wrestling with grief while trying to fulfill obligations, you sympathize with David. Yes, he may not be handling this as well as he should, but who can blame him? Who can be expected to be able to grieve while continuously seeking the wellbeing of those you lead. Especially if there seems to be a conflict of interest!

While it’s hard to hold David’s actions against him, we also recognize that someone has to say something.

Those loyal to David would also recognize that some HAS TO SAY SOMETHING to David. However just because they realize the need, they weren’t exactly lining up to volunteer.

Who wants to do this? How do you even handle it? I know you're sad, but you are really bringing the mood down with your mourning. How do you even say that without coming across as insensitive?

Someone clearly needs to say something, but there is not a good time or a good way to say it. This is when Joab enters the picture.

READ 2nd Samuel 19:5-8

2 Samuel 19:5–8 ESV

Then Joab came into the house to the king and said, “You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life and the lives of your sons and your daughters and the lives of your wives and your concubines, because you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you, for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased. Now therefore arise, go out and speak kindly to your servants, for I swear by the Lord, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night, and this will be worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now.” Then the king arose and took his seat in the gate. And the people were all told, “Behold, the king is sitting in the gate.” And all the people came before the king. Now Israel had fled every man to his own home.

Joabs words come across as harsh and insensitive. However just because they were insensitive, it doesn't mean his words were wrong. Someone needed to say something, but there wasn’t a good time or way to say it. We should be thankful for Joabs willingness to say something, even if it wasn’t tactful. David took his advice, and it worked! It needed to work, because Absalom's rebellion wasn’t the only one David had to stop. What happens if Joab doesn’t speak up and David alienates himself from his men? They probably fight as hard in the next rebellion, or worse they join it. However, because Joab was willing to say something even though there wasn’t a good time or way to say it, David’s men remained by his side.

Conclusion: We conclude the message like this; make sure you have a friend like Joab. The friends who are willing to say something when there isn’t a good time or way to say it.

I know that person hurt you, but you have to find a way to forgive them.

You aren’t failing by letting this go

It’s not your fault, or it is your fault.

You aren’t aware of how you are coming across, if you could hear yourself, you’d be shocked.

When that friend speaks, be like David and listen