Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Going Back in Order to Go Forward

Going Back in Order to Go Forward

Genesis 50:15–21 ESV

When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “It may be that Joseph will hate us and pay us back for all the evil that we did to him.” So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, “Your father gave this command before he died: ‘Say to Joseph, “Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.” ’ And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father.” Joseph wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, “Behold, we are your servants.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

Emotionally healthy spirituality is about reality, not denial or illusion. It is about embracing God’s choice to birth us into a particular family, in a particular place, at a particular point in history.

That choice gave each of us certain opportunities and gifts. It also brought us varying amounts of emotional baggage. For some of us, that load has been heavy—even devastating. Some of us are so accustomed to walking with this weight that we can’t imagine living any other way.

God’s intention is for us to live in freedom to joyfully experience the present. In order to do that, and this goes to the very heart of discipleship, we need to break free from the destructive sinful patterns of our past.

So many Christians live their lives faithfully attending church, going to Christian conferences, praying and reading the Bible, yet are miserable. Why?

Part of the reason is that, in our pursuit of spiritual transformation, we fail to consider two essential biblical truths:

The blessings and sins of our families going back two to three generations profoundly impact who we are today.

Discipleship requires putting off the sinful patterns of our earthly families and relearning how to do life God’s way in God’s family.

These two biblical truths must be central in our understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus.

The Power of the Family

When the Bible uses the word family, it refers to our entire extended family over several generations. This means that your family, in the biblical sense, includes everyone in your bloodline going back to the mid-1800s!

Your family is the most powerful influence in your life. Even people who leave home at a young age find that their family way of “doing life” follows them wherever they go.

Divorce, alcoholism, addictive behaviors, sexual abuse, poor marriages, rebellious kids, mistrust of authority, pregnancy out of wedlock, inability to sustain relationships—all of these patterns can be found running from one generation to the next. We could go into the classic arguments of nature vs. nurture, but the simple fact is that this pattern has existed since the beginning of man, as the Bible shows us.

In Genesis 4:8, Cain kills his brother Abel out of jealousy. Just a few verses down, starting in verse 23, Cain’s grandson Lamech admits to his wives that he just killed a man in a fit of temper.

Exodus 20:4–6 ESV

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.

God says the same thing to Moses about punishing the children for the sins of their parents in Exodus 34.

We see that very thing happen in the lives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob: A Pattern of Lying

Abraham lied twice about Sarah.

Isaac and Rebecca’s marriage was characterized by lies.

Jacob lied to almost everyone. His name means “deceiver.”

Ten of Jacob’s children lied about Joseph’s death, faking a funeral and keeping a secret about him for 10 years.

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob: A Pattern of Favoritism

Abraham favored Ishmael.

Isaac favored Esau.

Jacob favored Joseph and later Benjamin.

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob: A Pattern of Broken Relationships

Isaac and Ishmael were cut off from each other.

Jacob fled Esau and was cut off for years.

Joseph was cut off from his brothers for over a decade.

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob: A Pattern of Poor Marriages

Abraham had a child out of wedlock with Hagar.

Isaac had a terrible relationship with Rebecca.

Jacob had two wives and two concubines.

The “Lessons” We Learn

We not only develop generational patterns of behavior through our families, we also learn certain ways of thinking about life.

We learn that money is our source for security and how we determine our social standing.

We learn to avoid conflict at all costs, or that loud, angry, constant fighting is normal.

We learn that sex is not to be spoken about openly. We learn that it is impossible to save yourself for marriage. Many of us learn to expect sexuality in marriage to some easily.

We learn that sadness is a sign of weakness and that you should be able to get over losses quickly.

Some of us learn to repress anger. Others learn to explode in anger to make a point. Many learn that sarcasm is an acceptable way to express anger.

We learn that we owe everything to our parents, and that we must never reveal our family’s dirty secrets in public.

We learn that people will let you down, so don’t trust them. Vulnerability is weakness.

We learn that different is wrong. Do not build relationships with people of another race or culture.

We learn to define success through external, arbitrary standards.

We are taught that our emotions have no value.

Think about the lessons you learned about parenting? About “what’s a man’s job or a woman’s job”? How did you family view God, other churches, other faiths?

It is essential that we reflect on what messages our families presented us as unshakeable truth, and then submit those messages to Christ and his word.

Looking back to our opening passage, we find ourselves with Joseph and his brothers. It has been at least 10 years since the brothers sold Joseph into slavery and told their father that Joseph was dead. Since that time, Joseph has gone through a series of ups and downs, finding himself rise in power at Potiphar’s house only to be arrested based on a lie by Potiphar’s wife. Joseph spends more years in prison, and gets betrayed by a prisoner he helps. But with God’s help, Joseph has risen up to become the second most powerful person in all Egypt.

The brothers have already experienced Joseph’s kindness, but now their father just died. Because of all the lies and betrayal they have perpetrated, they expect Joseph to do pay them back the same way.

But Joseph doesn’t repay evil with evil.

Genesis 50:19–21 ESV

But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

How did Joseph get to a place of breaking his family’s cycle of lies and betrayal?

By submitting his desires to the will of God, and through the empowering of the Holy Spirit.

The Power of Pentecost

Today is Pentecost Sunday. We are a Pentecostal church. So the expectation is for us to look at Acts chapter 2 and talk about how significant the Holy Spirit is in our lives and why we need the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

Anyone who knows anything about Pentecostal churches expects us to talk about speaking in tongues, spiritual gifts, and miracles. Those things are a real, and they are a fundamental part of the Christian experience.

But we don’t seek the Holy Spirit so that we can speak in tongues, gain supernatural gifts, or see miracles. We seek the Holy Spirit to empower us to do the work God has called us to do. The obvious part of that work is that we are supposed to go and make disciples of all people.

But discipleship is more that just learning about Jesus. It’s about intentionally submitting our lives to God in a way that molds and shapes us into his image.

Before the Holy Spirit baptized Peter, that man was all over the place spiritually. He’d be all zealous for God and defending Jesus one minute, and the next, he’s lying about even knowing Jesus. But once the Holy Spirit poured himself out on Peter, there was a transformation. Suddenly Peter understood who Jesus really was. Suddenly Peter understood who HE really was in Christ. That unreliable guy became rock-solid.

If we are going to make the changes necessary for us to become emotionally and spiritually healthy, we have to be willing for God to show us painful parts of our past that continue to influence us today. We can’t face those things on our own.

The good news is, we don’t have to face those things alone. The Holy Spirit will help us face those things. He will bring up the things that we have buried down so far we don’t even remember them. He will bring up the things we have tried to run away from. And guess what? It will hurt. It will be awkward.

The old wrongs people have committed against you will rise up. The things your parents said that made you think you had to earn their love will come to mind. And then you will start realizing how you continued the family patterns by saying those same things to your kids.

When these things come to mind, you will have a choice. You can let these things overwhelm you so that you make excuses for them and stuff them back down again, or you can call upon the power of the Holy Spirit to remind you who God says you are. You can trust the Holy Spirit to strengthen you to face your painful past so that you can move forward toward the life God has in store for you.

So what are you going to do? Keep going as you always have been, pretending everything is ok? Stuffing down the pain? Reacting to life’s trials in ways that do not reflect who God created you to be?

Or are you ready to move forward? To become the person you were designed to be? To be healthy and whole spiritually and emotionally?

In order to move forward, you have to be willing to look back honestly at where you were before. You have to face the past to embrace your present and find your future.

Prayer.