Emotion Intelligence with Jesus

Emotional Intelligence

Introductory Aim

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is character in motion. Jesus embodies it, the Holy Spirit empowers it, and Scripture records it. When teenagers grow in EQ they become safer friends, braver witnesses, and clearer reflections of Christ.

1 Self-Awareness

Theme: “Name it to navigate it.”

Definition – Recognizing what you feel, why you feel it, and how those feelings color your thoughts and choices.

Jesus’ Snapshot – Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46). He tells Peter, James and John: “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (v. 38).

Jesus is honest with Himself, His Father, and His friends.

Supporting Scriptures

Mark 3:1-5 – He looks around in anger yet channels it into healing.

Mark 3:1–5 ESV

Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there with a withered hand. And they watched Jesus, to see whether he would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him. And he said to the man with the withered hand, “Come here.” And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.

John 11:33-38 – He is deeply moved and weeps before raising Lazarus.

Alignment – Jesus models perfect inner reading: He feels fully, names it honestly, then chooses actions that fit the Father’s will.

Practice Cue – Pause, label, pray: “I feel ___ because ___; Father, what do You want me to do with this?”

2 Self-Management

Theme: “Steer the reaction so the reaction doesn’t steer you.”

Definition – Controlling impulses, following through on commitments, adapting under stress.

Jesus’ Snapshot – Trials and Crucifixion (Matthew 27:11–14 “Now Jesus stood before the governor, and the governor asked him, “Are you the King of the Jews?” Jesus said, “You have said so.” But when he was accused by the chief priests and elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate said to him, “Do you not hear how many things they testify against you?” But he gave him no answer, not even to a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed.” ; cf. 1 Peter 2:23 “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” ). Under lies and mockery He does not retaliate but entrusts Himself to Him who judges justly.

Entrust Him who Judges justly.

Supporting Scriptures

Luke 4:1-13 – In the wilderness He masters hunger and ego, answering every shortcut with Scripture.

John 2:13-17 – Righteous anger cleanses the Temple; indignation is targeted, not explosive.

Mark 1:35-38 – After revival-like success He withdraws early to pray, then leaves popularity behind at the Father’s cue.

Alignment – Jesus shows strength under control; self-management is Spirit-powered discipline, not emotion suppression.

Practice Cue for Teens – 4-count breathing, silent prayer, or stepping away before texting back; schedule “reset” times as Jesus did in solitary prayer.

3 Social Awareness

Theme: “Feel with others—read the room, read the heart.”

Definition – Perceiving others’ emotions, needs and unspoken cues; recognising power dynamics in a group.

Jesus’ Snapshot – Feeding the Five Thousand (Matthew 14:13-21). He has compassion when He sees hungry, shepherd-less crowds and meets both spiritual and physical needs.

Supporting Scriptures

Mark 5:25-34 – He senses power leaving Him and turns to affirm the woman healed in the crowd.

Luke 7:11-17 – He notices a grieving widow that everyone else overlooks.

Luke 19:1-10 – He reads both Zacchaeus’ hidden hunger and the crowd’s resentment, then chooses to dine with the outcast.

Alignment – Empathy in Jesus is active perception—seeing the invisible, valuing the ignored.

Practice Cue for Teens – Ask: “What might this person be feeling right now?” Observe eyes, tone, posture before speaking.

4 Relationship Management

Theme: “Build up, don’t blow up.”

Definition – Communicating clearly, inspiring and influencing others, collaborating as a team, and handling conflict redemptively.

Jesus’ Snapshot – Restoring Peter (John 21:15-19). Jesus addresses failure privately, speaks Peter’s love language (“Do you love Me?”), recommissions him, and rebuilds trust.

Supporting Scriptures

John 13:1-17 – He washes feet; servant leadership communicates value louder than words.

Luke 24:13-32 – On the Emmaus road He listens first, then ignites hearts with truth.

Matthew 18:15–17 ““If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” – He outlines a step-by-step conflict-resolution blueprint long before modern HR policies.

Alignment – Relationship management in Jesus is truth plus grace, service-first leadership, and patient conflict repair.

Practice Cue for Teens – When tension rises: “Name the issue, affirm the person, seek a win-win.” Pray for the other’s good before confronting.

Relationship Management means to seek the well being of those around you, but also knowing when someone is draining you.

Pulling It Together

Holy Spirit Power: Each skill is ultimately fruit, not mere willpower (Galatians 5:22–23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” ). We train but He transforms.

Growth Marker: Not perfection but a shorter lag between emotion and wise response—less blow-up, quicker recovery, deeper empathy.

Next Step: Launch the Red / Green / White Flag game with real-life scenarios so students can spot these skills (or their absence) in action.

20 Flag-Game Scenarios (Aligned to the Four Core EQ Skills)

Use these exactly as printed or tweak wording for your setting. After you read each scenario, count “3-2-1 FLAG!”. Students raise 🚩 red, ✅ green, or 🏳 white. Then reveal the suggested answer, name the key EQ skill, and explain why.

1.Alex cheers sincerely when a long-time rival wins MVP.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Social Awareness → He can celebrate another’s joy.

2. Jordan slams a locker and shouts after missing the game-winning shot.

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Self-Management → Impulse overrides control.

3. Sara notices a new student sitting alone at lunch and invites her over.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Social Awareness → She reads the room and acts with empathy.

4. Chris publicly mocks a classmate’s wrong answer to look smart.

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Relationship Management (failure) → Tears down, not builds up.

5. Lola feels intense stage fright, prays, takes three deep breaths, and then presents calmly.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Self-Management → Controls fear instead of letting fear control her.

6. Mateo posts “My life is garbage” on social media every night.

Suggested flag: 🏳 white Key skill: Self-Awareness (unclear) → Could be honest venting or attention-seeking; needs context.

7. Emma snaps at a friend, cools off for ten minutes, returns, and apologizes with no excuses.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Self-Management + Relationship Management → Regulates anger and repairs trust.

8. Noah keeps interrupting the teacher with jokes to entertain the class.

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Self-Management + Social Awareness (failure) → Can’t rein in impulse or read the class’s need to learn.

9. Leah notices her friend has gone unusually quiet and asks privately, “Are you okay?”

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Social Awareness → Tunes in to subtle emotional cues.

10. Ethan splits his lunch with someone who forgot theirs.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Relationship Management → Practical care strengthens connection.

11. Grace fails a quiz and immediately blames the teacher’s “bad instructions.”

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Self-Awareness (miss) → Doesn’t own her part; shifts blame.

12. David listens to an entire rant before giving advice—“Let me make sure I heard you right…”

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Relationship Management → Active listening builds understanding.

13. Olivia receives a rude text, waits an hour, prays, then replies calmly.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Self-Management → Creates space between trigger and response.

14. Peter spreads juicy gossip so people will like him more.

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Relationship Management (failure) → Sacrifices trust for popularity.

15. Zoe volunteers at a food pantry every Saturday despite a packed schedule.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Self-Management → Follows through on values, manages time for service.

16. Carlos doesn’t make the basketball team, writes a daily workout plan, and tries again next season.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Self-Management → Turns disappointment into disciplined action.

17. Mia posts every accomplishment online to rack up likes and comments.

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Self-Awareness (low) + Relationship Management (shallow) → Driven by external validation.

18. Isaiah laughs loudly when someone trips and falls in the hallway.

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Social Awareness (missing) → Fails to feel another’s pain.

19. Rachel feels ignored by her friend, so she sends a calm DM: “Did I do something? I value our friendship.”

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key skill: Self-Awareness + Relationship Management → Names her feeling and seeks healthy dialogue.

20. Lucas imitates a classmate’s accent to make others laugh.

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key skill: Social Awareness + Relationship Management (failure) → Disrespectful humor erodes safety.

21. Scenario: At 4 p.m. your boss rushes in: “This deck MUST be client-ready by 9 a.m.” Alex feels frustration rising but says, “Sure, I’ll clear my night.” He later vents to coworkers that leadership is clueless.

Suggested flag: 🏳 white Key EQ skill: Self-Awareness & Self-Management — Outward compliance is green, hidden resentment red. The real issue is unspoken boundaries; Jesus would likely speak truth in love (Matt 5:37).

22. Scenario: Bella’s roommate has been unusually quiet. Bella texts, “Noticed you’re low—want to talk or want space?” then leaves a chocolate bar on the desk and heads to the library.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key EQ skill: Social Awareness — She reads emotional cues, offers choice, and respects autonomy.

23. Scenario: Caleb sees a peer’s viral LinkedIn post announcing a big promotion. He hits “like” immediately, but deep down feels jealous and spends an hour doom-scrolling job boards.

Suggested flag: 🏳 white Key EQ skill: Self-Awareness — Outward action is green, inner heart is red. Flag choice depends on whether he later brings the jealousy to God and re-frames it (Prov 14:30).

24. Scenario: Dani disagrees with her team in a Zoom call. Before speaking, she mutters, “I could be wrong…” and then shares her well-researched viewpoint. The idea turns out to be pivotal.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key EQ skill: Relationship Management — Humble framing softens egos, yet she still contributes confidently.

25. Scenario: Evan’s friend group drifts toward mocking humor. Evan laughs half-heartedly but says nothing, thinking, “If I correct them every time, I’ll sound uptight.”

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key EQ skill: Social Awareness & Relationship Management (miss) — Silence can equal complicity; Jesus confronts harmful speech (Matt 12:36).

26. Scenario: Faith hears her team joking about a coworker’s accent. She blurts, “Guys, stop—that’s racist,” in front of their manager, freezing the room. The jokes stop but the teammate looks mortified.

Suggested flag: 🏳 white Key EQ skill: Social Awareness & Relationship Management — Motive is green (defense), delivery may shame rather than restore (Gal 6:1). Requires nuance.

27. Scenario: Gabe has battled anxiety. In a kickoff meeting he says, “I struggle with panic attacks, so if I step out it’s not disrespect.” Colleagues thank him for honesty; one later shares her own story.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key EQ skill: Self-Awareness & Relationship Management — Vulnerability builds psychological safety (2 Cor 12:9).

28. Scenario: Harper’s partner cancels date night last minute for overtime. Harper texts, “You always pick work over me,” then turns off the phone to “teach a lesson.”

Suggested flag: 🚩 red Key EQ skill: Self-Management (failure) — Reacts from hurt without dialogue; escalates conflict.

29. Scenario: Ivan notices his introverted sister retreating to her room after a family dinner. He knocks once: “Need company or solo time?” She says, “Solo.” He replies, “Love you—I’m here if you change your mind,” and walks away.

Suggested flag: ✅ green Key EQ skill: Social Awareness — Respects boundaries while expressing care.

30. Scenario: Jada offers to proof-read a coworker’s report “just to help.” The coworker bristles: “Do you think I can’t write?”

Suggested flag: 🏳 white Key EQ skill: Relationship Management — Intent may be green, but tone or timing felt patronizing. Requires checking motives, asking permission, and clarifying support.