Blue Hydrangeas

Greeting:

Good afternoon ladies, and thank you for attending our tea today. It has been fun to see the different ways our hostesses have presented their tables. It is such a great reminder of how our different giftings can be brought together to form one wonderful vision of the church. And I’m not just talking about Racine Christian, but the big “C” church of Jesus Christ.

In this room we make up a variety of people. Some of us might be excited at getting to act all fine and proper at a ladies tea, while others feel like that level of girliness is not for them. Some of us might be tidy and keep an immaculate home, while others end their day feeling like if everyone’s still alive and the cops weren’t called then I could not care less if the house looks like a tornado touched down. For some of us as soon as we get home that bra comes off, and for others the girls are on lockdown until we crawl into bed at night. None of these are wrong ways to be, just different.

Where are my ladies who like to grow things? You have thriving plants and happy gardens? Yeah, there are the women who make me feel inferior. No really. My ability to kill plants has become legend in my home. I’d build up the courage to try again and bring a new plant home, and my family acted like it was the green mile. “Dead plant walking.” Some of you might know I authored a book called “Fortress of the Heart.” In it I relate tending to relationships like tending a garden. After reading it , my oldest made the comment, “Ya know mom, for seeming to know things about caring for plants you sure have a hard time keeping them alive.”

I will say that I think I’ve gotten better over time. I have a spider plant that I’ve kept alive for 6 years now, and the boxwood hedge in front of my house is thriving. But, there is something that still haunts me. Blue Hydrangeas. I LOVE blue hydrangeas. My great-grandparents immigrated from the Azores and those islands are known for their blue hydrangeas. So what have I tried to grow repeatedly? Blue Hydrangeas.

I get my plant, buy fresh soil, research the best practices, and a month in...dead! The stems and roots rot and the blooms turn ugly. The past 3 years I’ve bought them thinking “maybe this time it will be different.” And each time I’m disappointed. You know, one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn is a lot like the blue hydrangeas, but it involves people. So if I’ve struggled to learn it then maybe some here today have too.

You have someone who comes into your life and you set them in a place of honor. You do everything you can think of to make sure they feel cared for and yet, a rot sets in, they turn away. With getting the blue hydrangeas plants to take I would keep going back to What did I do wrong? Why can’t I make this work? Maybe if I just try harder. But with relationships those questions hit different. What did I do wrong? Why can’t I make this work? Maybe if I just try harder. And I bigger question comes, why can’t they choose me?

The plant has no say in the matter. It wasn’t sitting at the store watching me roll up and thought oh please not her. A plant wants to thrive; although in my experience they could try harder. My ladies out there who grow things probably know about the different “hardiness” regions or growing zones. These are important for knowing if a particular plant will survive in a certain area. You wouldn’t take a plant rated for zone 9, warm and somewhat arid, and expect it to thrive in zone 3 up along the Canadian border. That’s why we don’t see palm trees around the Great Lakes. That doesn’t mean those plants aren’t lovely and worth being cultivated. It means having realistic expectations of its needs and what you are able to provide.

Think of the differences we have right here in this room where we are from a common community. How much more so on the grand scale of people around the world? All created for a purpose and all loved by God, but we are made to thrive in different environments. That means not all the people you meet are meant to be cultivated by you. That’s hard right?

We are told in Matthew 28:19 “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,” the Great Commission. Get out! Reach people! Yet let’s look also at the instructions Jesus gave before sending out his disciples in Matthew 10:11–14 “And whatever city or village you enter, inquire who is worthy in it, and stay at his house until you leave that city. As you enter the house, give it your greeting. If the house is worthy, see that your blessing of peace comes upon it. But if it is not worthy, take back your blessing of peace. And whoever does not receive you nor listen to your words, as you leave that house or city, shake the dust off your feet.” So find who is receptive to Jesus’ teaching, those who are in your zone of compatibility where you can get something growing. This is also where Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 10:16 ““Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be as wary as serpents, and as innocent as doves.” This translation says wary, others say shrewd. That means you are to use good judgement and be discerning in how you engage with others.

We see Jesus do that in the gospel accounts when the pharisees would get testy, but Jesus would go all stealth mode and remove himself from the situation. We get to practice this on social media when a post ignites our righteous anger, but we just keep scrolling, or start pressing the back button on the 4 paragraph comment we were drafting. It’s one thing when its on the other end of a screen, but its a lot harder when its someone in our circle of interactions. And the closer that relationship the more difficult to manage.

For me, its my mother, for you it might be someone else. We want to use good judgement, but there’s a battle of what’s right. You see, in my relationship with my mother it is like the blue hydrangeas. I wish it could be healthy and thrive. I would try again and again thinking maybe this time it will be different. I’d pour myself into giving what she needs to thrive, and when the cycle plays out again, and those once promising blooms turn ugly, I’m left defeated.

Some might tell you that it shouldn’t matter how they treat you. If you’re a “good Christian” you should be willing to give up yourself for the other person. Let me just say that someone already went to the cross to save them. You don’t need to climb up there too. You are to trust in God and show them love as you hold tight to Jesus. God cares for that other person with an unfailing love just as He does you. He has a plan to draw them to Him, and that plan may not include you. Because guess what, He wants you whole, He wants you to be able to rest in His love, and He wants you to know that your value is not found in how much punishment you can take. Your worth is found in your Heavenly Father. It is ok that not everyone was made to fit into you life. It is ok that some people are actually healthier when the two of you aren’t triggered by each other.

There are people of varying “hardiness zones” in every community whose differences make them well suited for others particular needs. God moves them into the places He calls, to minister to a person’s own growth environment and maintain healthy discernment. To counsel and come beside them. Maybe you are someone able to do that, and that is wonderful. Or maybe you’re someone still working the soil over and over again, dirty hands and a broken heart as you battle the rot that threatens your relationship. Trust that God will move the right person into the life of your own “blue hydrangea”, whoever that individual may be. Find peace in the understanding that it is not on you to be that person’s savior. Keep Jesus first in your heart.