Single and Complete!

Seeing the Others Around Us

I have often thought about the diversity of the Church, but, truthfully, never more than over the past couple of weeks. You see, in our current series, “Love, Relationships, and Marriage” we have been looking at some of the practical aspects of our lives. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I would preach about singleness, and it struck a chord. However, I also realized that I needed some help! So, I reached out a got an education.

Let's begin by defining the term "single adult." I am referring to unmarried adults, ages 18 or older who happen to be SINGLE BY CHANCE, CHANGE OR CHOICE, whether theirs or someone else's. They fall into one or more of the following categories: never married, formerly married, widowed, single parent, separated (The separated person is legally married but living a single lifestyle).

44% of US Adults are Not Married

- 26.9%  Never married

- 10.4%  Divorced

- 6.3%    Widowed

Add to that 2.4% who are separated, and we get above 46% unmarried

This is not a problem. It is a reality and when the Church focuses only on the married couple as the only component of the Church Family then we are collectively missing out on the benefit that otherscan bring to the body of Christ.

Philippians 2:3–4 (NIV) 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

You probably don’t need to hear this this morning but the person next to you…well, they need to hear it.

Would We Have Included Paul?

1 Corinthians 7:7–8 (NIV) 7I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

Paul was famously single. In fact, he recommended it. He wasn’t the only single person, so were Jesus and John the Baptist.

Society puts a lot of pressure on getting married and “settling down”. I’m sure you’ve said it, or heard some say something like this, “I wonder when they will get married and settle down?” I wonder how many times Paul, Jesus, or John the Baptist heard it? Our society is filled with myths about singles…and we don’t even know how hurtful these myths can be.

Everyone should get married!

Something’s wrong with people who aren’t married!

Single adults have fewer problems than married adults!

Single adults are losers!

Single adults are lonely!

Single adults are rich!

Single adults are “on the prowl”!

We must reject myths and stereotypes about single adults! The truth is… there is a large population around us that we overlook – singles. Nearly ½ of the population is living single, when the Church focuses only of the married couple as the only component of the Church Family, then we are collectively missing out on the benefit that others can bring to the body of Christ.

The Church Must Be a Family for All

About 10 years ago I settled on a vision statement for Grace Chapel that says, “Growing families that will transform communities for Jesus Christ”. I’ll have to admit that my understanding of the Church Family has grown in preparing for this message.

I’m sure that you get it, but your neighbors sitting to the left and right of you may not get it. So, let’s help them out. Here is the reality…

People’s lives inspire it!

We will not reach the community (or Church body) if we do not fully appreciate and understand EVERYBODY.

There are common needs/interests of married and single adults

Salvation

Baptism

Discipleship

Obedience

Prayer Life

Commitment

Bible Teaching

Spiritual Growth

But singleness raises many unique needs/issues…

Rearing kids alone

Shared parenting

Relating to my former spouse

Sexuality and singleness

Money management

Peer Friendships

Learning to forgive my ex

Accepting Singleness

Dating/dating again

Divorce Recovery

Living with mom/dad

Understanding emotions

Grief recovery

Dealing with changes

Learning to trust again

Loneliness

Humility

Building an identity

Singleness in a marriage & family-oriented church

Career choice

Pre-Marital education

Re-Marital education

Blending families

Relating to married adults

Adjusting to Widowhood

Where in the Church are these addressed? Where are they getting their information if not from the church? With it being Pentecost Sunday, I appreciate and depend on the power of the Spirit to help us in any and all situations. At the same time, the Spirit empowers pastors and all believers to help one another.

Singleness Liberates People to Be Completely Free to Please the Lord

1 Corinthians 7:32–35 (NIV) 32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Paul’s point is clear: singles have a special freedom to focus wholly on the Lord. No divided loyalties between spouse, children, and ministry. That doesn’t mean married life is wrong—it simply means both paths offer different advantages.

Singleness isn’t about what’s missing; it’s about what’s possible.

Travel without needing a spouse’s permission.

Move without                   “                                  “

Spend money                  “                                  “

More time to serve God

More freedom to develop close friends of the same/opposite sex

More freedom and flexibility to develop abilities and talents

It’s a season—whether temporary or lifelong—where Christ can be your full focus, your first love, your everything.

I love that! Do you believe that God is able to provide everything that you need to be completely fulfilled? Just as marriage calls each person to rely on God 100%, the single person must rely on God 100%, whether singleness is for a season or a lifetime.

Interested in Helping Everyone Fit into the Church Family?

The Church has been traditionally marriage and family focused but the single person has often been missing and/or misunderstood. It is time to make single adults feel like they are also an important part of the Church family.

Virginia McInerney encourages us to bridge the gap.

Single adults need to be willing to “push their way in” despite feeling out of place. Married adults need to be willing to “pull single adults in” and expand their own dimensions beyond family life. Psalm 68:6 says, “God sets the solitary in families” (NKJV). The truth is, God can use married adults to “family” single adults. To help this become a reality in our churches, married adults can do the following:

Resist the temptation to suspect that a single adult is after your spouse.

Don’t suggest a “match” for single adults or ask questions such as, “Why isn’t a wonderful person like you married yet?”

Pray for single adults and let them know you are praying for them.

Reject cruel myths such as:

single adults have fewer problems,

single adults are on the prowl,

single adults are lonely,

single adults are rich, etc.

Offer to help single parents with home repairs, childcare, or other needs.

Visit the single parent when he/she is in the hospital, or at other times.

Get involved with a single adult ministry or a young adult ministry.

Invite single adults to your home for holiday or other special times.

I realize these suggestions may make your neighbor uncomfortable, assure them that it is okay and that we are just following the instructions of the Bible!

Single AND Complete

I titled this message “single and complete” because it is often counter intuitive but for many people, it is the absolute truth!

To the singles here today—whether you are never married, divorced, or widowed—hear this:

You are seen. You are valued. You are whole in Christ.

Your life is not on hold. You are not a problem to be solved. You are a gift to this church, with unique strengths, perspectives, and callings.

God is using you, and we celebrate you.

To the rest of us—let us recognize and honor the beautiful diversity of God’s family. Let us stop idolizing marriage and start embracing every part of the body of Christ. As Paul says in

Romans 12:4–5 (NIV) 4For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Let us be one body—married and single—each serving, loving, and glorifying God together.