Father’s Day

The Wise Man

🧱 SERMON INTRODUCTION: “What Kind of Man Are You Becoming?”

Have you ever asked yourself—not just where your life is going—but who you are becoming?

Because the truth is, most men don’t become a certain kind of man by conscious choice.

They become someone—by default, by pressure, or by imitation.

Whether we realise it or not, we’re all being shaped—by what we love, what we fear, and what we worship.

And far too often, we let ourselves be shaped by the wrong things:

         •       The pressure to perform (“If I achieve enough, I’ll matter”),

         •       The need for power (“If I’m in control, I’m safe”),

         •       The hunger for pleasure (“If it feels good, it must be right”),

         •       Or the temptation of passivity(“If I avoid the hard stuff, life will be easier”).

These are not just values—they’re functional saviours. They drive how we work, relate, and lead… and slowly, they form us into a particular kind of man.

For me, I knew early on exactly who I didn’t want to become.

I didn’t have an ideal to chase—what I had was an example I refused to follow.

And that example was my father.

He was a lazy man, rarely holding a job and never keeping one.

He was an abusive man—I’ve never seen a woman in his life who wasn’t hurt in some way by him.

He was selfish, constantly chasing self-gratification at the expense of those he should’ve cared for.

And he was violent—his presence made you feel unsafe.

So from a young age, I made an internal vow: I will not become like him.

And for years, I worked hard to be the opposite—especially in how I treated the women in my life:

My friends, my teachers, my sister, my mum. I wanted to be honourable, respectful, safe.

But here’s what I eventually learned:

Avoiding a bad model is not enough.

Not wanting to become someone doesn’t automatically make you the right someone.

You can reject laziness and still fall into pride.

You can avoid abuse and still let culture define your manhood.

Unless you have a godly, wise model of manhood, you’ll simply become a product of the culture you grew up in.

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And to be honest, while I know every person and every story is different, I have to say this:

The cultural view of manhood I grew up with—particularly in Romania—was not always healthy either.

I’ll never forget as a teenager hearing a preacher talk about his brother, a pastor, leading a church three hours from my hometown.

He said—and I quote—“A wife that is not beaten is like a house that is not hoovered.”

And he wasn’t joking. He was teaching this.

I was a young man at the time, and I remember being stunned.

Not because of politics.

Not because of feminism.

But because it broke my heart that women—daughters of God, made in His image—could be so mistreated by men who claimed to know God.

And it’s not just one person or one moment.

Even today, in some parts of Romania and beyond, women are still viewed as less than.

As if their worth is second to that of men.

As if manhood means dominance instead of service.

And that is not the heart of God.

As I began to grow in my understanding of God’s Word and His heart, I realised something important:

Even my culture—something I loved and was proud of—didn’t always align with the culture of the Kingdom of God.

So let me say something clearly, especially to the men listening:

Your culture is secondary to Kingdom culture.

It’s important. It’s unique. But it’s not ultimate.

And as strong as you feel your cultural values may be, they must bow to Jesus.

In the Kingdom of God:

         •       Men are not kings—Jesus is.

         •       Men are not sovereign—Jesus is.

         •       Men are not more valuable—we are equal in worth, value, and dignity with the daughters of God.

So today, the question isn’t just “Are you a good man?”or “Are you not like your father?”

The question is:

Are you becoming a wise man—formed not by culture, trauma, or pride, but by the fear of the Lord?

🩶 FALLEN CONDITION FOCUS (FCF):

In our nature, we are prone to reject God’s wisdom and be shaped instead by pride, passivity, comfort, or cultural norms that don’t reflect the Kingdom of God.

🧭PROPOSITION:

You are becoming either a man of wisdom or a man of ruin

Let’s look now at the two paths laid out in Proverbs.

We begin first with the path that leads to ruin—the unwise man.

🔥 PART 1: The Unwise Man

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (Proverbs 1:7)

The unwise man is not simply someone who lacks intelligence—he’s someone who resists God’s wisdom, either through avoidance, arrogance, or outright rebellion. Proverbs consistently categorises him in three ways:

🔸 1. The Passive Man – Delays and Drifts

Proverbs 1:22 CSB

“How long, oh simple ones, will you love ignorance? How long will you mockers enjoy mocking and you fools hate knowledge?

🔸 1. The Passive Man – Delays and Drifts

Proverbs 1:22 CSB

“How long, o simple ones, will you love ignorance? How long will you mockers enjoy mocking and you fools hate knowledge?

📖 Biblical Context:

The "simple" man** (Hebrew: peti) is not rebellious—but he is undecided.

He’s not resisting God with clenched fists—he’s avoiding God with quiet indifference.

He doesn’t hate wisdom—he just keeps saying “later.”

Then comes this vivid picture:

Proverbs 1:20–21 CSB

Wisdom cries out in the street; she makes her voice heard in the public squares. She cries out above the commotion; she speaks at the entrance of the city gates:

This would’ve struck Jewish listeners deeply.

The city gate was the place of leadership, legal decisions, community life.

It was where elders sat, business was done, and justice was administered.

Wisdom isn’t hiding in a synagogue. She’s not whispering in a prayer closet.

She is public, persistent, and pleading.

She’s crying out where life happens—in the busyness, the noise, the mess of it all.

And yet, the passive man walks right past her.

“How Do We Walk Past Wisdom?”

Now you might be thinking—“What does it actually mean to walk past wisdom?”

Biblically, it’s not just about ignoring a voice in the street. We walk past wisdom when we:

Dismiss God’s authority – choosing our way instead of the way of the Lord

Reject correction – when we’d rather be right than be changed (Proverbs 12:1

Proverbs 12:1 CSB

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but one who hates correction is stupid.

Hear but don’t obey – filling notebooks but never taking steps

James 1:22 CSB

But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

Delay obedience – convincing ourselves there’s always time

Hebrews 3:15 CSB

As it is said: Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.

Follow the crowd instead of God – choosing comfort over conviction:

Proverbs 12:15 CSB

A fool’s way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise.

Wisdom doesn’t just want to be heard—she requires a response.

And if you keep walking past her voice … One day, you won’t hear her anymore.

🌍 Cultural Reflection:

In many cultures, especially among men, passivity is accepted—even praised.

We confuse avoidance with patience. We label disengagement as maturity.

Or as Matt Chandler puts it:

🗣️ “We Mistake Proximity for Presence”

One of the greatest lies passive men believe is that proximity equals presence.

They say, “I’m at home, aren’t I?” “I’m around. I haven’t left.”

But being in the same room is not the same as being in someone’s world.

There are fathers who provide, but never engage—they’re physically in the house, but emotionally absent from the heart of their children.

And there are husbands who share a bed, but not a soul—men who still haven’t cut the umbilical cord to their mother, and who never show up enough in their wives’ lives to truly know what she feels, fears, or hopes for.

Passive men choose proximity over presence, and in doing so:

They create emotional widows—wives who feel alone in their marriage.

They raise emotional orphans—children who grow up unseen and untouched by their father’s attention.

And here’s the heartbreaking truth:

Sometimes the deepest wounds are not from what a man does, but from what he keeps delaying to give—his presence, his attention, his heart.

And that delay can be fatal .

The Passive Man doesn’t fall into sin with rebellion. He slides into ruin with hesitation and drags his family behind him as well.

And sadly, many men never fail because they chose bad things—they fail because they never chose God’s wisdom at all.

⚠️ Application:

If this is you—if you’ve been drifting spiritually, emotionally, or relationally—hear this:

Drifting is not directionless. It always leads somewhere—and it’s not where you want to go.

Wisdom is crying out today. Not in secret, not in theory—but in the street, in the Word, in your life.

Will you respond, or will you wait until it’s too late?

🔸 2. The Proud Man – Rejects Correction

Proverbs 26:12 CSB

Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

📖 Biblical Context:

This verse is one of the few where Proverbs says there’s less hope for someone than for a fool.

That person is the arrogant man—the one who thinks he already knows everything.

He is unteachable, resistant to feedback, and defensive when challenged.

Proverbs repeatedly warns that pride leads to a fall (see

Proverbs 16:18 CSB

Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.

It blinds a man from seeing his need for grace, community, or change. It isolates him—he listens only to himself.

“Pride is the mother of all sins—not because it’s loud, but because it refuses to learn.” – John Stott (paraphrased)

🔍 Expanded Teaching:

The proud man can look like he’s winning at life. He can lead a ministry, run a company, or raise a family. But there’s one defining trait:

No one can speak into his life.

He’s untouchable.

Uncorrectable.

Uncoachable.

He surrounds himself with people who affirm him but avoids those who challenge him.

And that makes him dangerous—not just to others, but to himself.

🔹 King Saul (1 Samuel 13–15)

Saul led a nation. He was anointed by God. But when correction came—from Samuel—he deflected, blamed others, and hardened his heart.

His pride cost him the kingdom, his family’s legacy, and ultimately his sanity.

Saul’s tragic story shows that spiritual authority without spiritual humility leads to collapse.

📊 Psychological Insight & Statistics:

Modern leadership studies affirm what Scripture teaches:

The Harvard Business Review notes that executives who lack “coachability” are more likely to fail, regardless of intelligence or competence.

“The inability to accept feedback is one of the top predictors of executive derailment.”

Dr. John Gottman, a leading marriage psychologist, identifies defensiveness as one of the “Four Horsemen” that destroy relationships.

Proud men often can’t receive even gentle correction from their wives or children—leading to breakdown in emotional intimacy.

A Barna Group study (2017) found that pastors who felt isolated or lacked accountability were at greater risk of burnout, moral failure, and disillusionment.

Pride often masks itself as confidence—but it kills teachability, and teachability is the seedbed of wisdom.

Think of the people who surround the,mselves with yes-men.

The father who always has the final word.

The business owner who fires anyone who questions his judgment.

At first, they seem strong.

But over time, they create cultures of fear, silence, and burnout.

Eventually, something breaks:

A marriage collapses.

A child walks away.

A personal moral failure explodes—because pride resisted accountability.

“Pride is the only disease that makes everyone sick—except the one who has it.” – Anonymous

Pastoral Reflection:

Pride isn’t just a personality flaw—it’s a spiritual cancer.

It makes a man unreachable.

He can’t repent, because he can’t admit he’s wrong.

He can’t grow, because he believes he already knows.

And here’s the real tragedy:

The proud man often doesn’t fall from lack of gifting—he falls from lack of humility.

That’s beautifully expressed and deeply convicting. Here's a refined and sermon-ready version of your reflection, preserving your powerful heart and biblical depth while enhancing clarity, rhythm, and impact for preaching—especially for Point 2: The Proud Man.

🗣️ “Who Speaks Into Your Life?”

You can tell a lot about a man by who or what speaks into his life.

Some men look impressive on the outside—running businesses, leading ministries, raising families—but the real question is this:

Who can reach you?

In marriage, your wife must have a voice in your life—before your parents, before your friends, before your pride.

Because according to Scripture, a man doesn’t become “one” with his parents—he becomes one with his wife.

Matthew 19:5 CSB

and he also said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

Let me say this clearly:

You come out of your mother,

But you become one with your wife.

That oneness doesn’t mean she’s just part of your life— It means she is your life, and you are hers.

You move together. You grow together. You carry the Kingdom together.

In God’s design, marriage is not a man doing ministry while a woman supports him silently.

It’s two image-bearers, joined by grace, fulfilling God’s calling together.

No, you may not do the same thing. But you must share the same direction, the same Kingdom purpose, and the same heart for God.

🛑 Challenge to Men:

Men—can your wife reach you?

Can she correct you?

Speak truth to you?

Share her heart without fear of being dismissed?

Let’s not muzzle the beautiful daughters of God who are our wives

Not with pride.

Not with cultural tradition.

Not with spiritual language that masks control.

Because in the Kingdom of God, your wife is not less than.

She is your partner in purpose—

Your equal in calling—

And your mirror in growth.

If she cannot speak freely, it may not be because she is silent, It may be because your pride has silenced her.

The Wise Man

The Wise Man – Fears the Lord

Proverbs 9:10 CSB

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

If the unwise man drifts and resists, the wise man is different—not because he’s perfect, but because he’s positioned.

He’s postured rightly before God.

🕯️ The fear of the Lord is his starting point.

Not fear as in terror or punishment—but reverence, awe, and humble submission. The wise man understands:

God is God, and I am not.

I don’t just need His advice—I need His authority.

This fear of the Lord is not weakness. It is the beginning of clarity.

It aligns a man’s relationships, his leadership, his decision-making, and his entire life.

It keeps him teachable.

Anchored.

Accountable.

Grateful.

Dependent.

📖 Biblical Illustration: Joseph

Think of Joseph—betrayed, enslaved, falsely accused. Yet he remained wise, not because of position, but because of posture.

When tempted by Potiphar’s wife, he didn't say, “I might get caught.” He said, “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9)

That is the fear of the Lord in action.

Joseph feared God more than he feared losing status or pleasure—and God gave him wisdom to navigate betrayal, leadership, and reconciliation.

💬 Quote:

“The beginning of wisdom is not the search for insight—it’s surrender to the One who is wise.” – Anonymous

🙌 Application:

The Wise Man fears the Lord—and because of that:

He invites correction

He guards his integrity

He honours his wife

He invests in his children

He walks in community

He listens more than he speaks

And he leads from a place of dependence, not domination

He doesn’t just ask God to bless his plans—he asks God to lead them.

Psalm 112:1 CSB

Hallelujah! Happy is the person who fears the Lord, taking great delight in his commands.

The wise man isn’t strong because of his own strength.

He’s strong because he knows who holds his life, and he walks in step with Him.

Conclusion

🔚 Conclusion: Who’s at the Centre? Who’s in Your Compass?

🧱 Summary: The unwise man is not always loud or reckless— Sometimes, he’s the quiet one. The one who delays (the Passive Man)… or the one who resists correction (the Proud Man).

But Proverbs tells us:

The Passive Man drifts.

The Proud Man resists.

Each of these postures leads a man further from wisdom and deeper into ruin.

So the question is this: What kind of man are you becoming—and who is shaping that?

🧭 A Compass for the Wise Man

I want to leave you with a picture—a compass. A tool that always points true north… but also orients you in every direction.

Men, I challenge you to think of your life this way.

Put God at the centre—He must always be your source and direction. Place your wife at the centre with you—because God has called you to walk in oneness, not isolation.

Then ask yourself these four Kingdom questions:

🧭 Who is North of You?

Who is ahead of you—someone you can learn from? A godly man, a mentor, a voice of truth you will allow to speak into your life.

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning.” (Proverbs 1:5)

🧭 Who is South of You?

Who is coming behind you—someone you can invest in? A younger man, a son, a brother, a friend who needs guidance.

Don’t just build a life—build a legacy of wisdom.

🧭 Who is East and West of You?

Who walks alongside you? Men who carry your burdens, pray for you, stand beside you when you're tired.

Like Moses on the mountain, when his hands grew tired, “Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other…” (Exodus 17:12)

These are your brothers in battle. You don’t need to walk alone. Wisdom never travels solo.

📣 Final Charge:

Men—this is what I’ve had to learn in my own life. I needed to stop running from the man I didn’t want to become… and start walking with the men God placed around me.

So today, wisdom is crying out to you. Not in shame, not in anger—but in invitation.

Who is your North, South, East, and West? And more importantly—who is at your centre?

Let it be Christ. Let it be wisdom. Let it be the fear of the Lord.

Because that’s where true manhood begins.

Would you like a visual compass diagram or a quote slide to accompany this conclusion for preaching or social media?