Level Up Parenting

Driving through town just my boy and me

With a happy meal in his booster seat

Knowing that he couldn't have the toy

'Till his nuggets were gone

Green traffic light turned straight to red

I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath

His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap

Well then my four year old said a four letter word

That started with "s" and I was concerned

So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool

I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you

And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are

We got cowboy boots and camo pants

Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad

I wanna do everything you do

So I've been watching you

How are you walking? How much time do you give to monitoring your walk? When you are responding or reacting to a situation how much attention to you give to how you do it?

When you talk to your wife. When you talk to your husband. When you talk to your friends on the phone. When you talk to people at the store. Are you talking in a way, are you interacting with people in a way you want repeated?

How we walk matters because people, especially our children are watching. They see more than we know. They are paying attention and we are teaching them something. The question is what are we teaching them? What are we modeling to them?

It does not matter if you want them to see you respond a certain way. It does not matter, they will walk after their parents and especially after their fathers.

Maybe you never wanted to be a parent. Maybe you never wanted kids. But here you are with other humans who depend on you.

2 Kings 22:2 CSB

He did what was right in the Lord’s sight and walked in all the ways of his ancestor David; he did not turn to the right or the left.

2 Kings 21:21 CSB

He walked in all the ways his father had walked; he served the idols his father had served, and he bowed in worship to them.

We see these stories repeat in the Bible. Someone walked in the ways of his father. What he did his children did.

It is harder to get your kids to walk in your ways than it is to let them stray.

The hardest thing in the world is to get your children, those under your care in whatever way that looks like to follow the right path.

A question I hear often is:

How do we make our kids follow the Lord and do right?

We can’t make them but we can guide them. We only get total influence for a short short window. We have to use our walk and our influence wisely to help them walk wisely.

Let Them Witness Your Struggle

Let them see you struggle and be honest with them. One of the best ways we can lead our children and the children around us is to lead wisely understanding that they need to see us struggling.

You are going to struggle. You are going to have hard times. You are going to encounter difficulties. Let your children see you struggle and see you press into God.

This does not mean burden your children with your burdens they should not have. This does not mean tell them everything.

Corrie Ten Boom recounts a story in The Hiding Place where she had an interaction with her father.

“And so seated next to my father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, "Father, what is sexsin?"

He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case off the floor and set it on the floor. Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said.

I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. It's too heavy," I said.

Yes," he said, "and it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.”

Two lessons where taught to her that day.

Parents carry weights so their children do not have to.

The burden does exist.

As a parent you carry heavy loads. We do not need to share the load with our children but it is ok to let them know the burden exists. We can share with them the difficulty of carrying a heavy load without making them carry the load with us.

It is good to let you kids see you struggle. Life is heavy and it is hard.

When we pretend it is not we give them a false sense of what it means to struggle. They when they face hardships they think they have failed because we did not struggle.

Matthew 26:39 CSB

Going a little farther, he fell facedown and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Jesus brought the disciples to His place of anguish. He did not pretend it did not exist. He let them hear His prayer. He let them see Him sweating blood. He did not shield them from His struggle. He let them witness it.

He also made sure could hear Him say, if this cup cannot pass from Me. It was not their cup to drink. It was not their burden to bear. It was His. And yet our Lord allowed them to witness His struggle. How do we know this? Because they recorded it.

The result was disciples who were willing to drink the same cup. They knew how to carry the burden when faced with their own struggle.

Hebrews 10:39 LEB

But we are not among those who shrink back to destruction, but among those who have faith to the preservation of our souls.

Why were the disciples not ones to shrink back? Because they saw Jesus struggle and persevere. He equipped them to carry burdens.

When we allow our children to see and hear of our struggles in age appropriate ways we empower them to struggle well later.

As a father I do not want my children or grandchildren to struggle. I hate that my kids have struggles but they are going to have them. So:

Our job as parents is not to shield our children from struggle, but to prepare them to bear them.

Do not give influence to others who do not deserve it.

If our job as parents is influence wisely then we cannot give influence to others who do not deserve it.

What we are doing from a technical standpoint is called identity formation. From about ages 6-12 our children are undergoing a process called Industry vs. Inferiority. They are starting to ask the question,

"Am I capable and competent?"

They are looking to parents and peers to help them answer this question. They want to know if they can.

In the preteen to later teen years they are going through, Identity vs. Role Confusion.

They are asking,

Who am I?

Here we loose more and more influence. They still want input from their parents but they are also asking their peer group and the culture at large to answer this.

This is why we have to be careful who we allow to influence our children.

Deuteronomy 6:4–8 CSB

“Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead.

We are primarily responsible for training our children. And when we allow others to influence who do not have that right we hand them over to someone else for training.

At some point others will influence them but we should not give up that control prematurely.

It is our job as parents to monitor their media consumption. Their peer groups. Their activities and so on. Do not give others a voice that contradicts your voice.

We teach them how to allow other influences in their own life. Just like we are not supposed to stop them from struggling but teach them how to bear the struggle we cannot stop others from influencing them but we teach them how to allow access.

Proverbs 22:6 CSB

Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it.

Teach them how to allow someone to influence their lives.

Dad’s Go to Church

This one is directed to the dads. And it should refocus the way we do church.

Before I tell you this, moms you need to listen to the whole thing because this is what the data tells us.

Father’s, by far, play the most important role in determining whether you child will go to church.

If only the mom goes to church regularly then there is a 1.5% chance the child will attend church regularly.

If both parents attend church regularly then there is about a 33% chance the child will attend church regularly.

If only the dad goes to church regularly then there is about a 44% chance that child will attend church regularly.

Father’s have the most important role in determining whether a child will go to church and have a relationship with the Lord.

Dad’s if you make church a priority, if you make God and the things of God a priority, then there is a greater likelihood your children will too.

If it is important to dad it is important to the kid.

Pray, a Lot

We need be praying, a lot.

Pray for ourselves to be the parents we need to be.

Pray for our kids.

Pray for their friends.

Pray for their future spouses.

Pray for their schools.

Pray all the time.

I pray for myself to be the husband, father, and leader I need to be all the time.

Jesus standing before the Father in prayer, prays for His disciples. He prays for a few things and one His prayers is,

John 17:15 CSB

I am not praying that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.

How often do we pray for our kids? We must understand that we are in a spiritual battle.

Ephesians 6:12 CSB

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this darkness, against evil, spiritual forces in the heavens.

Our children our in a spiritual battle. Our fight is a spiritual battle. We need to be praying. Pray when you know they are struggling and pray when you don’t.

Pray for their friends. Ask them what is going on in their friend circle. What battles are their friends facing and pray for their friends with them.

Pray for their future spouses. More than likely, God has someone out their for your child to marry. Pray for them. Ask God to intercede in this persons life. Seek the Lord on their behalf.

We have to be praying for our kids.

There is too much on the line not to be praying.

We got back home and I went to the barn I bowed my head and I prayed real hard Said lord please help me help my stupid self

Then this side of bedtime later that night Turning on my son's scooby doo nightlight He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands And spoke to God like he was talking to a friend

And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you

And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are We like fixing things and holding mama's hand Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad I wanna do everything you do

So I've been watching you

They are watching.

They are listening.

Teach them to struggle well.

Reject negative influences?

Give priority to the things of God.

Pray