A Father's Love!

The Gift of Discipline: A Pathway to Godly Living

Bible Passage: Hebrews 12:7–11

What is a father? Well by definition, a father is the male parent of a child. And so now the question becomes, well, what is a parent? A parent is someone who raises and cares for a child. Being a parent involves providing love, support, and guidance to one’s children.

A father’s love and a mother’s love can often times look a little different.

Fathers Play Differently While mothers and fathers are both physical with their children, fathers are typically physical in different ways. Fathers tend to play with their children, and mothers tend to care for them. Generally speaking, fathers tickle more, they wrestle, and they throw their children in the air (while mothers warn "Not so high!"). Fathers chase their children, sometimes as playful, scary "monsters." Fathers are louder at play, while mothers are quieter. Mothers cuddle babies, and fathers bounce them. Fathers roughhouse, while mothers are gentle. Fathers encourage competition; mothers encourage equity. Fathers encourage independence while mothers encourage security.

Fathers Build Confidence Go to any playground and listen to the parents there. Who is often encouraging kids to swing or climb just a little higher, ride their bike just a little faster, or throw just a little harder? Who is encouraging kids to be careful? Mothers tend toward caution while fathers often encourage kids to push the limits. Either of these parenting styles by themselves can be unhealthy. One can tend toward encouraging risk without consideration of consequences. The other tends to avoid risk, which can fail to build independence, confidence, and progress. Joined together, they keep each other in balance and help children remain safe while expanding their experiences and confidence.

Fathers Communicate Differently A major study showed that, when speaking to children, mothers and fathers are different.41 Mothers typically simplify their words and speak on the child's level. Fathers are not as inclined to modify their language for the child. Mother's way facilitates immediate communication. Father's way challenges the child to expand his or her vocabulary and linguistic skills—an important building block of academic success. Father's talk tends to be more brief, directive, and to the point. It also makes greater use of facial expressions and subtle body language. Mothers tend to be more descriptive, personal, and verbally encouraging. Children who do not learn how to understand and use both styles of conversation will be at a disadvantage, because they will experience both of these styles as they enter the adult world.

Fathers Discipline Differently Educational psychologist Carol Gilligan tells us that fathers stress justice, fairness, and duty (based on rules), while mothers stress sympathy, care and help (based on relationships).42 Fathers tend to observe and enforce rules systematically and sternly, which teach children the objectivity and consequences of right and wrong. Mothers tend toward grace and sympathy in the midst of disobedience, which provide a sense of hopefulness. Again, either of these by themselves is not good, but, together, they create a healthy, proper balance.

And this one is probably the most important because what’s missing from a lot of our younger generation is discipline!

Big Idea: God's discipline is a loving process that shapes us into the likeness of Christ, moving us from struggle to sanctification, and ultimately leads us to a more profound experience of His grace and purpose in our lives.

Summary: This passage presents discipline as an essential aspect of a believer's life, illustrating how God uses trials as a training ground to develop spiritual maturity. It reveals that just as a loving father corrects his children, God’s discipline is rooted in love, guiding us away from sin and toward righteousness. The focus is on how these experiences can cultivate a deeper relationship with God.

Teaching: This sermon teaches that divine discipline is not merely punitive but is transformative in nature. It emphasizes that the trials we go through are instruments used by God to reflect His love and to equip us for a life of righteousness—a fundamental aspect of our sanctification.

1. Regard for Relationship

Hebrews 12:7 “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”

Hebrews: An Introduction and Commentary (i) The Need for Discipline (12:1–11)

The principle laid down here is that the relationship determines the purpose of the discipline. A father who neglects to discipline a son is deficient in his capacity as father, and a son who escapes all discipline is losing out on his sonship.

accept the discipline of the Lord!

Hebrews 12: 5-6 “And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

The writer suggest that in verse number seven that you have to endure for the purpose of discipline. God disciplines us because He sees us as His sons and daughters. God is trying to mature us, He’s trying to develop us, He’s trying to grow us. And in order for us to get to where God wants us to be, we’re going to have to go through some things and no sir and no ma’am it ain’t gone always feel good, but it’ll work for your good! God is trying to teach you something in the process!

Reference Deuteronomy 8:2-5 “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you.”

Sometimes God will allow you to go through some things just to know what’s in your heart! To see if you really love Him, and will keep His commandments! Any and everybody will walk with you as long as everything is ok, but let some tough times hit and see who’s willing to stick it out with you. That’s how God is, God wants to see who’s willing to stick it out! God has a way of weeding out those who are real, and those who are fake! And it’s not so much for his knowledge, because God already knows, a lot of times, He’s trying to show you, the real you! Because we can get so good at fooling our own selves into thinking that we are so in love with God, but then let us go through a period of tough times and see if we’re still in love with God like we say we are! Tough times will test the genuineness of any relationship!

He let them hunger just so that He could teach them something! That’s what discipline does, it corrects, and it teaches!

They wandered and walked for forty years, and the writer says in verse 4, “Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell!” Tell me what pair of jeans you had for forty years that did not wear out? Sometimes I’m on my feet for 12 hours straight and by the time I’m getting ready to leave it feels like the ground beneath me is spikes and my feet are air bubbles, and you mean to tell me they walked for forty years and they feet didn’t swell? And the idea was, that this forty years of wandering was never about punishment, but it was about correction and teaching! It was for discipline that you had to endure!

the believer’s relationship with God is that He is to His people as a loving, good father is to a son or daughter.

 God’s correction is never to punish us or make us pay for our sins. That was done once and for all at the cross. His correction is motivated only by His love, not by His justice; He chastens us without anger.

2 Samuel 7:14-15a “I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son. When he commits iniquity, I will discipline him with the rod of men, with the stripes of the sons of men, but my steadfast love will not depart from him,”

Just because God disciplines you and allows you to endure some tough times, doesn’t mean that He doesn’t love you, but on the contrary, it means that He does! The father who does not discipline his son, does not love his son. Proverbs 3:11–12 “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” You see, when a father loves his child, he doesn’t sit back and watch them do wrong and not correct it! Why, because he knows that destruction lies at the end of that road, and so because he loves his child, and wants what’s best for his child, he’s got to correct his child and set his child straight! A father cares enough about his children, to not see his children end up in jail or prison, because he failed to be a father! I’m talking about a real father, I’m not talking about because you laid there for two minutes and reproduction took place! A real father, disciplines his children, for the good of his children! Not to exercise his authority, but to put them on a path of correction! And let me tell you something, your ego can’t be involved in discipline! We all as parents love to hear that preacher say children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. And honor your father and mother that you may live long, but it also says “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Discipline should never torment your child, it should train your child! You got to understand, that there’s a thin line between discipline and abuse. Discipline is born out of love, abuse is born out of anger! And what a real father does, is he exercises discipline over himself, before he disciplines his children!

And what God is saying in 2 Samuel 7 is that even in discipline, His love remains!

Just as earthly parents discipline their children out of love, God disciplines us to affirm our belonging to Him.

2. Respectful Reception

Hebrews 12:8–9 “If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?”

Perhaps we can reflect on the importance of respecting and submitting to God's discipline, comparing it to earthly parental guidance. The passage suggests that if we respect our fathers who discipline us for our earthly well-being, how much more should we submit to God, our heavenly Father, for spiritual well-being? It teaches believers that embracing God's discipline enhances their spiritual vitality and intimacy with Him, much like the obedience Christ modeled during His earthly life.

You got to understand that in that time, illegitimate children did not have all of the rights and privileges and inheritance that legitimate children had. Children born outside of marriage were considered illegitimate children. And for you and I, we were illegitimate children because we were outside of God’s promised or chosen people Israel. You got to understand that as Ephesians 2:12–13 “remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”

Ephesians 2:19 “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,”

You and I are not illegitimate children of God, because of Jesus Christ and our faith in Him, we are the children of God!

Romans 8:14–17 “For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.”

As a child, I had a level of respect for my father, because I feared what would happen if I didn’t do what he told me to do. I wasn’t scared of my father, I loved my father, and almost everywhere he went, I wanted to go. But when he gave instruction, one thing about my father is that he meant what he said, and he said what he meant. Let you not be done done what he told you to do when he told you to do it! You could tell the difference between a child who was lovingly disciplined between a child whose parents allowed them to do what they wanted to do

3. Righteous Reward

Hebrews 12:10–11

Maybe believers can gain insight into the purpose and benefit of God's discipline. Unlike earthly discipline, which is temporary, God's discipline yields a permanent harvest of righteousness and peace for those trained by it. This demonstrates the sanctifying power of trials in the life of a believer, echoing the Christocentric theme of transformation through suffering, as Christ's trials led to resurrection glory. Emphasize that enduring discipline shapes us into Christ's likeness and enriches our spiritual path.

a. No chastening seems to be joyful for the present: Trials are trials and chastening is chastening. If it does not hurt or press us, then they do not serve their purpose. We sometimes want trials that are not trials and chastening that is not chastening.

i. Spurgeon observed that in the natural realm we can be led astray by what seems to be. The earth does not seem to move, or seem to be round; the sun seems to be larger at sunset, and so on. “Now, if even in natural things the seeming is not the truth, and the appearance is very often false, we may rest quite sure that though affliction seemeth to be one thing, it really is not what it seemeth to be.” (Spurgeon)

ii. “If affliction seemed to be joyous, would it be a chastisement at all? I ask you, would it not be a most ridiculous thing if a father should so chasten a child, that the child came down stairs laughing, and smiling, and rejoicing at the flogging. Joyous? Instead of being at all serviceable, would it not be utterly useless? What good could a chastisement have done if it was not felt? No smart? Then surely no benefit!” (Spurgeon)

b. The peaceable fruit of righteousness: This fruit must be evident in the life of the Christian. The reason why many experience one crisis after another in life is because they are either blind to God’s chastening or they resist it. They are not trained by it and therefore the peaceable fruit of righteousness is not evident.

i. Trained in the ancient Greek language is a word from the world of athletics. The training of an athlete is marked by some agony and so is our training as God’s “spiritual athletes.”

ii. God has a purpose for training you. Think of David after a lion attacked when he was just a boy tending the sheep. He could easily despair and ask, “Why did God allow such a terrible thing to happen to me? I barely escaped!” If David could see ahead, he could see God had a giant named Goliath he was destined to face and the battle with the lion prepared him ahead of time. God always has a purpose.