Deep Friendships - David and Jonathan
Friendship • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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You cannot talk about friendship in the Bible, without at least talking about the story of King David and his best friend Jonathan from the Old Testament.
So if you have your Bibles please turn to 1 Samuel 18.
1 Samuel 18 to read about this.
This is right after in David’s life that 2 important things happened:
He was anointed by the prophet Samuel as the next king of Israel (chapter 16)
and in chapter 17, he fights and kills the giant Goliath.
Look at how remarkable David and Jonathan’s friendship is.
I want you to notice in particular the depth of their friendship.
You can’t have this type of friendship with everyone—but a couple, a handful, a few....
let me read (please stand)
1 After David had finished talking with Saul (current king), Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.
2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family.
3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.
4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
This is a remarkable passage. Jonathan is the firstborn son of the current king of Israel - Saul. He is the next in line to be king of Israel...and yet we see here that actually Jonathan is very much in support of David being the next king. how do we know that? because he gives him his robe...his tunic, his sword—basically pledging his support and submission to David, the future king.
That’s remarkable that Jonathan would do that—talk about an unexpected friend for David.
and if you keep reading the story—it’s long in 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel...
we read in chapter 18—that King Saul becomes paranoid about David.
jealous of David—because David is growing in popularity among the people.
King Saul even throws a spear at David trying to kill him a couple of times.
turn to chapter 19 now...
1 Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan had taken a great liking to David
2 and warned him, “My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there.
3 I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I’ll speak to him about you and will tell you what I find out.”
4 Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly.
5 He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine (Goaliath). The Lord won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad. Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?”
6 Saul listened to Jonathan and took this oath: “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be put to death.”
7 So Jonathan called David and told him the whole conversation. He brought him to Saul, and David was with Saul as before.
Jonathan intervening and interceding for his friend—future King David.
but it doesn’t last...
King Saul tries to kill David again...
David flees for his life.
1 Samuel 20—it’s the famous story where Jonathan and David arrange a signal with a boy who is shooting arrows. Jonathan is to find out if Saul, his father, is wanting to kill David or not.
and we see in 1 Samuel 20:16-17
16 So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord call David’s enemies to account.”
17 And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.
Jonathan eventually discovers that King Saul wants to kill David.
and has the boy with the arrows give the signal.
Somehow they meet up again
41 After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most.
42 Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’ ” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.
David goes on the run some more...from King Saul, afraid for his life.
and skip ahead now to 1 Samuel 23:15-18
15 While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life.
16 And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.
17 “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.”
18 The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.
We are seeing incredible glimpses of David and Jonathan’s friendship.
What do we learn about Friendship:
Deep Friendship is important!
it’s absolutely important...without friendship...without the friendship of Jonathan...David would have been killed. God use their friendship to protect King David and fulfill God’s purposes to have David on the throne of Israel.
24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
Jonathan is definitely that friend who keeps David from ruin.
He sticks closer than a brother.
He is born for a time of adversity.
Do you have a friend like that?
better yet...are you a friend like that...
God can literally save your life from ruin due to the presence of great friends or use you to save others from ruins. Friendship can be one if not the biggest ministry you engage in!
Eugene Peterson who wrote the paraphrase of the Bible called the Message—he wrote “Friendship is a much underestimated aspect of spirituality...he argues it can be every bit as important as prayer and fasting—friendship takes what’s common in human experience and turns it into something holy!”
Do you take friendship that seriously...as seriously as Jonathan did—and David? It can literally save a life—that’s what we see here. It protects you!
Notice the same 3 ingredients of friendships (that we saw last week( reiterated—summarized in one theme—(which I will tell you in a second) (delayed — covenant.) what are those ingredients? I borrowed these from a couple of authors CS Lewis and Tim Keller, 2 of my favorite I mentioned:
#1 Constancy - (Proverbs 18:24) - it’s that ability to stick with someone through thick or thin...you stick with them. Jonathan stuck with David. that’s a true friend does...they are constant in each other’s lives.
I was thinking about this for Jonathan...and comparing it to us today...and one of the challenges of constancy—is one major hurdle—there’s a cost...
a cost of commitment....
a cost of time...
a cost of energy...
a cost of entering someone’s life at a deep level...
for Jonathan especially, there was a cost involved. In that culture, he would have been expected to toe the line...to support his father, King Saul above all else....yet Jonathan noticed David was God’s anointed.
and Jonathan put his future kingship on the line (He gave it up) he put his life on the line, inquiring to his dad about David, giving David inside information about his father and his plans.
I think friendship, especially deep friendship, is costly.
we are pretty consumeristic.
if you think about it, most of our relationships in life are probably more that way naturally—we interact with people based on what we can get out of it - if you are a student—you have to interact with your teachers and coaches so you can get an education out of it. if you are an employee—you interact with your boss and co-workers to make a living. if you interact with me or one of the pastors on staff—it’s because they are your pastors, and that’s ok!!
but a true friend is not based on consumerism...this is why—one of the great things emphasized for pastors, really leaders—one of the challenges I hear a lot on podcasts is if you were not doing your pastoral job or leadership position, if that all ended—would you still have at least a few people in your life that your relationships would continue—if not. why not? the point is to make sure you have those.
and you find out pretty quickly in life who your friends are when going through a hard time—because the cost goes up for them to be committed...
and conversely—you find out if you are going to stick with someone when adversity hits their life...
a true friend, a deep friend, is constant...like Jonathan was with David.
#2 Transparency (Proverbs 27:6, 17)
6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Look at 1 Samuel 18:1
1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.
one in spirit… (he let him see his soul)
loved him as himself...
there is a transparency, authenticity, vulnerability to let someone in, and know you.
We didn’t mention this last week—but if we were to brainstorm what are some of the areas that deep friends are transparent about...
#1 your feelings
41 After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most.
We see that same kind of weeping and emotionalness when the Apostle Paul said goodbye to the elders at Ephesus...
37 They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.
certainly some of that is cultural....it is more common in other cultures for this to happen
but there is affection, feelings, sharing what is going on....
not only that...there is often transparency about:
decisions—especially major decisions in your life, and motivations—wrestling with why you are deciding what you are deciding. You don’t share that with everyone but a friend or 2 who can really press in to your life… “yes that job change sounds good...” or “make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. David and Jonathan are sharing about some pretty major decisions in their lives.
weaknesses -
a true friend knows your weakness
17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
so feelings, major decisions, weaknesses...
I would also add to that—what we are learning from God. Deep friends push each other towards the Lord. we read earlier that Jonathan helped David find strength in God.
what is it that keeps us from opening up with a friend...turn to you neighbor...
Fear— “what will someone think of me...”
however, I have noticed when someone opens up and is vulnerable with me— “I have even greater respect...”
#3 Sympathy -
sym = same
pathos - passion
same passion or common passion
it could start out with “oh you also have the same hobby of woodworking? “Me too!” “You also went through that as a teenager?” Me, too!” that’s why Lewis said friendship often begins with “wait, you too? I thought I was the only one.”
what was David and Jonathan’s common passion....probably a couple of things:
if you read 1 Samuel 14 - you see Jonathan bravely attacking the Philistines though he and his armor-bearer were outnumbered...read 1 Samuel 17 - you see David bravely attacking the giant Goliath
a commitment to the Lord....they wanted to glorify the Lord—they wanted the nation to glorify the Lord
and they wanted what is best for the nation—even if it meant that Jonathan would not be king...even if it meant that they had to be patient. they are not trying to kill king Saul = David would have chances—Saul was anointed by God...they are waiting it out.
I think as Christians we have such a unique advantage to make friends, deep friends with a fellow Christian. Why? because even if we are very different, which we are...we have a similar goal:
we have the same Savior and Lord - Jesus Christ
we all know we are saved by grace through faith in Christ alone
we have the same mission—though it may be expressed different - to glorify God and make disciples, followers of Jesus in our context....
what one of the best questions you can ask a friend (or a spouse) is this—what is God teaching you? Go ahead and practice it...
so we see the importance of friendship and the same 3 ingredients....
We see a couple of new lessons:
friendship can be unexpected -
there’s no way David would have expected this… (or probably Jonathan) on their life plan. you may have in your mind the perfect candidate or picture of a friend—but could it be possible that God might use someone that you totally not expect in your life to be your friend—or you be their friend?
this is one of the beautiful things of the Body of Christ—if you think about this group gathered right here—we have the common passion—sym - pathy—-but most of us would not be hanging out were it not for Jesus. how might the Lord use you in someone’s life right here—right now—in an unexpected way...
friendship may be for a season
unfortunately if you know the story of Jonathan—not only was he loyal to David...but also unfortunately still to his father. He tried to toe this line of honoring his parents, but also honoring the Lord’s anointed. and see at the end of 1 Samuel—Jonathan dies with Saul in battle.
but Jonathan’s friendship served David well for a very important season. It makes me wonder if Jonathan would have lived would that have helped David not fall into sin when he took Bathsheba, another’s man wife, and had Bathsheba’s husband killed.
We see a caution...
I want to give a caution here about David and Jonathan.
one of the things that you read here several times is that David and Jonathan made a covenant with each other. a covenant!
that’s a big term...
almost like a promise, like a contract, a formal agreement.
we see all throughout Scripture God does that with us...
but here we see 2 human beings...
and I want to be careful...because how much do we apply from David and Jonathan’s life and friendship to ours. what was unique...what still applies today.
I think we should be somewhat careful....
a caution here? about interpretation?
Sam Allberry: Second, reading Jonathan and David’s relationship as a blueprint for close friendship between two men makes me nervous. David and Jonathan were not two regular Joes. David was chosen and anointed by God to be king. He was, at this point in salvation history, the prototypical Christ (he poitns to Jesus Christ).
With this in mind, I’m not sure that Jonathan’s covenant with David, and David’s superlative delight in Jonathan’s love, is as much about male friendship as it is about how God’s people and God’s king relate to one another. Jonathan models the way we are to pledge ourselves above all others to God’s king, and David anticipates the utter delight Christ has in those who love him. This is not to say we have nothing to learn about male friendship from David and Jonathan, nor that intimate male friendships are not needed, but we need to keep these important biblical-theological caveats in place before considering what their friendship might teach us.
I find that a helpful reminder....
Sam Allberry also cautions against making covenant or vows with friends. Certainly there is the marriage covenant between a man and a woman—that’s different than our normal, same-sex friendships..
some will read this and think we need to make a covenant with our deep friends.
Allberry says this—having “vowed” friendships may only add to the current confusion about friendship.
“ Making a close friendship covenantal takes it from a familial setting to something more approximate to a marital one. But whereas marriage is necessarily (at least in Christian thinking) limited exclusively only to one, close friendship is not. We have the capacity for—and it may be healthier to cultivate—close friendship with a small number. This is not the case with marriage. A covenant may not be the best vehicle for the commitment we need, and yet are so often lacking, in friendships today.”
i think that is helpful!!
yet at the same time there is much to learn—
our culture doesn’t understand this friendship love...so much so that some read passages like this and thing it is referring to romantic or homosexual love. Look at 2 Samuel 1:26 after Jonathan died...David said this....
26 I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.
so some more liberal commentators have said “see—this must be in support of homosexual, romantic love.” but I disagree.
such comments are caught up in the spirit of our age and culture—that puts romantic love and sexual love as the highest loves...
it’s also I think if you just look at the context of David’s life—a reference to the fact that his first wife, a daughter of Saul - Michal—was not as deep as with Jonathan because she may not actually have followed God (she had an idol)
where the Bible is filled with multiple types of love demonstrated—husband and wife; parent and child, brother and sister, friends—all are vitally important and teach us something about the love of Christ.
Next Steps:
pray for deep friendships
pray for a friend to come into your life—but instead of you saying “how can someone be my friend...” “how can I be this type of friend
men - Father’s Day connection...
look to Jesus—the perfect friend:
sympathy...
constancy… he stayed with us...
in the Garden
when betrayed
when denied...
greater love has no one than this...
he was transparent with the 12, the 3, the 1...he told him his plans to go to the cross, though they didn’t get it...he said his soul is overwhelmed with sorrow
sympathy - Jesus has the perfect common passion with the Father and Spirit.
Lord forgive us where we have failed to exercise some commitment — we are afraid of the cost of constancy.
Lord forgive us where we have failed to be appropriately transparent....we are afraid of what others thinks
Lord forgive us when we forget that fellow Christians have that common passion—a sym - pathos.
