Wisdom for Fathers, Sons & Daughters
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Scripture
Scripture
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
Section Heading “Family Relations”
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
Introduction
Introduction
I wonder how many dads, if any, are truly ready for fatherhood when their first child is born. I’m sure there are some who are more ready than others.
I heard someone say that it would make more sense to become a grandparent first before becoming a parent. As a grandparent it wouldn’t be a 24 hour a day, 365 days a year commitment.
There are many ways you can prepare yourself, but there is not exactly an instruction manual to go along with the new addition to the home. It’s not like getting a new lawn mower with specifications from the manufacturer.
There is no course you are required to take in order to be handed over a baby. It’s not like Driver’s Ed.
And of course, there are 1,000 different ideas and opinions about how parenting should be done.
I was definitely not ready...
I hadn’t even installed the car seat yet the morning we were leaving from the hospital
We were figuring it out as we went
I thought “It couldn’t be that hard — people have been doing this for literally thousands of years”.
The most tangible instructions we received upon our first son being born was watching the required video about “Don’t Shake Your Baby” before we left the hospital.
There are any number of books on parenting & thoughts on how it should be done. There are other influences like movies, TV, social media, cultural norms, our own experience and how we were raised.
For a few moments, I’d simply like to discuss a few scriptures regarding fatherhood, sonship, & daughterhood.
The Question is: What does God have to say about Fatherhood? And what does He have to say about being a Son or Daughter?
Honor Your Father & Mother
Honor Your Father & Mother
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.
Very early on we see the Israelites receiving instructions directly from God through Moses. Inscribed by the finger of God along with the other 9 commandments, was commandment #5.
Question: Is there a time limit on this commandment — like after the Israelites turned 18? Is there no longer a requirement to honor after leaving home?
What does it look like to be honoring?
Listening & Obeying
To be thankful:
Consider all the things they have done without you knowing it.
My kids won’t remember me changing diapers or late night bottles.
They’ll probably never know the prayers prayed in secret.
Or the planning and thought given to raising them.
Or the sacrifices made.
There are countless things that loving parents do, that are rarely recognized.
So one way that I can honor my father, is to consider not only things that I’m aware of, but also the unknown or not-remembered things and be thankful to God and to honor my father for those things.
Speak well of them:
Honor them by speaking well of them even when they are not around.
“Brag about them behind their backs”… i.e. the opposite of gossip.
The truth is that there are no perfect earthly dads. So if you want to find something negative there, you can find the material. And if you haven’t learned to tame your tongue, the negative material will spread maybe even unintentionally. But I believe that honoring your father and mother includes speaking well of them.
Be helpful to them:
This may seem unspiritual, but I believe one way we show honor is by being helpful. This is one area that I am aspiring to grow in — I have seen a great example of this & it has inspired me to be more helpful, even in the busyness of the life of raising a young family.
To anticipate needs and to serve as the Lord directs.
Praying for them.
You reap what you sow:
Honor means a lot to a man. Some may say it’s an ego trip or something like that. The truth is, we can see from scripture that respect and honor are how the Lord created men. That is not to say that women don’t deserve honor or desire it. It’s just to say that men and women are different — and praise God for that!
If you are a younger man & you desire that type of honor in your life — we must learn to be ones that sow in honor. To honor our fathers. To honor our grandfathers. To honor those who disciple us. To honor our spiritual fathers.
David honored King Saul [His Father-in-law] even when King Saul didn’t deserve his honor and respect (because he was trying to kill him - multiple times). He sowed well and he surely reaped the reward!
Find the Balance
Find the Balance
There are any number of books on parenting and unending opinions on how it should be done. In fact, I was listening to a podcast recently on “Becoming a Tech Intentional Family” where the speaker said that “Parenting is the judgy-est sport around”.
There are STRONG opinions on how to raise and how not to raise children.
Here are some of the hot button issues:
Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding
Co-sleeping vs. Crib Sleeping
Sleep Training (e.g., Cry It Out vs. Gentle Methods)
Use of Pacifiers
Screen Time Limits (or Any at All)
Discipline: Spanking vs. Gentle Parenting vs. Time-Outs
Daycare vs. Stay-at-Home Parenting
Potty Training Methods & Timing
Organic Food vs. Convenience Meals
Sleep Schedules & Nap
Public School vs. Private School vs. Homeschooling
Involvement in Sports or Arts (Pushing Too Hard vs. Letting Them Quit)
How Much Freedom/Independence to Give
Chores & Responsibilities at Home
Allowance: Yes, No, or Conditional
With the possible exception of spanking and discipline, the Bible really doesn’t address many of these modern issues.
After our opening scripture where Paul writes to the Colossians about “putting on love”, he gives some instruction to families:
Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),
so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
There is a balance between being so overbearing that it causes resentment — provoking children to anger & being so permissive that they are not brought up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
These verses in Colossians & Ephesians are wonderful guidance for parents today!
Walk in the Ways of Good Men
Walk in the Ways of Good Men
So you will walk in the way of good men
And keep to the paths of the righteous.
There was a pastor at Bible college that quoted this verse so many times to me and other groups of guys, that it is the only thing I remember him for. I don’t even remember his name — but I remember his challenge to me and other students that if we wanted to succeed — we needed to walk in the ways of good men.
Do you feel like you don’t know what you are doing sometimes? Like you could be doing better? Find a godly man who is further along than you and is being successful & walk in their way as they follow the Lord.
Paul said to the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians 11:1 “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.”
Our culture idolizes men that show zero commitment to families/women (i.e. James Bond, Tony Stark, and countless others).
If we are not mindful and do not renew our minds, then the culture can seep into our mindset.
No, it’s not this type of man that we want to follow — it’s the godly man, the faithful father, the man living according to the Word of God — the man who is imitating Christ!
Jesus Himself lived this way.
Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.
A Tribute
A Tribute
IN A WORLD THAT BELITTLES, MAKES JOKES OFF, MOCKS, LAUGHS AT AND RIDUCLES MEN WE SAY GET THEE BEHIND ME THIS DAY.
WE HONOR THE DADS IN THIS HOUSE THIS DAY.
I honor you men today who have worked hard, made sacrifices over the short haul and long haul for the wives and families God has entrusted to you.
To all the men who have had to work overtime, two and three jobs to support their families, and pave the way for the generations to succeed in their future, we honor you this day.
To all the men and Fathers who have tried with all their heart to serve their wives and families yet at times you feel it’s not always appreciated or even noticed, we honor you this day and declare God has noticed it, we say your labor of love has not been in vain.
To all the fathers and men who love God and yet feel inferior at times to even other Christians because of your lack of education or giftedness we affirm Gods acceptance and affirmation upon you this day and say you’re the best gift this day to all of us.
To all the Dads who have daily led your families in devotions, prayed with your spouse and children and to all the ones who have not but wish they had and even desired to but were not able because of limitations, busyness or tiredness we say honor to you this day, we bless you this day.
To all the Dads who have stayed the course and been faithful to your spouse, family and to God we say honor blessings and favor to you this day.
To all the Dads who have missed the mark, fallen short, and caused pain to the family whether through a personal struggle, addiction, or hindrance, we say God’s forgiveness is rich towards you today and so we release His forgiveness to you also and decree better days ahead of you and your family, we say freedom from the Blood and the cross to you this day,
we call the things that be not as though they already are and say your Righteous, your favored, your blessed, your anointed, your future is bright, and the decisions and changes you long for from inside are coming your way .
To all the Dads who have stayed connected to your spouse and children over the long haul to the senior Dads we say honor, to the middle aged dads we say honor, to the brand new dads we say honor this day upon you.
To all the dads we say may your latter years be blessed, may your joy be doubled, may your future see the salvation of God and may you see and experience His favor in an unpresented and unparalled way.
To all the Dads who became Step Fathers from remarriage, FOSTER DADS, adoption we say we are proud of you, for taking the precious children into your care and life and investing into them daily by your example, prayers, validation, affirmation and love of God towards them this day.
For all the men who desired to have children but for whatever reason were not able too, yet you poured into your brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, neighbors, and children’s ministry because you cared and have influenced these young lives in ways you may not know, but the ones you poured into sure have known.
For all the Fathers who had put their dreams and desires aside unselfishly to see their family’s needs, education, and future blessed we say honor to you this day.
To all the Fathers who have shown forgiveness to those who caused them great and deep pain, we say honor to you this day.
To all the dads who have had incredible compassion, affection, and dedication towards those who have messed up their lives badly, we say honor to you this day.
To all the Fathers who have protected your families from enemies, evil companionships, compromising ways, and led your families in the ways of God we say honor to you this day.
Finally to all the Dads who here today we say relax, reflect, rejoice, renew, and enjoy those in your life today for this is your legacy, this is your investment, this is the best day of your life ever, and we honor you this Father’s Day.
