Design of the Family

Eph. 5:25-33

Welcome to Celebrate the Family month here at Mountain View Baptist Church. We are honored to have you attending today. God bless you for coming and we pray God will richly bless you for attending. If you are a first time guest, please be sure to stop by the welcome center so we can better connect with you.

This year we have learned the greatest cause is the cause of Jesus Christ. Under this cause we are studying the family. The family is suffering because we have become disengaged in the family and have given in to the world’s concept of the family.

Today’s message will be on the Design of the Family. Here in these very familiar verses to believers God teaches us about His design for the family.

There have been design issues that come up in building a house which needs to be corrected in order for it to be functional For example, a person designing the interior of a house has to solve many problems such as how to make it functional in an appropriate way (you don't, presumably, want your bed next to the cooker), how to make it attractive, how to make it comfortable, and how to achieve all this on a given budget.

Of course this is true of a physical house; however, what about a family?Design flaws occur when man tries to manufacture something that God has already made.

A family is designed by God and there is no need for a new design, a different design. God’s design works when we follow God’s instructions. It doesn’t need a re-design or new design. However, many flaws come into the home when we fail to follow God.

You’ve been there. It is Christmas Eve and you buy your child a special gift you want them to wake up to. The kids are now in bed and you pull out the gift with the instructions to put it together. Like most men, you don’t read the instructions because you don’t need to. That’s me. You spend the next two hours putting it together and realize there was on particular part you were supposed to put on first. So you spend the next hour taking it apart. When you read the fine print, you learn it was designed to go together and work that way.

This morning we will study God’s design of the family. What is a family to look like? What is the difference between a Christian family and a nonChristian family? There is no fine print with God, there is only one print: His Word.

There are three design elements here in this passage that makes the family a home.

One day a neighborhood thief was caught for stealing packages and various household items. He did a strange thing though. He would walk along the fences and look into the houses. When the arresting officer asked the 18 year old why, he said, “I just want to see what a normal family looks like because I don’t have one.” This poor guy was in a family where the design elements were missing.

Today, I want you to look into the window of God’s Word and see what a home should look like.

Element 1 . . .

Element of love

Paul had more to say to the husbands than to the wives. He sets the standard to love your wives-as Christ loved the church. This is the agape love which is Godly love. You might say, this love is a demonstration to those in the home and the world that this is how God loves us. Now that’s a high standard. This element of love is lifting the standard to the highest possible level. This kind of love is not a surface, casual friendship love. Agape love is an act of the will to love when we are not loved back.

Jacob loved Rachel so much that he sacrificed working fourteen years to win her.

True Christian love seeketh not her own 1 Corinthians 13:5 “Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;”

In the Roman world, wives had certain responsibilities to her husband but the husband had none to his wife. Paul was writing to correct their understanding of the husband’s responsibility of love.

Home—a world of strife shut out, a world of love shut in.

Anonymous

The husband who loves his wife for what she can give him loves as the world does. This man loves himself more than he loves his wife.

Biblical love only wants what’s best for the one it loves. This means as love is modeled by the father, the children will learn to love each other Biblically. This does not mean everything will be perfect and without conflicts. Since we have a sinful nature we will not love perfectly.

Consider: God’s love for mankind is perfect. It doesn’t get better because it is the best. Mankind grows in his love as he grows in his walk with the Lord. The closer he gets to God, the more loving he will be. In other words, the love a man gives to his wife will be more godly as the years go by.

Biblical love is an attitude of unconditional acceptance of an imperfect person not based on her performance but on her intrinsic worth as God’s gift. The verbalization of this acceptance is a part of loving. 1 Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” is a fitting reminder of how we deal with our family. Neither husbands nor wives should share the weaknesses or the fault of their spouses with others.

I knew of a pastor who was very well known years ago. Behind the scenes he and his wife were not getting along very well. It wasn’t anything serious just disagreements over little things.

Well, he violated I Peter 4 and started sharing these things with his secretary. The conversation went from a light thing to where she would say, “I would never do that.” Yes, you guess it. In time they both left their spouses and ran off together. They are no longer in the ministry together.

This element is the single most important element, because without it, the home will miss everything.

Element 2. . . .

Element of sacrifice

As Christ loved the church, he sacrificed for the church. He sacrificed His own life by dying on the cross. Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” This means He proved His love by dying on the cross for us. Biblical love is seen by sacrificing. This action is clearly known to the recipient and in this case, the wife.

As the church is the extension of Christ, the wife is the extension of her husband. Our Christian homes are to be pictures of Christ’s relationship to His church. Each believer is a member of Christ’s body, and each believer is to help the nourish the body in love. We are one with Christ. While our identity is in Jesus Christ, we sacrifice our desires, our plans, and our purposes to unite with our family into God’s plans. The husband submits to the Lord by being filled with the Holy Spirit v.18. As he submits to the Lord, he is able to love his wife with the kind of love Jesus has for the church.

The great missionary statesman withe the London Missionary Society to Africa said.

I never made a sacrifice. We ought not to talk of “sacrifice” when we remember the great sacrifice which he made who left his Father’s throne on high to give himself for us.

David Livingstone (Missionary and Explorer); Kenneth Boa; William Kruidenier

The world’s love is always object-oriented. A person who is loved because of physical attractiveness, personality, wit, prestige, or some other positive characteristic. In other words, the world loves those who deems worthy of love. This kind of love is fickle. As soon as a person losses a positive characteristic and they are no longer appealing, then the so called love disappears.

If a husband is willing to sacrifice his life for his wife, he willing to make lesser sacrifices for her.

It involves doing something for her, placing her needs before his own, maybe even something she hates to do. It means dying ourselves or giving up something so she could enjoy something. This sacrifice comes out of an act of the will, not just a passing filling.

This may mean giving up a personal time for a hobby to spend time with the other. This may mean giving up the remote on the TV to the other. This may mean cleaning up the children’s bedroom for them while they are away as an expression of love. This may mean cooking the meal or cleaning the bathroom or listening when you don’t want to a struggle or difficulty.

Paul says we are not to be harsh with our wives Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” This means I must check my attitude regularly when I interact with my family.

It is clear that Christ gave Himself up for the church. He gave up His life by dying so that others may live. Have you accepted Jesus as your Savior?

Element 3. . .

Element of holiness

According to verse 26, Jesus sacrificed Himself for His bride, the church so that she can be made holy. The word sanctified means to be set up progressively each day.

The purpose and goal of the family is to follow the Lord daily to remove the spots and wrinkles out of our lives so we can be holy. Families should be the catalyst to bringing their children closer to the Lord. The Bible uses the family to picture the gospel and how the gospel delivers us from our sin. This is the reason that dating relationships need to follow God’s command of purity because if a dating partner pushes someone to do something contrary to the Bible, it creates blemishes. It brings sin and reproach on God and the couple. God teaches to flee fornication. A healthy dating relationship will be one where the couple will have prayer and read the Bible together for their dates.

5851 The crown of the home is godliness; The beauty of the home is order; The glory of the home is hospitality; The blessing of the home is contentment.

Henry Van Dyke

A wife in this passage no way hints that a husband may lord over her as despot commanding a slave. The love-submit is a beautiful mixture of the harmonious partnership in marriage.

The spots here are caused by defilement on the outside, and wrinkles are caused by decay on the inside. This is why a family needs the constant cleansing of the Word of God. He is the cleansing agent which will draw us closer to the Lord to make us holy. God’s greatest concern for you is not happiness but holiness.

How is your home? God has given you three design elements and the question is how are you doing with them? Is there love in your home? Are you making sacrifices? Are you becoming more holy? More in love with Christ? Are you becoming closer to Christ?

Holiness is not the way to Christ; Christ is the way to holiness.

Adrian Rogers; Joel Beeke

The design is there, let’s seek God to mend our flaws. As the designer, he can mend the flaws amd forgive us.

Over 100 years ago a man was stranded on the side of the road when his car broke down. As lifted his hood to look at the newly built motor, he couldn’t find anything out of place. As the man messed with a few parts another man stopped to help. The man who stopped said, “ I will be happy to look at your car.” The man with the broken down car said, “I don’t need your help. I can fix it myself.” The man who stopped to help said,”Ok. My name is Henry Ford and I made this car and I can fix it if you my help.” God says, “I designed and made your family. I can help mend your family.”