Cultivating a Prosperous Marriage
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It started with a Sunday School Teacher
Edward Kimball
Edward Kimball
Edward Kimball was a young Sunday School teacher who lived In the bustling city of Boston in the mid-19th century, a relatively unknown Sunday school teacher, he dedicated his life to the spiritual guidance of young souls. He made it a habit to personally give each student in his class an opportunity to accept Christ as their Savior. He was concerned about one of his students who worked in a shoe store. One day, Kimball visited the young man at the store where he found him in the back stocking shelves, and led him to Christ.
Edward Kimball wrote about Dwight in his journal, "Of all my students, Dwight demonstrates the least potential for the kingdom of God." Little did he realize that this entry would soon be eclipsed by the transformative power of God's grace.
Dwight L. Moody had a difficult childhood marked by poverty and tragedy. He was only four years old when his father died, thrusting the family into financial hardship. Forced to work odd jobs to support his family, Moody's formal education was limited, and he found himself working in a shoe store in Boston as a teenager.
It was in this humble setting that Edward Kimball, burdened by the spiritual condition of his young student, decided to take action. Determined to share the message of salvation with Moody, Kimball went to the shoe shop where the young man worked. Finding him in the back room during his lunch break, Kimball engaged Moody in a heartfelt conversation about the love of Christ.
As they spoke, the atmosphere in the small room shifted. Kimball, driven by a deep conviction and guided by the Holy Spirit, shared the Gospel with Moody. He explained the need for repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, leading Moody to a profound realization of his own spiritual condition. In that humble space, surrounded by shoes and leather, Moody prayed the Sinner's Prayer, surrendering his life to Christ.
Dwight L. Moody's conversion marked the beginning of a remarkable ministry that would impact millions around the world.
Moody's zeal for evangelism and his ability to connect with diverse audiences led to the establishment of the Moody Bible Institute and the Moody Church, both of which continue to thrive today.
Moody became an international speaker and toured the British Isles. He preached in a little chapel pastored by a young man named Frederic Meyer. In his sermon, he told the story of his Sunday School teacher. That message changed Pastor Meyer’s ministry, inspiring him to become an evangelist like Moody.
Over the years Meyer came to America. While speaking in Northfield, MA a young man heard Meyer say, “If you are not willing to give up everything for Christ, are you willing to be made willing?”
That remark led J. Wilbur Chapman to respond to the call of God on his life.
Chapman went on to become one of the most effective evangelists of his time.
A professional baseball player by the name of Billy Sunday attended one of Chapmans meetings and was converted whole heartedly.
Billy Sunday went on to quit his baseball career volunteered to travel with Chapman and would help set up his crusades and learned how to preach by watching Chapman.
Billy Sunday eventually took over Chapman’s ministry becoming one of the most dynamic evangelists of the 19th century. Billy Sunday’s preaching brought thousands to Christ.
Inspired by a 1924 Billy Sunday crusade in Charlotte, NC a group of Christians dedicated themselves to reaching their city for Christ.
The group invited the evangelist Mordecai Ham to come and hold a series of evangelistic meetings in 1932.
A lanky 16 year old sat in the huge crowd one evening, spellbound by the message the white-haired preacher gave.
Each evening the preacher seemed to be shouting and waving his finger at the young man. Night after night the teen came and finally went forward to give his life to Christ.
That teenager was Billy Graham.
Billy Graham has communicated the gospel to more people than any other person in history.
The first evangelist I had ever heard, Billy Sunday, had been a ball player before he became a preacher. The second one, Mordecai Ham, had been a traveling salesman before he became a preacher. I had done both: played ball and sold stuff on the road.
One of the campaigns that Billy Grahams team came up with to spread the gospel to teens in America was filming a sermon presentation by Billy Graham and giving a VHS of that sermon to local churches to play at their local schools.
The Free Methodist church in Cheboygan, MI rented out the High School gymnasium and played one of these VHS videos for the teens there.
My Father, Keith Agee, gave his heart to God at that school rally and went on to marry the youngest daughter of the Free Methodist pastor.
He was a pastor and Bible teacher and prison chaplain who touched more lives than I will ever know.
One of the shocks for us at his funeral was the sheer number of ex-convicts that showed up to mourn the passing of my dad. Four of my dad’s children all serve in full time, active ministry, and all five of us trust God fully.
And it all started with a Sunday school teacher named Edward Kimball. Millions have been affected by his decision to go into a shoe store and share Christ with one person. Millions more will continue to feel his impact.
Marriage Matters
Marriage Matters
QUESTIONIER: Scan the QR code
Dad Jokes:
Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked
What do you get when you fart in church? You have to sit in your own pew
What kind of shoes to frogs wear? Open-toad sandals.
I just built an ATM that only gives out coins. I don’t know why no one’s thought of it before: it just makes cents!
Did I ever tell you about the time I went mushroom foraging? It’s a story with a morel at the end.
Why do crabs never volunteer? Because they're shell-fish.
I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket.
What's a shark's favorite saying? "Man overboard!"
Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren't current.
Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope.
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can't take a yolk.
Were did the pumpkins have their meeting? In the gourdroom.
Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they're extinct.
I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.
Where do rainbows go when they've been bad? To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done.
What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide.
How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry.
What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
What kind of fish do penguins catch at night? Star fish.
Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.
SINGLES: You are made complete by God, not by humanity. Marriage doesn’t complete you. Only God can do that.
Plants and cultivation
MARRIAGE and the grapevine – PARALLELS
“Catch the foxes for us, The little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, While our vineyards are in blossom.”
1 – CULTIVATE:
1 – CULTIVATE:
Cultivation – to prioritize & promote growth with labor, skill, & attention.
● IOW: can’t FORCE fruit; create the atmosphere/situation
● ARTICLE:“The end of marriage in America?”
o Since the start of the 21st century, the U.S. marriage rate has declined from more than eight marriages per 1,000 down to six marriages per 1,000 population in 2019.
o - Marriage rate is the lowest level since the U.S. government began keeping marriage records for the country in 1867.
o **The MARRIAGE RATE and DIVORCE RATE is different per state
o - Nevada was the state in 2021 that had the highest marriage rate in the United States, due to easy accessibility to get married there.
o - In 2021, Nevada was also the state with the highest divorce rate in the country
o **70 years ago, approximately 80% of U.S. households were made up of married couples.
o - In 2020, the proportion of households consisting of married couples has fallen to 49%.
o https://thehill.com/opinion/finance/567107-the-end-of-marriage-in-america/
THREE primary reasons people are waiting longer to get married:
● 1 - Children of Divorce Are Determined Not to Replicate Their Parents’ Mistakes
● 2 - People Are Waiting Later to Get Married.
average age for marriage
2016 - 27.4 for women and 29.5 for men – 1960 (20.3 and 22.8).
● 3 - People are living together instead of getting married.
NOTE: It takes THREE years to get functioning grape vines.
Don’t EXPECTING FRUIT you did not work for and RESULTS you did not seed.
CULTIVATE SOIL… VINES… looking for PESTS.
mother’s day orchid brought bugs to her plants
Intentional effort
Marriages never drift into health
they must be purposely steered into health
be strategic with your marriage
a healthy marriage starts with being present and aware
if you ignore your plants, they will either wither and die or become wild and unruly
-planting mint-
How can you be “HANDS ON”? Be FULLY PRESENT.
● 1 - Focus on the here and now—
literally! Have you ever been at a concert or movie theatre
where you look across the crowd and see glowing cell phones dotting every row
● 2 - Stop lying awake at night.
Try to avoid dwelling on past mistakes or things you or your partner should or should not have done—
forgive and let things go.
Don’t worry about controlling the future either—
even the best laid plans won’t allow you to predict what’s to come.
All you can do is make the most of the present!
● 3 - Limit distractions when you’re together. (wife pausing tv)
● 4 - See things as they are.
When you have history,
easy to let your own perception and biases cloud the actual situation.
Perhaps your partner forgot to let you know they’d be late…
They are human, and they make mistakes, just like you.
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
love keeps no record of wrongs
● ILL:Husband man said that he had 800 acres of farmland.
He knows he has 800 acres, but he sees it as 167 blocks.
Each block is a collection of rows.
Each block has different needs for different seasons and different climates.
● - As the seasons unfold, block 26 might need a different type of attention than block 67.
● **Marriage has different blocks.
There are different components to marriage
and every single marriage is going to need some different elements coming to them in different seasons to help them grow where they are planted.
o We can’t have couples COMPARING…
2 – CLINGING
2 – CLINGING
Vines cling to something, so they can grow.
● Attached to the RIGHT STRUCTURE… it can grow ALMOST INFINIELY through ALMOST ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.
● Whatever God unites, the devil opposes,
so we must learn to fight FOR our marriage
not just IN them.
3- Vines CLIMB
3- Vines CLIMB
● ILL:Largest vine. Hampton Court palace in England. 250. 15’; longest branch is 100 feet long
● How did this grow like this? Someone CULTIVATED… gave it something CLINGto… so it could CLIMB.
● CLIMB = there’s work that the couple needs to do
● ILL:Planting young vines, in terrible soil… young… don’t give up
o YOUNG couples: Don’t give up TOO EARLY
o SEASONED couples: don’t throw in the towel.
● If you don’t give up (Gal 6:9),
PRODUCE SWEET VINTAGE
… KEEP CLIMBING
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Your marriage isn’t measured by your feelings.
Marriage is measured by commitment.
● ILL:50 million cases of wine produced in Napa Valley alone
o It’s 27% of California’s total wine industry
● ILL:Every bottle of wine in America has 1,402 grapes in it?
o Crushing is part of the process.
● ILL:Most thriving vine only produces fruit 100-150 days a year.
o Half the year, there’s no fruit on the vine.
● Pressure to BE… Not everyone produces FRUIT EVERYDAY
● Couples need to hear how NORMAL those type of seasons are.
4 – CLUSTERS – Fruit is born
4 – CLUSTERS – Fruit is born
● When we have worked hard in RELATIONSHIPS, something beautiful is going to grow out of it.
● ILL:Marriage is like wine. It CAN get better with age.
o 90% of wine sold in the United States is drank within 24 hours of its purchase.
● I’m told that a bottle of wine that’s been properly aged can have up to 50 different unique different unique flavors.
o What we have to STOP CHASING… becoming a single FLAVOR.
● ILL: Restaurant in Paris… one of the oldest bottles of wine
● And its seller, there are 350,000 bottles of wine
● - There are bottles of wine going back to 1845
● - PROTECTED their PRIZE in the 1940s when the Nazis invaded. He moved the priceless bottles to the back and built a false wall and used mud and dirt to make it looked aged. He then took the new bottles and burned the labels to make them look vintage to trick the Nazis. When the war was over, he retrieved the finest vintage because he built a wall to protect them.
● When we say, "I love you," we renew our covenant.
That's what we do on Sundays when we worship.
We renew our covenant to God.
● V. 15 – “our vineyards are in blossom”
Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”
In the garden
● Marriage was in harmony when we listened to the voice of God. It was only when we elevated other voices that we found catastrophe.
When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan;
and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there.
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”
And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
● Matthew 19:1-6 – Jesus is fielding questions on divorce.
● CONTEXT: Divorce was rampant in Jesus’ day
● In the first century, there was a raging debate over an obscure text in the Torah.
● In Deuteronomy 24:1, Moses said, “if a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce…“
o The phrase “something indecent“ is ERVAT DAVAR and Hebrew, and it’s just as ambiguous in the original language as it sounds in English.
● What does Moses mean by “something indecent“? There are TWO sides to this debate.
1 - School of Shammai, which followed the teachings of a rabbi named Shammai.
o He said there was one, and only one, reason a man divorced his wife – adultery.
o That act broke the bottom of the marriage with a hammer of infidelity.
o It was his interpretation of “something indecent.”
o Sadly his interpretation was only the MINORITY view.
● 2 - School of Hillel, which followed a more progressive rabbai. Hillel said a man could divorce his wife for “any and every reason.
o If she gains 5 pounds, that sounds like “something indecent… Divorce her.
o If you “weren’t happy anymore “divorced her.
o As crazy as it sounds, we have records of Hillel’s teachings where he says things like, “if she burns the toast ervat davar… divorce her.
o For obvious reasons, Hillel’s take was far the more popular, majority view.
● Phariseesare asking, “Where do you stand on divorce?”
● Jesus basically is saying: you are asking the wrong question
Should be asking, “what is God's dream for marriage?“
● To answer, Jesus takes them BACK TO THE BEGINNING.
; Genesis 2:18-24
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.
The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.
The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
● Genesis 2:18-24 – 1st words out of a human mouth: love song.
o God joins in the song
● When God said that, GOD CREATED MARRIAGE.
o God‘s idea: Love, marriage, sexuality, romance…
o Marriage did not evolve… EMBEDDED into human DNA
● This is why people from EVERY CULTURE get married.
● Marriage is the product of CREATION not CULTURE.
● This means that God KNOWS how it’s supposed to FUNCTION/WORK/LOOK LIKE.
o We lost sight of what God intended and we need to CIRCLE BACK to the beginning.
● Marriages never drift into health. They must be purposely steered into health. Be strategic with your marriage.
● VIDEO:Uber Eats; Just because…you don’t have to CONSUME IT
● Genesis 3 What God BUILDS, the Serpent tries to TEAR DOWN.
o What God sets FREES. the serpent tries to IMPRISON.
o What God CREATES, the serpent tries to MANIPULATE
.
● All it took was a lie – Genesis 3:2-5
The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat;
but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’ ”
The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die!
“For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
● What was the lie? God Doesn’t LOVE US… not AFTER our joy.
o Can’t TRUST him… GOD’S WAY isn’t… WE KNOW BETTER than God.
● They BOUGHT THE LIE and love story TURNED INTO a tragedy.
o FIRST PLACE sin wreaked havoc was in a relationship.
● BLAME: Genesis 3:6-12
When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.
Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.
They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”
He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.”
And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”
The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”
● You cannot blame your way to a better marriage.
● We want to BLAME…nobody wants RESPONSIBILITY
Blame cycle?
● Blame is committed to you avoiding.
Avoiding always keeps relationships cloudy.
o HEALTHY RESPONSIBILITY welcomes healthy acceptance.
It helps us to be clear on what God wants us to take healthy acceptance responsibility.
● Blame gets stuck in judgment holding a critical spirit.
o HEALTHY RESPONSIBILITY chooses to get curious about what God might be inviting you into.
● Blame loves comparison. In comparison is a dependable recipe for pride and insecurity.
o HEALTHY RESPONSIBILITY creates connection and intimacy and wholeness in a relationship.
● Blame is always selfish. It gets you to only think about yourself.
o HEALTHY RESPONSIBILITY leads to self-awareness and healthy selflessness.
● BLAME = ANYTHING wrong is NOT MY fault; somebody else’s.
o Because you are “RIGHT”... NO RESPONSIBILITY
● SLIDE: Galatians 6:5
Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.
● Bypassing internal responsibility leads to external liability in our relationships.
● 6:5 MSG “… Don’t be impressed w/ yourself; take responsibility”
o It’s about Jesus and serving EACH OTHER
● Blame happens when we forget that ONENESS is the goal but instead, we make SAMENESS the goal.
● Blame believes: “The reason things are unhealthy is the person I am with needs to be more like me.”
o “If you were MORE LIKE ME, things will finally be right.”
● When I’m bent on SAMENESS in my marriage, I miss the unique giftings and perspectives my spouse has been given.
● NOTE: Blame has been holding up a megaphone since the BEGINNING of humanity.
● Genesis 3 – Imagine if they’d accepted HEALTH RESPONSIBILITY
● SLIDE: Blame is committed to you avoiding.
● When you SHIFT from BLAME and SAMENESS to HUMILITY and ONENESS.
o You see OPPORTUNITIES instead of OBSTACLES.
o You see an ALLY where you saw an ADVERSARY.
o You see LIGHT were blame wanted you to see DARKNESS.
● When we get caught up in a life of blame – Romans 2:1-4 MSG
Those people are on a dark spiral downward. But if you think that leaves you on the high ground where you can point your finger at others, think again. Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn’t so easily diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and holds you to what you’ve done.
You didn’t think, did you, that just by pointing your finger at others you would distract God from seeing all your misdoings and from coming down on you hard? Or did you think that because he’s such a nice God, he’d let you off the hook? Better think this one through from the beginning. God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.
My friends, God is KIND but it’s not SOFT.
o He takes us by the hand, and he leads us into RADICAL LIFE CHANGE.
● Don't blame your problems on God. Find your solutions in Him.
● What could happen in your marriage today if you recognized that sameness cannot be your goal? Oneness needs to be.
● This week:take RESPONSIBILITY for your relationship.
● Great spouses don’t perpetuate blame. Great spouses take responsibility.
o Every time you’re tempted to blame, SHIFT toward healthy responsibility.
● It’s easy to think of Adam and Eve is stupid.
o But are we any different? Are we any better?
● Practical tips – Work on the disconnect
● 1 – Talk to each other beyond, “how was your day?”
● 2 – Eat something together.
● 3 – Create a daily ritual.
celebrate your differences
