Loren and Alex Wedding

In modern western culture, we don’t have a great understanding of what a covenant is. Unfortunately, we often view marriage as a contract rather than what it is, a covenant.

A covenant is stronger than a contract. Generally in a contract if one side breaks the conditions the contract becomes void. But in a covenant, one side may keep the conditions of the covenant even if the other side does not keep their end of the deal.

Although this text out of Ruth is primarily targeted at Ruth towards her mother-in-law, Naomi, we do see the foundation of the covenant given, and this text has been used in many wedding ceremonies over the years.

Read Ruth 1:16-17

Ruth 1:16–17 NASB95

But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. “Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.”

First a couple quick comments about a covenant vs. a contract.

In contracts, people made conditional promises, in covenantal relationships, people make unconditional promises.

What you are doing today is not a marriage contract. It’s not, I’ll do my part IF you do yours. Because the opposite is true in a contract. If you don’t do your part, then I’m sure not going to do mine.

Ruth’s covenant with Naomi wasn’t conditional. She doesn’t say, “Well I’ll go where you go and stay where you stay, and if it turns out bad, I’m heading home.”

Contracts are made for the benefit of me. Covenants are made for the benefit of the other.

Covenants are born from a desire to minister to the other person, not to manipulate the person or get something.

Covenants are done for the commitment to the other’s well-being.

Ruth was making the covenant because she was looking out for the well-being of her widowed Mother-In-Law who had also lost her only sons as well.

Covenants require a response, but is never based on the response.

Likewise our covenant to our spouse requires a response, but it is never based on our response.

Ephesians 5:33 NASB95

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Paul knew the greatest need within a woman was to be loved and the greatest need within a man was to be respected.

In other words, Alex, the response of Loren to your love for her is to respect you. But your love for her should not be based on whether she respects you or not.

Likewise, Loren, the response of Alex to your respect of him is to love you. But your respect for him should not be based on whether or not he loves you.

Covenant relationships require confrontation and forgiveness.

You will fail each other. But a covenant doesn’t give up on the other person because they failed.

You need to own up to and admit when you fail, repent, and seek forgiveness. “Loren, please forgive me.”

Loren, you, then, need to grant forgiveness. “Alex, I forgive you.”

The Bible says that love keeps no record of wrongs. And Jesus says we are to forgive 70 x 7, metaphorically meaning forever.

True forgiveness does not bring up the failures of the past as a weapon of manipulation, or as a score card of who’s better.

True forgiveness says, “I will not hold this failure against you.”

e. Covenant relationship are based on steadfast love.

Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you.

Volitional intimacy. Steadfast love is a choice.

It’s a choice to love even if he’s being a brat to you.

It’s a choice to love even if she’s being negative and critical.

Steadfast love is choosing to have positive regard for your spouse and expressing appreciation to each other for their positive characteristics. Choose not to tear each other down in public.

The more you express affirmation and appreciation for the positive traits in your spouse, the stronger will become their positive feelings toward you.

Covenants are a commitment of faithfulness to the other person no matter what.

Leave you.

The thought here is that I will do what it takes and stick it out until I accomplish my goal of getting to know you and being by your side all the way to the end come hell or high water.

It carries the thought of never leaving or forsaking. I will not forsake you!

No matter how frustrating and difficult the classes are, no matter how many times I want to drop the class, I am not going to quit this education.

Turn back.

The word means not to change one’s mind about the course of direction or action.

I am not going to change my mind about you.

I am choosing to accept you and receive you just as you are.

I have no hidden fantasies of trying to change you to be what I want you to be.

My only prayer is that you will strive to be like Jesus.

Following you.

Pursuing you.

Alex pursue Lauren Always.

Lauren pursue Alex always.

Do not let anything else get in the way of the two of you pursuing each other.

That includes work, families, hobbies, or children.

Again, what you 2 are doing today is making a covenant to each other.

Now to the rest of Ruth’s statement. These are the Vows, or, The Conditions Set Forth In The Covenant and they are reflected in the vows you are about to take. I will briefly break each phrase down.

Your people shall be my people.

Relational Intimacy.

Ruth was leaving her parents, her family, and all of her friends and life in order to pursue a life with Naomi.

Just like in Genesis 2:24 scripture says for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.

You are leaving your families to create a family of your own.

Severing the cord of dependency

Severing the cord of allegiance

Relational and Intimacy.

Where you go, I will go.

Soul/emotional intimacy.

All good marriages have friendship as a basis for that relationship.

I’ve heard it said, "Soul mates aren’t found. Soul mates are made”,

This could tie into goals for life, hobbies, friendships, common interests and desires.

My life will be intertwined with yours.

Intimacy of friendship.

Alex and Lauren you 2 should become best friends.

It’s crying when he cries. It’s celebrating when she celebrates.

It’s feeling each other’s frustrations at work and being able to sympathize with them.

But it’s also learning more about each other.

Let’s say you guys have your high school diploma in regards to each other.

Your goal is to continue to learn about each other until you have a PhD in each other.

Just like I might say I have a PhD in elementary education.

Alex you should have a PhD in Loren education.

Loren you should get your PhD in Alex education.

Soulful / emotional intimacy.

Where you lodge, I will lodge.

Physical, as in locational, Intimacy

In modern vernacular that might mean where you chill, I will chill.

Where you live, I will live.

Where you move, I will move.

This one has an interesting application specifically for the two of you.

Loren, you have already committed to follow Alex wherever he has gone.

In Wyoming back to Corsica now to the farm.

Secondly, Physical, that is, bodily intimacy.

It’s no secret the two of you got a little ahead of yourselves in that department.

But, sexual intimacy is a very important piece of the two of you living together.

Finally remember that becoming one flesh, or oneness intimacy, on one hand takes a moment to create but on the other hand takes the lifetime to cultivate.

Most important. Your God will be my God.

Spiritual intimacy

Having the same faith and growing together in your faith is very important.

God needs to be the foundation of your life and your marriage with Jesus Christ as the cornerstone.

Upon this foundation you can then build a godly home in which you will teach and train your children to be godly people that they might go out and impact a godless world.

We are to mirror God’s image to the world.

The Bible says that our marriages reflect the relationship of Jesus to the church.

So the question is: Alex, would Jesus treat the church the way you are treating Loren? And Loren, would you treat and respond to Jesus the same way you are responding to Alex?

Spiritual intimacy

Where you die I will die. Till death do us part.

We are in it to win it, all the way to the end.

The final part of a covenant is that covenant commitments are permanent, where contracts are temporary.

May the Lord do to me...if anything other than death separates us is what Ruth says.

What God has joined together, let no man separate. The idea of permanence.

This is not a five-year contract.

This is a covenant of permanence.

While I disagree with the Mormon’s concept of eternal marriage with their vows expressing that they are married from now through eternity, I think the thought of the vows having permanence, though, rings true.

We know God says, “I hate divorce.”

This is a commitment made not to divorce one another.

I will stick to you like glue.

I want to be with you, get to know you, and live life with you.