A Husband & Father’s Authority
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1 Samuel 1-4}
Point: Being a good father requires more than just a good name. It requires loving your wife and children as Jesus loves the church. It requires loving your children in the ways of discipline, not friendship. It requires praying for them and inteceding for them with authority so that they are protected and blessed.
Anyone who knows me, knows that my family is of utmost importance to me. Having grown up in a single-parent home, most of my life, with the interval of eight men coming and going as husbands and fathers, I sought to find out how a boy grows up to become a man. I am very thankful for the men who took the time, and continue to take the time, to impart some knowledge and advice, as well as being available to model what being a good husband and father was all about. Going through Jr. High and High School, my homelife was turbulent, with a mom in jail for stints, myself living in fostercare, and combined with the numerous relocations from Ontario, to Edmonton, to Onoway, back to Edmonton, and then to Trochu, my life was gypsy-like.
Friends became a dime a dozen, because I never seemed to be in one place too long to have a forever friend. As a result I tried to make friends fast, and excelled in school and sports - the only things that I could control and have some semblence of solidity and solice in. Remarkably, I did manage to graduate from High School, and put myself through college with a Business Diploma in General Management. I managed to get a job in the banking industry, got married at 20, and was a father by age 23, and a father of two girls by age 24 - Taylor and Mikayla. I believed and thought I was ready to be both a husband and a father when I was. I knew what I wanted, but I was ill prepared for what was to be. I knew what a husband should do, love his wife as Jesus loves the church, but to consistently do that when young in love, young in faith and young in life - different story. I am not talking about the physical act of loving, I am talking about the emotional and spiritual act of loving well.
Jackie and I had our ups and downs, as most any couple does, but we had a few more challenges to deal with. Jackie met her future mother-in-law while she was in jail, not the greatest footing to start a relationship on. Mom had a hard time letting go of the mother-son dependency. I was trying to support my mom getting back on her feet, but her dependency was causing conflict between Jackie and I. Trust between mother and daughter-in-law became a big issue when a $5000 jewelery bill came in the mail, which was a fraudulent impersonation of myself by my mom. Charges were laid, relationship became distant. I knew my loyalties laid with my wife, my mom was a danger, and collateral damage was real. I had to protect my family by creating distance with my mom who had been my family for my life to that point.
I always had an image in my mind of what having a family would of my own would be like - God, beautiful wife, children, nice house, dog, good job …peace, love, and smooth sailing. Harmony would be the word. I would make sure that everything would be right and perfect. You work at making your dreams reality. You ask and hope God will entertain and endorse your dreams. But then God’s plan, God’s will begins to unfold and materialize. Your marriage gets rocky because it’s been about you, not about the other, not about the kids. You discover you are more self-centered than you believed or knew. You do not see eye-to-eye on your future employment. You come to resolution, make some changes, things seem to be back on track on then boom …the unexpected. Your wife gets sick and passes away at age 28, the LORD leaving you with two young daughters to love and care for.
These are the things they do not prepare you for in bible school, church, or marriage councilling. These are the things they do not prepare a husband and a father for. I thought once I graduated from high school and got out on my own, I would do it better than my mom, I would create a better life for myself, for my family, for my wife. God has a way of changing your plans to become His plans. He has a way of making you the man, the woman that He desires you to be, to become. He instills and installs life lessons, sometimes big, sometimes small depending on how much heart surgery He has to perform on the person. I didn’t think I needed a lot of heart surgery, but I obviously did, still do, I have not yet arrived, and probably never will, this side of Heaven. But what I did learn, and continue to learn is: what love really is. What it means to love God, be loved by God, and to love my wife, my children and others. I thought I knew what love was, but I did not truly know what love was until I was ready to sacrifice myself for another - my wife, my kids, family, friends, a church, even a stranger.
That was the haunting question for me as my wife Jackie was lying in the hospital - did I truly love this woman? Did I truly care for her as Jesus commanded and appealed to me to? Did I care for what she cared for? Did I see things as she saw things? Was I patient? Was I gentle? Was I understanding? Did I help her or did I add to her a burden? Was I good husband? Was I godly husband? Was I a good father? Was I a godly father? I asked the LORD that night, as I was cried in the hospital parking lot that He would take me instead of Jackie. It was not fair that the girls would lose Jackie and grow up without a mom …or so I thought. As I said, they do not prepare you for these things in school, church, or in marriage councilling.
I made a vow that night to God that I would love well from then on as a person, a husband, and a father because that is what my Father requires of me.
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
The ministry that God has called me to is built on this foundation. My marriage is built on this foundation. My family is built on this foundation. This church is hopefully being built on this foundation. God the Father is this foundation, God the Son established this foundation, and God Holy Spirit reminds us and leads us to build upon this foundation.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
In the letter of 1 Samuel 1-4 we have the story of Elkanah, Peninnah, Hannah, the boy Samuel, the priest Eli and His two wicked sons: Hophni and Phinehas. Elkanah has two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Hannah is baren and is heart broken because she cannot bear children. The LORD has closed her womb, the Scripture says (1 Sam 1:5). Peninnah, is the second wife of Elkanah, who has no problem bearing children. Elkanah is a godly man. He worships God, sacrifices yearly at Shiloh, as instructed, and provides for his family as he should. He is a good dad and a good husband. Peninnah, the second wife, not such a godly person. She provokes and taunts mercilessly Hannah because of her barrenness. The Scripture says of Peninnah, “her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it went on year by year.” (v.6-7). I don’t know about you, but if I was Elkanah, I would have put a stop to this, since he was the man, and in the position of authority. In God’s economy, the husband in a God-centered marriage, “is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” (1 Cor 11:3;Eph. 5:23).
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
The husband is responsible to protect and provide for the wife, and most importantly love his wife, as Jesus loves us, sacrificially, so that she might be holy and righteous before the LORD God.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Jesus cares for, prays for, intercedes for, protects, empowers, and gives authority to His church, His bride (John 17; John 14:15-31; Luke 10:19; 1 Tim 5:8). This is love. Husbands are to do likewise for their wives and children. We have the function, role, and responsibility of being the High Priest in the home. We are called to be imitators of God, therefore being imitators of Christ (Eph 5:1-2).
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Are you diligent in protecting and providing for your wife and children men? But I just do not mean in the physical and emotional sense, but in the spiritual sense as well? Being the High Priest of your home involves being the spiritual gatekeeper (Eph 5:23). In God’s eye’s, one in authority is a steward of that over which he or she has responsibility. A steward is a servant/manager that is in service to their master. A good steward is faithful to their master. Husbands are the stewards of God, expected to be faithful to the master in serving their families (1 Cor 4:2; Lk 19:11-27; 12:42-48). Am I faithful to God in serving my family well. Loving my family well? Do I give myself to my family well?
Elkanah gave himself to his two wives and children well. In fact, Elkanah loved Hannah so well that I gave her a double portion of the sacrifice each year that they went up to worship God. Why? The Scripture says because “he loved her” (1 Sam. 1:5), the same kind of steadfast love that God has for us and calls us to (Ex 20:6).
but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Elkanah loved Hannah so, that he tried to bury her shame by expressing just how much he loved her by saying the love he has for her is worth more than the love of ten sons (v. 8). Here is a question for us husbands and fathers: When I meet Jesus what might be one or two of the questions he asks us? One, “How did your family turn out?” Second, “How well did you love your wife? How well did you love your children?” Hopefully we will have full confidence before Jesus that we loved well, that sacrificed well, that we gave well.
In the area of the spiritual life, do you pray for your wife, for your children? As the High Priest of your family, you are to care for their spiritual well-being as well. Do you read Scripture together? Do you pray together? Do I honor her? Do I intercede? Do I do battle in the spiritual realm for them? Do I claim my authority as head of the family, as head of my wife and children, the protection and provision of Christ? What does 1 Corinthians 7:14 mean?
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Is this just for sexual gratification? Or is it also a principle of ownership, rule, and reign? The word authority in this sense has two meanings summarized as authority, right, and power. I have the right and power to exercise the authority of Jesus over my spouse for health, healing, for release from harassment, victory over sin, and the power of the enemy to afflict, oppress, and hinder (Luke 10:19). Natalie Stangl, a Swiss lady attended a seminar by Dr. Charles Kraft on Authority. She writes,
[Testimony] Natalie Stangl - Throat Infections
I was used to fighting by myself and against the attacks of the enemy. My husband would pray for me every day. But he did not know the authority and responsibility he had as the head of our family. I suffered for more than two years from one throat infection after another. There was not a month when I did not have throat pain and get hoarse to the point that I could not even speak. Since I am on the worship team at our church, this was a real problem. I began to get very discouraged.
Many people prayed for me, but the problem continued. I went twice to a throat specialist because I feared there might be some kind of growth on my vocal cords. But after looking at my throat and vocal cords, the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong except an infection. He simply advised me to use my voice very carefully and to wait it out. I took some treatments from a vocal therapist. These helped. But as soon as the therapy was over, the problem came back.
Then, at a seminar led by Dr. Kraft, I learned that husbands can use their authority to protect their wives. So I went home and asked my husband, Andy, if he would start taking authority in the way Dr. Kraft suggested. He agreed, saying something like, “I, Andy, as Natalie’s husband, take authority in Jesus’ name to forbid that any evil spirits attack my wife. I take all such attacks on myself.” He spoke this way every day.
The results: From that day six months ago, I have been free from any attacks. Though recently I caught a cold, it had no effect on my throat. Andy, however, began to have the same kind of terrible throat pain and hoarseness that I had had! This went on for two weeks, then stopped.
Have we engaged in this kind of prayer for our wives? For our children? For those we have authority over, and who give us authority over them to interven on their behalf? This is spiritual warfare and we are to be engaged for each other against the Devil and his demons. Why else would the Apostle Paul instruct us to put on the armour of God? We are involved in spiritual warfare!
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
There is a sidenote though, a exception to the rule, which is a rule of itself. As Watchman Nee in his book Spiritual Authority writes, “If husbands wish to represent God’s authority, they must love their own wives.” Dr. Kraft also writes, in his book I Give You Authority, “Disobedience to God automatically means obedience to the enemy. If we men use wrongly the authority we have been assigned with respect to our wives and children, we cannot expect to be as resistant to satanic activity in our lives as we are meant to be. We will not be able to say, as Jesus could, that the ruler of this world “has nothing in Me” or nothing on me (John 14:30).
This is the Biblical principle found in 1 Peter 3:7,
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
The implication is: if you do not love your wife properly, as Jesus loves you, your prayers will be hindered. What you ask God for will not come to be. The world thing I can think of is if your wife or child is in need of the touch of God and my prayers have no authority because I am unclean before God. Am I clean before God men? Have I confessed sin? Am I involved in things that God says I should not be that are against His will? I open myself to a foothold in my life by the enemy and become rendered powerless to help those I love. What do I need to stop? What do I need to confess, be forgiven of, and reclaim my rights to as a man of God, so that I can do battle for my wife, family, and friends? So the church becomes strong and vibrant? Being on the offence instead of constantly on the defensive?
What do we learn from the continuing story of Elkanah, Hannah, Samuel and Eli the Priest of God?
